Depressed during my first semester at Cal

Colleges and Universities A-Z University of California - Berkeley
1

<p>Hi Everyone.</p>

<p>Im a new transfer student here at Cal. I think I can self diagnos myself as being semi-depressed right now.</p>

<p>I really dont like my living arrangment. I am living in on-campus apartment housing (Wada), and I dont really like nor talk to my roommates. They feel the same about me.</p>

<p>Classes are hard. I cant seem to concentrate in lectures. And HW is done after long hours of procrastination and thinking.</p>

<p>Im meeting people, but no one Ive been able to really get close with. </p>

<p>Cal is just getting really taxing: emotionaly, mentally, and physically.</p>

<p>Anyone else going through a similar situation?</p>

2

<p>I'm a freshman, so it's obviously my first time being away from my family. From your sn, I can tell that you're from So. Cal like me. It gets so bad on the weekend since so many of my friends (who are from Nor Cal) go home. And plus, I live in a Northside dorm where it's not as social as the units. It seems like I'm going to be flying back once each month to go back home. </p>

<p>Sometimes, I do get really down. It's like I can't call this place home and that I haven't made any substantial, long-lasting relationships. Plus, the dating scene is nonexistent for me and that upsets me even more because it makes me doubt myself. <em>sigh</em> I'm hoping that things will get better as the school year progresses.</p>

3

<p>You two should be friends :].</p>

4

<p>I'm a new transfer student living in Wada as well. Although I have made many acquaintances, I too feel like I just am not fitting in. My relationship with my roommates is strained at best, and I just don't feel as eloquent as my peers in discussion. I have been talking about these feelings with many other transfers, and let me tell you, you are not alone. Just knowing that other people feel the same way helps when Cal makes you feel so...well, small. </p>

<p>To tell you the truth, I haven't been very active in trying to get involved with the school because so much of my energy is spent just adjusting to a totally new environment. I think that next semester, as we go in a just a little more confident, it will be a bit better. Joining some clubs and decals will probably help too. I am in a decal right now and I feel like it is the only place where I can talk to people with similar interests. </p>

<p>I haven't been totally depressed, but a bit up and down. Mostly, it comes from not feeling like I belong. </p>

<p>If you don't mind my asking, what floor are you on?</p>

5

<p>Most people who are in their first semester at Berkeley feel what you feel at some point. It's because you're in a new place, and close relationships take a long time to form. Right now most of your "friends" are probably acquiantances whom you talk to out of convenience (live with you, whatever). For now, if you don't like your roommates, the simple solution is to try to find people you do like and hang out with them. Finding those people will be hard at first, but just try to meet people in class, etc. and eventually you'll find people you get along with. Once you've done that things get easier, because now you're not as pressured into finding friends and you can be more selective about whom you befriend.</p>

<p>Just hang in there, things will get better.</p>

<p>By the way,</p>

<p>
[quote]
Classes are hard. I cant seem to concentrate in lectures. And HW is done after long hours of procrastination and thinking.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>That describes about 99% of all Berkeley students. Why do you think I'm on CC so much?</p>

6

<p>socalgal, sparetire, karabear welcome to the club! I've been here 2 years and it hasn't gotten better. Trust me, homies, I feel your pain and totally empathize with how you are feeling right now. You've just got to be strong. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, at Cal is going to care about your feelings. You will come off as whiny. I've talked to counselors, advisers, etc. They will just unload some generic answer on you "Everyone goes through it. College is hard. blah, f'n, blah" Other students don't care, they have their own problems. I know loads of people who were victims of the cut-throat nature here. 2 people I've met when I first transferred here couldn't get into the Econ major, got on AP, and got the boot. A huge lot couldn't get Econ and had to study PEIS or EnvEcon. Numerous Engineering APs and dismissals. Even if you do make it and manage to graduate, anything below 3.5 will not cut it when it comes to the good jobs. </p>

<p>I'm sorry, I know you want someone to say "It will get better" then go and pick flowers with you, but this is reality. People told me it would get better, but it really hasn't. For me, being depressed and hating life has become the norm, but I think that in my situation it has a lot to do with my major and the type of classes I take. What are you guys majoring in? I will say, however, that I know of a few people that are quite content because their majors aren't quite as taxing and they have time to go out and have fun. But if you study quant Econ, Haas, Bio, Engineering, Math/Stats, etc. majors along those lines, then depression is the least of your worries. </p>

<p>If you're a superstar genius, have a 4.0 as an applied math/stats/econ/haas quadruple major, have leadership positions in 5 clubs, volunteer 100 hours a week, and donated half your liver, then anything I've said here doesn't matter, you will graduate, get into the grad program/job of your choice and it will be worth it.</p>

