<p>weenie,
I hadn't realized I'd have all the dishes in the kitchen again once my DS heads off! Oh what a treat that will be! Maybe I will start of list of things I will look forward to once DS is off to Pasadena:
1. A full array of dishes in the kitchen
2. Faster dsl as he will not be in his room downloading.
I know there is more..I will try to remember there are pluses to this change between the tears.</p>
<p>Since I'm the one who started this thread, I thought I would check in. Our daughter is doing fine, likes her classes, didn't like all the rain that Ernesto dumped on Chapel Hill, is going through sorority rush this evening (and I am really interested to hear how that goes) and looking forward to the first football game tomorrow afternoon. She has been checking in regularly and that has made all the difference in making me feel better. My 11th grade son is doing fine with his driving and enjoying marching band. Can't wait for competition season to start with that.
Life does go on; you just have to adapt... It's really helped me to get together with friends who also have just sent kids to college -- went out to dinner last night with friends, and it definitely is great to commisserate with others in the same situation.
Pam</p>
<p>Pam,
Sounds like you, and your daughter, are doing great! Good!</p>
<p>Goheels81- My daughter is also going through rush and it sounds like last night was exhausting with 9 houses in one night. Ernesto caused Greek Life to combine two night of round one into one night. My daughter said it was only 64 degrees last night; not the temperature she was expecting when she picked out what to wear for rush during the summer!! Plus that humidity did nothing for the hair :-(</p>
<p>BTW, you do not have private messaging enabled; might you want to turn that on?</p>
<p>No depression at all for me. I was supermom for 27 yrs. You would think I would be sad and lonely. Nope. Not at all. I am so anxious to start doing things for myself. The kids are happy and anxious to be on their own. Remember, we can help them, we can worry, we can advise, or we can argue with them. Our job as parent is not over just becasuet they have gone off to college or grown up. We just have to accept some things in life and this is one of them. You CAN make it good for yourself!</p>
<p>Of my new projects the list is long, but right now the dining room table is filled with NEW DISHES. That's right, I'm changing the dishes in the pantry and moving on to Wedgewood Everyday China! Bone china, everyday! Of course I'm adding some other sets of T-W-O place settings of new nice patterns so my table can reflect my daily mood for the hus. and myself. And there is plenty of the new Wedgewood for when the kids come home for weekends and holidays and don't you know it I will be there cooking and clearing for them. I'm saving the old for their new apartments for the kids, etc., and if by chance I feel the need to retstore them to their original place. But this is happy and fun for me.</p>
<p>I am also making, or have been for the past month, a BUTTERFLY GARDEN! THis consists of a local habitat in a nearby township park for Monarch Butterflies. Their numbers are in decline due to the proliferation of suburban sprawl and the lack of the appropriate plants the Monarchs need in their various stages. You can do anything you want OP, and when you think of something and ask persission of your local government I bet they will be delighted you want to help! </p>
<p>Another new project is to exercise more, impossible because I shared the car with the two of them for 3 years . One of my great passions has always been to walk on various walking paths and collect and try to proprogate (sp?) different species of wildflower and trees, and that had been put aside 3 years ago when I lost the car. </p>
<p>The projects go on and on and I'm excited and happy to have my children grow up!</p>
<p>dropped our son off on Wed - heard from him three times on the way home about routine items. Then nothing. I guess that's means he's busy and fine but I wish he would check in. His roomate's father told us that his son told him he would probably check in in a couple of weeks - and he seemed fine with that - yikes! I asked for once a week but I'm not sure we'll get it. He's never been much of a conversationalist by phone. We'll try with email... Are sons tougher than daughters on this front?</p>
<p>I spent plenty of time complaning to my last two I did not hear much from my second at college. Seems to have influenced them to email more, thank goodness!</p>
<p>toneranger,
I think son's are less likely to call then daughters. My son was away for six weeks for two summers during high school..the first year I had to call and leave lots of messages with the dorm office before I heard anything from him. He never turned his cell phone on! Last summer was better..but only because he had his computer and he'd respond to emails. But phone calls? no way. Though this summer he's been at home he does leave his cell phone on and carries it with him all the time..but I think that's because there's a girlfriend in the picture this summer and he doesn't want to miss her calls. I don't drop him off at college until the 17th of Sept. & they go away as a class for 3 days before settling into temporary dorm rooms. I'm imagining I won't hear from him for quite awhile! Probably not until he settles in to his permanent dorm room - then he'll want the rest of his stuff. (Unless he's really curious as to what's happening at home since I'm putting our house on the market and moving to a different city...)</p>
<p>But I was advised by friends of mine with college age kids... you need to learn to communicate the way that they communicate!</p>
<p>So, I learned how to text message on the cell phone. It is great! It works well, because if they are busy they can respond when they have time. And they always check it. I wouldn't use it for lengthy messages, but for quick notes like... "haven't heard from you in a while. Please call when you get time" or "just wanted to let you know... I miss you, good luck on your test".</p>
<p>The other thing I learned how to do was "IM". My husband set it up for me on the computer. My son does not seem to spend as much time on the computer at college as he used to at home. But I have managed to have at least one good conversation with him on there. It was actually fun! My friend's daughter at college leaves her computer on all day and leaves away-messages as to what she is doing... "went to class", "out to dinner with roommate". The mother really likes it because she is able to know what her daughter may be doing during a typical day.</p>
<p>Just wanted to let you all know that this thread is really great for us Moms who just sent their babies off for the 1st year. I am so happy for my child, but it has been a shock to my system. I feel like I'm going through withdrawl! It has been good to read that I'm not alone. It's like cheap therapy. Thanks for the support!</p>
<p>I have been having the same thing with DS....he called three quick times to sort out logistic type problems but hasn't called with any real conversation. I finally resorted to an email with a survey....questions for him to email back answers:
have you done laundry ? is 10 meals a week okay? etc...
