<p>Two things have happened today to cause me to panic. </p>
<p>1) I read the thread from a Middlesex graduate where he talks about how prevelant drugs and alcohol are in BS
2) I have an acquaintance who's son has drug problems and she is participating in a support group for parents. She says in that small group there are two families who sent their kids away to prep school and they came back addicts.</p>
<p>So my question: current students can you please reply with your impressions as to the pressure present to "party" at your BS? If you can name your school great, if not, fine too.</p>
<p>Tell me if I should do some deep breathing!</p>
<p>Well at any high school there are going to be kids smoking, drinking, and doing other bad things to themselves and their bodies. As a parent I think that the best that you can do is talk to your child and hope that you have taught them right from wrong.</p>
<p>If your having anxiety attacks over it, I would advise your child to participate in the AA meetings at the school. Even though he/she doesn't use, there is alot of useful information at them. They are anonymous, vehemently protected by the faculty, and some of the coolest kids in the school are going. I believe there are some amazing stories of survival even at the leetest of schools at these meetings.
In going your child will develop some survival methods of her/his own, which will be used through out their life. Drugs and alcohol exposure are not going away.</p>
<p>Well, I hope you understand sending your kid to a selective school does nothing to reduce the prevalence of substance. There will be sex. There will be booze. There will be drugs. Now it is for your children to discern between right and wrong and do the right thing. I suggest you listen to Sarum's advice AA is a good learning experience, or so I have heard.</p>
<p>On the other hand, do you really want to expose your child to this group of people? What if he becomes friends with the kids in AA? They start hanging out, one thing leads to another. AA is not 100% fullproof. Just another view.</p>
<p>I will not say that your viewpoint is wrong, but in life you will not be dealing with the self selected group of uber intellectual/athletic/artistic bs kids your life. You need to deal with life. And part of that is being able to discern between right and wrong. If you chose wrong you will experience repercussions. I volunteer at a local place where I talk with a lot of people who are thinking/attempted suicide, not the freshest bunch of people either. I even established a friendship with one of them. I have yet to get totally smashed or impregnate a girl.</p>
<p>I appreciate all of the advice and of course I am not dense so I realize it will be there as it already is at his present school. However at his present school he already has his circle of friends who are great. Going to a new school means pressure to fit in and he is not going in as a freshman so it will be even harder. I am curious to hear from current students as the amount of pressure exerted on new students to partake. Any current students out there who can comment?
Thanks,</p>
<p>In my opinion, going to a prep school greatly lowers the pressure to drink/do drugs.
YES, it is still there. But it will be there anywhere you go.
At least in a prep school there isn't as much of a social hierarchy, so if you don't do drugs/drink/party all the time, that doesn't make you a social outcast.
Also, there are so many more kids who really CARE about sports/academics/family life/etc. that people don't look down upon you as much if you use one of those as your excuse for not drinking/partying.</p>
<p>I've gone to prep schools my whole life and I would not consider myself a partier/drinker/druggie any of that. (I mean, I'm on CC on my spring break for perspective!)
That being said, yes, I have been to parties, I have gotten drunk, I don't do drugs.
But I don't do it AT SCHOOL. and don't do it that often out of school either.
in my opinion doing stuff like that at boarding school is stupid because getting caught has so much more of a serious consequence than your parents grounding you.
And so people respect that excuse too.</p>
<p>But you also honestly don't really need excuses.
I mean, I know which of my friends drink and which don't
And so sometimes I just don't hang out with the ones that do when I know they're going to
But they accept that and it doesn't make me less of their friend</p>
<p>On the other hand, some of my best friends from middle school who went off to public high school drink to fit in. One of my friends told me that she couldn't be friends with the people she thinks are "cool" if she didn't drink because that's the only way they hang out. </p>
<p>Sorry, this got kinda long and confusing.
So I'll try a short version:</p>
<p>YES. there are drugs/alcohol on campus, if I wanted to get some it wouldn't be hard. Have I felt pressured? Not really. Definitely Way less than at my old high school. And wayWAY less than what I perceive goes on in public school.</p>
<p>I stand by my advice. I have a son that did it and though he was not a substance abuse guy, he learned a few of life's lessons objectively (which is alot safer) by being at the meetings. I laughed at first, as it reminded me of the faux help group poseurs in "Fight Club". I believe he was a fan of the movie and went to the meetings for the wrong reasons, but got alot out of them by doing so.
I'm not going to tell you what you have to do, it's just an out of the box way of approaching Drugs & Alcohol at BS. I wish they had these meetings when I was away at BS in the early days.</p>
<p>I am a current BS student and yes there is pressure to do drugs and whatnot like there is everywhere. The amount of pressure that you are put under to actually do these things depends on who you are friends with. I must say though that at my school guys seem to be under way more pressure than girls are.</p>
<p>I agree with the general notion that there are drugs and alcohol at every High School in the country. But surely there is a difference in prevalence. </p>
<p>Boarding school has two advantages over the typical high school: 1.) the kids are so busy, they have very little time for drugs and alcohol. They are under more supervision, not less, than typical American teenagers and they are generally motivated by academics, extra-curriculars and athletics which would be compromised by heavy abuse and 2.) they aren't driving.</p>
<p>Again thank you to everyone who has replied. I agree with all that you have written.
Zebra17,
In your opinion, would you say there is more pressure if you are coming in older to BS, not as a freshman?</p>
<p>For the reason of drugs, peer pressure, etc., I personally would not send a child to BS who did not already have a reasonably strong backbone and good self-esteem. I concur with what Zebra17 posted. Drug use is not more common at BS and for the reasons of athletics, academics and being dismissed there are plenty of incentives to avoid them, which the vast majority of students do. Many kids will partake of drugs/alcohol while at home on breaks but won't do it at school because gthe consequences if caught are too costly. </p>
<p>The pressure to fit in is up to the individual student. There are plenty of kids not in "that" crowd to hang with as an option. Mom and Dad won't be there watching over you. BS administration, however, won't be as flexible on bending rules as Mom & Dad might be nor will they turn a blind eye to things like some parents might. If your child tends to be a real follower, they might do better at home.</p>
<p>He is definitely not a follower and is absolutely so excited about BS. I am just worrying after reading the MX graduate talking about how bad the pressure is. Parental stress about sending an amazing kid away and hoping he comes back just as amazing or even more so... I appreciate everyones comments.</p>
<p>I must have missed that thread, I guess Im glad I did.
Anyway, drugs are everywhere. I have a Sr. in HS (parocial) and she says its even at her school, but she has not bowed to pressure. I think if you raise your kids right the rest will follow(hopefully). This generation of kids seem to have much more education re: drugs cigs and sex than I ever did.
Trust your child and be open to talking to him.
Where did he get in, if you dont mind me asking?</p>
<p>Mx graduate said he had friends at many schools and that they were all the same. I have a choice of schools my son was accepted to but I know the choice of school is not what will make the difference but rather his strength of character. Zebra is not at mx or groton but another hades I believe. But as he did not say he probably wants to keep the school private.</p>
<p>well, i go to Milton and there is a lot of drugs and alcohol on campus, to be honest. Not really pressure though, many boarding school kids are cheap and don't like sharing their drugs/alcohol because its hard for them to obtain and keep in their dorm rooms (which they do).</p>