<p>I just want to warn everyone ahead of time I am feeling extremely depressed; so this post is pure emotion. I appreciate any advice at all you can give me.
At the moment I work as a T.A. in California and the job is not hard per se but it is emotionally overwhelming. I need to make at least $1500 a month to cover my expenses but even now I am not always making that e.g. this months paycheck was ~$730. I don't have a car which makes transportation a real pain - I have to think about transferring from Santa Monica College to Valley College or something which is another real bore because I just finally got some classes at SMC after moving to C.A. from N.Y. a year + half ago and transferred from another community college in N.Y. Confused yet :-S? I'll clarify, elaborate, anything you want, just ask :-).</p>
<p>My dilemma is that I feel unmotivated. I don't want to work which is impacting my ability to do well. Back in N.Y. (what you need to know here is I worked two jobs morning and overnight (yes one after the other 6 days a week). I was a cashier at a grocery store and I worked in a factory that makes furniture) I suffered a whole semesters worth of W's (plus like 2 more or 3 more in random semesters for the same reason) which has me grinding my teeth because I had a long period of I don't give a <em>-) about college but I knew I had to do it. I also *HAD</em> absolutely <em>HAD</em> to work during this time to pay expenses and living (my parents never have helped me with my finances and they dont make much). I have asked them to help but they cant or wont.</p>
<p>Now I am in a mode where I want to study mathematics, I read, live, and sleep with a pillow that says 0.999... = 1! Of course, in high school I was a very poor student and in college I have not even completed pre-algebra (which I have a W in from the school N.Y. and I can't even take at SMC because I haven't taken college geometry - :-(). Besides math I am also interested in English so I might dual major at some point (laughable I know with my current work situation). Oh, and for my work situation now as a T.A. I work 5 days a week 6 hours a day for a grand total of approx. 30 hours a week which is a lot less hours than my N.Y. jobs but I make more (which is really sad when I think about it I was so underpaid). </p>
<p>I feel like spending my paycheck on Despair</a>, Inc. - Creators of Demotivators® Posters, Calendar, Coffee Mugs, Apparel and More or something. What should I do? I was thinking I could take out a mega loan or something so I didn't have to work and could focus on college but then reality set in: what loan would I qualify for? I don't have a superb credit score and I'm paying off a small loan I had in N.Y. So obviously, I think that is out of the question, isnt it? My mind is wandering to most strange states - SSI benefits if I claim insanity?</p>
<p>I apologize guys, a lot of this probably sounds like babble. I am trying to tough it out but my demotivational attitude is taking hold. Any advice? Suggestions? Thoughts?
I thought about trying to get a job at a library or something. I would like to work with books, I enjoy books... Then again with the current job market: who is even hiring? Do I have any options? I need to make more money and work less (I'm sure everyone feels this way). I am motivated to work hard towards my major but not at the expense of an emotionally crushing job. I do have job interests but in reality I feel I lack the qualifications for those jobs e.g. they will want 2-3 years exp. or college degree! Those jobs being anything computer related or even graphic design related.</p>
<p>Anything you can throw together and say to me I appreciate even if it is negative I just need to snap out of this depression and I dont know what to do.</p>
<p>P.S. I don't have health care because I can't afford with all the paycheck cuts. My job won't offer it to me either because being a T.A. is technically temporary and I don't qualify for whatever reason. No Therapy...No Psychiatry...No Psychotropic drugs...HELP!</p>
<p>Thanks.</p>