<p>My mother is controlling my college apps, especially my essays.</p>
<p>EVERY essay I write (I've written about 6 different ones now), she shoots down. She gave me a 0/10 on my latest one.</p>
<p>Then she suggests topics that are absolute crap like my influential person being a family member or my four favorite things being sports, music, etc.</p>
<p>What would you like your child to tell you in this situation without hurting feelings?</p>
<p>If I were doing to my son what your mother is doing to you, I would hope he would decide which essay he likes best, not show it to me, and submit his applications without my knowledge. Can you pay the application fees yourself? If so, then I suggest you do it this way.</p>
<p>I’m sorry to hear of your trouble and hope you let your own voice, and not your mother’s, speak for you. This must be hard for you. Asking for advice here is a good start.</p>
<p>Thanks for the reply.</p>
<p>She asked to see my essays, I don’t give them to her voluntarily.</p>
<p>And I cant pay the app fees myself unfortunately.</p>
<p>Would this be ok to say to her:
“Hey mom I know you’re trying to help and all but I feel like the essays are losing my voice and are becoming too much of yours. Can I submit one without your proofreading?”</p>
<p>There is a possibility that your mother is right wrt quality of your essays… Is there someone else (like your English teacher, or your GC) who cold look at your favorite essay and give you an honest opinion?</p>
<p>I agree wtih nngmm- try to bring in an objective third party, like a counselor or English teacher. Maybe they can be the deciding factor on which essay to send in- you can always explain to your mom that they have the best sense of what colleges are looking for (this most likely true!).</p>
<p>Wow! You’re an incredibly thoughtful kid! 
Most parents get controlling when they are afraid. So, I think the idea of getting an outside professional like a counselor or English or History teacher involved sounds like an excellent idea. “Mom, I know you are nervous about all of this, and I appreciate your help, and all, but I really do want to be accepted at a college that wants ME for me.” Good luck to you. I’m sure you will find a great place.</p>
<p>Thanks for the advice. I sent the essays to my counselor. </p>
<p>I’ll report back to let you guys know what they say if you want. :)</p>
<p>Please report back. Absolutely.</p>
<p>I love the idea of asking input from an English teacher and/or school counselor. How can your mom argue with their opinion…they deal with this stuff all the time…</p>
<p>Mr Sudden, oh how I wish my own son wrote 6 different essays thus far. He’s done one, and we agreed that wasn’t so great. He doesn’t mind my reminders, but I can’t seem to get him to sit down and write. Today I discovered there’s actually a formula for essays, and he insisted that he’d never use that. I just put that together to get him started (in an attempt to avoid the problem with his other essay.) There are so many details to work on (picking schools, visiting, interviewing, local reps, etc.) in this college process, but the essay writing is driving me crazy. What do you suggest?</p>
<p>zweebopp- buy Harry Bauld’s On Writing the College Application Essay. It’s short, funny, and by far the best out their. Then brainstorm a little, and write.</p>
<p>Writing is an act of doing, ultimately. (And unfortunately.) Besides trying to make it a fun process and perhaps talking to your son about whatever great stories you remember about him growing up… it’s just a process of trial and error. I think those of us who have knocked out six or more essays tend to like or be good at writing already. Otherwise it IS daunting.</p>
<p>“Mom. This isn’t working for me. I don’t want the last year before I go to school to be full of antagonism between us. I don’t like that my essays are causing friction. I’m going to send my essays to my English teacher and deal with it that way.”</p>
<p>That’s where my daughter and I are. I hired someone to help her fine tune her essays. I didn’t want us to fight her whole senior year. I know how I am and I know how she is: every criticism I made would be looked at as a personal affront. If a neutral party made the same criticism, she wouldn’t take it that way. </p>
<p>Good luck to you. Writing is such a personal act and criticism, particularly from your mother, can feel like a wound. Hope it works out for you!</p>
<p>The danger is that your essays will not sound like a teen ager wrote them. My D’s English teacher offered come help and my D took the advice. I think you need to be diplomatic and send the essays to the teacher and tell your mother she is making you nervous about the process. She means to help but she needs to be told her behavior is not helping…but be nice! You will have your acceptance soon enough and this will all be history!</p>
<p>lol - my son would have bodily removed me from the room and informed his dad that I was in need of sedation and a straight jacket!</p>
<p>Is there another adult (including perhaps the English teacher) that you can consult with? It sounds like your parent is overly protective, critical, and fearful that you will fail. Because the relationship is so close, even though she may have some relevant points to make, you can’t absorb them. Perhaps there is a friend of a friend (adults) who are professional people (lawyers get a lot of training in writing) that would be willing to read your essay via email. I recommend reaching out to some other capable adult. And congratulations to you for writing 6 already. You show a lot of maturity in many ways. If you allow that maturity to shine through in your essays you’ll stand out from the crowd.</p>
<p>I notice that on another thread, you posted the below topics. They all sound like excellent potential essays to me, and I’ve been on national and regional scholarship committees, and have seen essays by students who’ve been accepted to places like my alma mater, Harvard.</p>
<p>In addition to what others have suggested, you could get a well respected book about college app essay writing, and show your mom what the book says, and how your essays meet its criteria for being good essays. </p>
<p>I also suggest expressing gratitude to your mom for caring about your education and being willing to help fund it. </p>
<p>I suggest this book: [Amazon.com:</a> 50 Successful Harvard Application Essays: What Worked for Them Can Help You Get into the College of Your Choice (9780312206475): Harvard Crimson: Books](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/50-Successful-Harvard-Application-Essays/dp/031220647X]Amazon.com:”>http://www.amazon.com/50-Successful-Harvard-Application-Essays/dp/031220647X)</p>
<p>If all else fails, mail your own applications, and submit whatever essays you wish. :)</p>
<p>1) How I wrote an unconventional and unique essay for a bland class. The teacher considered it an utter failure but I believed it was my best work ever.</p>
<p>2) I volunteered at a hospital and had become very close to one of the patients (80 years old). The essay would be about how I coped with her death and what I learned.</p>
<p>3) How my life was affected and what I learned from my friend murdering his mother.</p>
<p>4) An essay about my cultural background and my outlook on the world. (parents born in india, I was born in England, I go to school in America). </p>
<p>5) My passion for two very different types of music (electronic like techno/trace, and classical) and how they reflect my personality.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the suggestions!
I’m still awaiting a reply on my essay from my college counselor, english teacher, and headmaster. They’re probably swamped with other essays but it shouldn’t be long.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Wow, these are topics the OP came up with? These are FANTASTIC. Good job, MrSudden!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>The problem with using formulas is that the resulting essays tend to sound . . . forumlatic. The college essays are supposed to reflect the applicant. Even if the applicant is not the best of writers (I’m talking in general, not refering to the OP or anyone else), the essay should still reflect his voice and abilities. If you have a kid who is just an “okay” writer, do you want him to get the essay spruced up by an expert and end up accepted to a school with draconian English teachers who drop a letter grade on papers for every instance of “There is” and “very”? (I had a teacher who actually did this.)</p>
<p>Naturally, I agree with you completely re: the formula to an essay. I’m a teacher, and I’ve seen kids need to start with the formula for a 5-paragraph essay, or the formula for a compare/contrast essay before they can proficiently generate their own. It’s simply a jumping off point. Truth is, my own son has so many strengths and areas of interest that trying to find a “hook” isn’t happening. He’s actually a good writer, but can’t get going on these apps. It helped this weekend when he filled in some pre-application supplements.</p>