Daughter dropping out due to anxiety

Parents Forum
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<p>My daughter transferred to a dream college 500 miles from home for her final two years of a BSN in nursing. </p>

<p>She is a great child, very good grades, athletic, friendly, and kind. She has never displayed any odd or abnormal behavior. We were surprised when she called the first day at college and said she had abnormal worries. Since then, she calls in tears every day saying she can't handle sitting in class and has to get up and leave half way through. My daughter cried very rarely before college, in fact, I only saw her cry 2x in high school. She says the anxiety started when she became embarrassed about loud stomach noises during class. The embarrassment grew and turned into fear and then full blown anxiety. She realizes that its crazy but she says it is now out of control. She says its so bad now that she needs to come home so we can help fix the problem. I asked her if she thought about hurting herself and she said she would never do such a thing. </p>

<p>I feel terrible for her and want to help. She does not smoke, drink, use drugs or caffeine. She does not like to take any medicine. She only took advil after a knee surgery and only for two days. I set up meetings with the school counselor who then suggested seeing the school psych. The problem is the first available appointment is in three weeks. I've called many docs and everyone is full for weeks. I've set up an appointment with the Gastro doc but again, 4 weeks out. </p>

<p>I've asked her to fight it by staying in class. Each fully attended class will help diminish the fear just a little, but each skipped class will let it grow. I told her to eat 3x a day and take a multi-vitamin. Told her to exercise for 90 minutes every day, to meditate and pray. Nothing seems to help and she is getting worse. She said she refuses to take any medications. </p>

<p>Life does not present many great opportunities so its important to take advantage of the few that you get. Getting into this top notch school is the first step toward her plan for a masters degree in nursing. I am afraid that she will regret leaving this school and the issue now will blow up into a larger one once she realizes what she gave up. I want her to work on getting rid of the anxiety while still attending school. She says its too bad now and wants to come home.</p>

<p>Has anyone else had this type of issue with their child? What did you do and what helped? </p>

<p>Thank you in advance for your help.</p>

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<p>Her school clinic should have emergency appts for students- this sounds like a crisis, but she also needs to get in for a medical exam. Call her regular dr at home and get her in ASAP.
If she is trying to tell you she needs to come home, it sounds like her school doesn’t have the support she needs, & she is wise to listen to her concerns.</p>

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<p>I live with it every day. I also do not medicate.</p>

<p>There are some things my therapist taught me years ago that help.</p>

<p>First, identify what the real stress factor is. Ie is it because of her stomach or is there something else.</p>

<p>The next is coping thoughts. Ie maybe i’'ll learn something interesting in class. You have to take a positive outlook on this part.</p>

<p>Write in a diery how you feel and why. Sometimes venting into something helps. Addionally talking to animals does the same thing.</p>

<p>Keep busy. The less time you spend going over the what ifs the better of you are.</p>

<p>The last one that i use, is to distract myself. My therapist didnt like this one though. Basically i’ll start worrying about something then i’ll redirect my attention elsewhere.</p>

<p>Cant never could do anything as they say.</p>

<p>I went through a time the spring before last, but i also had a major health issue with it.</p>

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<p>I do not have a child with this problem, and would not try to reccomend something based on a thread, but I dont know why she can’t return to school next semester, or how a crisis appointment will solve this.</p>

<p>There are some decent “CBT” resouces online.</p>

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<p>

But you aren’t a mental health professional, so how are you in any position to push her one way or the other?</p>

<p>I’m so sorry this is happening. But you can’t fix your daughter with words of advice about vitamins, exercise and sticking things out. There is nothing wrong with her taking a medical leave of absence to come home and sort out her mental issues with the appropriate professionals. You have no idea what is going on with her, whether this is mere “anxiety” or the initial stages of some other ailment (a number of mental illnesses manifest themselves at this age), but what you do know is that she is in crisis mode–she feels out of control. can’t handle her academics, and is getting worse–and that’s all you need to know to call a halt. If she were my kid, I’d have her packed up and in the car tomorrow. Life isn’t a race, and if she has to delay her goals for a semester or a year to assure her mental health, it’s a small price to pay.</p>

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<p>When I was in junior high, I had that growling-stomach problem, and it was indeed very embarassing. So she’s not the only one.</p>

<p>However, at her age, this kind of embarassment shouldn’t become severe, behavior-altering anxiety. Something is going on, and it needs to be addressed. Vitamins, exercise, and “fighting it” are not going to help, and you’re right to try to get her in to see a mental health professional. </p>

<p>It sounds like you were the one who set up the appointment with the school psych? If you conveyed a sense of urgency about it, then 3 weeks is unacceptable. You could try calling back and telling them that this is a crisis, and she needs intervention sooner than that. If that doesn’t work, try calling the dean.</p>

<p>Or maybe she really does need to come home right now. Have you checked into a medical leave?</p>

