D having health issues

Parents Forum
21

<p>Starbright, In my D’s case it was the beginning of her Freshman year. As it turned out she also was under much stress for other reasons as well. Her roommate had some major psychological/emotional issues (self harming for one), and eventually was asked to move out of the dorm. My daughter was trying to deal with that on her own, and got sick around the same time. She only told me about the roommate issues when she was sick and just kind of spilled the beans about what was going on. She felt bad for the roommate, and was trying to be supportive, but also feared what could happen. Fortunately the school had been dealing with the roommate in it’s own ways but even my D was unaware of this at the time.</p>

<p>There’s just so much an one can handle, and sometimes we all need a little extra support, as independent as we may or may not be.</p>

22

<p>handemom, I have a friend whose D also had UTIs as a freshman. She ignored early symptoms and then began to run a very high fever. She did not want to call anyone at the school, but was just so ill that she needed medcical attentioin so she finally called her mother. Her mother ended up calling the school and the campus police took her to a hospital for treatment.</p>

23

<p>Before we left campus dropping off both kids, they signed forms allowing us to communicate about their medical records & their finances and grades. It was just a precaution and fortunately we have NOT had to communicate on their medical issues, but it is very handy to have, especially to navigate reimbursements, etc. All schools & hospitals have such forms IF your child will sign it. Good luck working it out.</p>

24

<p>If your daughter doesn’t want to sign a release form for you to speak to doctors then there’s really nothing you can do about that, sorry.</p>

<p>I suffer from vertigo from time to time, it comes in bouts so I could have it on and off for a few months and then without explanation, it stops for years, then for no discernable reason, it begins again. It sucks but as long as I don’t drive while dizzy, it doesn’t stop me from much at all. If it’s bad then I just sit in one place until calms down and then I get on with my day. When it first began I was given prescription antihistamine to take prophylactically but the truth is I don’t think it helped.</p>

<p>Obviously, not everyone’s version of vertigo is the same but credit your daughter with knowing how she feels and what she can do. Yes, it may take a bit longer for her to take care of it herself, and there really may be nothing that she can do, but she will deal with it as she feels she needs to.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

25

<p>Thanks to all.D WILL NOT assign any papers authorizing us to talk with her doctor.My D is so private that when she trys on clothing in a store the clothes have to go OVER the door .I haven’t seen her in her undies since she was 9 or 10!!Maybe it’s because I am the opposite .She even had me buy her a very modest swimsuit on EBAY like really old ladies wear with a drape in the front(she is a size 6).I guess she is just trying to be independent.I know if she gets any more issues we will go visit!</p>

26

<p>It is very difficult to remain out of the loop when a health matter is involved. When one of my sons went off to college he signed papers that allowed not only us but his two brothers to have complete access to medical information on his behalf. This did not take any convincing because he has a serious chronic health condition which could easily reach a point where someone would need to act on his behalf. He included his brothers so that in the event that we were out of town and could not be reached quickly than either of his brothers could be involved in any and all medical decisions. </p>

<p>You may want to discuss with your daughter the need to have someone named as not only a contact person but as a parent who needs to know that medical issues are being taken care of in the way that you would have it at home. All of my kids signed the same paperwork naming at least two other siblings besides us as contact people who could make medical decisions for them.</p>

<p>As it turned out one of my sons informed us that we needed to get up to school because our son had taken a turn and he felt it was time for us to step in. We picked up our son and brought him home where treatment began and continued through his freshman year. It was a very difficult year for him and horrible for us…we made many trips to just see our son that year. We would have lunch and drive all the way home. Ten hours of driving for a two hour visit but than we were able to rest.</p>

<p>I would suggest that you get the details of what is ailing her and if it seems to be more than a sinus infection, sore throat, or common cold than go up and see her. Even mono could be difficult the first year away and might require a little extra care and some momma attention.</p>

27

<p>By the way, I don’t think I would be so inclined to pay a tuition bill if one of my kids refused to have a person designated to act on their behalf. Now that my kids are getting older the choice is up to them, but who else is going to run faster than a speeding bullet if they are ill.</p>

28

<p>Has your daughter started any new medications?</p>

<p>I had vertigo when I tried Asmanex. I have also seen reports of vertigo associated with birth control pills.</p>

29

<p>Like others here, we have one kid with several serious chronic health conditions. At this point, I only get involved when it is life or brain-threatening. The last residual thing done by me is filling prescriptions, but that is going too. She is 20.</p>

<p>Kids with chronic problems especially value independence in medical matters: medical issues are so intertwined with identity and autonomy issues.</p>

<p>The OP’s daughter does not have anything that has been chronic for a long time, but is clearly dealing with those same identity and autonomy issues, so appropriate to the age. I guess we are all have experience like this, one way or the other!</p>

