Depression and Parents

Pre-College Topics High School Life
1

<p>My mum has bipolar disorder. Or so she says. My family is not really sure anymore whether it's legit or not -- she likely has Munchausen's, which sounds horrible of me to say but it's been proposed by numerous doctors. Whether it is real or not is moot, however, because it affects everybody, no matter how hard we try to hide it or pretend to smile solely for her benefit. She's been institutionalized five times over the past year and a few months.</p>

<p>Normally, I try to act happy so that my parents don't worry about me, but lately, it's been harder. I've missed three of the last five days of school, partially because I am "sick" but more because I exaggerate my illnesses when I am sad because I don't want to go; I don't honestly care about high school anymore, would rather curl up and sleep it off all day until graduation. The rational part of my mind says that I am simply starved for attention; not only has my mum been bipolar, but she also had cancer from my 6th to 9th grade years, and I haven't exactly had the happiest adolescence. It's selfish and horrible, but I'm pretty sure that I'm not quite the next Mother Theresa, no matter how hard I try to be selfless, to not complain and act more mature than your average teenager, to help out around here with a solid demeanour. But maybe that's just me having self-esteem in the negatives -- I don't know if I'm really as horrible of a person as I say, in actuality, but it certainly feels like it when I doubt my mother and my family because it "seems" illegitimate, like yet another excuse.</p>

<p>This sounds whingy and emo. The point I'm trying to make -- I am depressed. Severely. Probably to the honest-to-goodness chemical brain imbalance. I have been in the dumps from November to May for the past two years, and I had tried to avoid it again, and still am trying, but it's so hard nowadays. I am mostly certain that I have undiagnosed bipolar disorder (mood swings from euphoric to suicidal two or three times a day can not be normal), and I've dealt with depression in my own internalizing way since I was eleven, albeit rarely to this extent. I take all of the blame for myself, even when it's absurd to do so. Now I want help with everything, to get over myself and stop sulking and grow up and admit that I have a problem, but my parents never, ever make things work when I try to approach this sort of subject with them. If I want help, I have to do things entirely on my own. Even though I've made appointments with a therapist, my mother always finds some lame excuse not to take me (I'm tired, I don't want to go out right now, I didn't go to my last appointment, etc). (By the way, no license for me -- was too young to take Driver's Ed last year and the cars keep breaking down to the point where we can't keep fixing them, which means I can't learn to drive properly on my own.)</p>

<p>I really need help, and I don't know how I'm supposed to go about getting it. I'm an introvert. I am very bad at asking for assistance, especially when it's really necessary, and hate making threads like this unless I am mostly desperate. Any suggestions? I don't want to let this hinder my life anymore. I'm already in danger of failing two of my classes this quarter (gym and math, one of which I can make up and the other I am dropping after midterms), which would make the rest of my senior year really cruddy -- so I'm going to make up what I missed when I go back tomorrow and next week. I'm going to try my hardest after today to put my nose back to the grind and be the diligent scholar that I always have been. Until then, how can I know that I'm not alone, and how can I deal with this, whether on my own or with the therapist if my mum ever decides to get over herself/lets me use the car? I'm not going to approach my mum about her excuse-making, because that would only depress her; more than anything, I need a way to do this on my own.</p>

<p>I hope this doesn't sound as awful as it does in my head. I try to be a good person, I'm just not entirely certain that it always works.</p>

2

<p>I cannot help you. Your situation is terrible and I am pretty much at a loss for words or advice. But please stay strong and know you will be in my prayers.</p>

<p>P.S. Try teenhelp.org? They’re very nice, supportive people and if you go there you might feel less alone.</p>

3

<p>Thanks; that’s really sweet of you, and it’s appreciated to know that people care even if they don’t have any advice. <3</p>

<p>I might try that site, too.</p>

4

<p>Wow. Awful. I’m so sorry.</p>

<p>You appear to want to take some action, and that’s commendable. If I were in your situation, I’d start with a counselor or very trusted teacher at school.</p>

<p>There must be some trusted adult in your life with whom you can share this, and perhaps s/he can assist you in finding therapy. Whatever you do, you should not sit back and let this fester.</p>

