<p>Son 3 is deciding between big, impersonal Flagship U where big brother #1 struggled, and Honors College at Directional U where Brother #2 has flourished. Major is undecided, $$ offered by Directional U offset the cost of the gorgeous honors apartment style dorms near all the "action" at DU. Honors offers smaller classes, more support, priority registration, and the honors community.</p>
<p>DU is showing the love. Flagship has way way way better sports teams and much higher rankings. </p>
<p>You can tell (probabably - ha!) which way mom is leaning, but it's son's decision, so we wait. DU has a scholar's day at the end of the month, and we're going to that.</p>
<p>Who else is waiting for kid to decide? How much are you weighing in on the decision?</p>
<p>NB- son 3 is not mr. organized-on-top-of-things. Mom would be SO much happier with the level of support provided by the honors environment at DU, as opposed to the party-hearty place to the north.... Sigh.</p>
<p>IMHO at this age, we have to let them make the decision. Even if we think we are right and eventually turn out to BE right. I would tell them what I think, but support whatever they decide.</p>
<p>Yep - as long as the finances play out okay with both choices it is best to let your kid decide. Your job is to fairly help evaluate the options. If you steer him too heavily towards DU and he ends up hating it, there could be some long-term resentment.</p>
<p>Just a thought…can we revisit this after u return from DU? I’m hoping your son starts feeling the love…for me, it’s no contest, but in our case, my daughter is “central florida obsessed” and would never want to be in the “northern” area for college…and she’s only a soph in hs and we live in NJ…haha…she already has between 3-4 schools on her short list that lie within an hour of the DU school…</p>
<p>IMO, DU school is totally underrated, and will be = to nrthern one in perception within 5 years…add the honors opp to that…slam dunk…but what do I know; I’m not an 18 yr old boy</p>
<p>Put on the duct tape and smile (if one can with virtual duct tape in place) It really matters at this stage that it is their decision (when that is reasonable and feasible) because it takes “power struggle” out of the equation and can (even if not so evident)make them look more carefully at both options. And, as another poster stated, if it doesn’t work out as well as hoped, the learning is theirs…not something that can be “blamed” on the parent. They do take in our thinking and opinions way more than we often know so you are “in there” in some way already. I bet the weekend will be persuasive so just actively support that happening and trust him.</p>
<p>(although if doofy-head doesn’t get his Flagship U housing contract printed so that it can be postmarked by the deadline next Tuesday, he’s off to Directional Honors - he KNOWS that on-campus housing is an absolute deal-breaker for us. I’m doing one gentle-to-not-so-gentle reminder per day. And when he accuses me of not supporting Flagship, I point out that I’m the one paying two housing deposits to give him more time to make his decision and keep his options open. Provided, of course, that he prints off that contract.)</p>
<p>This is the time when we could do a booming “cap and trade” system in teen boys. We know we will miss them but they are so annoying (and another kids is never quite as annoying as your own) Maybe CC could set up a trading system</p>
<p>Three years ago, our DD also had the decision between a smaller (and more expensive) option, and an OOS flagship U (with a terrific scholarship). We did NOT weigh in on the decision AT ALL. BUT we did give her a deadline of April 29th midnight to finalize HER decision…so that we could get the deposit to the right school. AND good thing we didn’t say April 30th because we had a computer SNAFU and the payment would NOT have gotten there on time if she had waited until the last possible moment.</p>
<p>Any “weighing in” we did regarding college selections came BEFORE the applications were sent.</p>
My son applied to 15 colleges. He’s already heard that he’s been accepted to 5, and two others are near-certain acceptances. Unfortunately, finaid is going to affect where he goes. We have to compare the packages. I expect my son will need some assistance in making a decision because there are so many schools involved. I don’t expect that there will be 15 acceptances, but there could be 10 or so. </p>
<p>He’s known all along that finances are going to play a big part in all of this.</p>
