I’m going to be attending a fairly small liberal arts college in my hometown next fall. Throughout high school, I have never dated, and I have always looked forward to college as an opportunity to change that. As a conservative girl who doesn’t give off a “sex-magnet” vibe, how can I make dating a real possibility for myself in college? Does anyone have any tips on dating in college? Thanks in advance!
I find that few people go into college looking to date and find it on accident, usually through friendships. Start there. Just find a group of friends and let whatever develops naturally happen.
Are you only looking to date seriously or casually as well?
I cannot give any first hand advice because I don’t really talk to guys myself and it seems as though the guys I do befriend seem to be really, really attractive and they’re out of my league straight from the jump but based on my observations of my friends - dating usually results from friend groups and reciprocated feelings between friends.
I’m not going to college exclusively to date; obviously my priority will be my studies. That said, I still would like to open myself up to dating in college. Throughout high school, I have never dated, and I would like to have some experience because I do plan on having a family of my own one day. I was simply curious about any ways that I can make myself more presentable as a “dateable” girl. Thanks, though!
Don’t get into the frame of mind that you need to meet your future husband in college - plenty of people meet their significant others/partners in graduate school, in the work force, during military service, and so on. Thinking this way will have you in some self pity “forever alone” camp with the rest of the people who think that romantic and sexual eligibility ends at age 21.
I’m also sort of confused by what you mean by “dateable” girl? Do you mean approachable? You can make yourself appear approachable to the opposite sex the same way you make yourself approachable to everyone else - by presenting yourself as a friendly, positive person.
You can also download one of the many (relatively sketchy) apps designed for meeting other people in college.
You’re overthinking this.
Yeah, just be a more approachable version of whoever you already are (assuming you’re a kind and decent person who wears deodorant). I really have no business giving advice on this topic, but I met my boyfriend in Math Club. :-B If you try to be someone you’re not, you’ll attract people who want to be with someone you’re not.
I met my husband after I had given up on meeting anyone! I started taking flying lessons while I was in grad school. Then my future husband moved to town and was in two of my classes. We hit it off immediately, and I sure wasn’t “trying.” Later, he said that the fact I was flying planes was one of the things that attracted him to me. So do what you enjoy!
Okay, thanks everyone! First of all, preamble1776, my intention is not necessarily to find my husband/wife in college. You must have misread my sentence which said, “I would like to have some experience because I do plan on having a family of my own one day.” I realize that I probably will not find “the one” in college; I simply want experience dating. Secondly, by “dateable” I mean someone that people can envision dating. Now, it would seem outrageous for someone at my high school to consider dating me. I just want to be a person that others can see themselves dating without snickering at the thought of it.
Why do you say this? You could be right or wrong, but those reasons appear to be the heart of this post
A good thing about college is that all conceptions people had of you in high school are gone. In high school, I dated four people total. After one semester of college I had been involved with six people, mainly because of my dropped conceptions from high school. If it is something that isn’t part of the fabric of who you are, it shouldn’t follow you to college.
That said, if you’re doing something socially that gives you that “undatable” quality, what is it? We need more specifics here.
Are you asking about the difference between being a hook up vs. datable?
Experience isn’t a prerequisite for marriage. Marriage shouldn’t even be a part of this conversation. Nor should a family. There’s not a dating resume that you need to build in college that your future spouse is gonna scrutinize.
You said you’re a conservative girl - a lot of conservative, religious individuals actually find that experience and marriage material have an inverse relationship. (not saying this is right or wrong - just that its a conservative attitude which exists)
If people in high school found the idea of dating you laughable, you should try to see if that criticism is valid or not and go from there.
Social interactions aren’t nearly as strategic as you’re making them sound.
Be approachable and fun.
Alright, thanks guys. I think the reason why I am not seen as “dateable” right now is because I have a reputation of being very academically-oriented and not exactly fun-loving and easy going (which I totally am when around my small group of like-minded friends, none of whom have ever dated, either). People in my high-school just don’t associate me with dating. Anyway, I am not a “party-girl” by any means, and I don’t necessarily want to be in college, but I want to start off on the right note by showing my fun-loving side.
As for experience and marriage being inversely related, that’s up for debate. In my mind, I think everyone needs to experience at least one strong relationship before they can realize/understand what true love is. If you only ever date one person in your entire life, how can you know there isn’t someone better out there? That’s sort of where I am coming from.
I know that a big part of my anxiety will be resolved by just facing college head-on, but I want to make sure I make the right first impression. I want to break out of the restrictive mold I created for myself in high school.
If you’re friendly and approachable to guys, they’ll likely be friendly and approachable back. If a guy you like doesn’t ask you out, feel free to make the move; suggest a casual first date place like a local restaurant, a local hike, what have you (there are only about 15 billion suggestions online for this sort of thing).
Haha okay, I think I’ll be able to figure it out when the time comes. Nevertheless, I appreciate the advice.
I didn’t say that the remark about marriage and experience was correct or incorrect. Some people end up marrying the first person they date and they stay together for the rest of their lives - they aren’t plagued by the thought that there’s someone better – others, however, end up divorcing right away. I don’t think anyone can make any cut and dry remark about relationships, love, marriage, and so on.
Be yourself. If you’re “academically oriented” - stay "academically oriented. You could be the biggest nerd on campus and there’s bound to be someone who finds that attractive. How do you figure all those neurosurgeons and astrophysicists out there get married?
Alright, alright. Thanks for your input, but I’ll make it work.
@Vctory - brb going to the next pre-med fraternity charity dinner :x