Dealing with the haters [jealous classmates, teachers, and parents]

<p>Hello friends of College Confidential :D. Alright, so I was recently admitted to Princeton (in addition to one other ivy and some other top schools). I wasn't/am not very loud about it. Yes, I posted a Facebook status in a fit of excited energy and emailed my GC and teachers that recommended me, but other than that I haven't mentioned it. Buttt, since I live in a somewhat small area, erbady knows about it. When I returned to school after being admitted, my classmates were ****edd. I got the complete cold-shoulder, and even teachers are being weird about it. Parents are hating on me as well (lol)... I feel like I worked so hard for this, but everyone around me is bringing me down with their negativity. But they only derail me when I'm not in the room, so I can't even defend myself. :/</p>

<p>How are you guys handling your peers’ reactions?</p>

<p>For those of you who don’t like to read (lol)
summary: People are being mean to me because I got into Princeton. Have you been having a similar experience?</p>

<p>Just ignore them. They’re jealous.</p>

<p>It’s because you’re black and you’re 3.7 g.p.a/ 31 ACT meant affirmative action played a big role in it. You’re thread is misleading. They’re not just angry at you but at the system.</p>

<p>“I feel like I worked so hard for this”</p>

<p>Most likely, your peer worked just as hard as you but didn’t get in because they weren’t a minority and this adds to their anger.</p>

<p>awkwarddd. alright</p>

<p>You got into the number 1 ranked college (tied with Harvard for first, per US News).
People are bound to be envious. Don’t let it bother you. </p>

<p>Congratulations though!</p>

<p>Yeah, congrats. People will be jealous no matter what. Princeton is an awesome school. You got in. They didn’t. There’s a lot of hard work as well as luck involved of course, but life happens. Celebrate the good stuff.</p>

<p>The Facebook status might not have been the best idea.</p>

<p>^It wasn’t a good idea, but a lot of people liked it (over 100. and everyone at my school posts fb statuses about acceptances :/), but I couldn’t help it - I was so excited. Thanks for the postive words, you guys. I appreciate it.</p>

<p>I’m gonna have to agree that affirmative action played a role in their feelings…</p>

<p>Agree. Affirmative action is a touchy subject for most people. Whether you deserved it or not matters little to them.</p>

<p>Alright. Understood. Thanks for responding</p>

<p>congratulations! Be loud and be proud and take every advantage that life presents to you.
Tens of thousands earn their way into college with an advantages like athletics , family connections , legacies , family money,etc. If Affirmative Actions is your entry advantage to Princeton , embrace it. A friend’s daughter went to Georgetown with a 1800 SAT but was an all-state lacrosse player. Think of the Asians that are passed over for white students ,are those white students subject to the same scorn that you are feeling? I would think not.
The one’s that are jealous are NOT your friends , they are losers. The one’s that liked your FB status are your friends! The haters will be irrelevant in your life very soon. </p>

<p>Enjoy the the end of your high school career and celebrate your achievement.
Get that Princeton shirt and wear it to school often.
Be prepared to be challenged at Princeton and take advantage of this opportunity to make the world a better place and to be a better person.</p>

<p>You did earn it…Good luck…</p>

<p>I’m going through something similar at my school, I am also African American and accepted to Ivies and quite a few other top schools. You just have to remember that what they think means nothing in the grand scheme of things. And if anyone tries to belittle your acceptace to being merely an “Affirmative Action Admit” and implies that you took someone’s spot or anthing elese that’s absurdly ludacris, IGNORE THEM. You’ve worked hard, you know what you’ve done to get here, and it all come down to the face that the school just didn’t want them. I congratulate you wholeheartedly and hope to see you there next year!</p>

<p>Wow, you guys are so nice! Thanks. I wish you all the best as well</p>

<p>People told me that I only got in because of affirmative action, too. The catch? My “minority” group was Asian. >__< (Really, there are places where Asians are really tiny minorities, and my town is one of them, so that’s what people think!) I think we all know how much that “helped” me. Don’t let people tell you that you only got in for “x” reason. </p>

<p>You can’t really do anything about people being petty. It’s human nature, and it’s unfortunate, and it’s a side effect of getting into / going to Princeton or its peers. Personally I tell people that I go to school “in New Jersey” now, and I try to redirect the conversation when people start asking me specifically about my school because it isn’t worth the effort. Congrats, though!</p>

<p>But if you say “New Jersey” they might think Rutgers… A great school, but still.</p>

<p>^I think that’s the point.</p>

<p>Y’know, the only thing worse than the fact that people are being mean to the OP for getting into Princeton is that the Princeton posters on this board did not call thebioguy out for these statements:</p>

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</p>

<p>You have absolutely no idea whether it played a role, and you’re reacting exactly like the people at her school are. Having lower stats means nothing; Princeton and its peers get so many high-scoring students that they *have *to differentiate among them based on a host of other factors, the least of which is race. How can you be so sure that it was not one of them (recs, essays, etc.) that pushed the OP into the accept pile? You should know that Princeton cares far more about a student’s background and opportunities so that they can evaluate their accomplishments in context. Thus, one’s accomplishments are even more impressive in the face of significant adversity. Yes, this goes against the CC wisdom of “URM = accept.” But this is the reality of elite admissions today. Just look at the acceptance threads; high-scoring URMs are rejected in droves. Why do you think that is? Because most of them had the same advantages as upper-class white students. For a few years now, schools like Princeton have gotten so many applications from accomplished well-to-do URMs that race has had to become less important.</p>

