Understood - I was saying that no school is worth going into debt for me and mine. My debt was from a “Top 3” school. Still wasn’t worth the years of being constrained by said debt as far as I was concerned.
Other people probably don’t or didn’t feel as constrained as I did by debt. Having felt that way and paid it all off, I don’t ever want that feeling again. So no debt for me.
Wanted to come back and add that my kids specifically did not want any student loans. My D22 was especially concerned about it.
@Sweetgum It’s funny, D20 wanted us to let her take out loans to increase her budget for schools. We held firm and told her we wouldn’t fill out FAFSA so it was a moot point (lots of tears during this period at our house).
First quarter of her freshman year, she called to thank me for not allowing her to take on that debt. Her very sweet, smart, talented roommate had taken on not only the max Stafford loans, but also was working many hours a week and her parents had taken on debt and she saw how stressed her roommate was with that situation.
She was finally able to understand why we had been so adamant about our position. She has also watched as some friends figure out each semester how to bridge the gap that still exists in what they need to pay in order to register for next semesters classes as they are always trying to get the last bill paid. It is not for the faint of heart.
My heart breaks hearing these stories, as I worry some of those children will not be able to finish up their degree due to finances and then have all the burden of debt without the advantage of a degree.
Financing college is hard, and figuring out risk tolerance as well as a reasonable budget is very individual.
Spend some time on the r/studentloans subreddit and you’ll see lots and lots of regret that people took out private loans. Those with federal loans have much more flexibility in how they repay them.
I don’t consider this extreme. CC is a perfectly acceptable and financially responsible path and works well for many. Taking the military route, OTOH, might be considered more extreme.
It was very important to us that our son graduate debt-free from college, and we were fortunate enough to be able to make that gift even though we didn’t need to as he chose a service academy. Had he made a different choice, we would have paid for whatever college and degree he chose. No strings. Had we not been able to pay the whole thing, we would not have taken out parent loans but would have limited his choices to what we and he combined could afford and would not look down on starting off at community college if that’s what it took to educate him.
Can totally relate! I would have allowed some loans, but we butted heads a lot junior/senior year of HS over costs. I got my thank you letter first semester 
Dh and I both graduated college without debt, and we’re hoping our kids will, as well. We’re upfront with them that cost is a major factor in determining where they will attend, and we help them find affordable options. We will not take out any loans on their behalf.
We have a great community college system in our county. Our kids have taken dual credit courses there in high school, and we’d have no problem having them attend after graduation. We have several friends whose kids have gone the CC and transfer route, and it has gone well. We would encourage this over taking on debt.
Dh and I both graduated from UTD, and he has a great career and income. That makes it much easier for us to say no to full pay privates. Prestige is not a factor for us at all. We’re more concerned that they have good experiences and promising opportunities upon graduation.
Our 17 yo is planning on med school, so that may require some debt. We are encouraging her to go to undergrad for as little as possible, so we can help her with med school.
Agreed. Community College is sensible for many kids for a variety of reasons which include but are not limited to budget. It’s definitely not “extreme”, just practical. I have one who is working and doing some Community College (taking this semester off).
It depends upon the child, and the situation. Each kid is different, each has different needs.
First has no loans of their own. The deal was, work hard and do well and you stay there and graduate debt free. Screw up, and you come live at home and commute to local state college. Worked out great - kid was graduated with two degrees in 7 semesters, has a great job, no debt for kid.
Another one is on the “I hate school, I’m only going because I know I have to get a bachelor’s to be employable” plan. While working full time, slowly got an AS at night at the community college, slowly getting BS at night at the flagship state U, now finally going full time for a year to get done. All with some financial help for tuition from us, never failed a class or didn’t get credit (but it was close), finally started taking whatever subsidized federal loan kid was eligible for (now over 24), and the deal is, get the degree, and we’ll pay off your loans, plus we’re finally paying for that which the loan doesn’t cover,going full time, and helping with living expenses.
Last one is the golden child, with the golden ticket. 4.0 at a tippy top. That one gets everything paid for, up front, by us, no questions asked. But if we’d been in a position where we’d been forced to do it all on expensive loans, I suspect that we’d have had kid chase merit money instead. That one would have done well anywhere.
The only loans that I had upon finishing my education were that I took federal loan for my living expenses the last two years of professional school, when it was truly impossible to work. Otherwise I paid my living expenses all through college and professional school - parents did pay most of the tuition. I would like my kids to have no education debt, and fortunately, it appears that we’ll be able to do that for all three.
It’s interesting how our own experiences have shaped our thoughts. I had lower 4 digit loans from college (merit/military). H had lower 5 digits (military/no merit). His lower 5 digits helped him get where he is now. We paid them off in 5 years and have been reaping the benefits ever since. It’s why we told our kids lower 5 digits wouldn’t be a problem. Live frugally and pay them off in 5 years and enjoy what you got from it.
