<p>So we have been researching, visiting, talking for a year +. She has taken the ACT and has good scores, she has a full AP load and is doing well, she has decided on the prioritized list . . . and she won't complete the application or do the essay.</p>
<p>At first she said she cannot get it done due to daily homework and tests (which are, indeed, significant) but despite eyeball time with me at the kitchen table (dedicated time) she won't do it. She says she doesn't know what to do or is overwhelmed or (most often) she picks a fight and we end up stomping off.</p>
<p>As I think of it, I am not sure she has the skills to plan and manage long-term projects. She does great with stuff due tomorrow or even later in the week but projects tend to get compressed to a few days before they are due. . . and this is a skill she will need at college.</p>
<p>So. I know parents deal with the "S/he won't finish the essay." Has anyone decided that is a sign of not being ready for college? If so, what options will help her develop long-term planning skills?</p>
<p>I think the daily deadlines for HS homework feel more urgent than the several-weeks-away deadlines of application essays. We broke it down and made informal deadlines (“while we drive to this family event, you are going to bring a clipboard in the car and write a rough draft response to X school’s essay prompt”).</p>
<p>Procrastination is the bane of many, if not the majority, of applicants to college. You would be amazed at how many applications get submitted on-line between 9 p.m. and midnight the last day they can be submitted (college systems have often crashed at that time because of extreme overload of applications being submitted, usually resulting in allowing another day for applications). Procastination can later impact college success but most get over it at least to some extent (nevertheless, colleges are full of students who begin that paper that is due tomoorow at 9 a.m. the night before) and most do just fine.</p>
<p>There is no real cure for this except that most people become better at avoiding procrastination more often than not as they progress through life.</p>
<p>You know your daughter best and thus know whether this is an issue that they will never get done or just an issue that they are not likely to be done until she decides for herself that she is at the point that she cannot put it off anymore. </p>
<p>There are certain things you can inform her of (gently). If any of the colleges to which she may apply require recommedation letters, she does need to ask teachers now to provide those – explain that the teachers need time to do these things so asking now is being considerate to the teachers and they won’t be around during Christmas break to receive a request and write a letter. Colleges require a high school transcript and sometimes a counselors form. She needs to know that she will need to request those things sometime before Christmas break because they need to be sent by the app deadline date (Jan 1 for many colleges) and once again, there will likely be no one arround to do those things at the high school during Christmas break. Next, test scores:those also need to be ordered and sent to colleges and the testing agencies can take time to send them. Thus, she should be aware that best course is to order them sent at least a week before Christmas break. For all of the above, she should also be aware that she can usually have any of them sent before she actually applies, although many colleges have application forms that have counselors forms attached that need to be given to counsleor for sending of transcript but you can often download that form without actually applying first. </p>
<p>As to actually getting apps done and essays, think about what colleges she is considering. Don’t know your state but many public universities have simple forms that don’t even require essays. In other words, you might point her in the direction of doing the easy applications first. Once she does one of those, she maybecome a little more motivated to move on to others.</p>
<p>I agree many of these kids sit down in front of the computer the morning the application is due. It is not a rarity.</p>
<p>Personally, I think it is part procrastination and part fear. Fear of what if I don’t get in? It is a reality to them, and we as parents tend to forget our own fears of this part of our lives when we walked down that path 20+ yrs ago.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t be very concerned about this unless you were also dragging her by her heels to do the college visits or take her SAT/ACTs. To me that means maybe she isn’t ready yet to leave the nest.</p>
<p>I don’t know if this this was already suggested in the other discussion, but my daughter and her friends have application and essay writing nights, which seems to ease the pain of this. Your daughter might also focus on getting one application in at a time, starting with the easiest one.</p>
<p>My daughter is the world’s biggest (and luckiest) procrastinator. She is lucky in that every time she misses a deadline, the deadline gets extended. She is unlucky in that never suffering consequences means she continues to procrastinate. </p>
<p>I helped my daughter start one essay when she came in from running, sweaty as could be, and I didn’t want her to sit in the computer chair until she had a shower. She was ready to talk, so I typed. The first draft that she dictated was hilarious to read because I typed exactly what she said (the word “chinny-chin-chin” was in it, for example.) Of course, she’s rewritten the essay since then, but I think it was a huge relief just to get something on paper.</p>