<p>For vertigo, I would leave her alone to try to deal with it on her own, if that is what she really wants. You could research a little, and be ready to help, or send her your thoughts, but that might be annoying to her (!).</p>

<p>A few things: vertigo is one of those problems that can lead to wild goose chases. Could be neurological (the neuro will prescribe one kind of med), or could be ears (ENT will prescribe something else). Could be allergies (allergist). Could be Lyme (infectious disease). Could be hormones or thyroid (gyn., endocrinologist). There are even physical therapists specializing in vertigo now.</p>

<p>Since it is new onset at college, I would wonder first about allergies. This is what gives me vertigo, so I may be biased. The allergies cause fluid to build up inside my ear. I do Claritin, sudafed, sometimes Afrin and hold my nose and blow air out, all of which help. Also, taking a walk in a straight line can make the brain compensate for the fact that the balance center in the ear is off. Eating very cold foods helps. Chewing gum helps. I learned all this in time, and so will she. Reading can make this kind of vertigo much worse,as can scrolling on computers.</p>

<p>The drugs used (like alavert) can often affect cognitive functioning.</p>

<p>Did she vomit? Or fall? Landing in the ER would argue for something more like Meuniere’s.</p>

<p>One last thing: she should register with the disabilities office if this going to be a big problem for awhile. She can get accommodations if a doctor documents it, and health services already knows about it.</p>

<p>Does she have tuition refund insurance just in case?</p>

<p>But so far it sounds like she is perfectly safe and trying to take care of it, and has been pretty effective so far on her own. I’m sure she will seek help when she needs it from you, especially if you are low key and just let her know you are there when she needs you.</p>

30

<p>Has your D at least signed an advance health care directive (it may be called something else in other states)? Every adult should have a directive stating what treatment they want or don’t want if they are terminal or in a persistent coma. They also should have a directive or durable power of attorney naming someone to make medical decisions for them if they are incapable of making an informed decision. The directives won’t help in the current situation, but they’re definitely worth having.</p>

31

<p>^^ A dear friend had a horrific experience when her son at a college 2000+ miles away sustained a serious head injury during a ski accident. Since he was an adult, a medical social worker was assigned as his advocate. It took lawyers to put his parents back in control. That was enough to convince both me and my son to complete the medical directive forms which were found on the internet and filed at the university health center.</p>

32

<p>Physician and parent here. Several good things noted- no hospital admission required, specialist appt in 2 weeks, not ASAP, good they are having her follow up on her problem. Sounds like she is getting the care she needs but frustrating for you to be out of the loop. I understand why she won’t sign forms and this is forcing you to let go sooner and moreso than you want. All you can do is figure she’s doing okay- no news is good news and wait for her to relate the specialist’s opinion when the time comes. Learn to trust her. She is living in a group situation so you don’t have to worry about her being alone. </p>

<p>Our son needed to go to his health service for what turned out to be a “walking pneumonia” last year. As physicians we asked him questions to be sure things were done well- they were, and found out more than we wanted to about his walk to the clinic. Looked up the physician and found out he was a regular, not resident, physician et al. It is hard to turn your child over to others without any input but it usually does work out well.</p>

33

<p>

Who is paying the bills? Tuition, room, board, medical? Does she have a free ride including medical bills? Do you pay for her medical insurance coverage? Just curious. My kids are VERY independent and like certain things private. But they are also respectful of us as parents. They respect the fact that we are paying the bills or cosigning loans or what not. Vertigo is not that “personal”, it is not and STD or pregnancy. It is still unclear why you are out of the loop. Unless she is fully and financially independent of you. In our house, it would be a courtesy that a student would extend to a parent to be in the loop. And no, we have NEVER said that if they didn’t sign we would not pay. Never had to. They just did.</p>

<p>Health care is not what it used to be. It would be helpful to know more about the care she is getting, the meds she has been prescribed, and the specialist she will be seeing. Even if my kid did not sign anything, they would be on the phone to ask what a certain med did, what to expect, and ask me to “look” up the specialist they were going to see. And that takes no signature at all. Just a phone call from a kid to a mom.</p>

34

<p>

</p>

<p>As if kids were the only ones who have this problem–LOL.</p>

35

<p>These are good points to address. Older s was fine with sharing info and allowing us to be on forms. Younger s is more private and stubborn. Have to think about how to address this with him-- to see if he’ll sign a form as laketime mentioned a few posts above. I dont think he’ll do so without some pushback.</p>

36

<p>D1’s friend got UTI. She was afraid to tell her mom because she’s never had it before, and she got it because she started having sex in college. Since her parents were paying for insurance, they got the lab bill. The mom called the lab and the clinic, and the mom was informed what it was for. Doesn’t matter what forms they sign or not sign, ultimately the bill payer would find out.</p>

<p>Our kids don’t want to tell us who they talk to or who their friends are, but if I am paying their cell phone bills, all I have to do is to look at itemized charges.</p>

