<p>I found all programs stronger than my state school in his major that were not OOS publics and took out the ones that were too hard to get into or too expensive. He took out the ones that were too small or too big. I made sure there were a few matches as well as reaches. The state school and one other local school were the safeties. He got one of his reaches (I was surprised it wasn’t 3), 2 of his matches with $15k+ merit, and 2 safeties with good merit aid. He took the reach school even though one of the matches was better at his major, and he loves it.</p>
<p>I found all programs stronger than my state school in his major that were not OOS publics and took out the ones that were too hard to get into or too expensive. He took out the ones that were too small or too big. I made sure there were a few matches as well as reaches. The state school and one other local school were the safeties. He got one of his reaches (I was surprised it wasn’t 3), 2 of his matches with $15k+ merit, and 2 safeties with good merit aid. He took the reach school even though one of the matches was better at his major, and he loves it.</p>
<p>S1 knew right out of the box that he wanted to play D1 lacrosse or the top tier of D3. So that was his initial list. He then narrowed it down, especially as coaches started showing interest in him. His dream was to play for a Top 20 D1. The school he chose / that chose him was at times during his 4 years ranked anywhere from #15 to #1. Academic offerings were important as we helped him pick a school where he could thrive intellectually. </p>
<p>S2 had a dream school right out of the box and a bunch of different interests ranging from language to business to international relations to psychology. With our help, he narrowed down his list to about ten LACs and universities. Not a recruited athlete, he had different criteria.</p>
<p>In a strange coincidence, both boys graduated from the very same school!</p>
<p>My kids, I added one reach school and one school I thought would be a fit. My oldest said if she did get into Duke she would not attend. Hmm, she had a smirk after her interview. No idea what went down. She now attends her dream college and no not Duke!</p>
<p>@sseammom: “If it works out for some people, ok, but I can’t see how a student would be 100% invested in his/her education if they did not choose to be there and are only at a school because someone else thinks that’s where they belong.”</p>
<p>Well, honestly…my kids didn’t pick most of the schools they’ve attended so far (elementary, middle, high). They’re invested because they understand the value of education both for its own sake and for its impact on their futures. Whether S16 discovered Flagler or Yale or Iowa State or wherever via the internet or via Mum’s suggestion is really, I think, immaterial. </p>
<p>@petrichor11. I completely agree! As long as the parent listens to the general criteria the DC has set, who better to know what environment the DC will be most comfortable in? Now if the child says “I want to try something new” and the parent cannot accept/understand what that means making the list gets that much more difficult. No GC knows your children better than you do. Some kids do not know themselves all that well either. #-o </p>
<p>For, oh, I don’t know, the 5th or 6th time, if the KID gets a say, even if it’s just to look over the suggested college’s website, that IS giving their input! But I will say that there is an enormous difference in a 5 yo kindergartener and an 16-18 yo soon-to-be college student. And mine DID pick their high schools, with our input and approval. Teenagers aren’t preschoolers. I believe they get a say in how they live their lives.</p>
<p>I am confused… except for parents who are very restrictive (often of young women, and parents are from other cultures), I don’t know that we see many students or parents out here where the student has NO say. And there are few students who have strong grades and clearly are college material who seem to think all colleges are pretty much the same, so aren’t very invested in the search; seems obvious for a parent who likely will be paying the bill to at least kick start the list and process for that kid. I find the first type troubling (but you aren’t going to find those parents out here posting much), so not sure who you are aiming your comments at… The rest of the CC community does seem to give their kids some say, although finances can be a big limitation.</p>
<p>When my son picked engineering, we knew a lot of engineering schools, and his first criteria was location, within 5 hours, so that narrowed the list down.</p>
<p>For the three he applied to for ED and EA, one was more our, his parents’, choice as a safety, one was a school a dear and very bright family friend went to and he really liked the campus and campus tour for, and the last one was his top choice where he applied ED. We visited two of the three, and knew the other school pretty well (and will visit if it becomes one of his choices).</p>
<p>IMHO, if parents put together the list, at the very least visit a few with their child so they know a bit about what the choices are like. And don’t force your kid to apply ED anywhere they aren’t in love with (or at least think they are in love with).</p>
<p>The other thing that is comforting to us is that he has a few rolling admissions schools on his list, picked with our help, so that decreases our stress level quite a bit, to know he has some flexibility on when to apply.</p>
