<p>Though I been "lurking" for some time, this is my first post, as I just don't know how to help my 16 year old son. He has a significant learning disability, and has been in an early intervention program since he was 2 (seems to be a combination of processing issues and ADD). He is now a sophomore in high school and gets accommodations, like extra test time, tests read to him, etc. But everything is still a huge struggle for him (though i think I might have babied him too much -- he doesn't put extra effort into his homework either). Still, we want him to go to college, perhaps starting at community college, because we feel it's important. </p>
<p>Most recently, he's started to spend time with friends that we are not fond of, due to both their lack of interest in school, and now recently learned that they are starting to experiment with marijuana. This was always my fear, because he doesn't have a great self esteem because he struggles so, though we have tried to keep him involved in sports. He has two older siblings who excelled in school, so this is something we haven't faced before. He is a wonderful person, with a great personality, and I tell him often. I can't take him out of his public high school, because he can't get into another private school due to his low grades, and also poor results on standardized testing. We are stuck in a school where there are lots of bad distractions that he seems prone to, but I need to help him before it's too late. Any advice, or anyone here of programs for struggling kids, and how best to get them through high school?</p>
<p>Does he take adhd meds on the weekends? ADHD isn’t just a school issue, many ADHD teenagers need their meds to control impulses and stay away from behavior such as drugs and unsafe sex.</p>
<p>He needs to finish High School and then find his place in life. Likely it won’t have anything to do with academics, but that’s okay. He can still be an artist or writer or inventor or a great businessman, hiring all the kids on CC who thing a 2400 SAT is the be all-end all of a great life. GL</p>
<p>Thanks for your responses.
@ Wannabe – he only takes his medication on school days. He’s not hyperactive – but inattentive and often loses focus during school, and he does seem to make poor choices. No girls yet, but am worried about that down the road as well. He’s a very sweet boy but easily taken advantage because he wants other kids to like him. </p>
<p>@sosomenza – I actually do think he could be very successful down the road because of his personality, creativity, etc., but I need to get him through the next 2.5 years of high school which is not a small feat. We’ve accepted that he is not an academic, but he still hasn’t found that “thing” or hobby that excites him. I would love to find another outlet for him. He’s just so-so in sports, but participates nonetheless. More concerned about his social development (choice of friends) than his academics at this point.</p>
<p>“I can’t take him out of his public high school, because he can’t get into another private school due to his low grades, and also poor results on standardized testing. We are stuck in a school where there are lots of bad distractions that he seems prone to, but I need to help him before it’s too late. Any advice, or anyone here of programs for struggling kids, and how best to get them through high school?”</p>
<p>Look for private LD schools in your area. Many of them are college prep. He will learn that he CAN learn. This made all the difference in the world my DD and my friend’s DS!</p>
<p>Glopop11 – I tried to send you a PM but am unable due to low level of posts. Can you elaborate on the LD schools? I would love to get him into a small private school (like a Waldorf school) but even the ones that seem to cater to different learning styles are not seem to require entrance exams that I know he will do very poorly on. In addition, it seems no one wants a student with very poor grades (average is in high 70s). Who knows this kind of information (ie. schools that accept LD students)? It doesn’t seem like the kind of thing I can ask his high school guidance counselor.</p>
<p>Have you considered a program like Venturing? It’s connected with scouting but for ages 14 - 20 and it’s coed. They do a lot of activities that give kids structure, life skills and there’s wonderful mentoring. </p>
<p>I think you have to be a little more proactive about connecting him with something other than school. Even a plain old job can be really encouraging for ADD students; I know mine benefitted greatly by being part of something that needed him and paid him. Even volunteering (no money) can be extremely rewarding for teens and maybe you don’t want him to have money to burn! Venturing is a great program, too. But I wouldn’t expect him to do this on his own; the gap between thought and execution of ideas is just too big. </p>
<p>You haven’t spoiled him, he has a learning disability. It is okay, though, to set up if/then strategies: IF you haven’t finished task A by the agreed time, THEN you just won’t be able to do B. Insert maternal shrug of “gosh, I am helpless to reset this good rule we made”. </p>
<p>I think starting at CC makes good sense. But for now, concentrate on the Bad Friends and getting him involved in something better. He’s good at things – sounds like he’s good with people and lots of charities need that. Nursing homes are great — and guys seem to like elderly people. Imho, average of high 70’s is not a catastrophe. Be glad he’s still passing things! A new school would still have the same old him, I don’t think that is going to be a great solution. I would also be really honest with him, that you want him to find success in areas other than school, and you don’t care for his friends, so he’s going to help you find something for him to do to help mitigate the friends’ influence.</p>
<p>I hadn’t heard of Venturing before, but it looks interesting and I will look into it.</p>
