<p>I don’t know if a small school will always fix these kinds of issues. I went to relatively small private college and it took me a year or two to adjust. I am a bit introverted, so that might have been a factor. How assertive or outgoing is your daughter?</p>
<p>Agree with MDdad - changing schools may not be the answer. I’m in that position: son isn’t happy with his school, but the real problem is HIM. Not the school. He simply hasn’t been assertive/outgoing enough to make new friends. He hangs out with his roommate and roommate’s buddies who, while nice and welcoming, are very different from my son. He now wants to transfer to our state flagship: a school that’s bigger and a lot less nurturing. He has some friends from high school there, and counts on them being his social life. But if his friends are busy/have gone their own way, he’ll be in the same boat as now. If he hasn’t made friends at the smaller OOS school, he may not at his huge instate flagship.</p>
<p>I went through a similar experience with my oldest daughter so I thought I would share it. She was very outgoing and had tons of friends in high school. She always worked very hard on her grades (4.2 gpa) in order to get into her dream school, University of Florida. It was one of the happiest days of her life when she was accepted ed. Instead of the happy college life she had envisioned, she found herself in much the same situation as your daughter, only without the sorority. She wanted to transfer her 1st year but, thinking she just needed a little more time to adjust I insisted she stay. After all, UF was highly ranked, very inexpensive for Floridians and I had not previously believed in the “bad fit” theory. Huge mistake. For whatever reason, it was a horrible fit. She was so lonely she was miserable. She ended up dropping out. I didn’t even know for almost a year. Although I was funding everything, the school wouldn’t not tell me that she was not attending. When I found out, I begged her to come home but it was too late as she refused. She had fallen in with a pretty bad group (mostly other dropouts who had also not fit in). I was absolutely grief stricken that my perfect little preppy child could have ended up like this. I would have given my right arm to turn back the clock and let her transfer when she had wanted to. Fortunately, when she hit rock bottom, after I cut her off financially so as not to enable her, she called home one day crying about how bad things were. I jumped in my car and drove 3 hours to pick her up. The following month she started submitting applications to small private schools. There is a very happy ending for her as she graduated last May and now has a good job in her field. I am grateful every day as it could have turned out very differently. My son is now a freshman at UMiami. He is very happy, but if not, I will let him transfer. Sometimes things work out fine but sometimes it’s just a bad fit.</p>
<p>Whatever she decides, I hope things work out for her.</p>
<p>I went to a small private school and was not happy. I joined a sorority and lived in the house. My mother insisted I return a second year and my junior year I transfered to a huge U. I was happier even though I never found a real group of friends. Junior year is late to transfer. Fast forward–my D went to a large private U and was miserable. She transferred after one semester to a small private school with my blessing. She found a wonderful fit.
Trust your D and offer what you can realistically financially.</p>
<p>It is good you are listening to your daughter’s feedback. But as you make your plans, keep in mind that it is often tough for transfers to fit in.</p>
<p>I hope your daughter is posting and gathering info for herself. It is her life, her education, her social skills, her social acumen/networking and ultimately she needs to own the decision. Support is fundamental…but it is her life. I get twitchy when I see parents info gathering for young adults who I believe could be doing it for themselves…easier to OWN the decision that way.</p>
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<p>This is what cured our miserable freshman (actually, she only took a semester off, but it was enough), and I’d vote for a year off rather than a transfer.</p>
<p>When our D got home for the summer after freshman year, she was surprised to find that she just didn’t have that closeness with her HS friends which she’d had before. She also discovered that there were a couple of people from college that she DID kind of miss. By the time August rolled around, she was regretting that she couldn’t go back until January.</p>
<p>Looking back, I think she just wasn’t ready to leave home yet. She needed that extra year to grow up. Could that be the case with yours? If so, time is the answer.</p>
<p>BTW, I don’t know that a small school is would help. My D is at a tiny LAC and she spent freshman year believing that she needed to be at a larger school because there would be more social opportunities. </p>
<p>Is there a boy in the picture? My D had a boyfriend going to a different college, and she later said that trying to keep that relationship going prevented her from engaging with the people at school.</p>
<p>Hugs to you. This is not easy.</p>
<p>Thanks we will look into the scholarships and community college</p>
<p>My daughter also didn’t find a roommate so she decided on a single. We have to put a deposit down by April 6th. She is looking forward to that but hasn’t made any decisions yet. If she were to transfer she would either go to community college or a small college where a friend goes. I just want her to be happy and recently a student at her campus took his own life because he was unhappy so that worries me a lot.</p>
<p>Thank you I have gone to visit her and she has started coming home more. She joined a sorority to get to know more people. She struggled the first semester so she can not pledge until fall. She gets know big sister from the sorority to help her out since she had a 2.3 and not a 2.5. She has gone to events to get to know people but is still struggling. She is already thinking of dropping out of it because it hasn’t helped her to make friends like she hoped. This is my first child off to college so it is a learning experience for us.</p>
<p>She has called and tried to hang out with the girls and nothing has come out of it. They don’t have a house. She has gone to their gatherings trying to get to know people. She was so excited in the beginning of being a part of the sorority but it hasn’t helped. She already is thinking of dropping it. She is not assigned a big sister like the other pledges since she got a 2.3 first semester. You need a 2.5 to pledge. I know she struggled the first semester being away, but I’m disappointed they don’t assign anyone to her because it’s very hard to get to know the sisters then.</p>
<p>She is quiet until she gets to know you better. She will try and call and text and make plans she does not shy away from people. She does make the effort but sometimes there is no communication back.</p>
<p>Thank you for the hugs. No boyfriend in the picture. I will offer the option of taking some time off if it will help. I have told her it is her decision to make. She NEEDS to decide whether to transfer or stay. I thank you for your help :)</p>
<p>^^ She doesn’t necessarily need to decide right now about transferring versus staying. At most schools, there’s a third option – leave of absence. You’d have to check, but at my D’s school this “froze” everything in place. She was still an enrolled student, and her financial aid stayed in place. When she was ready to go back, she simply had to notify them and register for classes.</p>
<p>The great thing about the leave was that it gave her a breather, a chance to get away from the situation for a while without making any irrevocable decisions. When she came home that summer, she was 99% sure she’d transfer, but she didn’t want to “slam the door” until she had something else lined up. It didn’t take long for her to be glad she’d left herself the option of going back.</p>
<p>Thanks. I will look into the leave of absence. As of right now she said she will try one more semester and then make a decision whether to stay or transfer. She is hoping that in the fall there will be a variety of students. We are exploring colleges this summer so we are prepared if she wants to transfer.</p>