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Mistakes happen. But the school is not going to admit it to an angry parent who is threatening a lawsuit.
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@PrdMomto1 - I agree and I’m not sure they would admit her at this point (having been threatened with a lawsuit) even if they made a mistake because of the experience that they have had thus far with the OP. Sometimes as parents we respond too quickly in an effort to protect or children and as a result they miss out on what otherwise could have been a great opportunity to learn to advocate for themselves.
I went to a public university and had many devout Mormon friends. They did community service, like me, and found their own ways to have fun without drinking. My husband went to a public university as well and had a Mormon roommate for two years. Though they were very different, they learned a lot from each other. My friends-- and his roommate-- are still devout, and as far as I know none of them drank or partied hard in college. Other colleges are not necessarily the dens of iniquity you are making them out to be. I understand that it is hard to let go of control-- especially with your first child. But consider contacting the Mormon groups at other colleges. At many places you may be reassured by the level of their faith.
@rosemaryandthyme - I am not a mormon but I actually became deeper in my relationship with God in a college in of all places “the Bronx”, New York. Spent the rest of my years there attending services, christian clubs (numerous & various denominations) , prayer meetings, concerts , outreaches, community service etc. I’m sure that many considered the campus a “Den of iniquity”. Oh and I graduated
I do wonder how many other people feel like OP. It reminds me of the Asian-American lawsuit against Harvard, which led to disclosures about admissions process.
When you respond to other posters, use the “@” symbol and then type their name. You’ll see it pop up and then hit enter. That way we can all see - and they can see - that you are responding to them directly. Otherwise your posts just kind of float there, disconnected.
You are angry. You are very, very angry. Please, take a deep breath. Your daughter is observing your response to this situation and she will model her behavior, to some degree, to it. We absolutely cannot ever control what happens to us - we can only control how we react to what happens to us. As others have stated, there are many, many highly deserving, amazing kids that get rejected from schools every single year in favor of “less deserving” on the face of it kids. (From the perspective of grades, stats, devotion to the school, etc.) It’s just how it works. It isn’t fair. That’s life.
You should take that breath, and then stand up tall and figure out what Plan B will be. Unless you respectfully (without being in attack mode) reach out and convince the school to change their mind, your daughter will not be attending BYU this fall. You need to be the adult, and help her figure out the alternate path she will instead be embarking on. Don’t send her off to her freshman year bitter and resentful.
Your kid is alive and probably healthy. Many moms are going to bed tonight without being able to make that statement. I thank my lucky stars every. single. day. that I can. Everything else? We will figure it out.
@Hippobirdy, What does a Mormon student being rejected from a Mormon University have to do with the Harvard case? The student who was accepted was also Mormon. There’s nothing in any of OP’s posts to indicate the rejection was based on race.
There’s plenty to indicate it could have been based on other things. OP made the unfortunate assumption that their checklist is what mattered. Checking off every box only matters if you’re checking off the boxes the college wants. Just because some people equate a higher GPA and/or test score with being “more deserving” doesn’t make it true.
Unfortunately, the family didn’t have a proper safety. Safeties have to be more than affordable; they have to be places the student would be happy to attend. It’s not the college’s fault if people mistakenly believe they’re a shoo in. If OP wants to fix the process they could start by not having tutors ghostwrite teacher recommendations. It’s almost March. They can vent on CC, but their time would be better spent working with their child to find affordable options for the fall that she’d be happy to attend.
Coming from a rejected student, I feel you on this. I do agree personally, that it is easier for boys to “make it” in the church, considering they can go on a mission right out of high school and apply during their mission 2-4 times. I have been concurrently enrolled in high school so I’m going to apply as a transfer student for winter 2021 BYU. Also another great option is BYU Salt Lake Extension. The classes you take there directly transfer over to BYU and they are way easier so your daughter will have 24 units of a 4.0 at BYU. You can live at BYU and still have the same experience too, all you have to do is take the train to SLC two days a week.
