<p>We are in Chicago and my D chose to go to a major university in TN. We visited and attended orientation. And she seemed very happy with her choice. She had a major melt down tonight and now doesn't want to so far away. At this point what can we do. Are there late decision schools? I'm at a loss and she's beside herself. </p>
<p>Are there any particular reasons she doesn’t want to go, other than distance? Unfortunately, few colleges are accepting admissions for the fall 2014 semester. However, many schools, including those in the Chicago area, have rolling admissions and are accepting applications for spring 2014. I hope that if given a few days to recover and talk it over, your daughter will once again want to attend her university. </p>
<p>Nerves? Let her sleep and find out tomorrow calmly what she’s worried about…</p>
<p>First I agree to do nothing for a day or two. At some point when she is ready to use her words get to the bottom of it first. You can google for the NACAC list of colleges still accepting applications and see what is left. But if it gets decided that she won’t go then she can take a gap year and pull herself together. Or did she turn down any local schools she can call and see if they will still have her?</p>
<p>Does she melt down often? The parents forum often have threads with kids with ‘buyers remorse’ for various reasons.They get over it. And there are plenty of threads with kids talking about being scared of going away for various reasons.</p>
<p>Going away is more mental than anything. It isn’t the map that matters so much as travel time. And really why can’t a kid spend a day travelling home if needed. With skype and telephone, I just don’t see why it is a big deal. Even if you are close, kids often immerse themselves in the community and college life, rather than go home. But if it is a big issue, then what was she doing all this time she was picking colleges? </p>
<p>P.S. this is an advice forum, so ‘need advice’ is’t going to get you eyeballs that might know about your issue. </p>
<p>Was your daughter accepted to another university she prefers? If so, perhaps she can contact them. With summer melt they may have an opening. The answer may be no, but you and your daughter have nothing to lose. I’ve known folks that have done this and were given the original scholarship awarded with admission. Good luck to you and your daughter.</p>
<p>As an incoming freshman, I can say that this summer I have already had multiple meltdowns about my college choice. However, each time I realize soon after that I have made the right choice for where I am at right now. I won’t actually ever know if I’ve made the “right choice.” But hopefully once I attend for a few months I will be able to be more confident in my decision. College is terrifying, no matter what path you choose. My guess is that soon she will be able to take a few deep breaths, reassess the situation, and see that she’s heading in the right direction.</p>
<p>^^Wow, college should not be terrifying, that is an outlier opinion. I think most kids are eager to start. But there are people all along the spectrum for sure. Hope the daughter is calming down.</p>
<p>College CAN be terrifying, at least as an idea. I don’t think that is an outlier opinion.</p>
<p>Think about it from the perspective of a sheltered kid - an entirely new peer group, new responsibilities, new pressures. It can naturally lead to anxiety.</p>
<p>The reality is pretty great for most kids, but the thought can be scary. I agree to give it a day or two. Be reassuring. Have some non-college fun as a family. It will likely be a blip. </p>
<p>Meltdowns the summer before college is a normal thing - the kids are scared about leaving home and entering the unknown world of college and the parents are anxious for them. The whole thing is very stressful for the entire family. Every kid wonders if they made the right decision and will they be happy (will they succeed, will they make friends, will they be homesick, etc.) Leaving the comforts of home (especially after all the senior year hoopla) is a difficult thing to do at 18. Giver her space and try to be supportive.</p>
<p>Of course college is terrifying. I’m a professor, and I’m terrified every day when I go in :-)) Colleges are suppose to challenge us and change our lives; the best cultivate a critical consciousness that help students make new choices in new ways. The four years are times of tremendous change and growth. College students are moving away from their family, all they have know for their entire life. Even if they are not in a dorm, they are still in a stage of moving on. Rising freshmen should be talking about all of this and thinking about where they want to be in 5 years.</p>
<p>For years I taught new TAs how to teach, and I would describe a freshman phenomenon: fear of success, fear of failure. Some first-semester freshman would be afraid that, if they succeeded, they would change and become different from family and friends, but if they failed, they would look total fools for aspiring. In the novel <em>Watership Down</em>, the rabbits talk about tharning, freezing in the headlights. A few freshmen do tharn and need to be helped by classmates, professors, and advisors, but the vast majority overcome their fears, make new friends, and find college a comfortable way to transition to adulthood. The first semester is the biggest transition.</p>
