Deferred to Regular Decision... now what?

Parents Forum
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<p>OK. DS got his deferral letter today from his number one school. Is there anything he can do to improve his chances of being selected the second time around? </p>

<p>Unfortuantely, this year has been difficult for him. What once came simple and easy to do... i.e.: no studying required = good grades. To the needs to study and trying to find what works = mediocre grades. So his mid year report card is mostly C's. he does have one more iterim report in March where he might be able to get his GC to send out those grades if he can find the way that works for him for studying. Personally, I think this is just the kick in the butt he needed. Maybe now he will get serious about studying.</p>

<p>So any ideas on what he can do without being put in the annoying category?</p>

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<p>ChuckDoodle, Sorry to hear that. Happened to my son last year. There is a good article posted in the College Admissions Forum about deferrals with do’s and don’ts about dealing with deferrals. Post today was by Sally Rubenstone.</p>

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<p>^^ thanks. I read that, it seems to have some good ideas. Right now I’m trying to keep DS from getting too down.</p>

<p>If anybody has been in this situation and was able to get accepted, I would appreciate any pointers that I could pass along to my son.</p>

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<p>Tell him it gets darkest before the dawn. Our DS got deferred from #1 choice. Then there was a miserable week where there were 3 flat rejections, a girl friend who said good bye and a wait listing. </p>

<p>Thank goodness, a fine school said “Hey, we like what we see” and sent the fat envelope (fat email??). All of a sudden the sun came out and life was good. </p>

<p>But I think it might not be a bad time to put a map of the world on the wall (literally). Take a look with son and make a Misery back up plan. What WILL he do if he gets to April and has no college options? If you talk and joke about it now, you and he will be ready if that unfolds. Will he take a cheap flight to Spain and lie in the sun for a week? Will he serve burgers in Memphis? Go to truck driving school? Come up with a list that could work as a a starting place. </p>

<p>Tell him you love him no matter what. Tell him that those C’s may hurt him now but this kind of misery is survivable. Tell him about stupid choices you made when you were his age (he will like those tales). Tell him to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. </p>

<p>If he doesn’t have a Food Handlers card, go WITH him to take the course and get it. (In our county it is ten dollars and a two hour class). Go WITH him as a show of support. Tell him it doesn’t hurt you to learn this stuff (it doesn’t) and with today’s economy even old dogs may be slinging hash and fries at some point. That Food HAndler’s card may be his ticket to summer employment – and a bit more of a wake up call that life as a happy high schooler ends in June. </p>

<p>Tell him, too, that high school pals and high school life that seems so intense will melt away after graduation. Right now it can seem like everyone else has their life together --and they don’t. Or it looks good on the surface. Tell him stories from your own group about the kid that no one noticed who is now an MD or a CEO. Tell him about the superstar from your days who is just an average Joe now. Help him see beyond going to school on April 2 with bad news when other kids will be euphoric. </p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

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<p>Love thy safety. Take the deferment as a rejection (especially if his midterm report consists mainly of “C’s”) and move on to plan B.</p>

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<p>^^I’m beginning to hate that…love thy safety…</p>

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<p>ChuckDoodle, Son was deferred and then waitlisted by 2 of the 3 schools he applied to. Got off both waitlists so it is possible depending on the schools. Look at the percentages of deferrals that have turned into acceptances at his school in the past. If it is very low, he probably does need to move on if he does have those C’s this year. Son went from underachiever to finally getting it together senior year and improving his grades. Getting deferred was probably one of the best things that ever happened to him (although it did not feel like it at the time). He just updated the schools with some achievements (improvement in grades, a couple of new honors). Emailed just to say he was disappointed, thought both schools were good matches for him (so did his guidance counselor ). Didn’t go overboard, just sincerely said he was disappointed, would love to have the opportunity to attend if they did go to their waitlist, etc. The school he is at had not gone to their waitlist for 2 or 3 years but did last year. Suggestions-be sincere but don’t be a pest. Update if he has any new positive things to add. Make every effort to bring those senior grades up. Some of these kids, particulary boys, just seem to be late bloomers. Son ended up with all A’s and A-'s his first semester in college(with hard courses like calculus,chemistry,etc). and on the Dean’s list with an invitation to apply to the honors program (because his SAT’s were never the problem ,just his high school grades). So there is hope! Good luck to your son.</p>

