<p>A) The movies are a horrible 1st, 2nd, or 3rd date. You sit in a dark room and don't speak to each other for 2-3 hours. </p>
<p>B) The best dates are free. Where I live, we have this thing called an art hop where you can go to different art galleries and open houses twice a month to view paintings and other odd musical instruments and such. Girls love it. It's free, there is wine and snacks and even if she isn't into art you can make fun of the people there that are.</p>
<p>C) Always go 50/50. When you always buy you are setting a precedent where she views you as a provider. (that's a bad thing)</p>
<p>Choosing to pay for something for a girl doesn't make you a pushover. But be real with yourself, man, you're not paying for a girl you hardly even know out of generosity, or the goodness of your heart, or whatever. And you're calling us delusional. Or maybe you are one of the 1% who would actually do such a thing, but I doubt it. If you are, you're merely an exception.</p>
<p>Paying for a date does cause you to lose power. Not the act itself, but what it communicates. You're basically saying that her money is more important than your own because she's of higher value than yourself, that you have to treat her, and "win her over," so that she'll have sex with you (not saying that every guy is motivated by this, but most are, and chicks realize it). This is why I think that it isn't a big deal after you've already slept with her, because you've already won her over.</p>
<p>all i'm sayin is that if a guy asks me out and then expects me to pay my own way, i am probably not going to consider that a date and will probably think that he is kind of a dbag. that doesn't mean i'm not going to offer to split, but if he at least does not offer to pay, that's probably going to be the end of it.</p>
<p>ok, now tell me why the guy should care that some chick with a princess mentality doesn't want to continue seeing him. Unless he doesn't have many options; in which case, yeah, he probably is a dou.che bag.</p>
<p>A guy asks a girl out because that's the way social dynamics work. He shouldn't have to pay, he shouldn't even have to offer. You are not doing him a favour by going out with him (in fact, he already did you one by taking initiative); you wanted the date or you wouldn't accept.</p>
<p>IDK. In college no one has been like, "let's go to the movies!" on a first date. You can't really talk and in it's kinda expensive in college world. I mean, tickets for two are about $18, then there's the freakin refreshments. I'm a girl and I would feel guilty about making a guy pay for all that on a first date. If you've been hanging out for awhile you work out a give and take system.
But yeah, if some dude asked me to the movies, I'm not going to force him to pay, but I sort of expect it. Most guys refuse to let you pay anyways.</p>
<p>Yeah, nobody really dates on a first time hanging out. Especially if you meet the chick in class or through your social circle. Maybe that's why I've never had a problem with a chick flaking after I wouldn't pay. I never go to the movies. If we meet up to eat, it definitely isn't under the context of it being a date (just hangng out, like the other dude mentioned before). If there's anything to buy, it's only ever coffee or something.</p>
<p>Actually, the first date I ever went on, I went to the movies (lol) and offered to pay (double lol). I was only 15, though.</p>
<p>It is a princess mentality. Your statement is irrelevant since guys have to ask and pretty much do 99% of the time. If there was an equal amount of asking going on, I could see your case, but not the way things actually are.</p>
<p>Most of my "dates" were spent sitting at each others' houses and watching TV, or going to the mall and window shopping or just hanging out there. Just as fun as anything out there. And now we're both in DC, so there's a ton of free stuff to do.</p>
<p>it's about the offer, not the outcome. i don't think that a guy should have to pay, only that he should at least offer if he did the asking. damn, didn't your mothers teach you guys anything about common courtesy?</p>
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only that he should at least offer if he did the asking. damn, didn't your mothers teach you guys anything about common courtesy?
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<p>the guy virtually always asks. Chicks will throw hints and want him to ask. The fact that he asked has no significance to who should pay or who should offer to pay. Didn't your mother teach you common sense?</p>
<p>my mother taught me to go for the gold. she also taught me that it is ok for me to ask out boys, so that's what i do. sorry if the girls you concern yourself with are wusses, i hope you find one with guts someday.</p>
<p>seriously though i think this is just a disconnect in values and we're gonna have to agree to disagree.</p>
<p>I'm arguing from a general perspective, not about outlier cases. And to be honest, I'm fine with asserting myself, being the one who asks, or whatever. But any chick who hangs out with me is going to do so because she wants to be there. She's getting just as much out of the relationship as I am, and there's no way in hell that I'm going to feel obligated to pay or to even offer. Even if a chick asked me out (it actually has happened, just extremely rare), I don't expect them to pay. I wouldn't accept if I didn't want to be there. So whoever asked has no significance.</p>
<p>I already told you I dont' have alterior motives when if I decide to chip in some money for a date. I don't always pay, I don't always not pay. And I'm not delusional about my motives, I assure you. I'm not even remotely wealthy, and tossing a few dollars around is not going to impress anybody. If I eat with my brother, cousin, or good friends, I'll cover the meal sometimes and sometimes they will. "Deciding to pay for a meal" is by no means whatsoever going to be the deciding factor to whether you're getting laid or not. That being said, yeah, you're not obligated to do anything. You can do whatever the hell you want! I wouldn't say you CAN'T pay ever because you'll lose power and respect in her eyes. You won't. Nor will you "gain" anything if you do, other than it's a nice social mechanism like holding a door open (except that holding the door is mandatory lol).</p>
<p>You're right in that some girls might just hang out with a guy to try to get free meals/ gifts. But you can usual tell those right away. If not, if you're not in bed with her after 3 meet-ups then it's probably not going to happen.</p>
<p>You shouldn't be going on any expensive or formal dates with people you hardly know anyway. Because you'll be stuck with them for an hour or so, there might be no chemistry, and you're note exactly putting your best foot forward. I already said, keep it casual, and the "paying" won't even come up.</p>
<p>I understand you're head is probably filled with pickup proverbs, Russell, but you have to understand the reasoning behind them, not just spout them off like you know everything about women at around age 20. Especially if the sources of such dogmas as "don't pay - because paying is always supplication" (it actually depends on what frame you're paying from) are over four or five years old. Critical evaluation and personal experience, like the original authors of said material used, are paramount.</p>
<p>brothers, cousins, and good friends are different. I went out of my way to say "a girl you hardly know."</p>
<p>I never said anything about your 2nd paragraph.</p>
<p>Already said that, unless you're talking to someone one.</p>
<p>I understand the reasoning behind them. You have a habit of acting like a know-it-all too, by the way. Just sayin'. Like I said earlier, I'm arguing against the general case. A circumstance where it'd be beneficial to pay is rare. It would also go against my principles, so I might avoid it even if it did come up. And that has nothing to do with pick up.</p>
<p>Also I'm pretty sure you post at rsdnation. There's a user named peter_parker who posts exactly like you.</p>
<p>No, I'm aware of that site, but I do not frequent there or post there. LOL if there's a user named peter_parker there. That would be surprising.</p>
<p>But you're right, I act like I know it all when I'm far from it. </p>
<p>I'm not suprised a user at a pickup forum sounds like me - because most every there is condescending and acts like they figured it out, which I sound like probably, haha.</p>