<p>I asked my (rising HS senior) daughter to start rounding up her list of colleges. During the school year, we talked extensively that cost is important, and that there is no way we could afford full tuition to a private college. She seemed to understand that her "match" and "safety" schools have to so not just academically but financially. Yet, now she comes up with the list of schools which includes exactly 1 financial safety (state flagship), and 1 match. The rest are expensive private schools where (in my view) she is not likely to get enough aid to make attendance possible. What bugs me most, is that she does not even like most of these schools very much. It's as if she wants to apply just to be able to tell her friends that she was admitted to XYZ. And, of course, effectively, she is limiting her choice to those two schools which are affordable. DH and I are not sure how to approach this... Do we start the whole affordability talk all over again? Or do we let her apply to all those unaffordable privates and just add more affordable schools to the list?</p>
<p>I’m sure you’ll get varied opinions but I’d go with what you closed with–keep up the affordability conversations, add some schools you think might fit academically and financially, but sure–let her apply to a few reaches for fun. In hindsight, I kinda wish I’d done that. Always knew were I was going (only applied to that one school), but it would have been fun to say, “I turned down X, Y, and Z.” Just make sure she understands the pricey ones without much merit aid are not realistic.</p>
<p>Do you know she won’t get any aid? We went through the opposite with S1. He didn’t want to apply anywhere but state flagship where he was getting a full ride. My wife talked him into applying to a couple top ten schools and he got into one. When we got the aid and scholarship package we found it was not that much more than state school. He will be a sr there this year. </p>
<p>Go to the schools website (reach and state) and have your daughter sit with you while you go thru the financial aid calculator. You could also look at admission stats. Maybe they will surprize you and be more affordable than you thought or maybe she will figure its too much. We were surprized and happy how well it worked for S1. Hope the same for you.</p>
<p>I told my daughter there were two huge factors in deciding where she should apply. </p>
<p>Number one, very specific academic reasons. And “it’s cool” or “prestigious” isn’t a reason, it’s an opinion. </p>
<p>Number two factor: cost. We will not be paying $200,000 or more for a Bachelor’s, and that’s final. So wherever you apply must in the end offer you enough $$ to be within $ X[insert a number you feel is reasonable] of the cost of state U. </p>
<p>These two factors, which we spelled out early on, greatly helped her come up with a reasonable list of schools. Hope something like this works for you too. And by the way, she did get enough $$ from her #1 private school to make it close enough in tuition to the state u. So applying to a financial reach can be worth it, if your daughter has something going for her that makes FA a possibility. For my daughter it was regional diversity, a less-than-common major (which she switched within a month of matriculation, lol) and her demonstrated interest in the school.</p>
<p>Make sure you really understand the financial issues. At some selective private schools, need-based aid is very generous. So a lot depends on whether these selective private schools are places like Harvard or places like NYU. And make sure you are clear about what you mean when you say you “can’t afford” something. Do you have some particular amount that you think you can afford to pay? How much, if any, debt are you willing to incur?</p>
<p>Is she perhaps having a hard time finding the information she needs? Maybe if you came up with an additional list of schools worth considering and have her look over that list, it would give her something easier and more clear to work from.</p>
<p><to hunt=""></to></p>
<p>Yes, her expensive privates are like NYU… In fact NYU is one of them. She did include one ivy on her list, which I am fine with. Every kid has the right to get rejected by an Ivy :-).</p>
<p>Eightisgreat, we did offer her what we thought were the reasonable options (meaning, schools where she is likely to get merit). She is rejecting them saying that they are ‘bad’ schools. By bad, she probably means ‘less competitive’… Of course they are less competitive… that’s exactly why she is likely to get aid there.</p>
<p>My rising senior has 1 safety and 1 match also, and a lot of reaches (reaches for everyone because of their selectivity). When I express concern over her acceptances, she says she would be fine attending her match, so she does not want to add more matches. I may convince her to add one more for my sake, but she is happy with her choices.</p>
<p>I’m going to assume your family income falls somewhere between 100k and 200k? The numbers game for tuition can be brutal for families which fall into this bracket as you make too much for need-based aid but not enough to validate tuition that a brand-name school charges. If this is the case, you’re going to have to sit her down and show her the actual numbers(on paper). How much it’s gonna cost, how much you’ll have access to after taxes and expenses. Most kids have no clue what their parents actually make and/or can contribute to college expenses.</p>
<p>If after that she insists on applying to schools you and she can’t afford Insist that (A.) she pay for the applications with her own money(assuming what you say is true about her just wanting to say she was accepted to XYZ), and (B.) Tell her to start applying to any and all scholarships she can find and qualifies for.</p>
<p>Has she gone onto her high school’s naviance site (assuming they have it) to see what stats students have needed to be accepted by these schools? If she is applying to these schools for bragging rights, as you seem to suggest, she is in for a bit of an eye-opener. And as others have suggested, you do not have to agree to pay for those applications.</p>
<p>Agree that the time to have the talk about what you can/will pay for college is NOW. And have her seriously do her HW to see what she’ll need to even be competitive. otherwise you are right. She may likely be considering only 2 possible acceptances. Are her grades/scores competitive or is she really pipe dreaming?</p>
