Dealing with Rejection Letters?

<p>re rejection:</p>

<p>At my kid’s HS they have a “Rejection Bulletin Board”, where students are encouraged to bring in and post their rejection letters. Seeing the board fill up and realizing you are not the only one, and that better students than you are also getting rejected, seems to take a lot of the sting out of it. Publicly admitting your failures makes it easier to move on, for some reason.</p>

<p>First off, your math doesn’t add up. You said you’re applying to 16 schools, 12 of which are the top schools, then the “other two” being three colleges… what’s the last school?</p>

<p>Second, if you really meant that you’re applying to <em>the</em> top 12 schools, I think that’s a terrible idea, especially if you’re afraid of rejection since the number of students who get into more than one of them is extremely small. Those schools are different enough that you should be able to eliminate some of them completely based on your criteria and replace some of them with less selective colleges that still fit your criteria (this is assuming you care about things such as weather, student body size, etc, and not just prestige).</p>

<p>Also, 10mwil is completely wrong. ECs and essays are extremely important.</p>

<p>Yes, I was making a generalization, but I am not “completely wrong.” I am only speaking from experience and what I observed at my school, this year. There are obviously many exceptions because there are many factors. My point was, GENERALLY speaking, that unless you have truly exceptional ECs, you cannot compete with someone with a 4.0 and a 99th percentile SAT. There is no need to fool yourself into thinking that just because you’re president of every club you can compete with the valedictorian.</p>

<p>As a father of four (one out of college, one a junior at MIT, one rising senior about to apply, and a 13 year-old), here are my two cents, gleaned from my kids and the process: 1. apply to only as many schools as you can afford, and are reasonably sure you’d go there and be happy (don’t apply to any school just for the name/reputation; you are not increasing your chances of admission to an elite school just by sheer number of applications); 2. apply to at least one safety school you’d be happy to attend (vital!); 3. recognize that your choice of college (and where you’re accepted) doesn’t define you, and think about the next year as a shopping trip to the mall - you can buy something, take it back, try it for awhile, buy something else later, or love what you buy.</p>

<p>My high school daughter will apply to 5-6 schools max.</p>

<p>As long as you recognize the very real potential of rejection (which I think you do), you should be fine.</p>

<p>For me, I understood how hard it was to get into my reach colleges, so consequently I lowered my expectations. When decision day rolled around, my rejections didn’t hurt because they were expected, but all acceptances were just even more wonderful.</p>

<p>Don’t just apply to schools because they’re highly ranked. Apply because you want to go there. And as far as the rolling admissions point, I definitely agree. Rolling admissions/a school you know you could get into EA can totally lift your spirits and make the wait for April a little more bearable.</p>

<p>Agree with schee410–the top 10 schools you are applying to are quite different in culture, atmosphere, and programs. Can’t you narrow it down a bit more before applying?</p>

<p>Also, you don’t say if you are taking many AP courses. Your average is 96+, but in what level of coursework…the most rigorous? That’s what HYPS etc. will want to see.</p>

<p>And your SAT scores may tell you something as well. If they’re not among the best in the nation, then re-aim your sights. There are plenty of great colleges out there that don’t take only 1 in 10 applicants.</p>

<p>You need to rethink your plans if you don’t have at least a 2300 SAT for those schools.</p>

<p>If I have one word of advice, it’s this. Just make sure you will never regret your college list ever. Period. Right now, you might be saying to yourself, yeah whatever, my college list is perfect… Well that’s what everyone thinks and ends up regretting it because many seniors apply to some weird colleges in the beginning and by the time March comes around, most if not all of them go, “Why did I ever apply here? Realistically I can’t/don’t want to go anymore.”</p>

<p>Just do your school research and don’t freak out by the time you can’t do anything about it.</p>

<p>Prepare yourself for rejection, and if it happens, realize you’ll be in good company. If a school rejects or waitlists over 90% of their applicants, it’s not an admissions office… it’s a denial office.</p>

<p>I applied to 4 schools, 1 super safety (admitted rolling 4 days after applying) and 3 reaches (got into 2 waitlisted at 1), no super reaches and no real matches (no bother after getting into the safety which had an honors program I would be preadmitted to). My brother applied to 5-7 schools, got into 1 safety and 1 match and waitlisted or rejected at all of his reaches and super reaches (attends the match now). I think it’s crazy to apply to more than 5-7 schools, even with my brother’s less than ideal outcome in his opinion.</p>

