OP, I have been thinking about your worry about this. I too am the parent of a very private kid.
I wonder if there is a way that you could have a conversation with your D in which you let her know how much her desire for privacy around her mental health is causing you to worry. Framing this as your problem (rather than hers) might help. You are clearly willing to step in whenever she needs help. You trust her ability and maturity to handle things on her own. But your love for her and conditioning as a parent is always going to leave you with a concern for her well being, and it’s hard for you to know if her silence is unwillingness to share or a tailspin.
Maybe she can agree to share more or what to share. Maybe it comes with a condition (like no advice.) But maybe you two can find a way to satisfy your need to be at the ready should she need it (which is really important) with her need to be more independent and maybe, she can feel like she’s helping you as much as you feel like you’re helping her.
Just a thought. Her mental health isn’t an issue for you but your worry, which might be manageable, is.
I do not agree with that post AT ALL. Have you read the news lately? The far right has had a huge resurgence of power all over Europe and is just as xenophobic as the US. Cliqueish? I know tons of Aussies and they are by far some of the most open and accepting people I know. Drinking culture? Seriously, name the European country that doesn’t have a drinking culture. Can we say Oktoberfest, lager louts, and winos? Let’s not forget the smoking culture too. And btw, I love traveling in Europe and lived there for twenty years. None of this is to imply that we in the States are perfect.
In my travels around the world, Australia is the only country where I showed up at strangers’ homes and was given food and a bed for the night, in Sydney and Adelaide. I was never more welcomed in my life.
The culture of Australia is far more similar to America than most European countries. If a student wants to be in a place that isn’t totally dissimilar to the US, it’s a very good place to go.
OP, please give us an update when you and your daughter make a decision.
Again, thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses and advice. I do have an update - my daughter decided over the weekend not to participate in this program next semester. I’m both disappointed and relieved. I was very excited for her to have the opportunity and hopeful that it would be a great growth experience for her, but I was worried about the distance and the length of the course. She says that she’s had a harder time the past week or so since fall break and is afraid of what might happen if she got sad and isolated while far away without any friend or support other than people she would meet when she got there. She also said she realized that she is currently relying a good bit on her roommate, classmates and professors she’s gotten to know and might miss that support more than she anticipated. Even though her current situation isn’t ideal, she has built some connections and she apparently decided she didn’t want to cut those quite yet.
So, even though part of me hates for her to miss this opportunity, my husband and I are 100% behind her decision. Plus, there is a major-specific 2 week study abroad program in June that is through her college specifically and she’s decided to apply to that program. I think in the end the distance and the semester long period of time scared her. I’m glad I left it up to her rather than making the decision for her. Hopefully she knows now that we trust her to make smart decisions and that we believe she could have handled the experience if she’d decided it was the right time to go.
Thanks so much again to all of you. I didn’t respond too frequently, I know, but I read every response and they helped tremendously.
Great job of being there. Great job on her part for thinking through this. As I have thought about you, @Emmycat , there has been little doubt that the thing that got you to worrying was that remarkably accurate mom antennae signaling an issue.
What a good outcome! She made a wise decision and you didn’t have to make it. She’ll have other opportunities, and her choice of a shorter stint is so wise. It also sounds positive that contemplating leaving helped her value what she has.
Thanks for the update! And there is still an abroad experience potential for her. Even two weeks can have the benefits of greater independence and just a break from the norm. And by the way your D sounds like a great planner and really put some introspection and work into this process and decision; good for her!
