<p>My D was deferred in the ED round to Brown - she is extremely distraught although I thought I had prepared her for this outcome. What next - any advice on turning a deferral into acceptance? What is the chance?</p>
<p>Oh MarylandMom.....I'm very soory to hear this. I was rooting for your D and looking for your post. My son isn't home and I just called his cell - he's a few blocks away...but already got the news that his GF was deferred Wharton. He sounds crushed and said she's devastated. I feel like it happened to my own child...and now I feel for YOU and your D. Hugs to you both. I'm curious to seewhat advice you get.</p>
<p>Thanks so much, Momsdream. It is a tough time - she hasn't stopped crying since we logged on at 5:00. I really thought she was prepared but I guess you can never be preapred enough. I still think she should keep trying and then she may get lucky in April - others have. Maybe the day to talk about that is tomorrow.</p>
<p>I'm so sorry to hear this; it's like some weird purgatory. There's a woman on one of the Ivy boards (maybe Dartmouth) called Oldhag whose d was deferred then accepted. She's got a lot of good advice about what to do.</p>
<p>Hugs to you and your D.</p>
<p>Thanks garland - i'll check it out. You're right about the purgatory - she keeps saying that it's worse than being rejected because you don't know for 5 more months. I keep reminding her that there is something about her that made the adcoms think she has what it takes or she wouldn't have been deferred. Someone posted that showing interest is important so when she feels better we'll talk about it. In the meantime - all of your kind thoughts make it easier to deal.</p>
<p>Yes, Maryland Mom, do look on the Dartmouth board under thread "deferred then accepted: here's how!" I am also happy to answer any questions you may have. My heart goes out to you and your daughter. We were in the same place last year and I promise things will get better. I think it is just fine to be sad for a few days, and digest the news before she can move forward, which you know she will.</p>
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<blockquote> <p>I still think she should keep trying and then she may get lucky in April - others have. </p> </blockquote>
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<p>I strongly believe that the best response to an ED deferral is to move on. I'm not saying withdraw your app. But, psychologically, holding out (false) hope for four months is not going to be beneficial to your daughter. Don't allow it to become "purgatory".</p>
<p>We had taken that approach with my daughter from the moment she decided to apply ED. That would be her best shot and, if they didn't snag her then, it just wasn't meant to be. Do some deferrals get in later? Yes. But, statistically, it is a long-shot approaching zero.</p>
<p>As a parent, I think you have to assist your daughter in being philosphical. Let it go. You gave it your best shot; we always knew it would be a long-shot. Brown obviously wasn't the right school. It wasn't meant to be. Now, let's dig in and get excited about these other fantastic schools on the list.</p>
<p>Now, as a side excercise (without your daughter for the moment), you need to sit down, look at her list, and make sure that it's a solid list in terms of safeties and matches. The deferal indicates that she was a qualified Brown candidate, so I would take that as good news, viz-a-viz some of the less selective colleges on her list. But, now is the time to make sure that the list isn't miscalibrated.</p>
<p>MarylandMom...I know all of us parents are sending hugs her/your way. I do believe that in the end things seem to work out, but I know it will take some time for the initial wound to heal. All the best.</p>
<p>Mdmom:</p>
<p>Hugs to your D. At some schools, a deferral is just that, and there is hope. At others, it's a nice way of saying that the applicant was qualified but the school will not admit because there are so many other similarly qualified applicant who fill the needs of the school better. It's worth checking out the deferred stats for Brown.</p>
<p>Now is not the time to say to your D she needs to move on; perhaps tomorrow, after a good night's sleep? If she feels better, she can start thinking about other schools, other apps. Just this morning, my S delivered a batch of rec forms to one of his profs. We hope they won't be necessary, but we though it was better to proceed as if he was doing every app RD. </p>
<p>I think Katherine Cohen deals with how to turn a deferral into an admit in Rock Hard Apps. Check out the links on CC as well. Best of luck to your D!</p>
<p>Sorry your family has to go through this Marylandmom. I disagree with those who say to forget it and move on. Of course do try to help your daughter see that there are many other fine choices, but if her heart still wants Brown, go for it! Get another great rec. Have her write a letter saying how much she still wants to attend and speak of any new accomplishments. Keep in touch with your reginonal rep. Her odds will be about the same as the others in the RD pool. Best of luck!</p>
<p>It's definitely worth researching (though probably not tonight.) At my S's school, the deferrals are accepted at a rate far higher than the other RDs. I don't know if that's true at Brown or not, but Id find out, before I wrote it off.</p>
<p>I'm so sorry, MarylandMom: I went through this with my daughter (who was deferred after applying EA to Yale) last year, and it was a very hard time. She did get in RD, after showing ongoing interest in various ways: She asked her guidance counselor to call in January to emphasize that Yale was still her strong first choice, then followed that up with a letter to the regional rep reiterating her love for the school and talking about her most recent activities; she also made sure that her first semester grades were stronger than ever.</p>
