Devastated

<p>The worst and most dangerous thing mentioned is that your son got into a car with an intoxicated driver and could have been seriously injured or killed. That is probably the only thing in his eyes that would be a legitimate complaint for you to bring up to him.
If I had to choose between my kid going to a crappy school or being dead and not going to a crappy school, I would prefer the former option.
I wouldn't even bother to bring up the obvious fact that she cares so little for him as to endanger his life, I would only insist that he is to never get into a car where she is the driver.</p>

<p>Oh ebeeeee, your post is time stamped 2:23. </p>

<p>(When I look now, it looks like ebeeeee is agreeing with wellisntthatnice's comment. And when I post this, it will look like ebeeeee is agreeing with me. And at the end of the day, I suppose it will look like ebeeeee agrees with whoever posts at 2:22.)</p>

<p>Sorry...but your SON is going to college, not you. If he doesn't WANT to apply to or attend an Ivy League school right now...that should be HIS choice. Maybe he'll decide to pursue that for grad school. Let him follow HIS dream...not yours.</p>

<p>Remind your husband that even tho your son could be admitted to those ivys--if he does not want to attend and is forced, he could still flunk himself out which could lead to another separate set of problems. I agree with previous posters--embrace the fact that he is attending college. If the girlfriend does not survive, your son could always transfer to a better school. Hopefully, his grades will be top-notch at this less than stellar public uni.</p>

<p>Dear Moderators...Any chance this clock time thing can be fixed? It's very hard to deal with the out of sequence responses because of a messed up CC clock mechanism.</p>

<p>bizzare, I posted at about 5am PST</p>

<p>I am so in agreement with all of you, regardless of the order of the universe at this particular moment in "time".
I just want to add one thing. I noticed that the OP mentions "colleges that my husband may have sent his forms to".<br>
I'm beginning to get the son a bit here now. Unless I misunderstand the Dad sent the son's permission/agreement/participation??</p>

<p>Mods maybe you can just delete the post stamped 11:23am...? It is making me looking slightly insane....and as if my thoughts are in backwards order. Benjamin Button?</p>

<p>I sympathize with the OP. The son has no idea how much he will change in the next 9 months. Even when May 1 comes around and he would need to decide where he would go to college, he may sorely regret having no choice. It is a sad situation. I hope you can maintain communication with him so that when he does have regrets he will know his parents are there for him. But he has lied to his parents and is making bad choices. His judgment is poor in many aspects of his life, so I do not understand the posters who say he has exhibited maturity. Drinking and driving and telling lies are not mature actions. I hope you can talk him into just one quick app to another school. Just tell him it is just so he has a choice when May 1 rolls around (despite his deposit). THen give him a hug and tell him you love him and you will be there for him, always.</p>

<p>I'm with MomofWildChild. For someone's first post, it's pretty much hand in glove with the description of one of "those" parents under the "You people are insane" thread. Makes me suspicious.</p>

<p>OP, if you are for real, best of luck to you. If your son has some common sense and keeps his work ethic, he will probably do very well at the State U, even though it may not be where you think he should go. Successful and happy college graduates can be found everywhere.</p>

<p>I sympathize with the poster, too. Deeply, and I see the point being made about personal estrangement. What I'd probably do is ask my son to find one or two more places to apply to in good faith, leave the deposit stand at the state school, but have a couple of options in the event of a change of heart at the very last minute. I always tell my kids to have options because you just never know what the future will hold. (My daughter almost didn't apply to a school because of a set of circumstances, but our lives changed completely when we had an unexpected death in the family and a cancer diagnosis in the time between applications and acceptances, and that school is where she ended up in the new world after the changes in our family.) I'd tell him that he is free to make the ultimate decision but that he should make an affirmative decision based upon good choices, not as a default position.</p>

<p>As far as the relationship, I would tell my son that if he is old enough to make life-changing decisions, then he is old enough to be responsible for them. I would tolerate no lying and no sneaking from an adult and that would be non-negotiable. I would calmly set forth the ground rules for the relationship between two adults.</p>

<p>I wish you the best, I really do. My brother married a woman much like your son's GF. They've been married for 31 years now and she has been the cause of untold misery, pain and stress over the years. Some people do not change or mature.</p>

<p>Good luck to you!</p>

<p>Wow! He must be an only child! My middle can surpass yours in stats and everything else. He applied to many prestigious schools, got in, but decided to go to State U that is #3 in his major. He is so happy and it is SUCH a great fit, no one can imagine him elsewhere! He goes for free and is saving his $$ for a name grad school. </p>

<p>If his stats are truly what you say, he should be getting a full/near full ride to state U, no? </p>

<p>AND, don't blame the GF for all this stuff...her folks can be blaming your son just as well...he is old enough to know right from wrong...I am sure she is not putting him under a spell....</p>

<p>It sounds as though your son spent 18 years doing exactly what he knew you expected, then reached an age where he didn't have to and rebelled. This can't be all about the girlfriend, although she appeared at a very convenient time to help him take a stand about making his own decisions.</p>

<p>Those who said you could make choices that color your future relationship with your son are agonizingly correct. I won't bore you with the details, but my husband had parents who planned his entire future. (In his case it included a family business.) More than 20 years later, their attitude has destroyed all relationships on that side of the family. Husband's father is now dead, and mother hasn't been allowed to see our children in 6 years. Our children are the only grandchildren, and her other son (with whom we don't speak) is middle aged with no SO or children. Husband's mother is tortured by this situation, but can't back down at all, so here we are. It was all very sad, and entirely preventable. </p>

<p>Considering sending in applications for your son is a huge red flag to me based on our experience.</p>

<p>While I sympathize with the plight of the OP, I believe that she is getting the relationship with her son that she is cultivating.</p>

<p>I see a lot of blaming shifting toward the GF here. Does your son not understand that you don't ride with drunks? Yes, it was bad that the GF was drunk...but why is it the GF's fault that your son got in the car? He had other choices.</p>

<p>It's time to do a 180. Stop being so resistant to the things in your son's life that bother you, such as his choice of college and GF. You're only setting yourself up by making it all too easy for your son to rebel....and do stupid things like get in a car with a drunk. Why not try the opposite tactic, and be pleasant to the GF?</p>

<p>Why not focus on the fact that he has made a college choice and paid for the deposit with his own money? That shows a certain maturity and focus, even if it's not the school that you would pick for him.</p>

<p>
[quote]
I'm with MomofWildChild. For someone's first post, it's pretty much hand in glove with the description of one of "those" parents under the "You people are insane" thread. Makes me suspicious.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Makes me suspicious, too, but I have to say I'm mightily amused as well, since "those" parents -- or this one, anyway: the OP -- are greatly outnumbered by others who think differently. Kind of shoots the idea that "those" parents' attitude is the prevalent one! :D</p>

<p>Hey, ebeeee, since you apparently can post from the future, would you mind checking the market to see what those of us back here in the present could buy and flip to make a quick profit? Thanks! </p>

<p>:)</p>

<p>Nifty, what you do now will set the stage for how the three of you interact for the next 20+ years. So believe me when I tell you that where he goes to college is the least of your problems.</p>

<p>:) My thoughts exactly, blossom.</p>

<p>Nifty, what you do now will set the stage for how the three of you interact for the next 20+ years. So believe me when I tell you that where he goes to college is the least of your problems.</p>

<p>:) My thoughts exactly, blossom.</p>

<p>Several parents have made thoughtful comments about the situation described. The thread is closed. Good luck to all the students who face application deadlines today.</p>