<p>Right now, so many kids aren’t ready to face the move to college, the decisions, application and risk of rejection. It’s normal, especially if it’s been a big deal, so far, with college visits, test pressure, family discussions, etc.<br>
We reminded dau that she could not control whether she’d be admitted, but she could control whether she submitted the required packages on time- and well done. We posted one master list of her top choice schools and the due dates for various pieces- and included two of her very last choices, (the ones that got the response, “I’ll skip college rather than go there!”) These had March deadlines and it was clear that if she didn’t get revved up, they’d be her only options. We made it clear we were available to help at any time- but then totally backed off. In our case, it didn’t take long for her to engage. But, don’t you have another 6 weeks or so?</p>
<p>Getting started on applications was problematic with each of my sons because the task seems so overwhelming, and because they were legitimately feeling overloaded with heavy academic loads, varsity sports, yearbook, paper, and other extracurricular responsibilities.</p>
<p>We found it useful to work backwards, just like they did when planning longer-term assignments for their classes.</p>
<p>Sit down together and make a list of published due dates for both applications and any scholarships that may apply. Put these on a calendar.</p>
<p>Then create a due date for each of these items for at least a few days before the deadline to allow for glitches or unpredicatable emergencies…illness, computer problems, etc.</p>
<p>Figure out how many/what essays are needed, and which of these can be used for more than one application.</p>
<p>Then create an assignment sheet–just like a syllabus at school–with what is due and when.</p>
<p>These are now “homework” in the class called “college applications” and it has to get done just like other homework. In our family, we ended up making the same rules that applied to schoolwork apply to application work, not fun…but it got the job done.</p>
<p>I really did underestimate the “fear factor” in my typically thrives-on-stress daughter. She was having meltdowns (which is uncharacteristic of her) before she started her apps and essays - fear of rejection and fear of the unknown ended up bubbling to surface.</p>
<p>I just remember being excited to apply to college and it just never ocurred to me that I wouldn’t get in. Maybe it was naive but it seemed more sane and less competitive than the process is today. </p>
<p>I think nowadays there is so much pressure on the seniors - APs, full plate of ECs, and the college app process - that many are just overwhelmed. So they procrastinate.</p>
<p>That worked for us also. Nothing looks more daunting than a whole application! Also, making informal deadlines (this Saturday plan to send off the application to XXX College) helped to move the work along.</p>
<p>One thing to consider–a lot of the application is administrative (name, address, schedule of classes taken, etc.). Go ahead and fill that stuff out for her. Save her time for the essays and short answers.</p>
<p>Do work to get the recommendation forms into the GC and teachers. It is only polite and considerate to do so to give them some flexibility in filling out the paperwork.</p>
<p>Is there a university that doesn’t require any essays? Send that application right away. At least there will be one college in the mix come next fall. </p>
<p>The December break is a last ditch time to do some serious work on apps, in case all else fails. No homework to speak of, no excuses…</p>
<p>It is possible that someone has another 6 weeks or so–but maybe not.</p>
<p>My daughter has now completed four scholarship applications and one early action college application. The four scholarship applications had deadlines of October 1, October 1, October 31 and November 2. The college application had a deadline of November 1 for early action and also for scholarship consideration. While she has a week to go, she hasn’t really gotten them done particularly early, as she has a violin concert and state cross-country meet this week, as well as five tests.</p>
<p>I think you’re working with 2 kinds of fear here; failure and success. </p>
<p>One the one hand, she’s done years of prep and now she wants the <em>perfect</em> app to tease out all those wonderful things for the adcoms. But what if the apps are less than perfect? She might not get in, and this fear of failure makes writing the app stressful and the stress goes away if she doesn’t do it. Not doing it also means not doing a less-than-perfect app.</p>
<p>On the other hand, filling out the apps is a definitive step in moving away from the comforts and security of home. Its one thing to abstractly realize one is going to go off to college; its another to be applying to the specific schools that are going to cause the disruption in our life. Putting off the apps for another day, with the full intention of filling them out “later” removes this stress. If you want a more adult example, we all know we’re mortal and yet how many of us have wills and burial plots?</p>
<p>But you don’t have to be a psychologist to solve this. You can get the apps done by breaking them down into small steps. If they’re on paper, she can pick up a pen, right? Can she print her name? Her address? Certainly she can fill out the basic info on each app. And continue in this vein; put together a schedule (ideally with her help) that lists what has to be done each day.</p>