Depression

College Life
1

<p>When I ask someone for help, the first thing most people usually assume is that I struggle academically. When I tell them that I don't have academic problems, there is a moment of silence and they seem incredulous, even somewhat amused. As a result, I feel like I am being taken for a liar which makes me feel depressed. I go back to step one and the cycle repeats endlessly.</p>

<p>It's like nobody I reach out to wants to accept that the source of my negative emotions is the way people treat me: girls approach me, then reject me. My friends are possibly not my friends anymore. I have a hard time making new friends. Etc</p>

<p>I understand that all this is probably my fault for not being more socially intelligent, but at the same time I am convinced that if people, by some miracle, became more tolerant and accepting of people like me, I wouldn't be depressed right now, or at least not so depressed.</p>

<p>But noone gets it. Either they seem dissatisfied when I tell them that I don't have academic problems or they point their fingers at me and tell me that it's all my fault before I even have a chance to describe my case. I feel very helpless and depressed knowing that those people who might actually be able to help me respond to me the same way everyone else does.</p>

2

<p>I’ve been in that situation before… Without a display of emotion (tears) or some way to visualize your distress (poor grades), people just don’t take you seriously, so I’ve learned. Once things get better, I think it’s best to start wearing your emotions on your sleeve, before they spiral out of control into a rut. Normal people have emotions and talk about them. For instance, they’ll complain about something they don’t like or be excited when something positive is anticipated.</p>

<p>My question for you is, how exactly do you hope these people are going to help you? What are your expectations?</p>

<p>Do you equate “social intelligence” with charisma? Personally, I think self-confidence and loss of inhibitions are how to become socially successful. It’ll surprise the hell out of you how easily you make friends and conversation, and how MUCH people really like you, when you’re on ecstasy. If social intelligence was truly to blame, drugs couldn’t magically change that. Also, I think depression clouds up your mind and makes conversation a chore. Even when I’m naturally happy, conversation just flows…</p>

<p>But normally, I’m in the same boat as you… (like right now, for instance…)</p>

3

<p>Holy Crap PM me if you need help. I went through depression Junior year in high school(last year) so I can definitely relate.</p>

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<p>I sorta understand because I go through waves of that all the time. I feel like I have friends then the next minute I feel like I’m all alone. It sucks.</p>

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<p>^But if it really is depression, like I went through, it’s totally different & the OP might need serious help. I was legit suicidal for a year and missed over 20 days of school & hated going anywhere w/ friends even though i had them.So, yeah. You can pull through but it’s hard</p>

6

<p>If the depression is chronic or clinical (i.e., not situational), the OP might need serious help, I agree. As someone with (currently untreated, auugh) chronic depression, it is very, very important to recognize the symptoms and then try to get help. The OP recognizes it, which is good, because depression can quickly become suicidal.</p>

7

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but at the same time I am convinced that if people, by some miracle, became more tolerant and accepting of people like me, I wouldn’t be depressed right now, or at least not so depressed.[/QUOTE</p>

<p>That’s almost like saying “I know it’s probably my fault for blowing all my money on crap, but I’m convinced that if people just gave me some of their cash, I wouldn’t be so bad off right now.” It’s highly unlikely that everyone you know got together and decided en masse to shun you so you MUST be doing something that turns people off. Based on your forum posts, you seem to have a repulsive sort of narcissistic personality and be prone to asking inane questions and fishing for compliments and recognition. Maybe that’s it.</p>

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<p>It’s not the same thing because in your example I’d be holding people responsible for fixing problems that came along with bad personal decisions.</p>

<p>In my case, I am punished because people feel annoyed by my lack of social intelligence. It doesn’t mean that I think people are conspiring against me, it’s just the way many human beings respond to people with low social intelligence. Solutions to the problem include: developing social intelligence, growing a thicker skin, making people understand that people with low social intelligence are not necessarily their enemies. The first and second solutions are works in progress. The third solution is ideal but obviously unrealistic.</p>

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<p>I was under the impression that narcissists exaggerate their achievements and have an inflated image of themselves. After reading my forum posts, do you really think I am that type of person?</p>

9

<p>Hahaha… Only respond the post that insults you. This is a joke… It makes me wish I could remove myself from these conversations… Oh, why, CC, art thou punishing me?!</p>

10

<p>It sounds like you’re going around talking to people, crying out your problems to them upon first meeting them. People in general don’t like negative people. I know I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who brought me down.</p>

11

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<p>I’m sorry it took me a while to respond to your message.</p>