<p>College isn’t about prestige, which you don’t learn until you get there; you can make better opportunities by being the super star sometimes (take my friend who was a mediocre student at our top rated public high school; super star at her college; and now got into a top 20 fully funded math phd program – being mediocre in our high school, a small pool of the people she would have encountered going to a school she barely got into, would NOT have gotten her into that math grad program). And really the opportunities you get are really a product of what you put forward – you can go to a great school and do absolutely nothing spectacular or you can go to a smaller school and get all of the best research opportunities, or you can go to the best school and be presented with even better opportunities if you are capable of getting them, or go to small school and party away and be very bad off graduating…</p>

<p>You should care more about your environment (city? rural? grad students or ugrads only? etc) imho.</p>

<p>As for rejection, I was originally deferred which I basically took as a rejection (less than 10% of deferees get in I believe at my college?). I heavily leaned on the school which admitted me rolling and felt happy to know I would be going somewhere that I could do what I want and make my life into what I wanted (I wanted to double major in math and education and I could do that there and be on track to be a teacher). So I was less concerned about my other apps. It even helped me enjoy senior year more, I dropped an AP class after being deferred and took a lot of time for myself and my activities and sleep (which I had not been doing very much of). When I got into the school regular decision, I didn’t really care about my other decisions, so I think as long as you have one school you KNOW you are accepted to that will help you accomplish your dreams, then you will be fine. Really consider a rolling decisions school for this! It makes the process so much more bearable.</p>

<p>I had a lot of emotional issues in high school and my grades for the first three years were atrocious. I received many rejection letters but the one I will never forget is the one I got from the University of Dayton. It was the standard form rejection letter but someone in the admissions office felt the need to add a prominent handwritten personal note in pen which simply said “extremely poor high school record”. I turned my grades around my senior year and finally got accepted at The University of Hartford where I did extremely well. I then graduated from a top medical school and now have my own medical practice. It has been 40 years since I received that rejection letter but it still rankles.</p>

<p>I applied to 15, and there were still times when I didn’t think I’d get into any schools except the one UC who guaranteed me automatic acceptance. In the early months, the anxiety really got to me. Like so many others here on CC, I’ve worked extremely hard in high school; to put it one way, Bs made me hysterical.</p>

<p>But as the months progressed and I read more and more articles on higher education, my mindset adjusted, as did my values. I still wanted to get into a top 20 school, but when I started prioritizing fit, I realized I didn’t really want to have to prove anything to anyone. Part of the stress, I think, stemmed from my need for approval from family and friends. I also eventually came to realize that, really, there are too many incredible schools (top 20 or not) for it to make sense to turn college acceptances into a all-or-nothing situation. </p>

<p>Realistically, you only need to get into one school that’s affordable for you. A lot of high school students who post on CC have a list of potential colleges that are at the top of the heap; think about what an honor it would be to get into one of your “match” schools. For a lot of people here, it seems, that’s someplace like Tufts or Oberlin. Think of what an honor it is to have an application that puts you in competition with some of the best students in the US, and of how lucky you are to be in any kind of position to apply to college at all.</p>

<p>So, my tips for you:

  1. Don’t get attached to any one school.
  2. Cast a wide net; apply to many schools and to a wide variety.
  3. If you attend a school where college is a big deal (and I did), you’ll eventually need a break from the discussion of top, top schools and who’s applying where, and predictions on who gets in. Consciously set aside time to do things apart from friends, with whom you’ll know the conversation will inevitably turn to college. Read some articles and postings written by people who aren’t in high school, who aren’t even in college any more. I personally found some favorites to be very helpful in getting out of a mental box. Here’s one of them:
    <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/491200-seniors-2008-a.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/491200-seniors-2008-a.html&lt;/a&gt;
    <a href=“http://www.brookings.edu/articles/2004/10education_easterbrook.aspx[/url]”>http://www.brookings.edu/articles/2004/10education_easterbrook.aspx&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<ol>
<li>Keep a level head and maintain a sense of perspective; college admissions are not the end all, be all. And if you get into HYP or some other elite college, stay humble when you and your friends are discussing admissions, but also maintain a humble attitude inwardly. This is going to help keep your self-esteem from being too tied up in admissions.</li>
</ol>