he did email back three sentences to answer my ten questions....it was better than no information...</p>
<p>OK, we finally decided to send a friendly email to our S. He responded with a very nice note saying that he's having fun and providing some other details. We think this will be a better way to communicate than by phone. The text message idea sounds interesting though...
We're hearing about all kinds of reactions to leaving children at college. Most report sadness but some are thrilled to finally be free! We're in the first camp - probably because we have an only child. It IS really helpful to read these posts - thanks for sharing everyone!</p>
<p>ebeeeee, I love the idea of a survey! I'm going to try that with my DS when after he's been gone a few weeks..maybe I'll even do a advertisement that says something like "get paid $ for completing this survey!" that's sure to get him to respond!
I agree this thread is so helpful..thanks to everyone!</p>
<p>I've only read some of these threads, and knew this was the place to be. We dropped off our D yesterday at Smith, and the tears didn't come until we were about to leave. This morning we got "the call" about wanting to come home. Help! This is so hard.</p>
<p>BJM8, it is hard...I should be grateful that at least my son seems to be loving it...when he calls for logistic stuff I can always hear other boys in the background....
Hmm...calling wanting to come home must be really hard. Lots of parents have posted on this one..most consistent advice is to be positive, tell her to give it more time, suggest she go to any dorm activities, etc. she can to meet people...leave dorm room door open etc. That said, I understand how hard it is on the parents...</p>
<p>Thanks. We did just that. Told her to find her friend and go work out asap. They have some meetings scheduled for students today. Told her to keep busy.</p>
<p>BMJ8, good...and don't forget that the first few days of college are not what it is really like. Classes haven't started, everyone is just figuring it out....They are probably having students move in over several days so if your daughter was one of the first group not everyone is there yet, DS has a friend at a LAC in the suburbs of Boston...saw her Mom last week and she said her daughter was really bored, just kind of waiting around for things to start happening...I passed that on to DS, he did IM to tell me she was coming in to the city to his school yesterday to hang out. So, lots of kids especially at the smaller LACs, I think, in the same situation...</p>
<p>ebeeeee...thanks! I believe all first years moved in yesterday. This kind of sucks! Really tough. We are being extremely positive on the phone with her, and reassuring that everything will be fine. You are correct that when things get started; classes, job, etc. it will get better. She just needs to be busy!</p>
<p>BJM8... that must be really hard. Just a little story to let you know it will get better: my boss at work dropped her daughter (seems to be a common factor here) off at college. Before they even left, daughter was crying and saying she did not want to stay. Parents had to leave her still crying & by now Mother is crying too! It was a real mess! And it took her quite a while to adjust. Fast forward 2 years later... she is going into junior year. She only came home for a couple of weeks this summer, because she stayed up at school and took summer classes & worked. She is very well adjusted & loves it!
You can give advice & send care packages, but don't let them come home! Even if my child did not like the college, I don't think I would let them come home till they finished 1st year. By then they will usually end up liking it!</p>
<p>Ouch, that must have been hell! I've been going back and forth to the parent's forum, and reading many stories very similar to mine, so we know we're not the only ones going through this. Always harder when it's your kid! She'll be fine, just adjustment to new surroundings and people. As I've said before, once classes begin and she gets into the swing of things, things will settle. But for now...not a lot of fun...for her, or us!</p>