Dating In College

Student Lounge College Life
21

<h2>Imagine sitting in a restaurant, eating the most amazing food - there’s so much, I can eat all I feel like. And it tastes good - better than anything I could imagine. If for some reason I’m even looking up from my amazing food, sure, I may notice a nice looking cheesecake, but I’m sure not going to want to jump over to another table and grab that cheesecake when that food in front of me has completely satisfied me 100%. ~ Notblue</h2>

<p>That’s stupid. We are talking about males, age 18-22. If the cheesecake looks anything like Megan Fox, it’s gonna get ate pretty quick.</p>

<p>Once you are married, have kids and have something actually invested into a relationship it’s different, but in college you would be stupid not to eat the cheesecake.</p>

22

<h2>Most importantly though, what you’re missing is that due to hormones, etc. my girl suddenly becomes better in my eyes than anything else in the world, whether it really is or not, and I lose all desire for others. These ‘hormones’ persist even if we are apart, because they are so powerful they become a part of who you are eventually. ~ Notblue</h2>

<p>Wait.</p>

<p>P.S. It’s called puppy-love.</p>

23

<p>

Or 3) Their current situation satisfies them in every way and see no reason to downgrade, and have the capability to be emotionally attached to someone in a positive way</p>

<p>

This made me laugh :)</p>

<p>You obviously have a lot to learn about contentment and being happy in life. Being happy with your girlfriend doesn’t imply that you’re a ‘wimpy-dork’ or some pimply faced dweeb :)</p>

<p>

We’re talking about me, not 18-22 males. I was providing an example case disproving the notion that every guy wants to cheat on his girlfriend. Yeah, society is screwed up, and a lot of guys are growing up either as insecure jerks or sociopathic animals - but that’s not the point.</p>

<p>Speaking of Megan Fox and the like, there are plenty of girls at my school that are way more attractive. For example, my GF looks far better than Megan Fox IMO. If you’ve been around a good college for a while you’ll know what I mean when I say there are plenty of really attractive girls out there, more so than what you usually see in the media. She’s one of those. She doesn’t really want to go into modeling as a career though, even though scouts are always pressuring her. You can make a lot of money that way though, her (less attractive IMO) sister makes well over 200K/year with that stuff (fashion shows, etc.), so it’s always tempting.</p>

<p>

I challenge you to define to me what real love is, if you think what I’m trying to describe to you is puppy-love.</p>

<p>Puppy-love is a fleeting desire, it is a crush, a passion to be together. You might want to read that quote again. I was saying that real love is when your mutual respect, admiration, and attraction is so powerful it merges a part of you on a subconscious level - in effect it transcends purely physical attraction.</p>

<p>You can argue till you run out of breath on puppy-love vs. true-love, but ultimately I don’t see how it has to do with my point.</p>

<p>My point was simply that a guy and a girl can desire exclusively for each other, by my own case as proof. And if you want to go back to the “Your a dork! HAHA!” ‘argument’, let’s just say if you really want I can disprove that :)</p>

<p>I suppose I should just understand that most people my age aren’t lucky enough to find someone they enjoy so much that they don’t have any desire to cheat.</p>

<p>It’s kind of sad though, because a lot of it comes down to your life-philosophy in general. I’m quite happ, and feel completely fulfilled and satisfied in life. You too? Good.</p>

<p>

I assure you, we have more fun than you can imagine :)</p>

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<p>^ All that made me puke in my mouth a lil bit. </p>

<p>I’m a married guy, so spare me the teenage lovey-dovey, cutsy-wootsy stuff. Geeze, what happened to guys? If I woulda talked like that in front of my buddies I woulda gotten my butt kicked.</p>

<p>Anyways, 99% of guys are interested in hooking up (pretty high percentage of girls too), so keep that in mind when starting college relationships people.</p>

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<h2>We’re talking about me, not 18-22 males. ~ Notblue</h2>

<p>No, I was talking about males 18-22 (the ones who aren’t neutered/whipped).</p>

26

<p>

If you’re a married guy and you think that way, then I really feel sorry for your wife. You don’t think there’s anything beyond physical attraction? Well you just admitted that you don’t love your wife in that case. And people wonder why divorce rates are so high with the “average guy”.</p>

<p>I don’t care what this messed-up society thinks, I just know that I’m very happy in life. If you are too, then that’s great. Just don’t try to say that a guy can’t have no desire to cheat, because it’s just not true. That’s ALL I’m saying here.</p>