5

<p>I suggest posting in the Parent’s Forum. They are very wise and can help you get through this.</p>

<p>You WILL get through this. Don’t worry, I have faith :slight_smile: </p>

<p>Your family is in my prayers.</p>

6

<p>(Not that anybody has mentioned this yet, but they probably will, I should make some clarification – when I said “my parents,” I didn’t really mean both of them. Just my mom. My dad takes a lot of action, he tries his hardest to help me and he’s made a lot of sacrifices for me, so don’t think I’m unappreciative. When I need something, he is usually the one who helps, but he can’t take me to appointments at 3 or 4 in the afternoon when he works until 5 or 6 at night and he’s the only one in the family with a job.)</p>

<p>Heyalb – there’s one, but it’s so much harder to talk about any of this in person than it is on the Interweb, y’know? I do have a therapist. I’ve seen him once. I don’t know how to keep seeing him when my mum is either unwilling or unable to take me, and the school counselor is just…well, he sees so many of my peers in one day, and I have no opportunity to go down and see him. Busy day, etc.</p>

<p>Hardworker – haha, maybe I will, but I had figured that someone more around my age might be able to give some advice or at least say “wow, my life is rubbish, too!” and we could angst uselessly. XD</p>

7

<p>Skullduggery, I agree with hardworker who says to post this on the Parent’s Forum. There’ll be six pages of advice within an hour. I really had to dig to find this here.</p>

<p>And regarding your counselor seeing so many of your peers in one day, that’s his/her tough luck. You are the most important person s/he needs to see. Please do it today.</p>

8

<p>Parent here. Several points:</p>

<p>I agree that you need to post this in Parent Cafe. Others in similar (but different) dire straits have done so, and the parents are awesome when it comes to advice.</p>

<p>Another point: You say you did see your therapist once. I suggest you call him and ask him/her if he/she could see you in the evening, when your dad could drive you.</p>

<p>There’s also the possibility of taking a taxi – don’t know if your town has them, of course, but some towns do. </p>

<p>Also, ask your therapist if s/he’d be willing – given your unique set of circumstances – to “see” you regularly by telephone with only an occasional in-person session.</p>

<p>Please, please, please pursue getting help. You are an awesome kid who deserves attention, and if your mom can’t give it to you, you need to get it from somewhere. You also need understanding and skills so that whatever is making your mom behave the way she does can be “unlearned” by you. And, if you also have a tendency toward serious mental illness, you need treatment for that as well – either talk therapy or drugs.</p>

<p>So, promise me two things:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Post in Parent Cafe.</p></li>
<li><p>Call your therapist and see what you can arrange.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Good luck, and keep us posted.</p>

9

<p>Posting in Parents Forum. Thanks guys.</p>

<p>Mods, please close.</p>

10

<p>I don’t think the moderators can delete threads.</p>

<p>But this is definitely not your fault. You seem so unselfish and appreciative, and it’s not fair that you feel so depressed. I agree that you should go see your counselor as soon as you can, even if you’re bad at asking for assistance. I’m the same way. Having another person to talk to who knows how you feel and someone who can support you would make a big difference. If you talked to him, I’m sure he would put you first.</p>

11

<p>

Bipolar disorder does not involve rapid mood swings; it involves long periods (like, months) of mania and of depression. </p>

<p>Wishing you the best, though. Good luck – you’re clearly strong and intelligent and capable of pulling through. Also, you don’t seem ungrateful or selfish at all, so don’t worry about that.</p>

12

<p>DEFINITELY see you school psychologist. They’re here to help YOU. If they didn’t want to deal with many kids, they wouldn’t have become school psychologists. You have a serious problem. So definitely see the school therapist, not necessarily to go to them all the time, but they can help you figure out what else you should do. Talk to your dad and tell him about your situation. It may not seem like the best of times, but it’s always best to know rather than regret it later.</p>

<p>I’m sorry, Skull. It totally sucks. But soon enough it won’t be a situation you’ll have to deal with as often.</p>