<p>If not, just stick it out, graduate, leave and never look back. It's all you can do.</p>

7

<p>^^^^jeez man, not everybody is here for a job.<br>
The best thing I can tell the above posters is not be shy. shyness is not a fault nor is it something you can't overcome, just go out there and stick your neck out. join a frat, join a club. something that'll take up ur time and be FUN.</p>

<p>I've been going through a kinda similar thing because of living in an apt. apartment life is boring, and i don't really feel like I have a "home" like i did at the dorms (with all my friends around and the such). now i hardly see my friends, so i really have to make the extra effort.</p>

<p>that's why next semester I'm gonna move into a fraternity, i may join, but the important part is that'll it be a "home" with people that are chill, and people around to make me feel not alone.</p>

<p>join a co-op, or live in a house with a bunch of people, or something, that's the route i'm taking to stave off that 'not belongin" feeling.</p>

8

<p>
[quote]
Even if you do make it and manage to graduate, anything below 3.5 will not cut it when it comes to the good jobs.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I'm really doubting this statement, do you have any proof? Perhaps this is what you think, I'm feeling that the average Cal grad does quite well for themselves.</p>

<p>
[quote]
I've talked to counselors, advisers, etc. They will just unload some generic answer on you "Everyone goes through it. College is hard. blah, f'n, blah"

[/quote]
</p>

<p>What do you propose that the counselors do for you? They can't go out and introduce you to people. They can't make people like you. The can't make you like your life. It is their job to support you and give you hope, I don't really see what else a counselor could do. Perhaps I'm missing something.</p>

<p>
[quote]
But if you study quant Econ, Haas, Bio, Engineering, Math/Stats, etc. majors along those lines, then depression is the least of your worries.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>
[quote]
For me, being depressed and hating life has become the norm, but I think that in my situation it has a lot to do with my major and the type of classes I take.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I understand that these are all hard majors, I'm working on one of these now. But if majoring in these programs is causing you extreme social problems and depression, I would be willing to bet that most of the problem lies with you and you ability to converse and interact with others, time management may also be an issue if you aren't doing too many things at once.</p>

<p>In general people get by just fine, perhaps you need to talk about something other that academic probation and hard majors with you friends. Go out and have a good time, do something different and crazy...</p>

9

<p>I am also a Fall 07 transfer. I'm really feeling the academic strains of this place and the cutthroat nature of it. At my old school, I could start my HW literally hours before it was due, finish, and get an A on it. Here, when I do that, I fail miserably. Case in point, on a recent homework assignment, 86/88 students got passes and I got a fail. That's embarrassing.</p>

<p>So now I'm trying to adjust. I start on the HW 2 days before its due (which is still procrastinating in a sense). I try to go to OH and the SLC, etc.</p>

<p>socalgal20, as you said, Cal is taxing emotionally, physically, and mentally.</p>

10

<p>Although I am an English major (instead of one of those crazy competitive business/engineering/math majors), I still feel like I'm struggling. I just got back my first semi-bad grade on an essay EVER, which feels a little frustrating when some of my English major friends are able to successfully write their essays the night before. When I went to the GSI's office hours he was completely unhelpful and condescending. While I had did have the impression that he was a hard grader, actually receiving a poor grade is a bit of a reality check. </p>

<p>I think the root of my problems lie here. It seems like everybody else is just gliding through while I struggle to not sound like a moron in class. I think this is a common feeling for transfer students, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.</p>

11

<p>Berkeley ain't easy, that's for sure. I would suggest attending summer school and renting a room at a fraternity while doing so. Both girls and guys can do this. It is super cheap. My son belongs to a frat, but lives off campus. He met a lot of new friends this summer who were boarding at his frat house that he would have otherwise not gotten to know. Have you been attending the football games? The student section is fun and everyone is friendly there. (Probably a little drunk, too, but whateve works, right?) And basketball is just around the corner. I would think there are a lot of clubs and organzations you can join. Keep trying one after the other until youfind a friend or two. Forget about trying to get straight A's if that is what is keeping you from pursuing a new friendships. Whoever said a graduate cannot get a decent job without a 3.5 or higher... I know lots of kids wh have graduated at Cal and gotten good jobs because of having done so. No way did they all have over a 3.5. Another option would be to get a (very) part time job. It will get you away from your roommate(s) and meet new people. Maybe try to work at a restaurant or somewhere where people tend to socialize together. Or get a job at the RSF... lots of students go through there. How about joining an intrmural team of some sort? Friendships take time to develop, sometimes the forced wekly interaction leads to friendships where a quick hello and goodby do not. I hope all of you find some happiness at Cal. It is a great school and you workedvery hard to get there. Good luck.</p>

