D is suddenly "melting down"

<p>I know one girl who went to freshman year with a small supply of low dose Xanax prescribed by her doctor. She told me used them abut a half dozen times time first 2 weeks then did not need them. She was paniced about going away at the last minute and looking back she said having the meds made her transition easier.</p>

<p>sure, having the meds might have helped, but she will never know if she could have done it on her own will she</p>

<p>and when another stressful situation comes up, she may think she needs the meds to get through it, when she could in fact have handled it just fine without drugs</p>

<p>we turn to drugs way to quickly and popping pills for simple nerves is unwarranted imo</p>

<p>what, if she gets anxious for a job interview she should medicate, what about buying a house, all of life has major stressfull times and if we just pop pills everytime we get a paniciky, we will never learn to work through the situations on our own</p>

<p>what if there is a real emergency and you have no choice but to work through it, will you have the skills if in the past someone prescribed drugs and didn't teach the coping skills needed </p>

<p>scares me that the response is to medicate instead of saying hey, lets walk, and talk, or swim, or do gardening, or volunteer, or breath slowly, or meditate</p>

<p>we are too quick to think that drugs will fix it all, they don't they mask issues that need to be worked through in many cases and until we do, the reaction will be the same</p>

<p>I had a panic attack on a ferris wheel, sure it would have been easier to chug some wine, to self medicate, but that wouldn't have accomplished anything</p>

<p>"we turn to drugs way to quickly and popping pills for simple nerves is unwarranted imo"</p>

<p>The issue really is not that at all. It is VERY harmful to tell a person who suffers from depression OR anxiety and anxiety attacks that it is "too bad they took medication because then they never would have known if they could do it on their own". The OP's daughter has symptoms of real anxiety that are interfering with her daily life (such as sleep problems), not just "a freak out on the ferris wheel". She has had a documented history of two difficult years fraught with these problems. I think that your comment does not apply to the situation at hand at all.</p>

<p>The real issue is just that it's really probably not appropriate to be prescribing medication when it's not accompanied by therapy and side-effects can't be monitored. But I do agree in that I think that in addition to examining that avenue, the other more traditional suggestions may be better for the solution in the short term to this particular issue unless the OP's D has experienced similar break downs in the past and is likely to continue to be overly anxious at school, which seems to be a possibility.</p>

<p>I think your daughter's feelings are completely normal. Props to her for choosing a school far away. Neither of mine did (though they will both be away), so each avoided some of this anxiety. Whenever S thought about being a plane ride away he became a bit anxious (though he never would have admitted it) so he is not going to school half a continent away.</p>

<p>So, I think the trick is to not being anxious about being anxious. Anxiety and excitement are "other side of the coin" emotions. Movies are a good suggestion. My kids like to watch DVD's of their favorite shows. We watched the entire run of West Wing this summer.</p>

<p>I agree with you, ctm. Coping with stress is an important life skill, but that doesn't mean you have to cope alone. Friends, family, or even a therapist can be very helpful, and should be the first line of support. Medication may be needed, but I would hate to jump into that without a thorough evaluation and follow-up, after other coping strategies had been tried.
Handling these kinds of transitions makes our kids stronger. They usually don't need drugs - just a lot of love and support.</p>

<p>I didn't get the feeling from the op that the daughter had major issues with depression. If she had been in therapy and it had been diagnosed, I didn't see it in the post.</p>

<p>Just reread some posts. I guess I mean normal for my family. We all have sleep problems -- just part of being us. I think many kids are having difficulty sleeping this week. Big life changes do interfere with our functioning. I am neutral on the drug debate seeing merit to both sides of the argument.</p>

<p>If the OPs D has a history of these issues, what was done for those two years? </p>

<p>I have a friend whose D was having panic attacks, similar symptoms to the OPs D, very close in fact, and her mom did the medication route, gee, now the girl is off the medication but loves getting stoned, smokes, and deals with the anxieties by self medicating, because she really never learned the skills needed to function wthout the meds, though she was in counseling</p>

<p>My point is that the suggestion to well, just get her medicated is a rash call and why not just say, have a glass of wine, or smoke cigarettes, that is the reason most people say they smoke, is they are stressed</p>

<p>I am saying, yes, often medication is warranted, but as a society, we are much to quick to say, just give her pills becuase she is really nervous about going to college</p>

<p>Say she goes and is on drugs, she really won't know if she could have handled it without them and if she could have, then the NEXT time she gets an anxiety attack, maybe she will see that she can work through it on her own, and I would bet you that the more you figure out how to manage your life without meds, the more confident you feel</p>

