Daughter unhappy about acceptances

[Knowsstuff]

My daughter transferred to Beloit as a junior a few years back . It’s so underrated. Great school.

[sdl0625]

its called soiling the nest. They are nervous about a lot of things, and the only people take it out on is family. Unless, like someone mentioned, there are underlying mental health concerns, just nod your head, or like other have suggested put it back on her to tell you what she wants to do. She can take a gap year to even work/travel/etc if she feels she is not ready for college. What is not going to happen, is that magically she is going to get into the other school right now. Also pose it as a big opportunity to start all over, and make the best of it. Dream schools BTW are not always dream schools.

[Sweetgum]

@DigitalDad

I don’t know if/how this might work with her personality, but instead of making suggestions that she can easily reject - call her bluff:
“Honey, I can tell that this continues to bother you big time - and it pains us (parents) to see you so unhappy. So we (parents) want to figure out with you, what we can do to fix it - because we’re serious about doing what it takes. So let’s sit down together so that you can tell what you need from us.”

I agree with this. I think she may unconsciously be wanting you to fix it somehow. Letting her know that she is in charge of her destiny and you have moved into the coach/bankrolling role may help her think things through.

My husband and I have been watching Obama’s “Working” https://youtu.be/eS6GkydzCRg and I think it helps put things in perspective. Haven’t gotten our kids to sit down with us and watch a whole episode yet, but they’ve seen snippets. Education is so important and that’s what college is really about, not about rushing a sorority or having the perfect roommate or dorm room.

[Corinthian]

Here’s the question though: Is she really looking for someone to “fix” it, or is she going through an extended grieving process? And if you open the door to going somewhere else, then it has to be with the understanding of what affordability parameters apply. If doing a gap year, then that means having a plan of what to do in the interim.

[vwlizard]

@Corinthian

: Is she really looking for someone to “fix” it, or is she going through an extended grieving process?

A wise parent once told me to ask them point blank “Is this something you want my help with or do you just want me to listen”. Either is okay, but your role is very different depending on their need.