Decisions are in: was it worth the effort?

Parents Forum
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<p>Four years ago, after working extremely hard through high school, my son did not get into his top choice college, but was accepted to several Ivies and top LACs. He achieved his goal of getting into a great school and felt vindicated. In his mind, the sacrifices were necessary to achieve his goal and it was all worth it.</p>

<p>Four years later, after working extremely hard all through high school, D was also admitted to top schools. She, on the other hand, feels somewhat let down and has begun to worry it wasn't worth all the hard work and sacrifice. So many of her peers spent their high school years taking easy classes, hanging out, and having lots of fun leisure time while she slaved away on homework or pursued her consuming EC's. She keeps saying, "College had better be really great. I'm not sure it was worth it."</p>

<p>Now that acceptances are in, does your son or daughter feel as though his/her hard work paid off? Do they instead feel cheated? And whether they achieved the desired result or not, are they now feeling a let down or some doubt about their high school career?</p>

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<p>IMHO, your D will be better prepared for college/life than her peers.
When she and her friends actually have to buckle down and study hard for elusive As, she will be mentally prepared to make the sacrifices and do the hard work to achieve a good gpa.<br>
She has practiced the time management skills to combine both academics and a social life.
Her ECs have shown her that volunteering and doing for others is more satisfying as she evolves into a productive member of society.
Be patient, mom.
The proof is in the pudding.
Tell her, college will be as great as SHE makes it. It’s all about her.
Best wishes.</p>

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<p>To the OP,
No. In my family, the experience has been really quite different.</p>

<p>My daughter is now at MIT. Her younger brother, a senior, is now deciding between Willamette University OR and Trinity College CT. Neither felt that way, but their experiences in high school were vastly different from what you’ve described.</p>

<p>Frankly, my daughter was the kind of unusual high-school student who sailed through the most difficult courses and still had time for many activities, including some original research. By the time she applied to MIT, she had earned national recognition in math, art, and science. She had a reputation in the high-school as the only kid who actually was able to get to bed by 10pm each night. I believe that everything she ever did, she did simply for the sheer pleasure of it (including teaching herself html programming at age 10), and she never felt overworked or burdened in high school. She loves MIT; took to it like a duck to water.</p>

<p>My son struggled with health problems his junior year; he has asthma yet can not handle the medication in the inhaler. When he caught bronchitis, the doctors put him on high-dose cortico-steroids, and side effects included dizziness, nausea, fatigue, inablity to concentrate. His junior-year grades went down the toilet. Needless to say, we never pushed him to do anything he didn’t want to do, either, but he could do far less.
He’s looking forward to college, and I am also happy with his choices, given the circumstances. I’m sure he’ll thrive and be happy there.</p>

<p>But I’ve always wondered about the subtext you raise in your post. Students who wish to shoot for a school like MIT or Harvard can work themselves to the bone trying to do everything that will “look right”…they can burn out. The problem is, the work load at MIT and Harvard is just as intense, if not much more difficult than anything a student will encounter in high school. So if such students get in, they may not be happy after all. It may not be such a great fit.</p>

<p>Sorry for the rambling post. I hope your daughter can have a well-deserved break this summer.</p>

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<p>I was beginning to worry my D would not feel all her hard work was worth it but when she got in to her #1, she felt it was which made me happy. She’s always been very driven and a hard worker and actively involved in sports so i don’t know if she would have changed anything and i think she will feel her college choice is a good match for her. Now her 9th grade sister is taking the more laid back approach to high school and i imagine will feel her route was the right one for her. The jury is out on my middle schooler!</p>