<p>If my S hasn't submitted his applications yet, and hasn't recorded his prescreens (all due Dec. 1 for most of the grad programs he's applying to), would it be best to put out an ultimatum to him? When he's afraid, he procrastinates. I've really tried to get through to him about how complicated the applications are, but he hates talking about it. I have no desire to spend $500 + on the applications if he's going to get them in just under the wire. Does that matter? I know CIM urges applicants to get everything in far ahead of Dec. 1. He's 21. Should I just let him screw up this process and learn from it? I would love to hear from you all soon!</p>
<p>The deadlines are firm but “just under the wire” counts. D3 is recording for grad schools next week, but yesterday called home with an emergency request for new strings…really?! you just now realized your strings needed to be replaced??? When I need to pay for expedited shipping? :0</p>
<p>I’m happy to be supportive, but unlike her undergrad application experience, I’m definitely taking a back seat. She (and her teacher) have a Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, and Plan D, and my job is to sit back, fund things, and be generally positive. If she ends up taking a gap year, even not by choice, that isn’t the worst thing in the world. (It may help that she’s a youngest child, so I’ve already been through two arts graduates!)</p>
<p>S also will be ‘just under the wire’ as he is recording for grad schools also next week. He was all set to do one movement of each piece with his pianist as that is what all the schools required. However, he is suddenly questioning the fact that one of the schools says “a work of your choice” while all the others include that for multi-movement works you only need to include one movement. Advice anyone? Can a “work of your choice” be just one movement?</p>
<p>Thanks for getting back to me. My S decided to learn a new movement of the Bach Sonata he was learning, because he didn’t feel confident about his memorization of the fugue. So he’s stressed about that. Should have had a solid plan.</p>
<p>Stradmom – went through the SAME thing with the strings earlier this week. I get a panicked call about a frayed E string before a lesson, even though all these years I’ve suggested he always have replacements on hand. And that gap year is looking more and more likely…I would feel much reassured if his teacher had talked to him about a Plan B, C, etc., but she’s pretty hands off, other than the usual lessons, of course, and the letters of rec. I am trying to take a back seat.</p>
<p>Clarimom – I’m pretty sure a “work of your choice” can be just one movement. Might be worth a call to the school, though.</p>
<p>I guess the ultimatum idea is a bad one. Sometimes I miss those days when I could give my kid a time out!</p>
<p>I’m sorry but it is just so relaxing when your kid decides not to apply to grad school yet. Ironically mine, tonight, got a recording of a piece she wrote for the college orchestra, that was played quite well and could have been used to complete her application. Maybe NOT applying freed her up to accomplish more in the present, who knows. The concert was so much more pleasant without that pressure, I have to say.</p>
<p>I’m going to play Devil’s Advocate here for a moment. This process is grueling and grad school is fast paced and intense. If things aren’t going well now, better to figure it out before paying for a year’s tuition and finding out that school was too overwhelming and a break needs to be taken.
There is a deadline and nothing is technically wrong with getting the application in by that date, but a cushion of time should be added in. My D tacked another school onto her list late in the game- it was the only one that required a physical DVD- but when she went to check it out just before packing things up, she discovered that the guys in A/V had forgotten to remove the lens cap during filming and there was nothing there! That was the end of that application… With several hundred applicants vying for each spot, anything that can be done to set a student apart is advisable. When a school encourages materials to be sent in as early as possible, do try and help them out by doing so, if at all possible; it can help in getting the preferred audition date, or making it possible for them to take the time to give your portfolio the attention it deserves before the crush hits.
If there are questions about repertoire, forms or anything else, the calls and e-mails need to come from the student. I have been on the receiving end of calls from mom about their 20-somethings, and trust me when I say that note is taken of that, and not in a positive manner. By this stage in life, they should be responsible for making sure that they have rosin, extra strings, reeds, music and everything else needed for lessons and performances. They are musicians and they need to be prepared. If they don’t have a debit card or credit card (even a pre-paid one), now is the time.
