I’m a junior who has just moved back to campus, and despite being an upperclassman, I still haven’t quite figured out how to approach women in college. For the last two years, I’ve essentially had no love life, and I’d like to change that this year. Can any of you offer some advice? Any advice from college girls would be especially appreciated! Basically, I have two questions. Thanks!
(1) Is it okay to approach women that you don’t know at all on campus, or is that seen as creepy/desperate? I’m not sure whether it would come across as sleazy, because if I don’t know her, then obviously I’m just approaching her because of she’s attractive. For example, sometimes I’ll see a cute girl in the cafeteria or just walking across campus–is it okay just to go up to her and introduce myself? If not, what in your opinion are some more acceptable alternatives for socializing with women?
(2) If approaching a woman is fine, then what do you say? I find that this is particularly challenging from a male perspective, because we are always being told that we want to make our intentions clears so we don’t wind up in the dread friend zone. But then I also wouldn’t want to be too forward and freak the girl out. Can you guys suggest any openers that would break the ice and get the message across in a way that a girl would be comfortable with?
It's only creepy if you're creepy. Say hi. Don't say "You're so hot." I wouldn't approach people who look like they're trying to get somewhere, though. Chat to the people around you in class. Join clubs.
Personally (assuming I was single at the time) I'd rather talk to someone who's just being friendly. If you HAVE to make it more than that, be COMPLIMENTARY, not CRUDE. Nothing sexual. Compliments that would make her smile -- "I really like your shirt, is that from Doctor Who?" etc. Not "Wow, your butt is great." That's what makes it creepy.
** And in light of a certain recent viral article…don’t bother someone who’s wearing headphones. It’s not a challenge to get her to notice you (you as in the general you, anyone).
You’re most likely overthinking it. The two long term girlfriends I had in college I just sat next to in class and sparked a conversation. I don’t remember exactly what I said to either of them the first time, but it doesn’t really matter as long as you are being polite. Also I wouldn’t talk to a girl expecting that you’re going to end up with her. You might not have anything in common once you start talking and thay’s ok too. Just don’t overthink it. When I wasn’t concerned with finding a girlfriend is when I’ve been most successful with women. The fact that you started this thread means that you’re probably trying too hard. Just relax, talk to some girls just wanting to be friends, be nice, be yourself, and eventually one of them will fall for you.
Think about the situation before you approach someone you don’t know. If you would be ok with being approached, it’s probably fine, if you wouldn’t, don’t. Walking leisurely across campus? Fine. Running to class? No. Wearing earbuds, intently focused on work? No. Drinking a coffee at a table, saying hi to passersby? Fine. Don’t be creepy, don’t stare, and don’t expect that this one interaction will necessarily lead to more.
If you want to start off with compliments, compliment something she’s chosen - a t-shirt, a scarf, a hairstyle - not something about her body. If you share a class with her, maybe mention you found something she said interesting, or that it made you think (only if it really did - don’t lie about this sort of thing). Be ready to read body language and understand that if she doesn’t respond to conversational openers, she’s not interested. If she’s not interested, remove yourself from the situation, don’t hang around.
If she's hotter than you, don't do it. If you can't tell if she's hotter than you, get an opinion from 3 male friends with the deciding factor being a 2 out of 3 vote.
Doesn't matter what you say, just incorporate the topic of "harambe" in some way.
I agree with others…it works better if it is more “organic”…talk to people after class. Talk to people in your dorm. Talk to people in the cafeteria…but don’t necessarily always assume it will “go somewhere.”
Good advice above (well, except for #4 ). How would you talk to a guy? After class, you’d say something like, “That was the most boring lecture ever!” and then he’d say yes or no and you’d comment back and forth and HOLY COW YOU’RE TALKING AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN TRY!
Do that.
Do not worry about the “friend zone” - it can be a great place to start. And for pete’s sake, don’t read any PUA websites.
You are tipping your hand on your problem by stating that you want to talk to someone who looks cute. Talk to the women in your classes, in clubs you belong to, at volunteer activities, or at your part time job. Forget “cute” – think about interesting, funny, kind, thoughtful, smart instead. Women can tell which men want to know them as people vs a superficial focus on looks. And most don’t give the second kind the time of day.
@OhSorryYo - I know that your second point is supposed to be a joke, but I actually had 1+ hour long conversation with a guy at my internship because he brought up Harambe. I am completely serious.
One way to be clear about your intentions is to ask her on a date (e.g. to a coffee shop near campus). If she says yes, you can be reasonably sure that she’s interested in you. If she says no, you’ll probably feel kind of awkward, but that doesn’t mean you’re creepy or that either of you did anything wrong.
). How would you talk to a guy? After class, you’d say something like, “That was the most boring lecture ever!” and then he’d say yes or no and you’d comment back and forth and HOLY COW YOU’RE TALKING AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN TRY!