<p>Okay, we are home after helping out daughter move in at UNC. I didn't cry then, but now that we have been home for a few hours, it's really starting to hit me. I just need to know there are others feeling the same way...</p>
<p>Pam</p>
<p>Pam, everyone, without exception feels this way at first. It's perfectly normal. But it IS going to get better, you'll see. There are many, many happy, exciting, interesting days ahead for you and your daughter. She is going to have many new things to share with you. It is going to be a few weeks before you start hearing them, but once she starts, each day and each week and month is going to get better and better. In fact you won't believe how happy you're going to be in just a very short time. </p>
<p>Everything is going to be o.k., you'll see.</p>
<p>I dropped my daughter off last year for the first time. It's hard the first day--week. It does get easier. </p>
<p>I resisted the temptation to call her several times a day to tell her something.
I also would walk into her room and then realize that she was gone. </p>
<p>Her birthday is the same day as my mother's (who died before my daughter left for college.) That was a tough day.</p>
<p>What makes it easier is knowing that my daughter loves the school. Has made great friends, is dating an adorable boy and is having fun. Oh yes, she also likes her classes.</p>
<p>I dropped her off this year and it was much easier.</p>
<p>I'm sending you a cyberhug.
I'm not there yet, DS leaves Tuesday. Just feeling sad looking at his room being dismantled bit by bit. So hard to think about not seeing him bounding through the door everday. Thanksgiving seems so far away.</p>
<p>Pam,
Our son is a junior this fall. Two years ago, I felt just like you. Cried in the car on the way home. Wanted to call him every day. It was a rough few weeks. But by Thanksgiving, it felt more 'normal' that he was away at school.</p>
<p>Now, it's a familiar routine. Away for a bit then home on break. Away at a summer program. Home again. It's the new normal. He has gotten better about sharing his exploits with us. Hearing his excitement over new classes, friends and activities makes it all OK.</p>
<p>It seems hard to believe it now, I'm sure, but it really will be fine.</p>
<p>Pam, having just gone through this four days ago, I feel your pain. Big hugs to you! I promise you will feel better soon. Leaving our DD (crying) on campus and driving home 6 1/2 hours was not easy. Coming home to an empty house was especially tough. I cried myself to sleep. All day Wednesday, I felt depressed and sorry for myself. On Thursday morning, DD called and was so stinkin' happy, it rubbed off on us. We've been smiling since. Of course we miss her, but the excitement and experiences that lay ahead for our one and only far outweigh the sadness. Chin up and hang in there! :)</p>
<p>Thanks to all of you for your wonderful and encouraging replies! I feel a little better, but I'll really like it when I hear from her. UNC is my alma mater, and I am so happy she is going to school there, but I also know how overwhelming this life change is for all of us. My husband and I worry we haven't prepared her enough to deal with grown-up issues, even though we have tried our best. Her dorm is an older one on north campus that doesn't have many freshmen, and her R.A. was at band camp, so there wasn't a lot of welcoming going on on her floor (at least her roommate is a friend).</p>
<p>Oh, well. My 16-year-old son is going to have to deal with a lot of exta "mothering" these first few weeks (he just got his license yesterday, so that's a whole 'nuther set of worries!).</p>
<p>Pam</p>
<p>I was so excited for my son last year, that the realization and depression didn't set in until September. I remember one Mom reporting that it's not when your freshman leaves home that pulls at the heart strings, but it's when the sophmore leaves that really hurts....because they really don't need you any more. And you know what? She was right. Be happy for your freshman, because he/she still needs you. Hold on to this year as a precious gift.</p>
<p>As a side note; my son really and truly fell in love over the summer, with a girl from Europe. And do you know what? Although it could/will/maybe be a long distance relationship, I am ready to "let go" if it truly evolves into something serious. Time. Time is what gets you though and lets you do it.</p>
<p>If you have had a close relationship with your child, then you can endure anything for their happiness.</p>
<p>Peace.</p>
<p>I was glad to see this thread. We just got back from dropping my son off (15 hours away). I was so proud of myself for not crying during the whole process. About a minute after we got home, the realization hit me like a ton of bricks and I started bawling! Now every little thing I see of his brings tears to my eyes. Glad to hear that it will get easier in the near future!</p>
<p>I did the September thing. I saw how excited and happy D was when I left that I revelled in her success (just like I did when she won a competiton, etc., in HS). Somehow, it seemed like she was away for a tournament, etc. September was a bit harder (reality hit that she wasn't coming home thenext day), but I tried to focus on her happiness, and it made me happy, so that now it seems like this is the way it should be. I now watch as she experiences the world and realize that it is how I felt when she was a baby and toddler and I saw the world all anew through her eyes. This is just a different aspect of that. I can't wait to see what she experiences tomorrow and the next day. It's like watching the bud open up. The beauty to come is such sweet anticipation! And do I feel not needed? No way. I still am needed, just in a different way.</p>
