My son is a junior and just declared English as his major this semester. Before that, he considered East Asian studies and theatre. It really is okay not to know what you want to do as a career when you’re in your 20s. Your daughter needs to choose a major in which she enjoys the classes. Period. She can sort out her career later.
milee I think you misunderstood my posts about practicality. I was making the point that music IS a practical choice. And that college major does not have to match career anyway. For a kid who is struggling with career-friendly majors, it might help to separate out the academic and career paths for awhile.
We’re probably misunderstanding each other a little. I totally agree music is a practical choice. 
The very average community college near me offers an AA in medical imaging which is very popular and leads to solid employment prospects with some of the big academic medical centers in the area.
Why a BA? If the kid thinks she’s interested in medical imaging, she can be employed for a fraction of the time and cost.
Will one of these programs stretch her intellectually like majoring in music or history? No. But if the D is no longer interested in music, journalism, etc. why not suggest a vocational program with a quick timeframe and “easy on the checkbook” price tag?
AA’s are available in medical imaging, however, a BA with medical imaging allows for the opportunity for upward mobility within the hospital setting.
I agree with @intparent. Make it clear to your daughter there is a financial reality behind her choices - that she may lose her scholarship as result of her indecision, and that you’re only committed to covering X number of semesters. In other words, set very clear financial expectations/boundaries - and let her make a decision knowing that she may have to pay for her latest desired transfer/major change.
Cultivating stability is important for life. This lack of rootedness, if it becomes a habit, could have profound effects–consider lack of rootedness in marriage, for instance …
My cousin is s music teacher on an elementary svjjol. She coordinated their lays and presents. Before having kids. She sang I’m lovly downtown bar
BHS- yes of course you can get a BA in imaging with better employment prospects. But if a kid of mine expressed a brand new interest in a topic with no evidence that he or she understood the field, the subject matter, etc. I’d be encouraging the cheap route to employment first.
Everything she has explored has a "mystery solving " element. I wonder if she could sit with a counselor and figure out what’s drawing her to these interests. That might be more positive than seeing them as lack of direction. Many schools don’t ask students to declare a major until spring of sophomore year.
I would worry about depression but it’s also possible that she joined things freshman year to avoid isolation and meet people more than for a love of those activities. If she has the friends now, she may not need the activities. Perhaps if she communicated more to you on that, you could get a better sense of whether to worry about her mental health.
And yes, a major and a job are two different things. If she is feeling like she needs to decide what she’s going to do for the next 40 years, no wonder she is overwhelmed.
The leave of absence is one thing I was thinking about and will look into…
We encouraged her to study music. Senior year of hs she simply said no and stopped practicing after all-State. She is in wind ensemble at school. That is, if she hasn’t dropped.
General degrees in English and other humanities can be quite interesting in terms of what you can study, and quite useful in terms of broadening your mind and enhancing analytical/communication skills. People who are hiring often express a preference for folks with those degrees.
I also couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do - ended up going to grad school out of desperation - but at least I had a BA in English in my quiver. It’s OK not to know in sophomore year. Career counseling, regular counseling, and some of those personality tests are all good options. I don’t think changing schools should be one of them.
Sorry. I was writing it while a bit upset. That’s how it came out.
I have tried calling her and texting for two days to talk about counseling,a possible leave of absence, or what I am thinking that she needs to stay where she is. She refuses to answer. I’m pretty sure today was her day to register for next semester and I’m doubting she’ll do it. Classes fill up fast.
Then she loses her scholarship and I would argue that the bank of mom and dad is closed. There aren’t many ways to go if she’s become so obdurate she won’t talk to you.
If she is able to somehow get a college-acceptable leave of absence/gap year, that gives her some options. But if she’s burned that bridge, I see her coming home and doing a med imaging vo-tech program. If she thinks college is unworkable, boy, she’s gonna hate real life.
I hate to seem unsympathetic, and I know there are real struggles and I’m sure your daughter’s convinced herself her struggle is real and it may very well be, but absent diagnosed clinical depression, I get so frustrated at all the wasted opportunity I see on CC - opportunity so many other kids would give their eye teeth for.
I think that if I were in your shoes, I’d want to drive there today (not sure how close „state school closer to home“ is) and try to see for myself whether I was supposed to be upset as in mad at her irresponsibility and flightiness or upset as in really really worried because there is something else going on.
^^ reading with interest - have a kiddo going thru some similar issues. Just drove 900 miles RT in 36 hours to visit her and to talk. She’s a little lost; what she liked about her small LAC is now starting to bother her; and she’s not liking her major as much and just wants to paint and be home. And the BF broke her heart.
OP- no easy answers, but know you are not alone with having a kiddo that’s sort-of lost and unsure. We arent sure what to do - but she knows we support her. (except not so much to change college to where the ex-BF attends.) SO - no advice - but just to keep supporting your D with love.
OP. I really feel for you. Unfortunately, she needs to pick her own path in life. We can offer suggestions and guidance but ultimately she has to decide. Your confronted with the problem of her inability to decide given all the offers and suggestions you have done. Very frustrating.
The reality is it is hard to be self supporting. She will find this out soon if you press the issue with some tough love.
I would sit down with her and say that mom and dad only have X amount of money and when it is used up it is all done. If the money dries up after 4 years of paying and she is not done, then she will need to drop out and try to finish up some other time in the future. She will have to enter the workforce as a HS grad and start her life. Mom and dad’s responsibilities are over. She would be around age 22 or so and it is time for her to leave the nest.
My advice is to have her stay where she is and continue gen ed type classes for the first two years. It sounds like she is close to being done there. Then pick a solid major based on her gen ed record. Maybe English, History, a general business degree, etc. It sounds like an intense STEM major would be out.
She really just needs a BS or BA to get her foot in the door at a company and then let her interests take her where she wants. There are plenty of good jobs out there.
I wish you the best.
I, too, thought immediately of depression…the not knowing what they want to do, the dropping of activities, the discarding of studying abroad…I would get that looked into before any drastic changes are made. I might frame this as “maybe it would be good to talk to someone about what you want to do…I don’t want you to make another change and find out that isn’t what you like either.”
I also agree at looking if a leave of absence makes sense.
I would also only support 4 years at the rate that the parents had been paying. Perhaps you tell her that you will not be taking nor cosigning any (further) loans.