<p>Hard_Knocks what if your husbands best friend happened to be a girl so therefore he would open up to her more so than with his guy friends. Also i myself open up more to girls than guys because my friends who are girls are a lot more sensitive and easier to talk to about deep stuff than with guys</p>
<p>Hmmm...lol sorry but I never saw that movie. But I do think men and women can be 'just friends'. Oh, I also thought it could be 'destined husband' but what the hay. </p>
<p>IMO, I still don't consider it 'cheating' but I probably won't be able to stand being in a relationship knowing the person I love loves another (besides me). Also, I'm not an expert on men, but how do we know if they don't secretly talk about their wants, fears, and needs with each other? Albeit, in real 'manly' ways of course! (I.E. "Yeah, I'm shooting for a law degree, man. Gonna make enough to buy me a Mustang." = "I want to be able to provide for my family." ..I think I read too much Cosmo lol!)</p>
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Yes, you are no expert... as you stereotype b/c of ignorance.
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I'm not ignorant about it. You just don't understand what I mean. I guess I suck at explaining things and I'm not even going to try to explain it.</p>
<p>Lightzout, what if my husband's best friend happened to be a girl?
Then he married the wrong girl. </p>
<p>tnguyen08, you've never seen "When Harry Met Sally"!
Yikes, am I showing my age? Don't really answer that.</p>
<p>Billy Crystal's character argued that men are always waiting for an opportunity to have a physical relationship with whatever girl they're supposedly friends with.</p>
<p>"If my dh developed a close friendship with another woman, I'd consider him cheating."</p>
<p>What if he had that kind of relationship with another man, but in a totally manly, non-gay way?</p>
<p>I think physical, sexual contact is cheating. Having an emotional relationship is not, because it can be platonic. I have close friends of both gender, and since I'm bi, I guess if I had an emotional relationship with anybody, it'd be considered cheating. Hugging is not as long as it's not a romantic hug. Holding hands, kissing, etc obviously would be.</p>
<p>I have a ton of close male friends (I'm "that" type of girl, the type of girl who has more guy friends than girl friends), but I try my best to discuss things important to me with my boyfriend first (of course, my boyfriend doesn't really want to listen to what I say all the time). I'm friends with tons of guys who I'm not romantically attracted to at all, but I feel like I'm limited my friendships with them a lot because of little keep-my-boyfriend-first philosophy. I'm trying to work on balancing that.</p>
<p>My boyfriend, on the other hand, is living with his best female friend next year (and no one else). She just happens, unrelatedly, to be the only person I've ever known who I honestly do not like. It even bothers me that there's someone who exists that I just cannot get myself to like. She's also probably the type of girl who no one would want their boyfriend living with, even though I completely trust my boyfriend. I'm trying my very best to deal with the situation, and I really hate to admit this, but my life would just be so much easier if she didn't exist. What bothers me so much about the situation is that I have no doubt in my mind that my boyfriend is trustworthy, faithful, and completely in love with me (plus, and this is going to come off so vain, but I've had so many people tell me how I'm much more attractive than the girl in more than one way), but should he really be sharing a house, sharing a living environment, with another woman? They already sit at hockey games with each other, while I sit with another friend, and it just seems like she gets so much that should be reserved for me.</p>
<p>I know that makes my boyfriend sound horrible, but he's really not. He's the best person I know, in fact, just not in the standard rules of society sort of way. He just sees things differently from most people, especially me, little miss Southern girl at a big liberal school, and he doesn't understand why something like living with another girl would bother a girlfriend at all. I think one of the things I love about our relationship is that we compliment each other so well, but in times like this, our differences can really jar at each other.</p>
<p>Is this situation cheating? Is saying he loves her in another, completely unromantic, way cheating? I mean, I love all my friends dearly, just not as much as I love my boyfriend.
And if it's not cheating, which if definitely not what I think of it as, is it worse? He didn't even tell me when he made the decision, but it's not because he had feelings for another girl, it's just because he knew I wouldn't approve, just like a parent who doesn't approve of drinking. Cheating is (usually considered) something that happens in a night, this is something I have to dread happening for a whole school year.</p>
<p>What I'm trying to take out of this situation is: a.) Learn to get help when you're depressed (the situation basically ruined second semester of my sophomore year) b.) Figure out how much you're willing to sacrifice for someone you love and c.) (this is by far the hardest) Learn to love someone you can't stand.</p>
<p>In the end, I'm still young, and a bit clueless about life and love, but I guess I really want things to work out, even though sometimes things really, truly hurt me. I guess what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...right?</p>
<p>Christine - I'm sorry for what you're going through with this, but from reading your post, you're so clearly making excuses for this guy. </p>
<p>I don't care where you go to school (liberal or not) - there is no guy in the world that thinks that living with another female friend won't upset his GF. You said early on in your post that it wouldn't even occur to him that you would be mad about his living arrangements, yet he went out of his way not to tell you because he knew you wouldn't approve? I mean, come on...</p>
<p>You talked about sacrifice in you post, but this isn't about sacrifice, its about him taking advantage. The situation is ideal for him (he gets to have a great girlfriend AND live with some other chick - with whatever that may entail)....he gets to have his cake and eat it too. And frankly, the situation sucks for you. </p>
<p>I'm sorry for rambling on, but I see your post and my heart just went out to you. PLEASE kick this guy to the curb...he isn't worth it.</p>
<p>Christine, I am extremely liberal and have many friends who go to U of M (I live about 10 minutes away from the school), and trust me, this is not a normal situation. Those things are reserved for you, the girlfriend. Trust me, no girl would be ok with this and shame on your boy for expecting you to be ok with it. He didn't even discuss it with you first! That's low. </p>
<p>You deserve somebody who is going to be considerate of your feelings. It doesn't matter whether he is physically cheating on you, he is emotionally cheating on you because he'd obviously rather spend time with her (as is the case with the hockey games). </p>
<p>I hope that didn't come off as rude, because I don't mean it to be. But, I agree with horsegirl, you sound like a really sweet girl and a guy like that doesn't deserve you. Good luck :).</p>
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i think it's cheating if you do something that you wouldn't want your bf/gf to find out about.
