Depressed and failing

Student Lounge College Life
1

I started out this semester fairly strong. I didn’t have all A’s, but I had about a 3.0. I’ve always struggled with depression and anxiety, but it’s been the worst that it has ever been these past few months. I never skipped class in high school. Even last year when I did dual enrollment at the college that I currently attend, I didn’t skip class. But my depression has been so bad that I haven’t been able to convince myself to get out of bed to go to class for the past month. A MONTH. I know it’s bad. It’s not that I just don’t care enough to go, but I was so depressed and ANXIOUS about it all that I spent most of my class time in bed trying to muster up the strength to get up and get dressed or sat in the shower crying about the fact that I’m inevitably going to fail out of college.
I know that I need to go to school. I’m not someone who can just not go to college. I want to go to college and I want to enjoy it and I KNOW that I am smart enough to succeed.
Grades are due tomorrow and I am almost 100% sure that I will not see a grade above F. My parents don’t know that I’m failing. I don’t want to disappoint them. They know that I suffer from serious depression and anxiety, but they don’t know how it has affected me this semester. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know if my school allows medical withdrawals. I’ve never had the guts to go to a doctor about my depression, and I wonder if my lack of paperwork from a doctor about these mental illnesses will prevent me from being excused from this first semester.

Moving on from this semester, does anyone have any advice on dealing with severe depression and anxiety while at college? I want to use this semester as a learning experience so that I can go on to improve next semester and make the grades that I know I can make if I am in a good headspace.

2

First – you need to seek professional help. Go to the counseling office at your school. They are there to help you. Do that today. Like right now.

Second – consider taking time off from school. Your school will probably give you a medical leave. During that time you can concentrate on healing your mind and body. the time will not be wasted, I guarantee it. You can work, volunteer, and/or do many other things. Gap time is very beneficial and it sounds like you could use time to figure things out, time to relax for a change and take off the pressure that you’ve perhaps been feeling.

First, though – get to a professional counselor who can help you.

Here are some ideas for what you can do during your gap time if you decide this is a good approach –
SCA – https://www.thesca.org/serve/young-adult-programs
look at the internships

Workaway.info – positions around the world and close by that allow you to live for a few days or longer, while working a few hours a day.

volunteer.gov – work in a government-owned rec area. Some have housing.

Americorps – NCCC or FEMA or other – paid gap jobs around the country

coolworks – https://www.coolworks.com/

If going away is not for you, then volunteering locally around your house can be very useful – work at a church, with homeless shelter, with Habitat for Humanity, for an old age home, for a hospital, tutoring at a local school etc.

Even working waiting tables or scooping ice cream will teach you a lot of good skills

I knew someone in your position who decided to hike the Appalachian Trail. It proved wonderful for this person. YMMV. https://www.appalachiantrail.org/home/explore-the-trail

AT HOME OR AT SCHOOL be sure to work into your day EXERCISE. Walking for 1/2 hour or running, stationary biking or hiking, yoga, weight lifting, swimming, anything that you can do every day will lift your moods and will relieve anxiety naturally. Your body through exercise will replace the bad chemicals with good chemicals. You will feel better. I guarantee it.

Best of luck to you.

3

You need to tell your parents what’s going on. If you are earning Fs, staying at college may not be sustainable. Since you are paralyzed by your symptoms, your parents may need to help you. You need treatment, without treatment you risk getting sicker. Please tell your parents that you need their help.

4

First things first: you need to call mom and dad. This morning. They love you, and they need to be in the picture. Today.

Number two: you need to make an appointment with a mental health professional. If you had a fever I would send you to an MD. If you had a broken leg I would send you to an orthopedist. You have mental health issues; you need to see the appropriate medical professional. There’s no shame, nothing to be embarrassed about. You need help and the help is out there. School is probably ending very soon; my daughter comes home today. Get home, and tackle this today or tomorrow.

Let mom or dad help you figure out what to do in terms of school. To be honest, it’s a secondary issue. Your mental health is the primary issue. Plenty of kids have recovered academically from a bad first semester. The bigger recovery issue is your mental health.

So call mom and dad right away. Yep, the words will be hard to say. But they love you and want the best for you. So let them help you. Just get the words out. Verbally would be best, but text will do if saying the words is what’s preventing you from making the call. Just get them the info and trust them to be able to help you.

Let us know later today how it went, OK?

5

i finally mustered up the courage to go home and tell them. my dad took it well, was very supportive, and actually let me talk and explain everything. my mom didn’t bother sitting to hear what I had to say. she yelled over me for a bit, basically told me that it was all my fault because I wasn’t ready to speak to a therapist the two times she mentioned getting one over the past year and a half. I understand why my mom is mad. my college is relatively cheap when you compare it to the other schools I contemplated attending, but they still contributed $5000 this semester and it is going down the drain. I just don’t understand how she can yell at me for not getting help sooner when she wasn’t in my position? I’ve been suffering from depression since 7th grade, but it did not become as severe as it is now until last year. Throughout all of my life, I’ve never been someone to ask for help with anything. I don’t know why it’s just really hard for me. I wanted to tell them so many times and i wanted to be able to just come right out and say that I was failing but I am a smart kid and I know that they have high expectations for me. They know that i can do better than I did, so they expect me to do it.

I just don’t know how my mom ever expects me to be willing to come to her when i’m in trouble like this after the way that she reacted tonight. She just really made it seem as though my mental illness is something that I should have under control just because I had the resources to do so (she proved online counseling links, my school social services, etc). But it’s not like i just deliberately chose not to get help? I tried the chat sites, I tried the text numbers, I tried meditation, etc, but I just wasn’t ready to get professional help. I don’t know how to make her see that it’s not as easy as saying “Hey wow, I am really in a bad mental space. I need help.” It took me HOURS just to get myself out of my dorm room to make the 15-minute drive to my house.

I appreciate all of the helpful advice and supportive words. Tomorrow I am beginning my search for my first psychiatrist to take the first steps to get the help that i need.

6

I’m glad to hear your father was supportive. Your Mom, like you, may be scared, so scared it initially came out like anger. Like you, she is uncertain about what to do, and now that you are over 18 she has less control. Be proud that you took the step of telling your parents what’s going on. You may have been suffering since 7th grade but it sounds like you’ve mostly kept it to yourself until now. It will take your mother a moment or more to wrap her mind around everything.

Do try to find a mental health treatment if your parents won’t help right now. Also quickly explore whether retroactive medical withdrawal may be an option. Work on getting well.

7

Cut mom just a little slack, OK? This has taken her totally by surprise. It’s December 12, and she’s only now learning that you’ve been having this huge problem for quite a while. She’s surprised, concerned about money, worried about your future, and probably pretty hurt that you couldn’t find a way to confide in her before this point. As parents all we want is the best for our kids, and it’s probably really bothering her that she wasn’t put into a position where she could get you the help you so desperately needed.

I think it’s hard for those of us who have never experienced mental health issues to really understand why someone who needs help can’t simply pick up the phone and get help.

So give mom some time, OK? She cares-- that’s obvious or she wouldn’t have made all those suggestions you were unable to take.

But Kudos to you for taking the steps towards wellness. Keep us informed, OK? We’re in your corner too.