dear p.

Parents Forum
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<p>After joining CC, its so amazing.. for me, as an Asian-American, to see so many parents posting and being so actively involved in their children's college admission process.</p>

<p>I started my college admission process with a single goal - to get into the 'prestigious' state university in my state. So many students at our school go for this option.. its like they are following a herd. My parents also follow this herd... and coupled with their inability to understand my 'American' values, its so utterly frustrating. I feel like the state school isn't for me at all... and my parents simply don't understand.</p>

<p>How does one choose a college? I took many factors into account... the social scene (greek vs. non-greek), school spirit, dorm rooms, type of education, type of school, location, student population, EVERYTHING. I nitpicked at everything so I could find a college to fit 'my needs'. I never thought college was simply about getting an education... I wanted the whole package.</p>

<p>My parents don't understand, though. It's like I'm talking to a brick wall... nothing matters more than prestige or 'how it should be'. They don't care about the athletics, or any of my 'preferences'. It's so rational that it's irrational.</p>

<p>My college admission process has been a singular undertaking... in the beginning, they gave me their credit card number for me to use... and a couple of blank checks for me to fill out. Financially, they have supported me. But I feel like I am applying to schools I can't be sure I like since I was never given the opportunity to visit them, or even dare dream to go to them. I feel like applying is such a waste of time, especially if the financial aid isn't what we would like. I wish I could go to 'the college of my dreams' but its so hard to dream when the idea of 'dreaming' seems foreign to the ones I love most.</p>

<p>I told my parents I wanted to apply to a small LAC. I get blank stares... they seem to be limited to Harvard, Yale, and Stanford.. schools I could never dream of going to. It feels like such an uphill battle.</p>

<p>I am not sure why I am posting this. But I guess I just wanted to express my bewilderment at you parents. I sometimes read cc and think.. "these parents are too hyeractive with their kids education". It's a creepy thought, to imagine MY parents boasting about me on a public message board. </p>

<p>But, I guess I just wanted to say "Thank you". If your son's and daughter's don't say that enough.</p>

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<p>Well, at least you get to apply wherever you want. Wait until April when you have received some acceptances and then you can visit. I know someone who applied to 10 schools when it was more usual to apply to 5-6. He did not visit a single one before being admitted. He went to MIT. </p>

<p>I don't know which state you live in, but some state universities are as prestigious as HYPS, etc... If you are comfortable being in a larger school, there is no real reason to hanker after a small LAC. LACs are not for everybody, just as large universities are not for everybody. Read Frecklybeckly's thread. She'd wanted to go to Yale, but she is very happy at UMich.</p>

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<p>I know I'm going to sound like a crotchety old person, and I know times have changed, but back in my day, most people didn't go visit a whole bunch of schools. They chose based on the "big fat book" and also based on their financial situation. Of course, most parents were also not as involved as they are now.</p>

<p>I went to a state school (Penn State) because it was all we could afford. I didn't visit the school in advance, but I knew people who went there, and they offered a major in which I was extremely interested. I paid for school through the Guaranteed Student Loan, the PLUS Loan, some scholarship money, and a lot of jobs. </p>

<p>I had a blast in college. The fact that it wasn't a Harvard or a Yale didn't matter; I graduated with a 3.96 average in the honors program, took the GMATs while in college, and ended up at one of the top MBA programs in the country (University of Michigan...another state school...lol!!). I met tons of kids at the B-School who had Ivy League educations (including my husband...lol!)...but in the end, we all ended up in the same place. </p>

<p>My oldest child is only 13 and it appears will have the capability to gain admission to a "prestigious" university, but I hope that, in the end, despite the competitive atmosphere, the crazed parents, the "college consultants" and just the pressure of it all, he will choose the place where he will be most happy. (And hey, a little scholarship money wouldn't hurt either!)</p>

<p>Sharon</p>

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<p>dont worry so much about your college!
look at bill gates- a college dropout. now im not telling you to become a dropout and buy, what, a beer truck, but im telling you, no matter what college you go to, it will NEVER be too easy for you. you will always have a challenge. I know that you want to get into a respectable college, so do i. but dont take it too seriously.</p>

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<p>nhs
It could help if you posted your state. The flagship U in FL is large, but does have an honors program with separate dorm. There is New College, which is still a state school, but around 3-4000 people. Its possible that your state has many opportunities too.</p>

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<p>Bookworm -</p>

<p>New College has about 600 people, not 3-4,000.</p>

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<p>"I know I'm going to sound like a crotchety old person, and I know times have changed, but back in my day, most people didn't go visit a whole bunch of schools. They chose based on the "big fat book" and also based on their financial situation."</p>

<p>That's still the way most people choose schools. It's only on CC where it seems routine for parents to take kids to see a dozen or more out of state schools and give students carte blanche to go wherever they choose.</p>

<p>Most students -- including very bright ones -- are limited by parents' resources. In my middle class, highly educated city, most students go to the state flagship, which is barely in the top 50. Many others go to the state u down the street, which is a second tier university. Students turn down places like Ivies to do this because their parents are not willing to pay the costs of private universities.</p>

<p>The same thing happened when I was young. I had lots of smart friends who had to go to a public in-state college because of financial and location limitations that their parents placed on them.</p>

<p>For students who wanted to do something else, they always could apply for outside scholarships or go where they wanted for grad school (and pay the bill, too, themselves, which is how I finally got to go to school in Cali.)</p>