<p>P.S. You might want to consolidate your posts so you don’t end up with 10 posts for what should be just one.</p>

27

<h2>You obviously have a lot to learn about contentment and being happy in life. ~ Notblue</h2>

<p>I think I’m doing just fine, as is my wife and children.</p>

<p>However, what I don’t need is some young kid lecturing me on how relationships work.</p>

<p>Everyone has HS/College romances that they think are HUGE deals, then eventually burn out. Further down the road you look back and laugh about how silly you were…in a good way for the most part.</p>

<p>Relationships at that age are mostly a joke, even if their is real committment and emotional attachment. Once you get older and you go through marriage, children, mortgages, sickness, death, ect…together as a couple, you will have a better understanding of what REAL committment is in a relationship.</p>

<p>So until then people, just enjoy the college experience and avoid anything to serious, you’ll be happier having the freedom in the long run.</p>

28

<h2>Well you just admitted that you don’t love your wife in that case ~ Notblue</h2>

<p>Listen you little punk, you need to pick better words, because you are spouting off about things you know nothing about.</p>

<p>If you weren’t so interested in twisting my words and conversation, you will see that everything I said was into COLLEGE RELATIONSHIPS. Implying that I don’t love my wife because I think college age guys are rarely faithful is incredibly ignorant.</p>

<p>When you have deal with REAL life issues with a partner then you can start popping off with advice, until then shut the hell up.</p>

29

<p>

If you want to bring age into the picture, my oldest brother is over 45, and my dad could give you quite a lecture about your “I obsess over other women” point of view and what a terrible destructive situation you could be putting your children in.</p>

<p>It’s like the old joke about the marriage counselor who feels qualified from experience from his 10 divorces. Listen to the old still-very-much-in-love couples and what they have to say, no-one else. I’m only repeating to you what I’ve learned from some very wise old people. I know they’re rare and you may not know any, but I do.</p>

<p>

To be honest, you need to pick better words - actually better ideas - in that case. The impression I get from you is that you encourage valuing physical attraction far more than ‘real love’ and respect. If you want to teach this to college age kids, then what are you implying for them when they grow older?</p>

<p>Just out of curiosity, how old are you? My dad’s almost a great-grandfather now (and quite happily married and still very much in love with my mom!), and he’s a bit amused by your posts after I showed it to him.</p>

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<p>I dont give a **** about you, your brother, your dad, or your great-grandfather - so you can tell them that.</p>

<p>And please, where did I ever say, “I obsess over other women”.</p>

<p>I said college males, age 18-22 are rarely faithful. Stop lying and putting words that I never said. And don’t EVER imply anything about my kids…don’t.</p>

<p>All you are trying to do is LIE and talk about your own relationship, which no one cares about.</p>

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<p>This post was about dating in college, and my advice is pretty accurate.</p>

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<p>

Your attitude towards life, and your lack of respect for those older and wiser than you is all too obvious, you don’t need to reiterate it.</p>

<p>

I don’t know where that came from. How am I lying? I’m not. And the only reason I’m talking about my own relationship (and my parents and other families I know) is to bring light to the misconception that all men perpetually have unfaithful feelings. Again, that’s ALL I really am trying to say here.</p>

<p>

All of your posts strongly hint of it.</p>

<p>Ok, let me get this straight. You don’t obsess over other women. You don’t have the desire to cheat on your wife. Great.</p>

<p>Tell me, then, how it is you can in good conscience tell guys in their 20s that it’s impossible to not have the desire to cheat, while apparently you’re not suggesting this to older more mature couples (30s? 40s?). You’re drawing a line here, a line that all but permits cheating at the right age. Even if you are capable of suggesting this to 20-ish guys without having wanted to cheat on your wife, it’s still bad.</p>

<p>

So is mine. It depends on your personality I guess - the sleep-around type of guy/girl, or the relationship kind of guy/girl.</p>

33

<h2>Tell me, then, how it is you can in good conscience tell guys in their 20s that it’s impossible to not have the desire to cheat, while apparently you’re not suggesting this to older more mature couples (30s? 40s?). You’re drawing a line here, a line that all but permits cheating. Even if you are capable of suggesting this to 20-ish guys without having wanted to cheat on your wife, it’s still bad. ~ Notblue</h2>