<p>You know your child better than we do. Was the major meltdown something completely out of character for her, or was it in keeping with late-teen angst? I recall my three daughters having major meltdowns before college - not specifically over living so far away, though I later realized that was what they were really struggling to deal with.</p>
<p>If all has been well up to this point, and if she seems to get back on an even keel today, I’d let some time elapse and then talk to her about it.You might say, “We don’t want you to be miserable at college. What options would you have if you stayed closer to home?” If she herself looks into other options, proposes an alternative, etc., then she might truly want to be closer. I would leave the responsibility for fixing the situation up to her, but I’d be supportive.</p>
<p>If it’s a more common kind of anxiety - the distance between Chicago and (just an example) Nashville is 7 hours by car. There are numerous nonstop flights between the two cities for under $350. So maybe an offer to visit or have her come home after the first month might be reassuring. Good luck!</p>
<p>Maybe ask your daughter to identify the reasons that she chose that school in the first place. Also, ask her what specifically is causing her to feel anxious now. Perhaps she just needs to articulate her feelings and be reminded of her original goals and thoughts when making her choice. If you think she might need some extra support, my sister used a coach for her son recently because he was nervous about moving to a new city/new school, and it made a huge difference. If you’re interested, I believe the website is <a href=“http://www.pivotalperspectivescoaching.com”>www.pivotalperspectivescoaching.com</a></p>
<p>As someone who is an entering freshman, I can relate to this a lot. I’ve lived in Texas all my life and will be attending school in Massachusetts. I didn’t even visit this school, nor do I currently know anyone who is also attending. I also have basically NO appropriate winter clothes, but that’s beside the point. Yes, I’ve had meltdowns. I probably have a mini-meltdown every night in bed when I think about starting college. But at the same time, I’m also excited. The future is ahead! I have a clean slate, and I have the power to make the next four years into something AMAZING (then again, the very opposite could happen, but I try not to think about that). It’s a chance to have new adventures, take new risks, and meet new people. It’s also an opportunity to branch out and be on my own. Thinking about it calms my nerves a bit and makes me fall asleep a little easier.</p>
<p>This is a chance for your daughter to break out of her comfort zone and be on her own. This will happen sooner or later, regardless of where she decides to attend college in the end. If the meltdown was extremely severe, of course, then maybe you should look at colleges closer to home she was accepted at.</p>
<p>I’ve had friends change colleges during the summer. Just call them. :)</p>
<p>I agree with others…Talk to her about why she liked this school. Try to get her to articulate any issues if possible. Talk about ways you can support her (texting, skype, facetime, calls) and also ways she can make friends (during freshman orientation, in classes, clubs) and also ways if she needs extra help (RAs, counseling center).</p>
<p>I agree with the above, but you might also gently probe to find out if there was something at the orientation that upset her–a snide comment from a student? The perception (erroneous) that everyone else is more ‘together’ than she is? Fear about sorority rush? Good luck, please let us know how it worked out.</p>
<p>Also, looking at the other side. the “I don’t wan to go so far away” might be an excuse for some other issue. Either way, try to gently try to get to the bottom of it. THere is always the “try it for a year and then transfer if you still want to”</p>
<p>Remind her that between email, texts, and skype - she can reach you (and all of her friends) at any time when she is there and you will be there for her (in reality she will most likely not want to keep in that close contact with you but knowing she can may make her feel better).</p>
<p>I don’t have any suggestions but would just say that parents generally should go with their gut. Some young adults are adventuresome and pretty independent by the end of high school and some kids like sticking to the comforts of a home base. People in general are like that - some like the thrill of going to a different place and meeting new people and some do not. You are probably the only one that can determine if this is just a short-lived cold feet type thing or if she really doesn’t want to leave the comforts of home base. If it’s a matter of thinking she wants to be somewhere where she can come home every weekend, that really doesn’t happen as much as one might think.</p>
<p>Much like above: Look for changes (new boyfriend?) that may have sparked it. Patience is key. Tennessee is not that far from Chicago. Make plans for a visit. Has she spent much time away from home before? Camps?</p>
<p>Ultimately, it will be fine. No need to over-react and quit school before she starts. Once she gets going, she will be so engrossed in her new life she is unlikely to remember the school is not across town.</p>
<p>I would have a root cause analysis discussion with her to figure it out if this does not pass in a day or two.</p>
<p>Both my kids took a gap year, as they wanted a break from the classroom slog through from K to college graduation.
They had decided by March of their senior year, what they were going to do.
Is that perhaps what your daughter needs?</p>