<p>My son has applied to 8 colleges received all his acceptances with scholarsips and I’ve just been on him to give us some kind of idea of where he is leaning. Of course for us, financial aid is going to play into the decision. We haven’t even made any tuition or housing deposits because he won’t give us any idea. He says “I’m still thinking about it” or something to that affect.</p>
<p>mom2three: I’ll trade you my 17 y/o DD who has her heart set on traveling across the country to a small school away from her three brothers.</p>
<p>But in all honesty I agree with fordiscussion on this one. We have to just wait it out and let them decide. After all they’ll see they should listen to us in the end.</p>
<p>mom2three: I’ll trade you my 17 y/o DD who has her heart set on traveling across the country to a small school away from her three brothers.</p>
<p>But in all honesty I agree with fordiscussion on this one. We have to just wait it out and let them decide. After all they’ll see they should listen to us in the end.</p>
<p>This sounds like the same conversation we are having here as well!</p>
<p>Though ours sounds a bit…ahem…louder!</p>
<p>The oldest has been accepted at 6 schools so far. All were his choices. This is a key point! All received the seal of approval. All were met with the same “I would go there. Absolutely!”</p>
<p>Of the acceptances, 4 are small liberal arts schools in the upper Midwest, 1 is a large school in the city, and 1 is “Big State U”.</p>
<p>Of the 4 LA’s…all four have offered money. In 2 cases…significant money!!! Financial aid is a factor to some extent. </p>
<p>His choice…Big State U!!! They have offered…a pre-packaged DVD of housing and dining options! </p>
<p>I’ve tried the “velcro smile”. I’m not good at it! I need the 18 year old to grow up about 5 years and start thinking a little more clearly!</p>
<p>And yes…he is up for sale. Wondering if it would be against ebay rules to list him!</p>
<p>Son is completely undecided about major. Well, he’s thinking about math, physics, engineering, economics, philosophy or psychology. And when I try to encourage him to use some of the tools available to help narrow that down, well, um… who has that 17 year old daughter for trade? We need to talk.</p>
<p>A definite major or even clear interest would be a huge help. But no. Not happening. At least not today. </p>
<p>This too shall pass. I know. This board is good for venting. Around here it’s duct tape time. Hubby thinks that we let the Flagship housing deadline pass without any more warnings, since our biggest concern about his attending Flagship is his inability to cope with that huge bureaucracy and the deadlines, etc., on his own. The place, in our experience, has been sink or swim.</p>
<p>mom3three -
One of mine applied to one college against my vehement protestations. It was very frustrating but she is a senior now and has been very happy with her college and college experience. No one in the family expected her to cope 600 miles from home but she has and done well at it. She is very bright but a little “scatterbrained” - lol.</p>
<p>My youngest applied to a wide variety of schools. She picked a school that I would not have picked for her. She liked the dorms. Anyway - she also did get a very nice merit scholarship. She hated her first semester. I even was going to break my family “rule” (that you must complete the year) and help her get out. Finally I told her she made the decision and she lives with it for the next semester.
She did go back and really loves her school, her classes and her friends.</p>
<p>My point is - all things being equal our kids need to take ownership of their decision. If your son really wants Big U - then so be it. He could do well. The thing about Big U’s being scary and full of bureaucracy is somewhat true but they are full of kids who have successfully learned to navigate the bureaucracy. That in itself is a well learned life lesson.
What is the worst that could happen? He doesn’t like the first semster and transfers? It’s part of life and he needs to live it. You probably don’t want to be at a family dinner in 10 years and hear him tell how you picked his college.
Hang in there - it is indeed a nerve wracking time.</p>
<p>mom2three - As I read your post I had two schools in mind. Then I looked at your username, and realized who you were, and you were talking about the schools that I was thinking of.</p>
<p>I am glad to see a parent support Directional U. The Flagship is too impersonal for me. I also found it odd that they expect everyone that applies to their University to submit a housing deposit months before decisions came out. If you waited until after the decision there is no telling if you would have a spot.</p>