<p>I didn’t say it was impossible, I said it was rare.</p>

<p>The difference is the relationship. Marriage, and the responsibilities that come with it is more important than college relationships…thats all I was saying.</p>

<p>P.S. Who sits around with their great-grandfather and posts on collegeconfidential.com?</p>

<p>That is creepy.</p>

34

<p>I think some of you are missing the point.</p>

<p>Of course you can fall “in love” with someone, and through your eyes that person is the greatest, sexiest person ever, because of your raging hormones and new brain synapses.</p>

<p>In fact, this is called pair-bonding.</p>

<p>It’s done so males stick around and help raise the kids.</p>

<p>HOWEVER, just because you’ve pair-bonded with one woman, and she is your #1, does not mean you no longer have desire to ‘mindlessly screw’ a bunch of other women on the side that are not your ‘primary.’</p>

<p>So, right now you are completely content with your #1 primary pair-bond woman. Gotcha.</p>

<p>However, if Megan Fox - or whoever, some really really 10 for 10 sexy woman who really makes you drool, wants to sleep with you and starts hinting at it, bending over in front of you to give you a view of her low-cut dress, is making eyes and smiling at you, then takes her top off while winking at you.</p>

<p>Like it or not, you are going to be sexually attracted to her, and your body is going to want to screw her, no matter what your mind says. Even if you’d never touch her!</p>

<p>The fat dieter doesn’t WANT to eat the cheeseburger, but he DOES want to. In essence, he wants to suppress his primary want for the burger. But he DOES want it. It’s out of his control. You can’t control who you are attracted to.</p>

<p>Now, if you are monogamous, there are a few things keeping you monogamous (pair-bonding doesn’t keep you from cheating - heavy investment in one woman doesn’t say anything about what you can do with others - so NO pair-bonding or “love”).</p>

<p>The things keeping you monogamous are:
fear of hurting/ losing your primary partner
moral values – you don’t want to hurt your partner/ want to be fair and equitable
society - monogamy is expected and valued - not multiple relationship or affairs</p>

<p>It is not “lack of desire.”</p>

<p>If your primary partner 100% did not care about you screwing others (though impossible) and society welcomed it, then of course you’d screw a few girls on the side just like sometimes you go to your favorite restaurant and sometimes you try other places.</p>

<p>I’m trying to get at the fact that suppression is being practiced all the time. My original post stands as to people’s true desires.</p>

35

<p>

I told you it was my (retired) dad, who happens to be a grandfather (not a great grandfather quite yet). In case you didn’t know, it’s summer and today I happen to be working on a project on the computer at home. Can’t wait to get out and go to college in about a week though.</p>

<p>But you’re just trying to slip out of the fact that you played the “age” card and failed miserably. Not that I blame you I guess.</p>

<p>

I agree that it is rare. In this case I guess this whole thing was a misunderstanding, because I thought you said it was impossible to the point that you would go so far as to recommend thinking of cheating to college students.</p>

<p>

The only problem I have with what you’re saying, which is true for the most part, is the analogy of intimate human relationships to restaurants/food. I don’t love, nor am I infatuated with food (certainly not any one food), thank you very much.</p>

<p>Human beings, is another matter entirely. Also there’s a difference between animal level arousal at the sight of a girl in a bikini, and a deep-down active desire to cheat with her.</p>

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<p>No, I recommned that college-aged kids don’t get involved in a serious relationship.</p>

<p>BTW, I’m 28, been married for 4 years…as if it’s your business.</p>

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<p>

As if it’s any of your business, my parents were married happily longer than you (and I) have been alive. 47 years. As you might calculate, they were married in they’re 20s (puppy-love? ha).</p>

<p>Call me crazy, but I’m gonna trust their relationship advise a heck of a lot more than yours.</p>

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<h2>As if it’s any of your business, my parents were married happily longer than you (and I) have been alive. ~ NotBlue</h2>

<p>I never asked about your parents.</p>

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<p>

Probably because you would have been happier not knowing. Sorry about that.</p>

<p>Back to the topic anyway:

I can’t tell exactly what you want from your post, but if you’re wondering why most guys are like animals when it comes to “dating”, I’m sure BIGeastBEAST could share some experiences. But if you are looking for a meaningful relationship, don’t lose faith - although rare, they do exist, in people of all ages.</p>

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<p>^ It’s because they are young hormonal messes that haven’t matured yet - no secret there.</p>