DH and I had a number in mind of what we could take on per month, either in terms of a tuition payment plan or accessing our HELOC. We also have a modest 529 plan that we started when D was an infant. Our plan was to work out what we could pay for, including federal student loans for her, in the smartest way possible. Fortunately, she was accepted to a meets full need school with no student loans. Our EFC was going to be steep but not unmanageable, until DH was able to pick up a small side gig that pays more than enough when added to the 529. Bonus points to the school’s financial aid formula that barely increased the EFC, even with the small bump in pay.
I had the max federal loans as an undergrad and could not have afforded the school without them. I have zero regrets about my choices. For grad school, I took out no loans for the 1st year and it was not the best choice-- I barely scraped through the year. For my 2nd year, I took out a smallish loan that made my circumstances much better.
Both my kids took out the maximum amount of federal loans. But with the agreement that we’d subsidize their payments. In addition we took out some parental Plus loans.
DW and I both have stable jobs so we didn’t view the debt as bad thing-- it was simply a cash flow exercise and with the loans we could spread the cost out over a reasonable period of time.
We’re trying to figure this out now. S20 we’ve been able to use cash flow and about 20% of his 529 plan thus far. He took the full govt loan of $5500 his freshman year but we didn’t have him take it this year. Moving forward I think we’ll have him take the max with the expectation we will repay it.
D22 is staying in state which makes it pretty “affordable” but with them overlapping two years we are likely to take out some of our own loans to spread the payments out.
Our goal as parents has always been to pay for our kids college without burdening them with loans. We’ve lived 20 years of our life so that we could make that happen.
I’m thankful and also annoyed at the things we gave up during their younger years. Vacations, home upgrades, etc. And now we’re full pay 1%ers.
My oldest college kid could have chased merit and gone full ride at Alabama, instead we’re full pay at a T10 school with zero merit. ($80,000 X 4yrs for undergrad) I actually encouraged her to go for free to Alabama and we’d buy her a nice car and study abroad and summer vacations. She wanted the T10. She’s had moments of complete breakdown, as I expected, at the T10 bc her college ain’t no joke. She’s now a small fish in a very intense world. The alumni connections better be worth it. Ultimately, I’m happy we can afford to send her there without sacrificing the education of my other upcoming college children.
My second child has a very specific major, so her college choices were more limited, she got a very nice merit package and direct admit program at her college. And it’s drivable from home (unlike her sibling). She’ll go 5 yrs at <$20,000 yr for a private school with a very employable masters degree.
They will both be able to start their adult lives debt free thankfully. I would have allowed the standsard government loans if we needed it to make this work but nothing more. If it needed to be more loans, we would have been talking about community college from the get go.
Spouse and I both had loans when we married and now looking in the rear view mirror it was the best solution for both of us, given our circumstances, family situations, etc.
For me it meant that I never considered quitting my job after my kids were born. I had very short maternity leaves (the 12 week/16 week deals that many companies now offer were “not a thing” back in the day) and as a result, my career, comp, prestige in my field, etc. never took a hit. I had colleagues who left the workforce for a decade and were (and still are) bitter about the impact that had on their lives. It never felt like a choice to me- I had loans to pay, and pay them off I did!
My income tripled after I completed my MBA vs. my income with just a BA, so there was not a lot of risk involved in my decision to take the maximum loans available at the time (one government subsidized loan at 8%, the rest private loans at 12%-- who remembers high interest rates? I do!) I understand the calculus now may be different, it depends on the kid, the school, the kids tolerance for taking a higher paying job over a lower paying job, etc.
But the company I was working for before the MBA wanted me to keep the job and do a part-time/night school MBA which they would pay for. Nice offer. But the commutable schools were way way down the rankings from the top 5 program I’d been accepted to. So again- I didn’t really feel it was a choice. Take 5 years to do a free MBA from a low ranked U, or take a full boat of loans to do a top 5 MBA, forgo my current income, and plan to recoup my losses with a better job at the end?
It worked for me, YMMV. I would not categorically tell ANYONE not to consider loans, but I know kids who use yelp to decide where to buy a fish taco, but can’t be bothered to consult an online loan calculator to figure out the true cost of borrowing. THIS I don’t understand. You’ve got to invest a modest amount of time and energy figuring out the true cost of a loan; the impact on your lifestyle, what the likely payout is going to be. A little more complicated than where to have lunch…
But, if they’re going to the exact same school, there must be something specific about the roommate’s family that made the decision to take out loans necessary. Not criticizing your decision, just confused by why two roommate’s at the same college would have such different costs of attendance?
Many, many colleges do not meet full need. So it is not uncommon that some kids are getting enough aid to make the college affordable, and others have a gap which the kid needs to fill with work in addition to loans. Or family 1 can afford full freight and family 2 cannot.
Why is this confusing at all?
I guess because I have no experience with or first-hand knowledge of colleges that do not meet full-need.
Obviously, the EFC is often not practical for many families. So to pay for college loans and the student working are necessary.
And I know many students whose parents don’t feel it is their obligation to pay.
I’m still confused. I mean, is that your definition of not meeting full-need? That the student be required to have a work-study job, or earn money during the summer?