Curious about any of your Ds who have rushed a sorority

Parents Forum
21

<p>I HATED rush itself, but I LOVE being in my sorority. I go to the same school as sybbie's daughter, and I also appreciated not rushing until sophomore year, because I have friends who are not in sororities, friends who are in different houses, and friends in my house, and it makes no difference. </p>

<p>At my school, at least, all of the hosues have distinct personalities. While some have more of the pearls-and-sundresses stereotype (and I'm not saying they are actually like that), others have different reputations, and each person ends up in the house she belongs best in. Of all my friends who rushed, everyone is happy where they are, and may not have been as happy with the other houses.</p>

<p>I do have several friends who rushed but then decided not to join, because they found sororities weren't really for them. Your daughter could always go through the first couple of rounds and see what she thinks (although as I said, rushing is very different from actually being in a house).</p>

22

<p>The statements from these two ladies about sorority recruitment are very, very common. I know at my schools, the only girls who ever loved recruitment were the Recruitment Guides/Rho Chis/Rho Gammas/whatever that particular school calls them (these are the current sorority members who disaffiliate from their chapter in order to help the potential new members through the recruitment process). At my school they got put up in a hotel for the week, and not stuck in their minimally air conditioned chapter houses (we have really old chapter houses, and while more are adding ac every year, most only have it on the first floor - and the sorority house corporations are strict about window ac units) for a week in August...</p>

<p>Anyways, becoming a fraternity member was one of the best decisions I've ever made, and I wish the OP and her daughter the best of luck.</p>

23

<p>Is it elitist? Of course! That's what the greek system is in place for: To be elitist above anything else. I know sorority rushees who refused to give a guy head, and therefore couldn't be part of the sorority. The system can be truly astonishing. Some sororities that are less popular go through great lengths to try and advertise themselves. In the end, it's all about money and power. Whoever has the best combination of these are deemed the most popular sororities.</p>

24

<p>tenniscraze,</p>

<p>That is the biggest load of cr#p I have read on these pages, yet!</p>

25

<p>tenniscraze, I am sorry that you feel that way about sororities. However, if you met a member of an ethnic or religious group whom you did not like ... would you judge all the other members of her group as being just like her? I hope not. By the same token, a bad apple or two should not spoil the whole sorority barrel!</p>

<p>My experience as a sorority member, faculty advisor to a sorority, and sorority advisor have all been noting but positive. In all cases, the young women were terrific, and the group was far from elitist. At my campus, all students --- no matter what sorority, fraternity, or GDI group --- interacted and were able to form friendships. No one EVER felt that they had to do certain things, act a certain way, or have certain friends in order to belong to a greek organization. </p>

<p>It is unfair to indict the greek system as a whole based on your very limited knowledge. I do feel bad for you, though, that you have had such a bad experience.</p>

26

<p>My D is in the middle of Recruitment as it is called these days although everyone still refers to it as Rush. Motherdear's suggestions are right on target. I was never in a sorority so I had no advice to offer. But I did find the Greekchat.com</p>

<p><a href="http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/forumdisplay.php?f=27%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/forumdisplay.php?f=27&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>which has a thread on recruitment as well as recruitment stories. I also looked at the University website and found the websites for each of the sororities. GPAs for sororities as well as their community service events were listed. I even e-mailed the Panhellenic contact with questions and received a prompt, professional response.</p>

<p>My D was not enthusiastic about Rush as her viewpoint of sororities was based on various teen movies. After the first event she called and said it was better than she expected. The young women who were sorority members were all extemely nice.</p>

<p>Why rush when she was not particularly interested - 40% of the female population at her school are members of sororities. She also attends school across the country, is not close with her roommate and does not appear to have connected with a group of friends as yet.</p>

<p>If it does not work out she can choose not to pledge; if she does pledge and it is not right for her she can always depledge.</p>

27

<p>Ah, so she's rushing just because 40% of the females are sorority girls? That doesn't sound like a good reason to rush.</p>

<p>Kelsmom, have you ignored the negative aspects of a sorority? Of course to fit into a sorority, a sister has to conform to the attitudes set forth by its values. All those different mottos and qualities they project are instilled in these sorority girls who in turn have to obey them.</p>

28

<p>"Kelsmom, have you ignored the negative aspects of a sorority? Of course to fit into a sorority, a sister has to conform to the attitudes set forth by its values. All those different mottos and qualities they project are instilled in these sorority girls who in turn have to obey them."</p>

<p>Actually, I don't agree with that at all. Sorority members choose to be part of the group because they have found friends --- the fitting in is natural, because it stands to reason that we "fit" in the groups we choose (or we would find another group!). My experience with a sorority has been very positive. No conformity was ever expected when I was active in my undergrad chapter, and I never saw it when I was an advisor (I would have nipped that in the bud if it started). The motto and pledge focused on friendship, learning, and service ... values many young women on our campus, my sorority or not, shared. The motto & pledge simply served to remind us of our focus, much as a mission statement does for an organization.</p>