<p>YEs, for many medication is warranted and really needed, but for others, we are just to quick to do the drug route</p>

<p>We have a nation of self medicators who haven't learned to deal with what life throws at them- getting drunk, doing drugs, drinking to excess, smoking, etc- but we have created a pharmesutical culture with drugs advertised on TV all the time, saying that if you are a bit unhappy, or a bit nervous, pop a pill</p>

<p>We need to find more holistic ways, if possible, to deal with nerves, stress, etc when possible, and do the drug route as a last resort</p>

<p>The OP described five symptoms for a few days. I don't believe even a "family doctor" should make a diagnosis and therapeutic recommendation based on that. Can we? I don't think that's what the OP is asking for. I think she's asking who's seen this, did it go away, and what helped. Not what ever helped anybody, but what helps at this stage of the transition. I'm eager to hear this as well, as the question comes up for me, and I would never start something I couldn't follow through with.</p>

<p>"I have a friend whose D was having panic attacks, similar symptoms to the OPs D, very close in fact, and her mom did the medication route, gee, now the girl is off the medication but loves getting stoned, smokes, and deals with the anxieties by self medicating, because she really never learned the skills needed to function wthout the meds"</p>

<p>Doubtful that she turned to weed because of her anxiety meds. She probably would have done such a thing had she been on meds or not. Many high schoolers without problems are drinking heavily and getting stoned. </p>

<p>There is no reason to be against meds. Lack of appropriate counseling and learning to deal with life problems was the problem, not the decision to medicate. Of course any treatment should be a careful *combination.*</p>

<p>"The OP described three symptoms for a few days."</p>

<p>If you reread the original post, it seems like it's a resurgance of old problems rather than a new thing.</p>

<p>But like I said, I don't necessarily disagree with the ideas about how to help the OP's D; it's just that a cgm's comments have been overall shocking and misinformed, and I felt the need to provide a counter point to them as someone who is very familar with depression, anxiety and misconceptions people have about medication - misconceptions which cause people with anxiety to feel bad about themselves and have less confidence in themselves, things cgm blames on taking meds - due to family history.</p>

<p>This is indeed off-topic, and I apologize. I think my point in bold is my final word on the topic.</p>

<p>What the mom needs to remind her D is that most kids are nervous, anxious and worried about the whole college thing, as are the parents</p>

<p>But as someone pointed out, it is easy to get into that circle of being nervous about being nervous, stressing about not sleeping, wondering about the feelings to such a degree that they worry about the symptoms surpasses the actual nerves</p>

<p>my Ds and her friends watched every movie about college they could find- from Animal House to Love Story to Old School</p>

<p>For my Ds last few days, she will be busy with "stuff"- we got her packed this week, so next week she is free to do fun stuff and not be stressed about her suitcases, and boxes and thw walk out the door will be sure stressful, but planned well</p>

<p>Many of DS's closest friends leave this weekend. They've been organizing activities almost every night this week and it seems almost frantic, furtive. Most of them are going to the same school, but it's as if they recognize things will never be the same, even if they are at the same school. </p>

<p>They've been ice skating, bowling, etc. DS's best friend had him over the other night for five hours of video games, etc. It is very frenetic -- this last chance to cram in childhood (or whatever) before they are off to college.</p>

<p>I read it several times (and changed the symptoms to five) and only feel certain that the sleep problem is recurring. Perhaps a few other things are implied. I am still not ready to give medical advice on a forum.</p>

<p>For my daughter, the freak-out came on move-in day. Full-fledged panic attacks. Repeatedly. And I think unexpectedly. She has reacted with anxiety to things before, but I don't think she thought that move-in day would hit her that way.</p>

<p>But she functioned. She got herself to registration and her floor meetings and even passed her university's infamous swim test on move-in day. By the next day, she felt considerably more human. And she has been at college a week now, going through the orientation routine, and I have not heard any additional serious complaints from her (except that she thinks she was placed into a Spanish course that's too advanced for her -- but that's the sort of routine thing that I would expect her to be able to handle). I don't think that she really had a major problem, although she was certainly a wreck for the greater part of a day. It was just that the reality of the situation hit her all at once, and that, combined with the confusion of move-in day and the sudden need to learn new routines (like the need to lock your door and carry your keys every time you go to the bathroom) made it all overwhelming for a few hours.</p>