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<p>Olymom</p>

<p>The “problem” with DS is that everything so far has fallen into his lap. He has had a job for the past two summers- working as an intern for a govenrment contractor and making above minimum wage pay. His friends are jealous of him because they have the “slinging hash” type jobs. He will have the same job next summer, so that’s not an issue.</p>

<p>On top of that he has been accepted into 4 colleges- 2 in state, 2 out of state. The in state are definate safeties, the OOS are almost safeties- they both have offered him merit money of 13k and 15K per year.</p>

<p>This has been an eye opener for him- “what, they didn’t love me?” One of the challenges has been that he has never had to study for anything before but now that attitude is not getting him the grades he once had.</p>

<p>We are doing our best to encourage him but we are also preparing for the worst. We are going back to visit the two schools where he has been accepted just so he can start thinking about his other options.</p>

<p>Sevmom He is going to ask his employer for a letter of recommendation. While he was working there last semester they tasked him to write a software program for their computers. He didn’t have any knowledge of this langauge before he was tasked, they handed him a book and told him to get started. He was able to write the program in 2 months. I’m hoping something like this might help sway the admissions board- along with better grades…</p>

<p>thanks for all your suggestions… he will end up where he’s supposed to be so I’m not too worried.</p>

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<p>I think I’d also add that he will continue to have challenges as he becomes a man, and then afterward too. Even people that hit the lottery have problems, they just have different problems.
Odd as it sounds, but it is unfortunate that everything has come so easily for him in the past. Such easy success in the past has not prepared him for challenges, successes and failures still to come.</p>

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<p>I agree with younghoss. It is not a blessing when all things come so easily. And not everyone will “love” him. Better this happens now while you are still around to guide him through this than next year when he is away at school. He is fortunate to have you. Hopefully he will be up for the challenge! Good luck!</p>

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<p>Might also pass onto that that although this may be first time he has experienced such a disappointment, he isn’t first or last one to have a disapppointment, nor is it his last time. Point out a disappointment or 2 from your life. Are you in your dream job? Make more money than you deserve? Is this dream job your first job, or did you “step up” to it? Show S this is a part of growing up, and ask him to try to see it as relatively good news- it means he is growing up(all boys like that). He isn’t the protected kid he was at 5 or 10. He isn’t a man yet either, but this situation and how he handles it brings him a step closer to being a man.</p>

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<p>Our son’s deferral turned to rejection in Spring, but he also had 4 acceptances and chose thoughtfully from among those. I’ve mentioned this before, but since you’re a new member, I’ll quote from S-1’s email home in October of freshman year: “If I had known how happy I’d be at my ‘second choice’ it would have been my #1 all along.” Each year on CC, we see many other posts along the same lines. </p>

<p>I’m sure your son is sad, but your parental attitude of knowing it will all work out has a certain contagious quality. Sounds like you’re not wringing your hands, berating the deferral or weeping at night. Perhaps he’ll take his cue from your calm reactions here.</p>

<p>Your OP also asked how not to be ‘annoying’: General CC wisdom from Parents is: if he achieves something unusual between Fall and now; an award, a new Letter Of Recommendation with a different perspective, a position in a situation that indicates he’s either flying in a strength area or mending a weak area…these are things to send in. More-of-the-same as was in his original app is not likely to change their minds. From the Early App, they already know they’re his first choice, so no need to write love letters to them.</p>

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<p>A number of years ago, my D’s early decision school deferred her. She really deserved to get in. While she could have sent additional info, etc., she took it as a “personal insult” and decided to move on. Their loss, and all that. She wound up at precisely the school she was “meant” to attend, achieved amazing educational heights, made lifelong friends and did everything she wanted and more. Let your child know that success and happiness is his to attain. He was “meant” to take a different path. Good luck!</p>

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<p>Definitely consider the Cs linked to likely rejection letter in the spring. Wrong time for Cs. However, I would most certainly have that letter from his supervisor with the specifics about his problems solving skills and moxie in there. That could cancel out the Cs and put him in that weird category of the “lopsided” student colleges prefer to the perfect A student. Admissions officers do recognize the brightest kids sometimes are outside of the box and doers and you son sounds like a “doer.”
I also believe that some admissions officers prefer students with serious paid work histories to students with pristine grades who have barely ever held a paying job.</p>