<p>intparent-in the earlier posts on this thread, a few parents said that they created the only list their kids worked from and applied only to those colleges. For some it was that their kids were “busy” or “uninterested” etc. They applied because that’s where mom and/or dad said they should apply-not by force, but by default. It’s not as egregous as forcing a kid to apply to only a set of colleges chosen by the parent, but the result is still the kid had no say in where they go since they gave all the power in that decision to mom and/or dad.</p>
<p>I know my kid really well, but some of her interests are NOT mine and do NOT come from a place I’m familiar with internally. I would not have chosen most of the schools on her list (nor would I have chosen some of those her older sister applied to). I don’t see how a parent can know more than their kids know about themselves. That’s all I’m saying. Guide and listen, fine. Do all the research, all the choosing? I don’t understand that at all.</p>
<p>My kid is a sophomore, so our “Colleges I’m looking at” list in Naviance is in no way final. He was supposed to add some colleges there, and he’s pretty sure that he will want a research university with undergrad research opportunities in some area or combination of physical sciences/astrophysics/engineering/computer science. We talked about what he is looking for, and it’s mainly significant numbers of faculty doing interesting research. Other than friends who graduated last year and applied and got accepted to Caltech and Berkeley and having visited MIT when his dad ran the marathon (and being kind of a Media Lab fan), he doesn’t know the names and reputations of many places in that category–particularly not which of the 7 UC campuses beyond UCB and the local one would qualify. </p>
<p>Since we are in-state for CA, at least at this point, it seemed to me that list is pretty easy to generate for someone who knows science reputations: start with 5 or so UCs and Cal Poly and add MIT, Stanford, Caltech, and Mudd as reaches. It looked a little odd with only one place out-of-state, but I think you have to ask yourself what colleges out of state beat UC Berkeley by enough of a margin to be worth the extra cost. We added Carnegie Mellon to have something else out of state. But, I’m not sure I see anything else as making that list.</p>
<p>Clearly if he were a LAC guy, the list would be harder to generate–particularly since I don’t know much about LACs either.</p>
<p>@sseamom: I disagree. Failure to make a choice is itself a choice, whether it’s born of disinterest, trust, feeling overwhelmed, or something in between.
As for knowing one’s child as well/better than he or she does…depends, I think, on the child. Some teens are just not all that introspective or self-aware. When your child who hates math and is getting Cs in chemistry (but spends every waking moment in the drama department) announces s/he wants to go to pharmacy school, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to suggest s/he consider a school that also has a good theatre program.</p>
<p>If the kid doesn’t care that much and trusts their parents, I see nothing wrong with it. The kid COULD have a say if they wanted to from most of the stories we hear. CC is certainly a bubble, somehow we think ALL kids should be examining every possible choice. Most kids who go to college go to an in-state public school or start at a CC and transfer to an in-state public school. If there is reciprocity, the choices expand a little. It isn’t like most kids are looking at a smorgasbord to start with… they COULD, but in reality very few do. And it works out okay for most of them. If it works for that family and that kid, then I don’t see why anyone else should judge them for it.</p>
<p>@dsi411 not all parents can help much in the search, but this forum has a lot of posters who are more than willing to help. Post your stats and what you’re looking for in the College Search section and you should get some good suggestions.</p>
<p>D’s college search was a joint effort, but the final list was up to her as was the decision on where to attend.</p>
<p>It is perfectly reasonable to “not understand” what is going on with another family’s college decision process.
We just can’t get inside the whole stew of personalities/preferences/talents/limitations/finances, etc. that goes into it. I wish my kids (3 boys, all NMFs, not marginal students) took an active interest, but that wasn’t the case. So I had to be more involved than a parent whose kid has been doing all the research him/herself. It worked out fine, really.</p>
<p>I had no say so at all initial list. DS read articles on top 10 engineering schools and worked off that list. So he has 7 he’ll be applying to. Only one not in top 10 is Alabama cause of the full scholarship offered. Applied early to 5. Accepted t 1 already. Left MIT and Stanford for RD. </p>
<p>I did talk him into taking A&M off after reading more about it. I know his personality and don’t think it’s a good fit. </p>
<p>@dyiu13 My hunch is that most parents would say “both.” In our experience, each kid has different preferences and over time we adjust the menu to accommodate those preferences at least to some extent. Heck, our son loved Brussels Sprouts! So they were more likely to be on the menu than might otherwise be true.</p>