<p>I agree with you, without a display of true emotion or solid proof that you have a problem, people assume that you are all set. Instead of helping you prevent a catastrophe, they wait for the catastrophe to happen. That’s the way they think.</p>

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<p>I talk about my emotions with people on the internet.</p>

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<p>That’s a good question. I want them to demonstrate that they understand my problem and once they have done that I want them to give me practical advice and actual social skills training. If they are going to tell me “well, you need to socialize more…” that’s worthless advice.</p>

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<p>It might possible to have an attractive personality and be socially unintelligent. I personally don’t know any cases.</p>

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<p>So is that what antidepressants do? They act like ecstasy?</p>

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<p>Then there is a way to find out if the problem is social intelligence…</p>

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<p>I have never been a good communicator, so I wouldn’t attribute all my social problems to depression.</p>

12

<p>"In my case, I am punished because people feel annoyed by my lack of social intelligence. "</p>

<p>Of course, people feel annoyed by your lack of social intelligence. When your peers encounter you, they are hoping to have a pleasant conversation, perhaps to even make a new friend. If you lack social skills and only talk about how you’re depressed and how terrible people treat you, other people will move on.</p>

<p>If what you want is help with social skills, read some of the excellent self-help books and advice that you can find by doing a Google search. Also use the free or low cost services at your college counseling center. </p>

<p>Unlike the peers whom you’ve been complaining to, the people at the counseling service are there to help students including those with problems like yours.</p>

13

<p>Talking about emotions on the internet is not what I mean… It should be a part of your personality. When you keep emotions inside, you seem like an emotionless, boring person. I’m non-confrontational, so I never express my discontentment. I’m also shy, so I never express excitement. Part of it has to do with being modest (a product of low self-confidence), and the other part is feeling like people wouldn’t care (a product of low self-esteem). One thing I’ve observed about the popular people with friends is that they are free about expressing themselves.</p>

<p>BUT this is not easy to do when you’re in a rut of depression. I don’t care about some sports team losing, because my depression dominates my thoughts. So it’s something I plan to start doing after I resolve my bigger issues, “once things get better.”</p>

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SSRIs are based on the same chemical that makes you happy from ecstasy (serotonin), but not on anywhere near the same level. I guess that’s why one is called ecstasy and the other is just called anti-depressant. Keep in mind, I’m not an expert on this :P. I’ve researched them both, but since I’m not a credible source, it will benefit you more to do the research yourself ;).</p>

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I would say I have historically never been a good verbal communicator myself. Obviously, we both have no trouble conveying our messages in written form, and chemical happiness is a temporary solution for me, so I’m going to stick to my low self-confidence/esteem hypothesis :).</p>

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Have you thought about seeing a psychologist? Even if you distrust his/her advice, it could stimulate critical thinking that really does help you. I can’t give you any advice if you’re set on the social skills/intelligence hypothesis ;).</p>

<p>I can tell you about an evil book that I do NOT recommend, called “The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women into Bed.” It isn’t the most scientific book, and it probably inaccurately justifies most of its claims, but it does work. The show “The Pickup Artist” is based off of that book. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, though… If you want to turn socializing into a game, where you make calculated moves, and where you think eye contact is a display of dominance, maybe that book is for you. If you want to actually work on maturing into a person who naturally achieves social success, who could care less about dominance and eye contact, avoid the book at all costs, and don’t take advice from anyone who tells you it worked for them. That was a mistake I made that took me months to recover from, just to get back to square one. I brought the book up because one might consider those “social skills,” but they aren’t any skills I want to have…</p>

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<p>Did that book actually increase your success with women? And why did you go back to square one after reading it?</p>

15

<p>Yeah, it’s basically “How to Flirt for Dummies.”</p>

<p>It breaks everything down, though, and completely takes the magic out of socializing. Like I said, everything will turn into a game. It’s deceptive and basically anti-social, and it only addresses the attraction phase, so while I could get girls interested, I didn’t have the confidence to take things any further. I would probably just embarrass myself when they realize I was all talk, then they would lose interest.</p>

<p>After I recovered and forgot about DLVs and DHVs and stopped worrying about portraying dominance, and after I re-learned how to just be MYSELF again, I was still just the same, old me, with low self-confidence and low self-esteem. When I see my friends follow the methods in the book, I cringe on the inside, because I know they’re just basically pretending to be cool. When they use it on me, it ****es me off. One of my friends DHVed me, and it was an example straight out of the book (I didn’t realize it at the time.), and my other friend actually TREATED me like I was of lower value. That’s bullsh</p>