I’m sure your daughter is beyond qualified for any of these UVU/BYUI schools anyway so I recommend going to any other school, possibly IV leagues. I only applied to BYU so I’m going to apply for BYU winter 2021 to see if I get in, leave on a mission in January of 2021 and apply 4 more times on my mission to see if I can still get in. But I basically have guaranteed admission to UCSB.
So I recommend you either
Apply as a transfer student for winter 2021 (if you already have enough units and have been concurrently enrolled
2)Do BYU Salt Lake Extension Program, get a 4.0 and boom your in the school no problem. That’s what the BISHOP’S 4.0 30 ACT DAUGHTER did when she got rejected last year and now she’s super happy where she is now at BYU and has a scholarship
Find another school
Quite frankly, If you don’t believe in the church, I don’t know why you would even want to go to BYU. “Just for the atmosphere”. There are plenty of other schools with awesome youth wards and great environments. It’s not a bunch of frats. I do know what you mean. All the youth in my ward last year went to a church school but one. That one ended up having sex with her boyfriend, drinking, smoking, and ended up being depressed having to confess to her parents. There is always a risk and I can tell that your not a devout mormon based on this so I do understand why you would choose BYU. But there are so many other schools where she can be clean as well.
Yeah, again, there is not a “holistic review” going on here. “Pottery girl” as you refer to her and my daughter applied with the same “Undecided” major.
I think you are wrong, the system can change. I know for a fact that they are not reviewing these applications and then sending students out letters that they didn’t get in for NO REASON.
Again, the “pottery girl” did not write an interesting essay. I actually talked to her about it because she didn’t want to even apply to this school. She said she put in minimal effort because she didn’t care.
So I contrast this with my daughters essays that took time effort and thought, and my daughters 4 AP’s this year and put their applications side by side and there is no reason that my daughter did not get in and this student did.
Your “if you don’t like it, don’t apply” response doesn’t actually pair well with real life where this has been my daughters dream for TEN YEARS. Every decision she has made academically, extracurricular activity wise and volunteer wise has been framed by “this will help me stand out at BYU” all so they could kick her in the teeth? Um no.
So while you are right, being smart is not a “protected class,” it does make me smart enough to say “hmm. Something is wrong here and if they won’t tell me then I WILL lawyer up.” Both my sister and brother in law are attorneys and I am grateful to have the resources to hold these people accountable.
My ward will be of NO help. Appreciate the suggestion but again, CLEARLY my daughter got screwed here. Some justice needs to be done for her and for future students.
@austinmshauri - just to confirm, the family (ours) DID have safety school. Sadly no one wants to go to their pub par safety school after busting their tail for four years carrying 8 AP classes in the past two years alone.
We DO have a safety school (Utah State and Brown) but again, she wants NOTHING to do with either of those.
Brown is your safety school?! You/your daughter can’t find something to love at Brown??
My oldest attended his safety, in Dallas, and it ended up being a phenomenal experience. He’s graduated now, happy, working in his field. Life (college) is what you make of it.
I haven’t read the thread, so if it’s already been stated…
Your child didn’t get in and that’s a bummer for her, but why does the system have to change? There are hundreds of thousands of kids every year who don’t get into their top choice. This is a good experience for your child, who will apply for jobs that she won’t get, or maybe be outbid on a home she won’t get. It doesn’t seem fair to you or her, but it seems pretty fair to the people who got in.
I agree with @austinmshauri that a true safety is a school one will happily attend.
The risk for the OP is that a parent’s antagonistic approach hurts a student’s chances even for winter or spring admission.
Have the guidance counselor ask for reconsideration, explanation. Sometimes mistakes are made.
@sherimba03 - I appreciate your response. I am angry. And rightfully so. I think you are right though that with her, we have to put on a happy face and pretend this is okay and her entire future hasn’t gone up in smoke. Although she is smart enough to know that is not true.
