<p>If I or my daughters had their butts grabbed at a concert, I would consider that sexual assault. I remember when one of my girl scout troop members had a boy come up behind her and “grind” against her in the dark of a big school dance when they were dancing as a big group, and she certainly was upset – they had a sleepover at our house after, and it was the biggest topic of conversation. But she didn’t want to rock the boat and report it – I wonder how many other girls that young man has done that to? Or how many other women have had their butts grabbed at a concert by the same guy later on? Is it a severe as rape? No… but it certainly isn’t right, and if nothing else, I think women and girls should speak out so the man doing it is uncomfortable and “called out” on bad behavior. When women are silent, guys are emboldened to continue their behavior. Many sexual predators count on their victims not speaking out.</p>
<p>Where did I say that I tolerated it and did nothing?</p>
<p>Did you slug the guy? 
I hope so…</p>
<p>maybe along with the NPC on each college website there needs to be a SAC (sexual assault calculator) as well.</p>
<p>He was so drunk he could barely stand up. And we were in the crowd down in front of the sound system so you literally could not hear a word. Basically, I turned around, glared at him, said something to the effect of leave me alone (which he couldn’t hear) and stepped away. He certainly deserved slugging, but frankly it didn’t seem like something worth inciting a brawl over. What I did sufficed.</p>
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<p>Oh, please, soccerguy. No matter what the data suggests, you will steadfastly refuse to believe that anything happens to young women on college campuses. Let me ask you, what do YOU think the incidence of sexual assault is among college students? And what percentage do you think is necessary for it to be worthy of a response?</p>
<p>I was sexually assaulted in jr high ( a group of boys surrounded me and pulled off my clothes)
Ive been raped twice, and violently sexually assaulted ( but not " raped") twice.
The only incident that was reported at all, was the one in jr high & I told my mother & my counselor.
I learned my lesson from that, that it wasnt worth it to report, because nothing happens to the perps and the victim is slandered.</p>
<p>That attitude is changing however.
<a href=“http://www.policymic.com/articles/88777/there-were-more-reported-military-sexual-assaults-in-2013-but-there-s-a-silver-lining”>http://www.policymic.com/articles/88777/there-were-more-reported-military-sexual-assaults-in-2013-but-there-s-a-silver-lining</a></p>
<p>I am so sorry, emerald.</p>
<p>Some people do not understand the violence of a culture that tolerates or ignores rape. The willful ignoring is awful, and it is everywhere. We were overwhelmed with news for weeks about the lost Malaysian plane and the drowned Korean children, but we hear so little about kidnapped 230 Nigerian girls, who are so at risk. <a href=“Nigeria girls' abduction: Parents asked for photographs - BBC News”>http://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-27256860</a>
<a href=“Chibok abductions: Nigeria girls' taken abroad' - BBC News”>http://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-27206449</a></p>
<p>I know this is slightly off topic, but when I hear all the denial of rape culture in the midst of this tragedy, I can’t help but rant.</p>
<p>I am sorry too, emerald. And I agree with mamalion that the denial is disturbing. It’s no surprise that it almost always comes from men.</p>
<p>Unless we address the role of alcohol consumption on college campuses in fostering this dangerous environment, it’s unlikely that any progress will be made. </p>
<p>Re “rape culture”: Rape is a serious crime in our culture, at least. I do not know of anyone, male or female, who would publicly claim that the spectrum of behaviors classified (overly generously IMHO) as “sexual assault” is OK. But drunkenness lowers inhibitions and inhibits communication.</p>
<p>Like Consolation, I would also fall into the category of women who have been “sexually assaulted” through unwanted groping and, when I was a child, an adult man (not a relative) displayed himself to me. Someone close to me was raped at gunpoint when she had the bad luck to return to her apartment while it was being robbed. I would never in a million years relate my experience to hers on any sort of continuum. What I experienced is nothing in comparison, and I don’t see the political or social value of conflating these very different things. Boys get beaten up all the time. That is worse than having some drunk a-hole pinching your behind. And getting raped is worse than either. By orders of magnitude and category.</p>
<p>Thank you for your support, I appreciate it.