<p>Lastly, better the Cs now than freshman year in college when many boys screw up. (speaking from experience here) as my son seemed to think he was still going to “recover” from a bad quiz or test and didn’t realize that you don’t get 25% of your grades in college on things like “class participation” and “completing homework.” He dropped a class he was heading for a C/D in freshman year (goodbye 5 grand!) and started his sophomore years scared straight. His key to making good grades in a tough school (Duke)…breakfast daily by 8am…and working during all the daylight hours as if school was a job. I think he would have tried to continue to slide by and stay up all hours if he hadn’t seen some serious dents in his grades…so again, better now than later in my view.</p>

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<p>I want to thank all of you for the words of wisdom and encouragement. My hubby and I are looking at this experience as blessing in disguise. It has opened our son’s eyes that not all things come easily and even if you really want something, it still may not happen. We are taking this opportunity to talk about our own disappointments- something that we normally gloss over…</p>

<p>While not being negative about this, we are going to keep talking about Plan B, C, and D.</p>

<p>The good thing is- this is not the end of the world and when one door closes another opens. I’m a firm believer that if you get oranges, make orange juice. Our son may not feel that way right now; but by this time next year he’ll be fine.</p>

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<p>I speak from the perspective of a parent whose child was deferred then denied at his #1, and #2 schools, likely for the dreaded Cs on the senior year report card. </p>

<p>While the events of last year were very, very tough to accept in our house, particularly given that I knew that DS had a great deal on his plate, was involved in an award winning 20 hour plus per week EC the exact scope of which was likely not clear on his applications, and we still suspect that there were errors on his transcript reported to colleges at mid-year, and given that there were other students accepted at schools where he was denied to my complete surprize, it has been, so far, a blessing in disguise. </p>

<p>He learned his limits (they exist, yes they do…), that life is not always fair (yes, the schools may have received some transposed and incorrect grades at mid-year), and that, hard work must be selective, at times, to lead to success (perhaps all that work with the EC might have been better spent getting A grades, rather than less, though he did pull out 4s and 5s on the exams). Grades, at least at this stage of the game, are most important. Not only must one really work to achieve success, but one must cull and sift from amoung the many tasks on one’s plate to produce results…</p>

<p>DS1 entered his safety school with merit aid, and almost one year of credits thanks to 4s and 5s on AP exams. His current gpa is as near to perfect as it could be. He has a group of friends. While I am sure he still laments the events of senior year, including a lingering suspicion that errors on the mid-year report lead to denials, they are receeding for him, and compared to some of his hs peer group that are struggling with the demands of college work, his academic load is more than tolerable, and he’s begun to take on more challenges for himself, including a graduate level course in one area, and an independent project in another. </p>

<p>He had the struggle as a senior, and I am glad that, for the moment, it appears to be put behind him…I am convinced he would have succeeded in his reach schools, but I am also convinced that, in the environment he’s in, he will seek out and find challenges for himself going forward, even if the everyday classroom tasks do not tax him to the nines. </p>

<p>Your child will do fine where he lands. Watch, and see…our worries as parents are part of, it seems, the process of letting the offspring leave the nest…</p>

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<p>I am glad he has some options. I would STILL talk to him about what kids do that don’t get into any college. He needs to know that there are some kids, just as worthy as he is, who have some tough paths to choose from. </p>

<p>There’s a verse in the Bible that goes “I cried because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet.”</p>

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<p>rocket6louise: *I’m beginning to hate that…love thy safety… *</p>

<p>Rocket! Why? You love your safety! </p>

<p>LOL</p>

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<p>*While not being negative about this, we are going to keep talking about Plan B, C, and D.</p>

<p>The good thing is- this is not the end of the world and when one door closes another opens. I’m a firm believer that if you get oranges, make orange juice. Our son may not feel that way right now; but by this time next year he’ll be fine. *</p>

<p>Chuckledoodle…</p>

<p>Has your son been accepted to any of his matches and safeties? Which schools are those?</p>

<p>anothermom3 quote: DS1 entered his safety school with merit aid, and almost one year of credits thanks to 4s and 5s on AP exams. His current gpa is as near to perfect as it could be.</p>

<p>Now there’s an example of turning lemons into lemonade! Go kid!</p>

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<p>mom2-I DO love my safety, but I just hate how it sounds like a commandment…LOVE THY SAFETY…it sounds angry…It should be more like “Make sure you find a safety that’s really nice” or something…more cheerful</p>