They’ll still need you to assist with travel arrangements and there will be occasions when you’ll have to send a rehearsal skirt left at home in a box (yep, just found that one here!) or the edition of a sonata with the proper fingering written in, and you know that there will be extra laundry brought home on holidays because there really wasn’t enough time to do it, what with the rehearsals and juries! We all have to find that line between hovering and hands-off, so take a deep breath and regroup,find out exactly where things are right now timewise, and make some realistic decisions and plans. I promise you, there IS light on the other side!</p>
<p>They really do need to own the grad school process. Even if they get in just under the wire, it is in. That is what a deadline is for. The school may know, however that the servers jam up the last day and so encourage early submission. You might remind him that he cannot trust IT to work perfectly on the last day.</p>
<p>You can always help with arrangements if asked but it is reallly best if they do it. DD is on one of my cards so she owned the entire process. Before she charged tickets she would check with me to make sure it was OK. But she did all of the arrangments. However, she did take 2 gap years and was older. She had found that doing grad school in her senior year just was not optimal . Most of her singer friends took a gap year, but most of the instrumentalists did not. So once again there may be a cultural difference between voice and intrumental.</p>
<p>I can see the point of the above postings in stressing that students need to be responsible for the grad school process. I will not argue with that. However, when a student is running from rehearsal to rehearsal, class to class, has several papers due, needs to practice and record, and cannot even get to a computer to place an order online, I see nothing wrong with a parent helping out in getting some strings, reeds, or whatever ordered and sent off to them. Seriously, do you think that us refusing to offer assistance on little things like this when they’re in a crunch is going to make them a more responsible person? We have always been there to offer whatever support is needed and our kids have let us know they sincerely appreciate it. To me ‘hovering’ is offering advice/assistance that is not asked for and unnecessary or even inappropriate. But, ‘hands-off’? We do not automatically stop being a parent when they reach the magic age of 21 (just ask my 90-year old mother)–and we can still be caring, supportive parents who are willing to help out when asked. Regarding the grad school process, I don’t think any of us posting here has mentioned anything about making phone calls to schools as a parent. Mezzo’sMama, I think parents here are using the forum to perhaps vent a bit and, more importantly, ask for a little advice from others who have been through the process. If you think that classifies as ‘hovering’, then pretty much every parent on this forum is guilty. I also see nothing wrong with mulling through whether or not our ‘20-somethings’ might possibly need a bit of a nudge to get on top of things or a dose of encouragement–they are overwhelmed this senior year and it is easy for them to lose sight of the big picture. The applications, essays, prescreenings and auditions are just more things on their stressful to-do lists–and they certainly can use our support and love right now. We all need this–a little “you can do this!” or supportive advice goes a long way to help any of us get through our workday. I also want to mention that first time around several of my S’s applications were ‘down to the wire’–and it didn’t seem to make a bit of a difference in whether or not he was able to get his preferred audition times or in acceptances. Now, I’m not on an admissions committee (maybe Mezzo’sMama has an inside track on this?) and maybe I’m totally naive, but I would hope that ALL applications get the attention they deserve no matter what date they are submitted (as long as they meet the deadline). Do you really think that an applicant will stand out more than others simply because they sent in their materials early? I’m not sure about that. I am not suggesting by any means that they all wait until the midnight hour–but perhaps playing a little bit a devil’s advocate right back at Mezzo’sMama.</p>
<p>Yes, I guess I did get my feathers ruffled a little too much–sorry for the long post. CC has always been such a great source of comfort, support, knowledge and information to me for a long time. I was just hoping for more of the same this time around, even though the role of the parent in the process is considerably less. Can’t say that for the level of parental stress though–it feels much the same.</p>
<p>Clarimom – Thank you, thank you, thank you. You articulated very well (even with feathers ruffled) the difference between a helping hand and hovering. These kids have SO much going on, and everything is much more complicated and competitive now. My S is also very appreciative of the help offered (less so of the prodding re: deadlines, but still polite and gentle).</p>
<p>Compmom- I LOVE your clear vision.</p>
<p>Thanks, all. We’ll see what happens in the coming week.</p>
<p>Well, for all my daughter’s independence, and preparation (she tested her recording device all day), she ended up with the wrong replacement batteries. Guess who bought AA just before the concert, when she was stuck in rehearsal? :)</p>
<p>Well, if things couldn’t get any worse…the one big recording session S had set up was for this morning–and his pianist bailed on him, saying he was ‘feeling a little under the weather’. So, now he’ll have to try to squeeze some recording sessions in between classes this week, provided his pianist can actually fit something into his schedule. I asked him if his pianist truly understands the seriousness of this issue–as a pianist myself I can’t understand cancelling something so important unless one is totally incapacitated. S is totally freaking out, so I am trying to remain calm for his sake, but sitting across the country feeling pretty helpless and worried for him.</p>
<p>My daughter is doing her applications as well. I saw her this past week and she told me that 1) her prescreens are scheduled to be recorded next week; she has only two sessions available to her, only one with pianist, and she’s struggling on top of everything to memorize new material for these sessions because she’s applying in a different instrument, and
2) she’s just come off two incredibly intense orchestra cycles and her shoulder hurts. </p>
<p>Apparently the prescrreens are videos so the work has to be memorized. She’s not worried about playing, but it worried that if she has a memory slip she won’t be able to complete the prescreen.</p>
<p>I’m worried about the shoulder and recordings-- but I can’t really do anything other than listen.</p>
<p>Clarimom and glassharmonica – I sure feel your pain. My S is complaining of numb fingers. Soon, I should think, things will settle, at least a little. </p>
<p>New question: Do you think an application submitted a week before deadline has an advantage over the same application submitted a couple days before the deadline? He’s trying to decide between two options for the video recording session. I believe the result would be about the same, sound-wise, with the earlier option being in a recital hall with its own equipment; the latter option providing unlimited time to get a recording he’s happy with, using a Zoom q3 HD in a good space, and an extra week to polish one of the works he hasn’t had much time with. What do you all think?</p>
<p>Good luck everybody, for days leading to Dec. 1!</p>
<p>My hunch is that the time-before-deadline will have no impact on the outcome of the application but that waiting until the last minute could lead to server delay issues. I’m pretty sure the admissions committee doesn’t even begin to look at the applications until the deadline has passed.</p>
<p>I totally agree with stradmom. As long as you make the deadline, all is good.</p>
<p>A bit of good news, S was able to get a couple recording sessions with his pianist this week. So, at least the time is scheduled now–just crossing fingers he gets good takes and can be done with all this.</p>
<p>Back go bad news. Accompanist bailed again. Now apparently he strained his hand. Ensuing panic here–only four days left to record with a pianist and no replacement pianist around. What to do!!!</p>