<p>Parent of Junior: have you been on school visits? With my children, some of the schools they thought would be their dream schools were marked off the list after a visit, and some they were ho hum about got moved to the top after visiting. Maybe if your daughter could visit some of the schools that you think are good possibilities for merit aid, sit in on some classes, talk to students there, she would see them in a different light.</p>
<p>I think this effects every student as they are faced with peers/classmates who are aiming for prestigious schools. We are in a similar situation with some of them being unaffordable. It is important to have the talk about finances up front and let her know that this will be part of choosing a college. Discuss the pros and cons of loans and debt. However, where she gets accepted is not entirely up to you. I would come up with a list of choices together- her “shoot for the moon” dreams and also reasonable and affordable choices as well. Then let the chips fall where they will- after acceptance she will see her choices as well as the financial 'bottom line". Then, together, you will make a definitive choice. I did not stop my kids from applying to a few “dreams” and the financial aid package was surprisingly different in the ones that they were admitted into. I felt it better to apply to a school- see what happens, then have them say "if only… or could I… or I wish I…? In the end, they can feel they did what they could do, and as long as they are aware of the financial situation up front, they will also be able to accept a decision with the real numbers in front of them.</p>
<p>Have you ran the Net Price Calculators? Can you show her that some are just impossible?</p>
<p>My son has only 1 match on his list. He has 2 safeties. He has one high match/low reach that we cannot afford per the NPC and reading the sub-forum here. He just isn’t ready to give up that dream yet.</p>
<p>I have discussed til I’m blue in the face that he should add more safeties/matches. His point is that he he FULLY understands the financial constraints and would be find with the safety. He has a list of 30 schools. Each school he compares to his safety ( a rolling admissions school where he will receive merit). If the school is not “better” to him then the safety, then he sees no point in applying because he wouldn’t attend.</p>
<p>I have pulled the Mom card and am requesting 1 college that he applies to. It accepts the common app and has sent postcard stating it would send him a priority app in Aug waiving additional essay and fee. </p>
<p>I think the entire process is so stressful that I am just backing off. I have marked $X for apps - so long as he applies to the safety & the 1 Mom choice I am okay. </p>
<p>I know many kids in the last 2 years who have had to make final choices due to finances – the kids who could say “I got in A, but B is better for me financially” seemed more content. The prestige factor is there. These kids were more confident knowing they could make the cut to get in and it is the kids decision to not go. If her mentality is the same, let go of any guilt.</p>
<p>I have a problem with people letting their kids apply to schools that we know do not offer merit aid, when merit aid/tuition discount is one of the parent requirements. I hate the threads in April from kids that cry because the parents won’t let them go to the dream school. Isn’t it better to have her find schools that she can love within her budget and then decide from those? After all, I wouldn’t test drive a Mercedes when I have a Kia budget. That is also why I think college visits should focus on the safeties and the matches. The reach can be visited after acceptance and if it is affordable. </p>
<p>I do think it can be painful for a kid that has lived a comfortable life to hear that the budget in not unlimited. It takes planning and a little cheerleading. There are great schools that offer merit aid, though they may be outside her region. </p>
<p>Make sure that she loves her safety.</p>
<p>@MizzBee “After all, I wouldn’t test drive a Mercedes when I have a Kia budget.”</p>
<p>So true. Unfortunately most teenaged brains can’t assimilate this concept :(</p>
<p>With the exception of private schools stingy with financial aid/scholarships like NYU*, some private schools may cost just as much/less than a given local state university. </p>
<p>A younger friend’s mother was surprised to find she paid far less for friend’s younger sister to attend a private NE university than what she’d have paid for her to attend the locate state university or the one in a bordering state. </p>
<p>And that’s not bringing up the fact the academic-level/prestige was much higher at the private. </p>
<ul>
<li>As someone who is a NYC native and grew up just 10 blocks from campus…with the possible exception of Stern/Tisch…NYU is a better place to go for grad school…especially in professional programs like law and business. Unless you’re filthy rich or prepared to bury yourself in debt…NYU is not a good option for most kids from middle/working-class/low-income families.</li>
</ul>
<p>We gave dd the exact amount that is in her college fund…told her that if she goes to a school where she gets merit aid and there is some left over it will be her college graduation present. Or…she can take additional loans out to pay for something that is not within budget. Our dd is very practical so she definitely is looking at scholarship schools. I think they are old enough to see real numbers! We also ran the NPC for each school on her list and it is on the spreadsheet so she know when the financial package comes in it won’t surprise her. She only has 2 academic reaches on her list - the rest are pretty much academic safeties (honors college and merit aid). The two academic reaches meet need so we will see.</p>
<p>The OP here… DD did go to Naviance and checked that those privates are a match to her academically (except the sole ivy on her list which I agree she can leave there just for fun). That’s what makes it so difficult. I agree with the suggestion about net price calculator. It may show her that what she sees as a match is actually a long-shot reach.</p>
<p>Stay strong, OP. I felt no shame in saying to my DS what we could afford. It allowed us to find some real gems, and he was thrilled with his choices. </p>
<p>(Tulane gives out great merit aid. Maybe a trip to NOLA can show her what a good match/safety school can look like). </p>
<p>Be sure to check out the threads about schools that give good merit aid. If she is willing to go South or in the Midwest, she may get a better deal, and she can say she wanted to experience something completely different.</p>
<p>
I’d say that’s a pretty sensible attitude–but perhaps there’s some disagreement in the family about what’s “better.”</p>