<p>As the end of the trimester approaches, I can see the pressure building. My son received a concussion about two weeks ago and recently passed the impact test so he is in the process of catching up. I received a ranting series of messages from him this afternoon about how hard he works for average grades. He had just completed a Russian test which he left a whole page blank. That started the" I hate Russian, I hate this damn place, I hate the state of Massachusetts. All the work I put in for average grades, I am sick of it" " I am sick of being up here and I want to go home." He hasn't been home since Sept 5 when he left.
So the purpose of this post is to hear from other parents similar tales so I can take solace in the fact that this is a natural part of the whole boarding school thing and life will go on.</p>
<p>I feel so sorry to hear that. </p>
<p>My younger brother who went to the boarding school in CT some 30 years ago was in the similar situation. I was going to grad school then. When he called home and said the same thing, my parents asked him to seek help from the school. He went to see the counselor and was surprised to see there were so many kids in the similar state of mind. </p>
<p>That alone helped my brother a lot, probably more than the actual academic help. The feeling that he was not alone was a big relief to him, he confessed later when I was asking his advice for my son before my son started his boarding school. </p>
<p>It would be quite natural for kids at a good boarding school to work hard for just an average grade. If he put the same amount of effort at an average public school, he would have been an A+ student. So, let him know it is pretty natural and that he isn’t working hard for nothing. Once he finds he is not alone, I think he will feel much better. </p>
<p>Also, there is a difference in speed of adjustment among kids. Some do fast, some slow. Once your son makes more friends and share sentiment, he will feel much better. I wish him all the best. I am sure he will be ok.</p>
<p>My son felt intense academic pressure his first year–no, honestly, two years–of boarding school. I found that his adviser was very helpful in relieving some of the pressure by reassuring him that he was just fine. </p>
<p>The concussion does add another wrinkle though. In my experience as a teacher, that can affect kids’ processing for lots longer than two weeks. I’m assuming the adviser is monitoring the situation closely?</p>
<p>It’s hard to distinguish what’s going on the first term: homesickness? the stress of not being on the top anymore? true academic trouble? And as a parent, you just won’t know without the help of advisers, dorm parents, and teachers. The teachers’ comments won’t come until the end of the term, but I’d be on the phone with the adviser and/or adults in the dorm now.</p>
<p>First- I’m so glad your son is okay and feeling better. Sometimes kids need to blow off steam and say things out loud, so try not to let it upset you. He’s working hard to catch up and with exams fast approaching there’s a lot of stress. I would call or shoot an email to his advisor and keep encouraging him to stay positive.</p>
<p>My kids aren’t recovering from an injury and they’re always stressed out around this time of year. When I pick them up for Thanksgiving Break their complexion usually reminds me of freshly poured concrete. It also sounds like he might be experiencing some boarder fatigue (which isn’t uncommon for new students).</p>
<p>I would definitely give his advisor a heads up so he/she can help your son. Hang in there!</p>
<p>Our school told the parents on drop off day: “There WILL come a call from your child. He will be extremely upset. You will hang up from that call and feel terrible. You will want to call everyone and rally the troops. What you aren’t seeing is that while you are home feeling awful, your child already feels much much better!”</p>
<p>We all chuckled - but they made their point! I can’t offer much advice other than that which has already been given.</p>
<p>But I CAN sympathize!</p>
<p>Is it his first term? Tell him not to worry about grades. If he’s getting some 4’s or even a 3 that’s not the end of the world. Since History and English are pass/fail for this term, things can’t get too bad. Considering he’s dealing with the concussion on top of everything else, it’s natural that he’s struggling. Are you far away from the school? A quick visit would be nice - taking him out to dinner and maybe an overnight stay in the hotel room would lighten him up.</p>
<p>Take teenage hyperbolic ranting w a grain of salt. Talk to his advisor to get a more objective view of what is going on.</p>
<p>GMTson was also VERY humbled by first term, but he got it together by 2nd term. He was able to recover to the extent that now in junior year he is on track for cum laude.</p>
<p>For admissions applicants w weaker academic credentials, who are pining for elite, name-brand school or bust, I caution:
Be careful of what you wish for. These schools are SERIOUSLY HARD.</p>
<p>Benley, It is his first term and there is no pressure by parents related to grades. I think he has a love /hate relationship with Russian. Loves the teacher/ the subject is hard. It was the Russian test that set him off.</p>