<p>But it's still a crap shoot; I know other people who did the same things and ultimately didn't get admitted. If your daughter still loves Brown, she should certainly keep trying, but if you can help her cultivate an interest in other schools, that will take off a lot of the pressure.</p>
<p>The important thing is that everyone we know ended up happy at their schools--even if those schools weren't the ones they originally thought they wanted.</p>
<p>Thanks to everyone - this is some great advice and I will do my best to help her accomplish all that you have suggested. You are right - this needs to setlle a while. I hope it's okay with you all if I come back in a few days and get some more of this very valuable advice and opinion. We appreciate it :)</p>
<p>MarylandMom--yes, let it settle. I'm with those who say to get plan B ready, but don't give up. I know it is hard, esp. once a choice is #1 in their minds. I was surprised at how upset I was when my own S was waitlisted at UChicago. I was surprised by my reaction because I really thought I didn't even want him to go there. But I "knew" he was a fit for UofC, and I couldn't absorb the information that they didn't seem to want "one of their own." S handled it well, or I would have felt even worse!-- and he did get in off the waitlist, which I did not expect. He was ready to go with "plan B," had sent in the deposit and everything, but is now happy as a clam (and talks about as much as one too) at UChicago. So you never know.</p>
<p>my d has had the same fate. I am taking it much harder than I expected. she will be stoic and say it doesn't matter I'll go back to being the dumb white girl (she sees herself like that as she goes to a school that is primarily asian and a 1540 on the sat's is low compared to the myriads of 1600's and 800's in math). I am afraid I have given her false hopes now. She did not do much research on other schools and few school visits nor express the commensurate interest required to get their attention. the other schools on her list are of the same ilk and although i know it is a crapshoot and you just need to keep rolling the dice i am not very hopeful right now. She need to write the essays for the others and as opposed to her ED essay which were well thought out, these others will probably be an afterthought. The focus was on this and although she remains a straight A student in all AP courses there are no new awards, no new command performances (she is a classical singer) to add to the list.
My 15 year old son remains dedicated to having a good time -playing paintball and poker --- perhaps he has the right idea.</p>
<p>rmom:</p>
<p>My heart goes out to your D! 1540 is a great score, not much of a difference with 1600. And all As in AP courses! There are some great schools who would welcome your D in a hearbeat. If she likes Brown, she should consider Vassar and Wesleyan. There seems to be a lot of overlap among those. But she should not lose faith that she can be admitted RD at Brown either. Perhaps a few more recs, another essay (after the other RD apps are done)? Good luck to her.</p>
<p>We were in the same place last year. S was deferred by MIT, he had already been accepted at safeties so that helped a little. When we discussed taking SAT again and getting score up higher, he responded if that is all they want forget it. He was accepted regular round with no contact from S. Admissions are so random. He is now now loving MIT and the pain of last year is a distant memory to him but I still remember the pain and the confusion.</p>
<p>By all means look at whatever advice on turning deferrals into acceptance. But the brutal truth is the vast majority of Deferrals turn into Rejections--85 to 95 percent in most cases--so I'm with InterestedDad. More than likely, the ultimate outcome will be great. But it's an emotional hump to get over, both for you and for your D. I think it will help to start getting engaged with other schools after a decent but brief interval...mourning may be necessary but the clock is ticking.</p>
<p>I'm sorry, Marylandmom... {{hugs}}</p>
<p>Dear Marylandmom, rmom and Momsdream,</p>
<p>I am sorry to hear about the deferrals. I would like to take a moment to offer these words of encouragement...</p>
<p>I am a firm believer that always are where you need to be. I am also have learned to rely on my faith. Sometimes we ask for something and we expect to hear a yes or no answer. But what happens when the answer comes back WAIT. Upon initially hearing the word wait we feel that it is worse than no because we do not know the outcome. </p>
<p>Romans 8: 24 States</p>
<p>Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. </p>
<p>I believe that the deferral has come for a reason. This is not their time, it is not to say that their ED choice is not the school for them. The deferral is a waiting period, a time to get ready. While the door has not been closed, a window has definitely been opened. Just like when we are blessed to see each new day, the girls are getting a second chance, a do over, a chance to get real with themselves and ask "I am really right for this schools", and "Is this schools really right for me"? They also get to ask, "Have I really shown my best self"? We always have a little more to give, now they are actually getting a chance to give it.</p>
<p>The waiting time has now given them an opportunity to now also explore all those other options which they at times felt a little uneasy about giving up. But they haven't given up their first choice to take a second look. The waiting is just going to be a long night in the lives of these young women, but Joy is coming in the morning. And when the morning comes, the decision is coming and it will be the right one for her. It could be the road to the ED school or she may just go on to an entirely different path. A year from now she will shake her head over what she will then feel were wasted tears, because she will be so happy with her outcome because that will be at the school where she needs to be.</p>