<p>I think we have been proactive – he had a paying job last summer that he loved and will do that again this summer. We also insist that he do a sport every school season, just to be physically active. We are constantly conferring with his teachers too. (And that’s his average grade over all the subjects – he has 60s in math and science). But you are right that we have to address his friends and we have taken measures to limit his contact with one in particular (no more phone or computer for a while). The next thing may be for him to get a job during the school year, because I think that will give him structure. We have learned that we have to be constantly vigilant though. </p>
<p>Do kids with these issues benefit from speaking with a psychologist? We have a very open relationship with him, but maybe it would help his self esteem? It’s not something we’ve explored before. </p>
<p>^^ gosh, you sure have been! Yes, the constant vigilance is exhausting, and necessary.</p>
<p>DS did see a psychologist, briefly, but found it to be of little use. I thought it would give him a place to unload his feelings, etc… but he was still in denial about his predicaments. You might just ask your son what he thinks, and go from there.</p>
<p>We’re in a suburban HS school district with one large HS. Great school for high-achiever, smart and focussed students. Otherwise, not a good choice. Not for average students, LD students, Spec Ed students, etc. We opted for a nominally religious college prep HS, with a great outcome. Are there similar HS’s near you? Even if it’s not specifically selective-enrollment college prep, the higher-degree of discipline, teacher commitment, and school unity can make the difference for a struggling student. In 8th grade, we were concerned whether DS was “college material”, and if he’d attended our public HS, the outcome was uncertain. (Several of his K-8 classmates have had serious problems w/HS.) Many religious-sponsored HS are not overtly “religious”, at least not in our urban area.</p>
<p>Building the confidence within the student is important too. I’d be worried about the “negative distractions”, and consider changing venues.</p>
<p>Thanks Higgins. Yes, there are a number of small religious sponsored high schools, but here, they require a universal entrance exam, and S could not get into them. We would have preferred that option for him. It can be frustrating, because he can do school work and Bs and Cs, but he will NEVER do well on a standardized exam every single school seems to require. I’m looking now into a school for kids with LD, but the grade has only 5 kids, and I’m not sure he will enjoy being in this type of environment. He’s very social, affable, and actually likes his high school, even though we, his parents do not.</p>
<p>Who prescribes the ADD meds? Maybe he/she would have recommendations for a good fit therapist or psychologist. Of coures it requires buy-in from the kid too.</p>
<p>The religious HSs in our area give “extended time” accommodation for entrance exam to those students who have an elementary school “IEP” report or a neuro-psych educational report that parents have obtained from an educational psychologist. They also admit transfer students and foreign exchange students. We found that schools were quite empathetic towards bright LD students who applied, interviewed with parents, and explained educational background/history. The less academically rigorous (ie: not more selective enrollment) private high schools are often still a good academic fit for LD students, if school environment is calmer and quieter, and teachers motivated to teach a receptive student body.</p>
<p>In our community, it’s not uncommon for parents to transfer a child to another school in effort to redirect that student, or create a “fresh start” environment.</p>
<p>wonderyears, do you have a vocational/technical school where you are? In my experience, (13 years of early intervention and middle school spec. ed.) ADD/LD kids can often find a niche in a vo-tech school, and come out with a very marketable skill and a lot more confidence than they ever would find in a traditional classroom. Forcing the more academic route, on the other hand, can often be disastrous. As some have mentioned, I would also take another look at the meds, and definitely continue them on the weekends. ADD makes LIFE hard, not just academics! People, even adults, with untreated ADD will often self-medicate, and this could be what you are seeing with your son. Keep being encouraging! And keep looking for that “hook” that motivates him! And wherever you can, teach him how to cope with his ADD. If you don’t know how to do this yourself, find a professional. You may have to go outside of your school, but first try guidance or a school social worker or psychologist. (I assume you have some kind of assessment team working with you?) Remember, you are his biggest advocate - no one cares more about him than you do! {{{hugs}}}</p>
<p>I really appreciate thee very thoughtful comments and advice from everyone. Operadiva, there is a tech school option at his high school, and if he stays there, we are already exploring this. We know academics will never be his forte, so trying to find that thing that excites him. I’m spending this week calling a lot of the smaller private schools to discuss their views on accepting kids with some LDs, and go from there (though recognize that won’t be the cure all – there are temptations and distractions everywhere). I would love to get him out of his present school just to have a new start, but may not have an option.</p>
<p>It sounds like you are looking into all the options, wonderyears. As a parent of two special needs children, I know how involved you have to be. You seem like a very good parent.</p>
<p>Hopefully you can find a way to either change environments or keep him so busy he doesn’t have time for those unsavory friends. Please keep us updated. I’m guessing all of us on this section of the board can relate in one way or another.</p>
<p>wonderyears, my S is an LD student who’s been in various support programs since preschool. We sent him to boarding school in 9th grade. It was his idea, but it’s been a good, if somewhat bumpy, experience for him. He didn’t have to take a standardized test for admission, only an individually administered IQ/achievement test. Many boarding school acceptance rates are quite high, and there are a variety of good options for LD kids. PM me if you want to know more.</p>
Yes, the constant vigilance is exhausting, and necessary.</p>