<p>My daughter is a freshman at a school 3 hours away. Her roommate and her get along great. Have not left each others side since day one. They have made alot of friends with the boys in their dorm, girls not as friendly and have their own clicks. My daughter is friends with 2 other girls, who are big partiers, my D went out with them a few times and left early because its just not her scene.Up until now my D has been quite happy, but the roommate now has a boyfriend, went home with boy for weekend. My daughter is hanging with a few of the guy friends, but disappointed theres no one to go to campus halloween party with etc. I keep telling her to join clubs, volunteer etc, and all I get is "I know". I think she was so comfortable with the one roommate and now the roommate has other interests and now D is kind of left hanging. Shes always been the type to have a small group of friends and not into the big party scene. I dont know why I am really writing this I guess I just need to vent.Thanks for listening!</p>
<p>Sometimes we all just need the opportunity to vent without judgment or “fixes”. ;-)</p>
<p>And all of this happened when - in the last week or two? </p>
<p>No need to worry about it. She obviously is managing to meet new people and make friends so wait another week or two and the social scene will have changed again for her.</p>
<p>Maybe she’ll have a chance to get to know the guy friends better. There are a lot of friendships between girls and guys in college. It can be quite nice.</p>
<p>I understand. When our kids are having a rough time, we do, too … but we have no control over the situation, so it’s even more difficult for us parents. </p>
<p>What your D is going through is part of growing up. She will get through it. My D had a tough time finding her niche when she went off to school. She was much like your D, as you describe her. She eventually found her friends, got involved on campus, and branched out into the community. It takes time, more for some than others. Just know that it will work itself out.</p>
<p>You should come hang out on our thread - <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1171197-awesome-parents-college-class-2015-beyond.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1171197-awesome-parents-college-class-2015-beyond.html</a> Lots of struggling freshman!</p>
<p>She should embrace the friendships she has with her male friends. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with her hanging out with them and going to parties with them. Suggest she knock on their door and ask them if she can hang out with them while her roommate is away for the weekend.</p>
<p>When my daughter went back to college for her sophmore year, she and her three best friends were all living together. They’d become incredibly good friends because they were all always busy, and a lot of the things they were busy with freshman year were the same. But, sophomore year, the schedule had changed completely and my daughter was busy when they were free and they were busy when she was free, and she spent some time a little bit like, “Hey! I had it all planned out.”</p>
<p>After about a week or so of feeling sorry for herself. (I will listen to a certain amount of it. I just say, "I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do. What would you rather have going on? What can you do to make that happen?) She got back out there and made a ton of new friends all over the place, instead of the tight knit group of 4. Now, she has these old freinds who she sees all the time (of course, once she’d branched out, they were all free. LOL), and, as Junior, a ton of other friends, too. All over the place.</p>
<p>If you asked her, she’d tell you it was the best thing that ever happened to her. In the meantime, sorry your daughter’s a little bit hung up at the moment. Never great to get those phone calls.</p>
<p>How big/small is this school? </p>
<p>It’s natural to cling to the closest obvious built-in friend (i.e., roommate), but part of freshman year is…walking around alone, hoping to find a friend. A friend who feels just as new and lonely as your child. Sounds like she pushed off this natural, uncomfortable transitional period by having a friendship with her RM (which doesn’t always happen). So now she has to work at it. Definitely tell her to join groups; volunteer; maybe go to whatever religious services are available and appealing. She’ll get over this. It’s unfortunate that she’s unhappy; it may simply be freshman adjustment. </p>
<p>Also – what I’ve heard is this: freshman are drunk on freedom. The “gotta be somewhere Saturday night” frenzy dies down after 4-6 weeks, and suddenly people are ok to just hang out in the dorms at 1 am with a pizza, watching TV, talking. Those are the real friendships that emerge.</p>
<p>Good luck. And yes – join us on our thread. 2education makes coffee every morning and it’s really good. AmandaKayak is reliably funny; AvonHSDad does the Thanksgiving countdown. We all prop each other up.</p>
<p>I know you are all right, its just hard when you hear the disappointment and sadness in their voices. She was hoping there would be something going on for Halloween.
She had taken 2 costumes back with her from fall break, there is a party tonight on campus, but the guy friends dont want to go. But she did say she was probably going to hang out with a few of the guys tonight in the dorm. I guess I have to let her figure it out on her own. I almost texted her to see what she was doing but I put the phone down!</p>
<p>We have all been there. They call when they’re down – they vent, they unload – then they feel better (while we feel worse). Hang in there. She has you to lean on. She feels comfortable enough to convey unhappy feelings. My gut is – she’ll be fine. But it’s hard being a parent, especially when first child is away at school.</p>
<p>I know it’s hard but it will get better - for her and, thus, for you! I agree with Classof2015 - your daughter is lucky to have you to vent to and then she will go off and figure this out. The advice I gave both of my DDs when they went off to school was “go do the things that you enjoy doing and then look around and see who else is there… those are the kids you have things in common with so strike up a conversation with them”.</p>
<p>^proudmom, excellent advice :)</p>
<p>Yes, proudmom, pretty good advice for us empty-nesters, too. ;)</p>