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<p>I agree with the medical leave possibility. When I was in college I went through a fairly severe anxiety disorder for a few months. Mine was triggered by a viral illness… it was very scary and did make it extremely hard to function. A lot of anxiety disorders can be managed completely with short term medications and cognitive therapy… but she does need to get diagnosed. I really wouldn’t push her to tough it out. If you haven’t experienced this, you’ve got no idea how scary it can be. What she needs most now is reassurance from a professional who specializes in this type of thing, and possibly comfort from home. Can you visit? I do think if it can’t be helped with short term medication and emergency level counseling – meaning ASAP… then she should do the medical leave of absence and come home until it gets sorted out. There is no shame in this - it’s a medical issue. As for medications, same thing. If she needs them, she really needs to take them. If she is over 18 though, you may have some trouble getting information… good luck to you.</p>

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<p>Whatever you do, she should see both a psychologist and her physician. There are many possible causes of sudden anxiety, which can include medical conditions such as hyperthyroidism. My wife had this once, and it induced stress and anxiety which came on suddenly.</p>

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<p>A friend had a recent crisis with depression. He was told several weeks until appointment. However, when it was articulated it was a crisis, he was seen in a day. Don’t take no for an answer! Get her in to someone. I can’t imagine the school not granting a leave.
Was the transfer tough?</p>

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<p>I agree with the posters who said there are ways to be seen earlier than three weeks. Doctors generally always leave spots available for same day appointments. She just needs to convey that she needs one of those appointments. I wouldn’t uproot her from school, miss a semester of courses potentially, just because she can’t get into see the doctor. </p>

<p>When you (or she) calls, make sure they convey how much this is impacting her ability to function during the day. At last resort, you can always go to an emergency room.</p>

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<p>Overfocus on stomach growling as a reason for anxiety in class, and a cause of skipping class, is a sign something fairly serious going on, in my opinion. It is not reasonable and strikes me as somehow substituting for some other real cause for anxiety that she cannot look at. Did she do her first two years closer to home? Perhaps she is having trouble leaving home, which could be temporary or could be a sign a change is needed.</p>

<p>Or, as others have said, she could have a physiological problem going on.</p>

<p>This is an age when lots of things can crop up, in terms of psychiatric issues. You cannot tell her to just try to make it better. It is not in her control. The suffering involved is horrendous.</p>

<p>I suggest:</p>

<p>1) you should immediately go there, get a motel room, and spend time there until you are satisfied that you have done what needs to be done
2) help her get an appointment on a crisis basis with mental health at the college-NOW
3) help her get an appointment with primary care for testing of thyroid, hormones, dietary deficiencies, PANDA (strep-related OCD), Lyme, and anything else that could produce anxiety symptoms
4) get her GI issue checked out if it is serious: some kids with Chrohn’s or IBD, or other GI disorders, are very legitimately embarrassed by symptoms
5) tell her NOW that you are coming and that she can certainly take a leave of absence and reevaluate, go to school closer to home, whatever works for her
6) if she is leaving, help her negotiate the bureaucracy and then drive her home: acknowledge what is happening but try to stay calm and positive about the future
7) if she is staying, which is possible, make sure adequate supports are set up before you leave and go home</p>

<p>She may need medication. If she refuses, she can try alternatives like valerian, which even comes in a tea. An alternative mental health practitioner would be useful but stay away from complicated supplements. She could also learn Reiki, do yoga, Tai Chi, Nia, all of which will enrich her nursing practice eventually.</p>

<p>And coming home, leaving school, may relieve the anxiety.</p>

<p>At that point, once she has relief, she may experience regret and self-recrimination, so make sure that there is a positive plan in place once she feels better, either to return to school asap or to change schools. Maybe she could do some nursing-related volunteer or paid work in the meantime. </p>

<p>Good luck! A lot of us have gone through things like this with our kids and I promise you, all disasters bring opportunities.</p>

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<p>If she does end up leaving, don’t forget to make sure you set it up as a medical leave so she can return.</p>

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<p>I’m sorry this is happening. I echo what others are suggesting–getting help ASAP. Be pushy.</p>

<p>One thing that worries me is the overall aversion of ANY medication. I am medication-averse, myself, to a point. But from your original post it sounds like maybe that’s been life-long (ie, only took advil for two days…). </p>

<p>If she’s going to be a nurse, she must understand that there are times when medication will save her life. I am on daily medication right now, not my choice, really, but I could have a life-threatening condition if I skip it.</p>

<p>Anxiety is HIGHLY treatable with meds, from what I have read. If the doc recommends medication, would she really refuse? The analogy I always use is, would you refuse insulin if you were a diabetic? It could really make a difference in her life and is NOT a sign of weakness.</p>

<p>I’m going to pray for you both. She’ll get through this, you will too. Strength to you both.</p>