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<p>agreed. if you feel guilty, you're cheating.</p>
<p>^^ Mostly true, but some guys/girl cheat and don't feel guilty at all...</p>
<p>Christine123: In your particular situation, you have every right to be upset. If you are in a relationship, I believe both persons should do whatever they can do to make the other one happy. It doesn't bother him that you have a close friendship with other guys, and so it doesn't bother you that he has a close friendship with another girl. BUT LIVING WITH HER IS WAYYY OUT OF LINE ESPECIALLY BECAUSE HE KNOWS IT IS SOMETHING THAT WOULD HURT YOU. He should have talked to you about somethings as huge as this and the way the it's negatively effecting you should be enough of a sign for him to back out of living with the other girl.</p>
<p>according to the 1 law of logic I remember from math class:</p>
<p>if we assume "if you're feeling guilty, then you are cheating" to be true, the only other necessarily true statement (the contrapositive) is "if you aren't cheating, then you won't feel guilty"</p>
<p>The converse "if you don't feel guilty, then you're not cheating" and the inverse "if you are cheating, you will feel guilty" do not have to be true.</p>
<p>i wouldn't call emotional feelings for somebody else cheating, but i would seriously consider breaking up with them.</p>
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<p>Oh my god, you girls are so ridiculous. I'm sorry you ladies had horrible experiences with guys but you're given Christine false advice. A relationship with a girlfriend is in no way superior or takes precedence over a relationship with a very close friend. If that close friend happens to be a girl, then Christine's bf has every right to very close to her while at the same time maintaing a relationship with Christine. You can be emotionally attached to many other people besides your significant other. Your bf/gf shouldn't have a monopoly on your emotional affection.</p>
<p>Christine, I think you are being a little selfish in this situation. You obviously trust your boyfriend so why don't you let him spend time with his friends guilt-free, whether they be male or female? If you want more one on one time with him, then just tell him that so you can have fun doing some common activities. He isn't "emotionally cheating" on you just because he likes to associate with this girl in the same way that he likes associating with his guy friends. That's just stupid. Innocent until proven guilty...</p>
<p>horsegirl in particular is rather ridiculous. She assumes that Christine's bf is cheating on her already. Ah another angry feminist who's never going to have a healthy relationship because of her insecurities...</p>
<p>Leah, your statement holds little truth. Christine's bf might feel guilty because Christine is mad at him for spending time with his close female friend. That's not his fault. It would be Christine's fault for recklessly guilt-tripping him.</p>
<p>you'll notice that the post to which i was agreeing was actually a statement from a male poster.
your evident misogyny is revolting and your opinions (judgements) are in no way well-rounded. in referring to other posters as "ridiculous girls" and "angry feminists," you negate any worth your comments might have held. if you want to make a point, using derogatory and male-centric language is not an effective rhetorical strategy.</p>
<p>damn straight leah, you tell him!</p>
<p>Christine, have you told your boyfreind explicitly how uncomfortable that makes you. if it never occured to him that it might bother you, that's fair. ignorance is falability, disregard is intentional. if you said something and he's failed to either remedy the situation of asuay you fears, ten he's incredibly insensitive and probably not good enough for you. </p>
<p>i totally get the "giving the boyfreind time with his friends" deal and that's fair that he should be able hang out with just them sometimes, but i don't know this realtionship just seems a little too close for comfort. </p>
<p>my advice, just talk to him about it. sit him in down and in now clant terms explain exactly how you feel about theis girl and their relationship, you're not asking him to stop being her friend, but just to think of you first and foremost when he socializes</p>
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Oh please, all the females on this thread have made very offensive and feminist remarks. Calling them "ridiculous girls" and "angry feminists" is justified in this situation. When you grow up and have actual relationships, you will realize the compromises you have to make. Trying to limit your significant other's interaction with others(whether it be the same sex or opposite) is a recipe for disaster.</p>
<p>If your grammar wasn't good, I'd have assumed you were a troll. Yes, you make compromises and sacrifices in a relationship, but they have to be on equal ground. The main thing that bothers the responders was that he did not even bother to inform her, she was not apart of his decision. When you share your life with someone (as you are, by dating them), they deserve to share in these kind of decisions. </p>
<p>But you write that off as her guilt tripping him. Has she said anything to indicate that she had be guilt tripping him?If anyone's being sexist in this thread, I'd say it would be you.</p>
<p>I personally would be offended if I went to a hockey game with my boyfriend and some mutual friends, and he chose to sit with his girl bestfriend, away from me. That's really not acceptable from my view.</p>
<p>"emotional closeness" is only cheating, in my opinion, if the person's not open about their relationship with that person, if they're lying to their signifigant other about it--- it's definetly cheating.</p>
<p>Logically...you can get "emotional closeness" from anyone or anything. The thing that distinguishes a relationship is physical contact. Not telling your significant other that you are spending time with someone of the opposite sex may not be considerate, but I don't believe it should be classified as cheating.</p>
<p>You girls are silly. That's right. I went there.</p>