<p>Your daughter may just be facing reality a bit earlier than my daughter did. The chances are very good that once she has been on campus for a day or two (or even a few hours), things will calm down. But if not, there are extensive counseling resources available on most campuses, and the RAs know how to get students in touch with the right services. And, if medication proves to be necessary, the student health center can prescribe it.</p>

<p>I don't think that starting medication or counseling now, at home, is a good idea. It's better to work with one set of health professionals consistently when starting something new. Medications can have side effects, and doctors often need to tweak doses or change from one type to another. Counseling is usually an ongoing process lasting at least several weeks. Starting anything now, and then switching to a whole new set of doctors as soon as your daughter arrives on campus, would only complicate an already-difficult time.</p>

<p>My D, who is a very mature & confident young lady, had a bit of melt down a few days before she left. She cried for two days, and had a hard time letting us go when we said good-bye. She said she was overwhelmed and couldn't see herself making friends there. It was hard to leave her there. My D called us a day later to tell us how well things were going and parties she got invited to.</p>

<p>It is very scary to leave home for many young people. I think it is especially the case when the OP's daughter is going so far away. It is normal for her to be anxious and scared, but the problem is she doesn't know how to cope with it. Maybe she should take up yoga (many of friends swear by it) when she getts to school. If she is so stressed out, you may want to stay at her school a few more days until she gets used to her environment and make few friends.</p>

<p>Funny thing, I was pretty cranky the past few days and snipping at D (sophomore) about lots of little things. I was not sleeping well either. D gave me a big hug and suggested that I was just anxious about her leaving and I would be ok. We both had a good laugh and I had a good cry...........and tonite we take her to the airport. She won't be coming home for Thanksgiving; nor moving home next summer. :(</p>

<p>My D did that 2 weeks into her freshman year in college.....with physical symptoms. She went for counseling. They suggested a book for her which "changed her life" called "feeling good" there is a workbook to go with it but it does help aleviate anxiety symptoms. First step is to recognize that she is having an anxiety attack, slow her breathing and relax.....second, for you to realize this is n o r m a l. My other D did a similar panic when it came time to go off 5 hours to college, and is still not eating at college because of the fear of going alone to the dining hall which is ok in college but not in h.s. They all go through some changes and if they don't it is bc their lives haven't changed much or they have it better at college. Give yourself a hug, give her a hug....it will be ok. This too will pass.</p>

<p>Re: girls/women with anxiety, panic, insomnia--could PMS be a factor?</p>

<p>Thank you all for the responses. The medication/relaxation technique issue is at the center of our (my D and my) problems because when she had similar anxiety/sleep issues last year we started her with a doctor, although my D never fully invested herself in the process. Her anxiety was made worse by sleep issues, that improved somewhat (after trying everything around--from meds to hypnosis tapes). I am a bit angry because the doctor wanted to work with her on these issues over the summer. Of course, once school was over, life was great, and she wouldn't go. She is seeing the doctor today but she is fooling herself to think he will prescribe anything (which will be my "fault"). While I think academically her load will be much easier this year than last (she went to a very difficult private HS and had 7 AP classes last year), with the added stress of the new life, I suspect she will have her difficult periods. At this point, it will be up to her to take advantage of the university health resources available to her--or not. </p>

<p>All summer my D and I have talked a lot, shared a number of sentimental moments, and had the necessary informational send off talks, but now she doesn't want to talk to me about what is troubling her. I tell her I am here for her, but that is all I can do. I really didn't want our final days to end in this way.</p>

<p>Thanks again for all the suggestions and support.</p>

<p>Unless she is in some extremely demanding program, I can't imagine any college curriculum being as stressful.</p>

<p>I'm assuming that not only did she take the AP's, but she felt pressure to get A's. Not to mention that some of the AP curriculum is a mile wide and an inch deep, with loads of memorization.</p>

<p>Going from that to a 15 semester hour schedule will seem like a picnic. A lot of schools are eliminating Friday classes.</p>

<p>if she isn't sleeping- that can be a stress-
Melatonin is an amino acid- not a tranquilizer.
If you don't have a deficiency, it won't work- but many people do find it helpful</p>

<p>because she really never learned the skills needed to function wthout the meds, though she was in counseling</p>

<p>I agree counseling isn't always helpful. I was in therapy for years without making any headway , until I finally switched therapists to one who suggested trying medication, and found that the medication helped just enough so that I could find what "normal" felt like, and learned how to get that on my own.</p>