<p>To have true privacy is to pay for one’s own bill, otherwise it’s pretentious and not effective.</p>

37

<p>Okay, I’m going from the student side of this.</p>

<p>I have several chronic health issues. Because of the medication I have had low blood counts since it started, and I have pretty much no immune system. I have been this way since I was sixteen. I did not sign anything before going away to college about releasing my medical information to my parents. Honestly, I still haven’t, but I after a hospital stay I have an advanced directive on file that names my mother, then my father in case of my inability to do so.</p>

<p>First semester, I had my normal amount of health issues, nothing major. Since my town was hit really early with swine flu and my doctor had me take the medication when my sister got it, I was immune and even missed the large epidemic that swept through my school.
I didn’t share much with my parents. I share almost nothing with my father, because he has panic issues and tends to over exagerate things. At the same time, he constantly tells me what I am doing wrong (when I know more about my disease than he does), treats me like a child (yelled at me for leaving my school and taking the Metro into DC to visit my aunt without asking) and then asks for information infrequently. My mother on the other hand, in addition to having thoroughly researched my conditions, treats me with respect, like someone capable of making their own decisions and being accountable for them. So guess who hears when something is wrong?</p>

<p>My mother is still my point person when it comes to several of my home doctors. This is mostly because of her proximity to them, the fact that they are all still pediatric, and the fact that me dealing with every single one of them would just be overwhelming, but I’m starting to move towards dealing with more and more myself.</p>

<p>So first semester, any problem I had, I didn’t bother sharing unless it came up in the context of whatever I was already telling my mother. I had been getting frequent headaches, and I mentioned them to my mother and described them. She thought I was probably starting to take after both grandmothers who suffered from migraines.
Over winter break, I had an appointment with my usual specialist at Columbia Presbyterian. My mother comes to these mostly because of the location of the hospital and the ridiculous cost of parking. After telling the doctor about the headaches, she sent me to check my eyeglass prescription before she prescribed anything for migraines.
Fast forward a few days, I either have a brain tumor or am going blind…You can bet my mother was not only told, she was with me the entire time I was in the hospital. Why? Because I have enough experience with doctors and illness to know when I was not going to be able to handle something on my own.
Luckily it turned out I had the latter problem, and they had caught it early enough that it was still treatable. They put me on very strong medication two days before I had to go back to school in another state.
This semester, my mother heard a lot more. The medication made me sicker than my other condition ever had, and at the same time I had to get a 3.5 to keep my scholarship. She communicated with the doctors for me because I was too sick to do more than get up, walk to class, come back and collapse. A few hours later I would attempt some school work. I would also talk to her about what was going on. Mostly because she was the only one who seemed to care enough to listen.
My mother suggested a medical leave of absence, but left it up to me. I ultimately decided to stay.
By the end of the semester, things had improved greatly. I had even made more understanding friends. I got my 3.5 and now my vision is perfect. I never needed glasses at all.
This semester, I have taken over dealing with this second condition completely on my own because I’m now able to handle it.</p>

<p>Unfortunately, there is a big difference between kids who have had health problems and those who haven’t. The former, know what they need, and know when something is getting bad. The latter, usually don’t. Friends try to hide every little thing from their parents, resulting in them complaining about their health problems to me, and guess what? I don’t care nearly as much as your mommy or daddy would. They also aren’t experienced enough to know when something is a big problem vs. when it isn’t. They usually don’t know how to communicate with doctors either.</p>

<p>I don’t know what to suggest for you, but I know that kids are way more likely to give out information when they are treated like a person, not ordered to give information. Also, listing your symptoms again and again gets extremely irritating. Especially when the symptoms may not be too glamorous.</p>

38

<p>Oldfort, a UTI doesn’t necessarily mean sexual activity.</p>

39

<p>No, it doesn’t, but if a girl never had it before and all of sudden start having it, then it doesn’t take mom too long to guess and ask the right question to find out.</p>

40

<p>My parent’s always taught me that it is a good idea to have another adult with you to listen when you are talking to a doctor and are either sick or in distress. It can be difficult to “hear” what is being said.</p>

<p>So, since I go to the doc with my mother, who is in perfect health, just to hear and make sure the questions are answered “in case,” I have no problem with letting my kids know that I would be happy, if they want to sign the HIPPA, to do the same thing for them.</p>

<p>This last year at school, D had swine, which developed into a horrific case of pnuemonia, eventuating the necessity of involving a pulmonologist. I helped her to figure out the right questions to ask, the right way to get a referral, from her doctor here, all that rigamarole. In the end, I did fly out one time because she was so incredibly run down during midterms. I took her to a hotel and made her sleep and fed her and let her just study with me there, nothing more.</p>

<p>I would do the same for my mother, though, or if my sister got seriously ill. It’s not always a privacy invasion. fwiw</p>