12

<p>When I saw this thread earlier today, I did a cut and paste and emailed it to my son. If I didn't know for a fact that he isn't on CC, I would have sworn that these posts had been written by him! I have to tell you, he called me and said how much better it made him feel knowing there were others around who felt like this. I keep telling him, but I guess it isn't until you've heard it from other students (as opposed to parents!) that you actually get it and feel comforted by knowing that you are not alone.</p>

<p>I think the one great thing he did was join the Rally Committee. After all the lectures, the studying and roommate drama, this gives him a chance to just kick back and have fun and feel part of the whole Berkeley experience.</p>

<p>Punk, my son is really shy, and he's trying to get past it, but old ways die hard. Still, he sees Berkeley not as a way to get a job, but to experience and explore, and I just hope that he continues to see it this way. </p>

<p>Thank you all for sharing!</p>

13

<p>I'm a freshman international student, and sometimes I feel the same way.
In the second or third week, I said to myself "oh UC Berkeley is easy. I can take 20 units. It's a snap." However, as the semester got busier and midterms and projects kept bombarding, I began to feel a little overwhelmed. Part of that was due to procrastination, for sure. In the end I had to drop Physics 7B to bring my course load to 15 units, which is more reasonable for a freshman. Now, I'm gradually catching up and feeling better with time. Hope you guys get back on track soon, too!</p>

14

<p>Reading your guys' comments is really depressing. I have heard that the experience at Berkeley is harsh and straining and you guys have added to that conception. What do you primarily attribute to your troubles at berkeley? Is it the environment, schoolwork, or just your personalities? The same sentiments do not seem prevalent--or as much so--by other students at other colleges, say UCLA or even Stanford. Do you think you guys would have had a better experience at UCLA or at any other universitiy? </p>

<p>I'm considering UCB, and provided I get in, the school seems like a great institution with a promise for a good experience. Would love to hear feedback on your recommendations. Any regrets?</p>

15

<p>I don't think this is something @ cal...it's college life in general. I'm in LOVE with Berkeley, and my time here. my friends, the parties, the girls, the sun shining on the bay the eccentricities. it's a place that's absolutely amazing. I'm having the time of my life despite some current annoyances. the universe unfolds itself magically here and i wouldn't trade in Cal for the world.</p>

16

<p>Hey it's cool, cuz I'm depressed during my fifth semester at Cal. I don't blame anyone (maybe to a certain extent, my major), 'cause I know it's my own problem.</p>

17

<p>knguyen, most of the posters itt are transfer students.</p>

<p>personally, i'm a transfer student, but my situation is a bit atypical. i'm living in stern and it's really been a pleasant surprise. i can see how it could be a bad experience for some people, but i've been very fortunate in making friends.</p>

<p>when i first started off i was extremely intimidated in all my classes, particularly the upper-division courses, but it just took time to get used to the difference.</p>

<p>i love the experiences i've been able to have here. i love my major! the student body as a whole, i'm not too thrilled about, but it's the few individuals you befriend that really matter anyways. plus, there's so much to do in the bay area.</p>

<p>some stuff is just due to chance, and you can't help that, but if you seek out good things you can have a wonderful experience if you choose cal.</p>

18

<p>ah, sorry to doublepost - but i'd say for the average student who enters in the typical fashion (ie as a freshman,) a big factor for quality of life is choice of major.</p>

<ol>
<li>there are certain majors here that are very difficult, and you will have to make considerable sacrifices to succeed in them.</li>
<li>(imho) a lot of students here major in something they don't actually enjoy. sometimes, for example, their parents won't support them unless they major in something they approve of.</li>
</ol>

<p>sorry if this is sort of stating the obvious.</p>

19

<p>punkdudeus - your post #15 was sweet. although i'm not going to cal (yet), i have seen first hand that which you are talking about.. not necessarily 24/7, but on the occasional weekdays that i go to the campus and the many weekends that i walk around near the campus.</p>

<p>it is a beautiful thing, and sometimes you have to slow down a bit and look around at what is going on, even if you are not involved in it. just observe for a little bit.</p>

<p>a person makes time for what is important to them. if you can't see the positive in your situation, take the time to work on that. and pretty soon you'll see why people say that the college years are the best. and punkdude, you seem like you're well on your way to seeing just that.</p>

20

<p>ya exactly, i am living in the best time of my life. i don't particularly favor the day i have to graduate.</p>