<p>All of us live vicariously thru
our chuldren. Some, much longer
then others. Unfortunately, it
is a confused time period when
"daddy's little girl" goes off to school
& fines a boyfriend. No more living
vicariously..... I tried telling her how
bad boys are & scared them all off
during high school. Dam, where did
I go wrong? (joking)</p>
<p>
I'm trying voodoo. Soon as I have a name, I make a little doll......</p>
<p>I dropped my S (firstborn) off at school over the weekend (7 hours away). The move was rather eventful as I had what was apparently my first ever hotflash while moving him in his dorm. Now how's that for timing! He was so excited that he didn't even notice. I wasn't sure what was going on. Was it a heart attack? He was only on the 2nd floor and I've been working out a lot. Was it a stroke? I've never sweat so much in my life. Finally my husband leaned over and said, "I think you're having a hotflash". Great. Just great. I was feeling depressed and old already. That really didn't help!</p>
<p>Anyway, he's been gone now for more than 48 hours and I've heard...nothing. I don't want to be a helicopter parent but doesn't he know that his dad and I would be wondering how things are going? I'm trying to hold out but how long should I wait?</p>
<p>M'sMom,</p>
<p>I would suggest waiting a week before calling.</p>
<p>I take D to Atlanta today. I wasn't sad until I read this thread. I guess it had to hit sometime.</p>
<p>Our son prepared us for it by not hanging around at home much the last year of high school, except to sleep and eat breakfast! (being slightly facetious).</p>
<p>Seriously, I didn't cry or anything, but I definitely miss him. I have called him 4 times since Saturday just to see how he is doing. Classes start tomorrow, so I will not call him so much after that. I do live vicariously through my children. Work life is so boring, and I can escape through my kids.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I'm trying voodoo. Soon as I have a name, I make a little doll......
[/quote]
</p>
<p>curmudgeon,</p>
<p>That name wouldn't be Mike, would it?
I am trying to figure out why I have
these pins & needles sensations
running through my body.</p>
<p>The first few weeks are the hardest. It definitely gets much better, but there are ups and downs along the way (at least that's how it's been for me--and of course, when the last one leaves home, it's the toughest).Sometimes, you have a spell of feeling down months later--eg. after they've been home again for intersession or summer-- and you don't even realize right away that you're still feeling some loss. Keeping busy is really the key. Undertake a project you've been putting off. Consider getting a puppy (I'm not kidding).
Redecorate. And know, like others have said, that your child really does still need you, albeit differently. Best of luck on this new journey.</p>
<p>Well, I am doing much better. My daughter has called a few times, and things are going well. I'm happy that she has wanted to share things with me instead of going the total independence route. She had to deal with drop/add, but at least now you can do it online instead of standing in line for hours in person like we had to do back in ancient times! She and some friends went to the men's soccer scrimmage game last night, and when I talked to her today, she had been playing volleyball in the courtyard outside her dorm. Classes start tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes. I did get sticker shock, because she spent almost $600 on books!! Her biology book alone was $110! What a racket!</p>
<p>I wish everyone well as we all deal with this life change. I've had double stress, since my son just got his license. He drove to marching band practice last night, and I was on pins and needles until he got home safely (and we only live a mile away from the high school!). He is a junior this year, so we'll start the college visiting process with him soon. He spent three weeks at Duke this summer and loved it, but talk about sticker shock! I'm afraid $42,000 a year is out of our price range!</p>
<p>For those of you who haven't heard from sons or daughters, try sending a card (snail mail or email). The Hallmark store has some great cards that play music when you open them, and they actually have some appropriate ones for college kids with decent tunes.</p>
<p>Pam</p>
<p>
[quote]
I did get sticker shock, because she spent almost $600 on books!! Her biology book alone was $110! What a racket!
[/quote]
</p>
<p>EACH of my son's course textbooks run $100, even at the State Univ. - so it's become a universal racket. </p>
<p>We were told at parent orientation most of these textbooks now include interactive DVDs or CD-ROMs that are great supplements, usually bringing the material "alive" through audio-visuals, or offering a chance for practice quizzes or reviews - so I guess that's one rationale for why they're now so expensive. The other is, some textbook company probably said, "hey, colleges have been raising tuition 10, 12, 14% a year even in times of relatively low inflation - and applications only keep going UP. It's time for us to get some of that."</p>
<p>Voila' - $100 textbooks.</p>