<p>I don't have experience with projected qualities. I guess you mean perceived clique? I was extremely fortunate, I guess, because I did not deal with a school that had a student body that acted like high schoolers. Like it or not, people project certain qualities just because of who they are. It is only when there is pressure to be something one is not that it becomes an issue. I never sensed any pressure in the groups I dealt with to be anything artificial or contrived in order to conform with some perception others had of the group as a whole. </p>

<p>And "obey" is such a negative term. No one in my sorority had to "obey" anything. We chose to be members, and no one I ever knew felt any threat of being ostracized or asked to leave due to their personal choices (I assume you mean clothing, dates, friends, etc.).</p>

<p>I don't doubt that there are sororities that fit your negative idea. However, I KNOW for a fact that there are plenty that are NOT like that. My point is not to assume they are all like that. That's why I intially said it is important to look at the particular situation.</p>

<p>BTW, a young woman can gain invaluable experience that will serve her well in life as a result of being an active sorority member. I learned to run a highly effective meeting (both large group & committee), operate as an effective group member, fundraise, serve my community, budget, etc. I am the only one in any PTA groups I have joined who knows Roberts Rules of Order inside & out! If I was to go into politics, that would really be a great plus.</p>

29

<p>My D is finding that her sorority is one of her favorite things about college. And that is saying a lot. She has an active Bible study with some members, has been elected to the standards board, and is on the nominating committee. I have zero idea what those things are, just that D was pleased. </p>

<p>She plays on their intramural teams, goes to the swaps, and has earned her rep as "That girl that doesn't drink". LOL. (There is skads of hootch as I've mentioned before. About a dozen times.;)) </p>

<p>That being said her best two friends are NOT in that sorority. Nor do they have any desire to be in that sorority. One is GDI, one is in another sorority. Doesn't seem to phase them one bit. I heard Rhodes was more inclusive then some and at least for D and her friends it appears to be true. </p>

<p>So far, so good.</p>

30

<p>My daughter just pledged a women's fraternity (the actual title of many NPC Greek Letter Organizations). In her GLO are members from the intercollegiate field hockey, track, xc, swim and lax teams. HER athletic team has athletes in the majority of the sororities on campus. Additionally, there are girls involved with student government, intramurals, political clubs, community service, etc. Some girls are on academic scholarship, others are on need-based financial aid, still others have parents shelling out the entire COA.</p>

<p>Kelsmom, I too learned RR of O during my memberhip in MY group. It served me well in multiple organizations later on in my adult life.</p>

31

<p>I may have had a slightly atypical sorority experience--I go to a top-ten school that's very academically driven and has only 5 ISC sororities for 3000 undergrad women--but I definitely agree that being in a sorority can be very fun and rewarding for a girl. It expands your social circle to include some very sweet girls who you otherwise simply might not have gotten to know, but it doesn't mean you have to lose all of your old friends. Because so many of the girls in your chapter tend to be active in a variety of campus activities, it also introduces you to more things going on around the school and makes it so that you can join just about any club or group without worrying that you won't know a single person there, which is really nice! Same goes for taking classes--until you get into very esoteroic/upper level courses, it's almost impossible to take a class that no one else in your sorority has taken at some time or another, which is great when you have questions about course material. And of course, it's just a really fun experience... </p>

<p>And I take issue with the idea that sororities exist to provide frat boys with ***** buddies, or that you have to be a slut to be in a sorority. We actually count it against girls if they're known to be too loose with the boys--a sorority is about sisterhood and friendship, not hookups, and it reflects badly on our chapter as a whole if we get a reputation for sluttiness. Sure, some girls do hook up with guys (but plenty of non-Greeks do, too!), but just as many others have steady relationships or don't feel the need to hook up even though they're single!</p>

32

<p>Thanks Curmudge, couldn't have said it better myself.</p>

<p>So far, my daughter has been very happy with her sorority experience. I have not said too much, because she just pledged last term, and because sororities are very different at her school than at some other colleges.
She was anti-sorority prior to actually going to college, is also a non-drinker (although she is looking forward to France), and the only one of her closest friends to join a sorority. But, she has found that friends outside her closest 2 are in her sorority, and she has met new people, while keeping her old friends.
It can be a good experience.</p>

33

<p>My D is now half way through her recruitment. She began her freshman year skeptical of Greek Life and adamant that it was not for her. She decided to give it a shot to meet other young women outside of her athletic team and hall. She loves her teammates but knew that due to the time demands if she wasn't conscious of branching out she would spend most of her time with the team. So far she is really enjoying the process. She has met many young women with similar interests and many interesting women with quite different interests, which is what she hoped for. I will be curious to see how this turns out next week. My hunch is, like Curmudgeon's D, this experience will be a highlight of her first year.</p>