I still have a few more years of community college and a few more years at University. I have never really dated except for a brief relationship in middle school. It’s diffuclt to have a social life at community college. I’ve been struggling to find places to do hobbies or organizations for me because there isn’t a science or environmental organization at my CC. I don’t drink alcohol so I don’t want to go to bars, I’m atheist so I don’t want to go to church, dating co-workers is not advised, and I haven’t had luck with online dating. I plan to commute to places outside of my city once I have a car so I can be a part of organizations that have to do with my interests and go to meetups. There’s also a possibility that I might leave college and go on a different path or just get an associates degree. I worry that it’ll get too late for me to find a partner/girlfriend or I won’t be able to find the right person if I leave college. Can anyone offer any advice?
Have you tried tinder or the like?
Yes but they call tinder the toxic waste dump of society.
Trying to find a way to get beyond all of your “yeah buts” would probably be a good start. There’s no perfect scenario for becoming involved in a relationship. You present so many barriers/unacceptables that it is going to be very hard for you. Openness is required for meeting and developing a relationship.
@NorthernMom61 true but isn’t religious beliefs and habits a deal breaker?
You could volunteer. You can start a club at your school. You can go to a bar on nights they have bands and drink soda. Have you tried doing things with classmates? That can be a great way to widen your social circle. I’d concentrate on trying to make friends and let relationships develop naturally from there.
Just want to say what I’ve seen through my 20 something daughters - they didn’t date much at college or right out. They were focused on doing well in school and getting settled in their careers. One year out of school, they each met their current partners. Both feel that they were in the right place to look for what they wanted and not settle for just anyone. And both met their boyfriends online. Just want to say that the world when you met your partner for life at college is over - they and most of their friends met serious boy/girlfriends after graduation.
@austinmshauri I have a meeting with the student government director when I return to school about stating a club. I haven’t done it yet all this time because I haven’t found the right people interested but maybe this time it’ll work out. If not then there is meetups and organizations outside my city and some but not everything I’m interested in the city that I live in which will help. There is a organization that isn’t active enough because they only do stuff half of the year but I have volunteered there, made some connections, and plan to volunteer again this year. Do you think volunteering at an elderly home Is a possible way I would meet people my own age? I’m interested in that becuase I do have an interest in helping elderly people. I think the important thing is doing things that I actually have an interest in with people and not just go there to meet people because I’m more likely to establish relationships with people doing things that interest me. Hopefully in my physics class I can create study partners and maybe I can develop relationships from there.
Do you think it depends on the bar/pub that would be routey or more comfortable to my personality?
You should do things that interest you, but try to pick some where people your age will be. Joining a gym or attending local events will give you more opportunities to meet people your age then volunteering at a nursing home. I wouldn’t actively looking for a for a relationship though. Just hang out with your friends and do things that interest you. If you do go to a bar on band night take a friend, but go to listen to the music not to meet girls. People can sense when you’re looking for a relationship and that can be a turn off.
I wouldn’t be in a hurry to take on the expense of a car and insurance. You’ll likely have to work more to cover those expenses so you’ll have less time to focus on school and developing friendships. Try the clubs at your school that do exist. There are probably people there who are hoping to widen their social circle.
Thanks for my laugh for the day!
Also even though I’m not a student at the university in my town, there are some clubs I can join like the swing and ballroom dance club. Unfortunately, I don’t think the science ones are though.
@austinmshauri the reason I want a car is so that I can go see my brother. There isn’t a bus or train that goes to where he lives in my hometown. Would renting a car when I wish to visit be feasible or do I need insurance even for renting?
Are you talking to your mom about your plans? You seem to be struggling and dissatisfied with what you’re doing. We can’t tell you whether or not you should move to your grandma’s, stay in college, leave for a trade school or take a gap year. People who know you in real life are better suited to help you.
If you want to know what you need to rent a car check the website of a local car rental company. They’ll list what you need.
Yes I have talked to my mom but she always says “it’s up to you what you decide to do”. That can either be a blessing or a curse because I can have the freedom to do what I want without it being anyone’s business but at the same time people will always have an opinion no matter what.
Your mother is right, and she might be encouraging you not to care about other people’s opinions as much. Many of your posts here come across as your wanting others to tell you what to do. When people have offered advice or opinions, it’s usually been met with a “but” listing various reasons you can’t or don’t want to do this or that.
Every decision we make in life has pros and cons. If you just focus on the cons and the difficulties, you’ll never do anything, or as my father used to say over and over, . . . . “can’t never did anything.” You have to weigh the pros and cons and figure out if, for you, the pros outweigh the cons. Only you can decide that. Others can offer opinions, but we’re not you, and in the end, the only opinion that really matters is your own.
That said, my opinion 
is that you need to figure out some realistic goals of what you really want and then set a realistic time-frame to accomplish them. (The key word is realistic.) Write them down and look at them every day. You might even want to post them up somewhere where you look at every day like on or by a mirror. Then start thinking of the steps you need to take to get from point A to point B and give yourself realistic time-frames to achieve those, too. Everything is a process. It’s OK if you don’t exactly meet the time-frames. It’s not a race. Think of it as a moving target that you may need to adjust for along the way.
Anything you really want that is worth accomplishing requires hard work, dedication, and commitment. If you’re not willing to put in the work and commit, then maybe you really didn’t want it that much. There might actually be things you can’t do along the way, but if you’re goals are realistic, “can’t” should not be a dead end. You should think of it as an obstacle you need to figure out a way around. There will be alternative routes to achieve realistic goals. You just have to find them.
back to the dating, It seems like the tinder site is dependent on likes or super likes in order to connect with people. If you run out of likes or super likes then you have to purchase more and I don’t know if it is worth the money.
Reread post #13, SuperGeo. It’s excellent. Only you can decide if it’s worth spending money on a dating site. I think it would be helpful for you to participate in your community and meet people in person, but I’m not you. When you’re worrying about getting enough funding to finish your education maybe it would be a good idea to think carefully about your expenditures. If you can join activities at the local university that might be a good thing to try.
OP: If you do not drink alcohol, do not go to bars. Many cities have young professionals groups that meet at museums or other cultural centers.
I am not sure of your age as you seem to be attending community college part-time.
Many community colleges offer non-degree courses related to interests such as cooking, travel, writing or learning a new language. Also exercise courses such as yoga or weight training.
Yes. Stop worrying.
Peak attractiveness for men occurs in their mid-30s. Stay in shape, study and get involved so you can establish a rewarding career, and work a bit on grooming and style. Smile a lot and talk to everyone. Speak up in class. Develop healthy habits and a pattern for achievement. Women are attracted to confidence and success. Those 25 year-old men getting all the attention were once just like you but kept their eyes on their goals.
Tinder is great for the top 1%, effective for the top 10%, and a total waste of time for an average guy. Use it (and Bumble) as a way to build your skills in conversing with women.
You guys all have good advice!
The whole reason I was so worried is because it seems college is the most diverse place of people there is it seems. It seems in the workplace it isn’t as diverse because all the people are in the same field depending on the company or place of employment.
Make a list of your priorities and rank them. For example complete my education, get involved in hobbies/interests, look for opportunities to meet new people, focus on my career, moving, dating, take care of my health.
Look at where you are in life and determine what is most important for you at this stage. Work on those things that will bring you long lasting positive outcomes for yourself. You are still very young. You have a lifetime of meeting people ahead of you. Focus on your goals and interests and you will meet people who share the same priorities as you.