<p>DD, Junior at large OOS University, just called "hysterical" that she overslept and missed an important presentation she was supposed to give this morning. No excuses, she blew it, stayed out late celebrating her roommate's 21st birthday amd slept through two alarms. It is so hard to see this happening, my husband is furious, I encouraged her to talk to the prof, academic advising and apologize to her classmate (group presentation) ... any other advice?? I become very defensive of my DD when DH explodes at me with disappointment and frustration due to her behavior. My feeling is that she has to learn from her mistakes, and this one is going to be very painful.</p>
<p>I know it must be hard, but she can learn some important lessons from this, that may be cheaper than learning them at a hard won job.</p>
<p>If this is the only checkmark against her in this class, perhaps there is some alternative.
Was this presentation required to pass the course?</p>
<p>I believe it is a requirement to pass. It is very hard to stay calm and try not to solve the problem for her. Ugh, parenting never is easy, even when they are adults!</p>
<p>Is this uncommon behavior for her? As a parent I’d be more likely to feel as your husband does if it is. Also, less likely to pay for making up the class. </p>
<p>Have her Go immediately to the professor and talk to him/her. Have the group tell the professor how much work she did for the presentation. </p>
<p>I know this won’t help for the current situation, but when my DS left for college my biggest fear was that he would sleep through his alarm(s) and miss something important. I got him an alarm clock that shakes and vibrates as well as sounds an alarm (which can be silenced with the shaking still activated). I believe it was called the Sonic Boom or the Sonic Bomb. DS is a very deep sleeper and would commonly sleep through alarms when he was in high school. When he lived at home I was his backup plan - hence my fear for him not having me around to double check. He has found this alarm clock to be very effective. Maybe this might be a good idea for your DD to have in the future just to be super sure that she will not miss waking up on time. As for the presentation she missed, sometimes things can be worked out. I will keep my fingers crossed for her. </p>
<p>My advice: breathe and try to imagine how much this will not matter in 15 years. She will fail the class, and will retake it. Or she will pass it with a very low grade. Or she will do a make up presentation. Missing this single presentation will matter, or it won’t, but in 15 years this one mistake will not have prevented her from achieving her goals. It might slow her down a bit, but she can still reach them.</p>
<p>And college is a terrific time to learn about the consequences of drinking the night before anything important! </p>
<p>Lots of good advice. Listen to her, help her brainstorm, then let her go handle it. Be ready to listen to her whichever way it goes, and play out the scenarios. It won’t kill her, as east coast says it won’t matter that much in 15 years, but she can learn from this.</p>
<p>Maybe this might be a good idea for your DD to have in the future just to be super sure that she will not miss waking up on time</p>
<p>IMO, what I would hope D would learn from this would be to plan for mishaps, especially ones that could be easily anticipated if she had realistically thought about going out( drinking?) with her roommate the night before a critical presentation.
As a junior, Id also hope this lesson would have been learned by now.
:(</p>
<p>You and your DH are both right. He’s right to be frustrated (oversleeping due to partying? yeesh.) and you’re right this will be an important learning experience. Better now in college than in her first job where she could get fired. </p>
<p>My older son slept through a final exam his freshman year - he was freaking out! He had stayed up most of the night studying for another final exam he had that same morning. After his morning exam, he decided to try and get a quick nap before this afternoon exam - not the best idea! </p>
<p>He emailed the professor, was honest with him about oversleeping and was allowed to re-schedule it later that day. He wasn’t penalized at all! </p>
<p>Good Luck!</p>
<p>I’d be furious if one of mine missed something important because of partying (yikes!). But it’s done now, so I’d get over it and your daughter has to fix it. It won’t be easy and it may cost her this class. I’d make her pay to repeat the class, that’s for darn sure. </p>
<p>My kids had all sorts of academic screw ups and mishaps. Most of the time, we didn’t hear about it in real time which helped- my kids know I’m a planner and a backup planner and a back up to a back up planner, and so hearing about these always got my stomach in a knot.</p>
<p>Your D seems to have figured out what went wrong, and so my best advice is for you to forget that she told you. She’s either going to get the professor to agree to make up the work or not; she’ll either fail the course or not; she’s likely to feel lousy about what happened for a while regardless.</p>
<p>I don’t think a parental pile on will help here (but you shouldn’t get defensive with your H- you’re both angry, just showing it in different ways!) Once you’ve ascertained that your D has taken this seriously, backing off may be your best option right now until she comes to you with the news that she’s figured out her alternatives.</p>
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<p>If you think it is painful for your daughter, what about her partner.</p>
<p>Perhaps more importantly, if she does fail the course, will that cause her completion to be delayed, requiring one or more extra semesters of school, either because she needs to repeat it for her major, or because she will be short of credits? The same concern may apply if the course is required for her major and she only barely passes (D grade).</p>
<p>For the most part, this is her problem. The main way it can become your problem is if delayed graduation results in extra semesters at extra cost, and you have not had clear understanding with her beforehand on the financial responsibility of any extra semesters.</p>
<p>She should talk to the professor and be honest about what happened. She should also talk with her group members.</p>
<p>My D slept through her very first college class due to missing an alarm…it helped her make arrangements that ensured that she never would do that again. As others have said, a learning experience with relatively minor consequences, even if she ends up failing the class.</p>
<p>As others have said, she should talk to the professor. If she is likely to actually fail the class, she should consider withdrawing from it instead.</p>
<p>Be grateful that this happened while she was in college and not on her first job. If this is unusual behavior for her (and I would imagine it is based on everyone’s reaction), then I would imagine she’s certainly not going to let it happen again.</p>
<p>Be a supportive ear for everyone involved, and give her suggestions. Be confident that she’s going to pick herself up and everything’s going to be fine. Someday, it’ll just be a cautionary tale she tells her kids when she’s sending them off to college.</p>
<p>My daughter had a public speaking class last year and many times the kids missed their presentation day for whatever reason (not telling her in advance). The teacher was very kind and let them do it on another day. </p>
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<p>As someone who just graduated, I’d rather this now than when I was in school. If I oversleep now and show up late to work, no big deal, I’ll just stay late. </p>
<p>Fortunately I never completely slept through anything, but I have been late to exams before. Sometimes that involved rushing and parking wherever I could and accepting the parking ticket that comes along with it. A couple of friends have slept through exams completely before, they’ve always been allowed to take it either that night or the next day with some sort of penalty (like 15 or 20%). Even if she get’s a 0, it sucks but it happens. If she knows she’s gonna fail because of it she should probably withdraw. </p>
<p>From the sound of it she’s probably just as angry at herself as you are at her. </p>