<p>GMTplus7- I hear you but we weren’t obsessed with having to attend a name brand school. It just turned out that is where he got accepted and he knew what he was getting himself, to a point. I know he is capable of doing the work. I will second- These schools are seriously hard! </p>
<p>I am going to send a quick message to his advisor.</p>
<p>Righto. Should have clarified that I always started with a quick note to the adviser who nearly always called me with 24 hours. They know what the are doing at those schools, but it’s good to keep the advisers alerted as the kid will often mask their stress when talking to everyone but parents–and, again, the concussion adds an extra wrinkle to the normal academic pressure.</p>
<p>Obviously someone has to be “average” at these schools. What if DC simply just stays “average”, what happens? How do parents and child go about resetting expectations?</p>
<p>Jersey386- He knew going into this that he was no longer going to be at the top of the heap and he was perfectly fine with that. He actually admitted that in middle school being one of the best had its own pressure- you were always expected to have the right answer. He is relieved to not have the pressure of always having the answer. Average at these schools is extraordinary at any other place. We are not chasing a ticket to the Ivy League. These 4 years will be the most influential of his entire academic career- I have no doubt!</p>
<p>
huh? Where did this come from? OP’s son may be going through his first term at a tough school, quite typically, just as your son did his first term. While what you said here is not wrong, the context you put it in seems off.</p>
<p>That comment was intended for lurking applicants this admisdions round.</p>
<p>First- If your son is still checking in with the Health Center, I would also check in with the nurse. You probably have a relationship with the staff due to his injury, so feel free to call. If they don’t readily know how he’s doing, they’ll be happy to find out (in their own subtle and wonderful way) and give you feedback. The best time to call is after the morning rush or before athletics.</p>
<p>You might be able to get some additional insight that will put your mind at ease. Plus, you’ll have one more person in your son’s camp keeping an eye on him. :)</p>
<p>I know you’re already checking in with his advisor ( which is great ), but call the nurse, too. It’s amazing how much they know and they’re truly caring.</p>
<p>FWIW, I can see where GMT was coming from…I think many prospects who are at the top of their respective middle school classes (public or private) are still in for a surprise (in terms of difficulty and workload-to-grades ratio) at the more rigorous schools…even those not in any acronym. The admonition to prospective kids/families is warranted.</p>
<p>OP’s son had a head injury… add that to a stressful academic environment (especially having to catch up w/exams around the corner) and I think we can all sympathize. First’s son is a first year student far from home. </p>
<p>Sometimes it helps just to reach out to fellow parents. Lets not make it more than it is. I’m sure FG kid will be fine! :)</p>
<p>I appreciate all of the feedback. I have certainly developed a deeper appreciation for the process that the admission’s office has to go through in order to compile an incoming class- it is no easy feat trying to weigh all of the factors that are predictors of future success. Having had a chance to think about the situation, one day later, I really think his rant was motivated by a convergence of factors. He was released by the health center so he is now under the pressure to make up all missed tests while at the same time he has to keep up with the ongoing assignments. He ran out of time on the Russian test and I think he was more irritated with himself for not reviewing a dialogue that was part of the test.</p>
<p>I have every confidence that he received admission to this very selective school because they believed he was fully capable of doing the work. I believe this mini crisis will pass and it will be another life lesson in learning how to prioritize work when you are nearly buried.</p>
<p>Thank you for sharing your experiences.</p>
<p>Echoing London203 a bit, also remember that most kids hold in a lot of that stress and then feel free to rant to their parents-- and then actually feel much better! The parents, of course, are left thinking their DC is completely miserable, even if really they only got an unhappy snapshot. (Of course, that 's not to say you shouldn’t follow up with the advisor and make sure everything’s really ok-- it’s just that parents always hear ALL the bad stuff).</p>
<p>GG’s head gives parents a lecture every year about the “dump” call…</p>
<p>I got my fair share of those telephone rants in the early days of BS. I would just feel so awful when i hung up the phone. Funny though, i would always let DC know that I was going to touch base with the advisor to keep him up to speed. Would always get a phone call the next day from DC telling me the problem was solved. I really do think they just need to let off some steam sometimes. Haven’t had one of those calls in a long time, so yes, it does end!</p>