<p>If you’ve paid attention to the AA vs. socioeconomic debate (and I mean admissions officers’ statements, articles on the shifting admissions landscape, and the like) over the past 4-5 years, you’d see there’s a huge change. Consider that at the top 146 colleges, only 3% of the students are from the bottom economic quartile, while 74% are from the top economic quartile. The income disparity in the US is terrible, roughly on par with third-world countries such as Kenya and Uganda. It’s far worse on the Ivies’ campuses, where those in the top 3% alone are overrepresented by a factor of at least 3 relative the general population, while low-income students are represented at 1/5 the rate that they are in the general population. </p>

<p>Because universities like Princeton continually garner a critical mass of accomplished URMs, they can get a racially diverse class and keep their average SAT score and such high, no problem (there are nearly 30k applicants; there’s a critical mass of nearly every demographic there is, unless you’re from South Dakota). They realize the unfortunate reality of the socioeconomic makeup of their student bodies, so they’re working hard to fix these vast socioeconomic gaps, hence why all the Ivies except Cornell and Harvard are partner colleges with QuestBridge (as well as Stanford, MIT, Caltech, and a bunch of other elite colleges).</p>

<p>By contrast, they get far fewer applicants from low-income backgrounds. They know that the opportunity gap is terrible in the US, and that’s why they’re willing to view students’ accomplishments in that context. That terrible status quo is what makes those accomplishments all the more impressive. A low-income, first-gen applicant should not be able to score a 31 on the ACT; it’s a statistical anomaly. The average ACT score for that group of students is about a 20. Getting a 31 on the ACT while being from that background is far more impressive than having a 35 when your family makes $250k+, your parents have PhDs, and you went to a private high school (this kind of student is a dime-a-dozen; this demographic gets a 33+ easily). </p>

<p>This is true across racial lines; a disadvantaged Asian applicant has a better shot than a privileged URM. Just look at the accepted student threads: when you see an Asian without the typical 2200+ and piano competitions, and you wonder how it was that they got in when amazing Asian applicants are rejected, it’s almost always because the former came from a disadvantaged background. That’s why Asian students are rejected in droves - because they are on average far more privileged than other minorities in this country. Elite colleges are defying the “reproduction of privilege” in the country, and rightly so. They’re the only ones with the money to do it (almost all private universities simply have to enroll high numbers of paying students, for financial reasons).</p>

<p>Unfortunately, CC still clings to the “URMs have it easy, they’re the reason I didn’t get in” mentality, despite the evidence and the evolving dialogue that shows why that’s not true. (Honestly, I don’t think most of them are paying attention to that dialogue, so they have no idea that it’s changing.)</p>

<p>To the OP: not only do you need to know all this, but you need to know that Princeton accepted you for a reason. They wouldn’t accept you if they didn’t think you could handle their undergraduate education. It’s important to appreciate this because there is a terrible tendency at the elite universities for minority students to perform worse relative to their peers, as a result of the naysayers. </p>

<p>Stanford did a study recently, wherein they took a random subset of the incoming black students and held a few sessions with them in which they encouraged them, explained to them the reality of admissions (that race is only a very, very small consideration, that socioeconomic background is far more important, etc.), and generally gave them empowering knowledge. This was only a couple of short sessions at the beginning of freshman year. They tracked them throughout their undergraduate years, and at the end discovered that they did far better than their black peers who did not participate in these sessions. I don’t mean some marginal improvement; I mean they actually blew their peers out the water in their achievement, indistinguishable from the achievement of non-minorities. Why is that? It was a randomly chosen group, after all. It’s because their peers still believed the absurdities fed to them - that they aren’t “good enough,” that their race is what got them in, etc. This is a form of self-actualization: you perform as others expect you to perform, not as you would on your own strengths.</p>

<p>Don’t fall into that trap. Don’t let your high school peers, their parents, your teachers, people on CC, or people you may meet at Princeton, ever allow you to feel like your admission was less deserved. Don’t enter Princeton with the anxiety that your peers are looking at you and assuming that you’re an AA case; if any such students are, rest assured that it’s because they’re ignorant of the realities of admissions and have been spoon-fed misconceptions about it. You can ignore them.</p>

<p>Honestly, I wish that people on CC would try to inform themselves more about these issues. They don’t bother. They prefer to think they were rejected because they weren’t black, or from Montana, or a legacy, but in every case, it’s just a way for them to patch up their egos and blame factors out of their control rather than face the uncomfortable reality that there’s a large set of students who were simply better applicants. While I’m appalled at the lack of reaction to such absurd statements earlier in this thread, it’s actually not surprising at all.</p>

<p>TL;DR: self-actualize according to your own strengths, not according to what others think. Best of luck to you at Princeton or wherever you go. :)</p>

<p>phantasmagoric, well said.</p>

<p>And @jkreine: I’d rather they think that I’d ended up at the local community college, actually; who cares? You don’t have to flaunt your school, and when people tend to react negatively, well, it doesn’t matter how much school pride I have – I would much rather avoid the discussion and let them think whatever the heck they want.</p>