If you aren’t LDS I can hopefully explain the culture in our community and NOT going to BYU Provo is a huge slap in the face. If you go to BYUI people regard you as an idiot ( and I have heard this comment many times before) so there are stigmas about not going to BYU provo. Like I cant even announce on Facebook now where she decides to go because if it isn’t BYUP, there is judging and shame for my family.
I did take the counsel you provided yesterday to heart and called Utah state to find out more about their Honors program. Hopefully if she can get surrounded by smart peers she can excel and have a good future.
I joked with one of my friends recently that I now have a soft spot in my heart for that Lori Loughton who bribed college officials! Now I get why she did it! If I had an extra million laying around I would absolutely grease the wheels lol
Thank you for your response though, I appreciate the constructive help
What are you doing? This happens all the time. Thousands of times. Kids with perfect scores and amazing EC’s and come back stories are rejected from their first choice schools every darn day. That is life. The holistic review allows for the schools to pick a student based on something unique about them that maybe the school is looking for that sets them apart. Who knows what that might be. Bottom line is this is not a unique situation AT ALL. Accepting rejection and showing our kids how to accept that sometimes life is not fair are important lessons in life. Normal part of life all of this. Not accepting rejection like an adult and modeling that for your child is damaging. Those are the damages. Your child is paying them. Move forward Today!
Wow, you really need to change your attitude for your daughter’s sake. She “is smart enough to know that… her entire future (has) gone up in smoke?” Really? This is too dramatic and will affect her attitude about her chosen school and how she deals with setbacks in the future. I want to go back to the poster who said: your daughter is alive and presumably healthy. I find it very difficult to sympathize with your trauma of not being able to post her school on Facebook. Please, please read what you are writing here.
And I agree there is a huge red flag that her teacher asked her/you/other to write the LOR.
@thumper1 - did you actually just suggest my daughter attend COMMUNITY COLLEGE? I mean really? Really? She has been busting her a** for TEN YEARS - she is taking AP BIO, AP CHEM, AP PHYSICS and AP Calc at a large school and getting a 3.9 and COMMUNITY COLLEGE?
Also “free college” in CT is only for families with under 50K a year in income, so that’s not an option.
She should never have to go to community college in our sh*thole state because she SHOULD have gotten into BYU
We were absolutely financially damaged by this - she now has no options that she wants to go to and because we have to stay in the Mormon culture so my kid doesn’t get date raped at some frat party that limits our options to (both suck) Utah state and University of Utah.
Hard to get excited about those when you got into Brown (which she did but has NO INTEREST in going to).
So again, this dialogue does not address my initial question as to how to reform the system and make sure that this doesn’t happen to other deserving students.
If you have nothing constructive to say on my initial question then IDK why you are commenting.
@sarrip - To be fair, I asked them nicely about five times for a reason and they were just jerking me around before threatening a lawsuit. I spent two hours on the phone with this tool in Admissions who just kept refusing to provide an answer and trying to gaslight me with their “holistic process.”
After asking to talk to a manager there (and they refused to transfer me) THEN I told them I wanted to talk to legal.
These people are Aholes so like I said, at this point I would not want her to go there regardless.
@2plustrio - Um no. Please reread my Original Post. My daughter LOVES this school. It is the only school she wants to go to.
The other student who didn’t put any effort into their application did NOT have a MIT ENGLISH PROFESSOR look at them.
I did, and paid for that. So yes, my essays, 100% without a doubt, were better.
Again, please re-read the thread, I did NOT immediately threaten a lawsuit. After being jerked around for two hours on the phone with admissions and asking to talk to a manager (and being refused) THEN I asked to talk to legal about a lawsuit.
Please read before sounding like a tool.
And yes, I have paid substantial amounts of my salary into this church as THEY TOUT that kids can then have this great education as part of it and then they kick you in the teeth and leave you by the curb.