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<p>My D. tends to feel anxiety before big exams. She knows few people though who can break it for her. She always seeks their company to start feeling better. It works. On the other hand there are others who can easily make her feel worse.<br>
It is really bad as it makes it impossible to study when she needs to study the most. She is aware of it though. Hopefully, she will not take any meds, so far it did not come up in our conversations. Also, it helps to be close to home. D. never applied to any schools far away, she would not do it even on advise of her various advisors.<br>
Maybe transferring to somewhere closer to home would help?</p>

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<p>Taking her out of school won’t relieve the anxiety if she has a generalized anxiety disorder and/or depression. It is very common for mental health issues to show up in college aged kids. Vitamins, exercise and praying is all nice, but if it is a significant mental health crisis she needs to get into a psychiatrist ASAP. Psychologist if you can’t get into a psychiatrist will likely help but meds may be absolutely necessary.</p>

<p>Anxiety and depression tend to run in families. Anybody else in the family who has suffered or currently diagnosed?</p>

<p>No, I’m not a doctor. I play one on CC ;)</p>

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<p>I can totally relate to what your daughter is going through. Our daughter had some serious issues with anxiety during her junior and senior year of high school. What seemed to trigger it for her was the entire college application process, taking SATs, etc. Things got so bad that she would throw up as soon as she would wake up in the morning. She would go to classes but it was really tough for her because she felt nauseous all day long. In her case, her anxiety affected her stomach.</p>

<p>I took her to several therapists before we ended up finding the right one for her. Turns out she was suffering from social anxiety and depression. Her therapist immediately suggested that she start taking an antidepressant. I wanted to give therapy a try before resorting to medication. So she went to weekly appointments with her therapist for several months. It was obvious that she was still struggling with her anxiety so she ended up taking an antidepressant for a year. We saw an improvement in her anxiety and depression within weeks of beginning the medication. Her therapy was very beneficial. The therapist would give her assignments to do each week to help her overcome her social fears.</p>

<p>Because of her anxiety issues, she felt uncomfortable going to a college that was far away from home. She was even accepted at Carnegie Mellon, which was the top school in her major of computer science. But CMU was about four hours away and she decided to go to a state university about a half hour from our home.</p>

<p>Anyway, to make a long story short, she has done very well at college and has not had any major issues with her anxiety. She went off her antidepressant last December after being on it for one year. Even though she is close to home, she very rarely comes home. I think it is reassuring to her just to know that we are close by if she needs us. I still worry about her because she gets stressed very easily. But she has learned some coping skills that will go a long way towards helping her deal with this problem. She tries to get exercise at least a couple times a week. I suggested that she do yoga or meditation, but she never wanted to give them a try.</p>

<p>She is now trying to help a friend at school who is suffering from severe social anxiety and depression. He’s having a very tough time and she and her friends are quite concerned about his well-being.</p>

<p>I think you should listen to your daughter. If she says she needs to come home, please let her come home and get her help immediately. It could be either social anxiety or some type of panic disorder but she really needs to be evaluated ASAP. Panic attacks can come out of nowhere for no apparent reason. Treatment will probably consist of both medication and therapy. Her number one priority at this point is to get a handle on this issue before it gets even worse. She can always resume her college education when she’s able to.</p>

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<p>Umdclassof80, I could have written your post, except my daughter did go to the school in Pittsburgh that is four + hours away. Today, all is well.</p>

<p>To the OP, be VERY grateful that your daughter has asked for help. Get it for her. My daughter recognized that she needed help. It was tough for more than a year, but we all made it through. We were grateful that it happened in HS so she could have support at home, which for us was important. Hugs to you and your daughter.</p>

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<p>So sorry you are going through this, OP. Agree that getting an appointment with someone at the university health center is a start. they can assess the severity of the situation and explore what options are available and appropriate. Coming home is only one of them. People with anxiety may catastrophize and may feel the situation is more overwhelming than it is. Hard to say if that is what is happening or not. But sometimes, and if they are having panic attacks, the just feel like they have to get outta there. That is part of the illness, not part of the solution.</p>

<p>Good luck- keep us posted.</p>

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<p>I had a similar experience during college and developed severe anxiety and panic attacks in response to a fatal accident that occurred in one of the dorms. My parents called my RA, the dean got involved and was understanding and supportive, appointments were made and I was given the choice to gut through finals week or take incompletes and finish later. My mom came and stayed with me for a few days and I took my finals. Went home for the summer, had family support and some visits with a therapist for behavioral coping strategies to deal with the anxiety. Things got better, had a good summer and I returned on schedule in the fall. I didn’t take meds but believe that they can be a godsend in these types of emergencies. I would suggest telling your daughter you are coming and going to the school and getting involved as soon as possible. She’s super vulnerable and needs to know that there is a plan in place and someone can help her. Just knowing that will help. The longer she ruminates on these anxieties, the more “set in” they can get and they can become more generalized to other situations. Things WILL get better but I think she needs to know there is help on the way. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us posted.</p>

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<p>Just a note, not everyone reacts well on meds. I personally could not take them because they made it worse.</p>