<p>For me, at least, the cause of stress and anxiety wasn’t necessarily because of procedures or institutions. As is the case with many other students, I put a lot of pressure on myself and used admissions to gauge my worth, if not as a person, then as a student. At any rate, most people forget all about the angst-filled period of applying to college by their freshman year; if it doesn’t turn out the way you wanted it to, you probably won’t remember it anyhow. (haha, somehow, that doesn’t sound much consolation, but you know I mean well by it. ;))</p>

<p>

I once had to make a distinguish personally for myself of a dream school and a top choice. Being familier with being rejected from a top choice ( short perid) just always have if not better ( like myself) other great options, this would make a ruthless rejection ok.</p>

<p>Definitely do this! I know an earlier post suggested this to you, but we really can’t say this too many times. If you really are planning to get all those top-school apps completed by August, you can easily toss out a few more applications to great early action and rolling admission schools by Nov. 1st. That way, you have a chance of going into the holidays with at least a few acceptances in hand. August 2010 to end of March 2011 or April 1, 2011 is a loooooong time to keep your fingers crossed waiting to hear from all your colleges. Having even ONE acceptance in hand by New Year’s will help you sleep at night. Really</p>

<p>If your schools are HYPS, there was once a mentality ( local joke) that the majority of the applications are already rejected when they apply. Ofcourse this can be taken into thought when schools have an acceptance rate around 10%.</p>

<p>To O.P.: Your stats aren’t impressive enough -especially without plenty of impressive ECs- to apply only to reach schools without a hook. That doesn’t make sense. You’re headed for a world of hurt and disappointment. Do yourself a huge favor and apply to some matches and safeties to go with a few reaches. If you insist on applying to 16 schools ( just wait till you have to write 16 different essays which could easily happen because many of the elite schools ask specific rather than general questions for their essay), make it 8 reaches, 6 matches and 2 safeties. Be smart about it.</p>

<p>After you’ve gotten all of your acceptances and/or rejections, go to a website that has student reviews of colleges. Look up every college that you applied to. For those that accepted you, read all of the positive reviews for each school. Then read all the negative reviews for the ones that rejected you. You’ll feel much better.</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Apply to some good schools early action: for example UChicago, Georgetown, etc. I wouldn’t recommend SCEA Yale or Stanford unless its your dream school since you’ll probably get rejected or deferred anyway. Apply to as many early actions as you can…</p></li>
<li><p>Don’t have a dream school or a top choice. I personally had 3 first choices: Duke, WashU, and Chicago. I knew that though each school was competitive alone, my chance of getting into at least one was quite good. I know so many people who got their heart set on a single school and thought about it all the time and told everyone about it and then were rejected. Don’t set yourself up for that. Protect your heart…don’t get too attached to any school before you get in.</p></li>
<li><p>Try not to tell people where you are applying. This way, you don’t have to tell them the results. Lots of people will ask you, learn how to brush it off. “Oh, I’m just applying here and there, not too sure yet what kind of school I want so I’m applying to a lot of different ones”. If they insist on knowing more specifics, just give one or two that you’re not too attached to and that you think you’ll get into. Also, if you do give the name of a good school make sure you add on that you don’t know if you’ll be accpeted since it is pretty competitive.</p></li>
<li><p>Don’t be overconfident. Pick safeties properly. A girl I know used Northwestern as her safety, plus she was an international student. She was very good, but it was still pretty cocky of her. She ended up being rejected everywhere except our state school and Cornell. She wasn’t sure if financial aid at Cornell would work out for her, and it eventually did, but that was a pretty big risk. </p></li>
<li><p>Prevent jealousies. This goes along with try not to tell people where you are applying. If people know where you are applying, then they’ll start playing the comparison game, comparing you with others who are applying. And if you get in and they don’t, then you might have to deal with some pretty ugly jealousies. It’s really only people’s business where you decide to go eventually. There’s no need for anyone to know everywhere you applied or everywhere you got in.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>The most important thing is to have a balanced list. Rejection is not bad, but if you apply to 16 top schools and get rejected from 14 of them, you’re just wasting time and you’ll be depressed (though you could still end up at a good school). Looking at your stats, it’s probably unrealistic to consider most of the Ivies. Apply to one or two as reaches, but if you’re applying to all of them, that’s ridiculous. Of course, your stats are fairly vague. You say you don’t think your SAT scores will be that good, but does that mean they’ll only be a 2250 (and you were aiming for 2300) or they’ll only be a 2000 (and you were aiming for 2200?) You need to think about what kind of college environment you want, and then consider your high school performance to come up with a balanced (and probably shorter) list of schools to apply to.</p>