It is still gut wrenching sometimes to realize that a big part of my life consisted of trying to get away from that cloud that suffocated me into thinking I deserved what happened by not being smart or strong enough to get away.</p>
<p>There is a large contingent of people that have tunnel vision & think that if anything bad happens to you or your family, then you must deserve or have caused it.</p>
<p>This enables them to believe that if they play their cards right, they won’t have kids who die from an overdose, become mentally ill or get pregnant before they are married.</p>
<p>It explains why some of them question ardently the poor souls which the above has happened to, not because they are that interested ( although some may be) but because they want to pounce on the one thing you did " wrong", which they will never do of course.</p>
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<p>of course things happen… things happen to men too.</p>
<p>A college woman would never go grind on a guy without asking, right? right?!?!?! haha.</p>
<p>Two people get really drunk. Two people have sex. One of them becomes a rapist and the other becomes a victim.</p>
<p>Colleges do not practice “due process” either… perhaps they should do this?</p>
<p><a href=“Until proven guilty - The Cavalier Daily - University of Virginia's Student Newspaper”>Until proven guilty - The Cavalier Daily - University of Virginia's Student Newspaper; </p>
<p>You seem to be saying that women including my self who have been sexually assaulted are making it up.</p>
<p>Is that what you are claiming? Because it sure sounds like it.
Rape isn’t about sex, it is about power & violence.</p>
<p>I am sure that it must be horrible to be raped, but in some ways it must be almost as bad to be falsely accused of rape. The victim and the falsely accused can both have their lives ruined through no fault of their own. I hope the vigorous action taken by the Dept of Justice to make colleges more accountable for alleged sexual assault crimes on their campuses doesn’t lead to more people being accused of crimes they didn’t commit.</p>
<p><a href=“False accusation of rape - Wikipedia”>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_accusation_of_rape</a></p>
<p>False accusations. . . oh, those evil women. Not only do they lie, but they’re stupid, too. They think a little bottom pinching or a breast grab is the same as rape. Ya know they can’t take a joke either. </p>
<p>Really the problem is rape culture, the culture that ignores all kinds of sexual abuse and images of sexual abuse. Sexual abuse is even entertainment, tv, movies, books, lyrics. For most people there is some line at penetration, and really penetration by a stranger, but up to that point it just harmless or at worst, drunken behavior. The reason sexual assaults are so high is because they are characterized as normal behavior. . . and they are normal behavior because they are tolerated, if not encouraged. </p>
<p>I think the problem is that all of this gets dumped into one group. There is a large continuum from unwanted attention to violent rape at the hands of a stranger. To equate it all does a disservice to everyone in the conversation.</p>
<p>It is also wrong to dismiss the valid arguments of false accusations. Those happen as well. That does not mean all claims are false. It does not even mean most claims are false. </p>
<p>emeraldkity, what happened to you is abhorrent and most men would agree that whomever did those things to you should be punished severely. That does not mean that every woman who claims to be assaulted really was. Unfortunately, there are women who have consensual relations with a guy one day and the next day regret their decision and claim it to be rape or another form of assault. This type of thing is awful as it detracts from getting traction on actual assaults. It leads to ruined lives for men (even an accusation can destroy a life) and it leads to ignored or unpunished actual assaults.</p>
<p>This is not either/or. Both assaults AND false accusations need to stop.</p>
<p>The % of false accusations is greatly outweighed by the number of assaults that are never reported.
Students who speak out about their rapes are often expelled from school for creating " an atmosphere of harassment", for their rapist ( who hasnt been expelled).
<a href=“Rape at colleges: Victims challenge policies favoring attackers – The Mercury News”>Rape at colleges: Victims challenge policies favoring attackers – The Mercury News;
<p>Even middle school girls are expelled.
<a href=“http://www.cnn.com/2011/CRIME/08/18/missouri.school.rape.claim/”>http://www.cnn.com/2011/CRIME/08/18/missouri.school.rape.claim/</a></p>
<p>Right. Let’s not forget the culture that defends the “boys will be boys” mentality and places all the scrutiny and blame on the victims (Steubenville, anyone?).</p>
<p>I was also raped, but at the time, it was not and could not be classified as such because the law stated a woman could not be raped by her husband- marriage implied consent. Thankfully, the law changed several years after that happened and I moved out and filed for divorce within days of the incident. (Not my kids’ dad- he would never ever do such a thing). </p>
<p>Rape culture is a horrible problem, but I don’t think we can have this conversation without acknowledging the harm caused by hook-up culture, either.</p>
<p>There will always be men who rape and (although I do think this is a much, much, much smaller issue), women who deliberately and maliciously ruin men’s lives through false accusations. But while I’m no Puritan, I have to believe that the numbers of both rapes and false reports would decrease significantly if men AND women would follow the old “3 date rule” - don’t even think of having sex until at least the third date. Hooking up with someone you just met at a party carries a variety of risks, but one, surely, is that, with no established basis for intimacy and a high likelihood of some degree of intoxication, you’re setting up a situation in which issues of consent may be particularly fraught and regret more likely. </p>