HI all, this is my first post, and I’m glad to have found this forum. I was just wondering if other parents have experienced their child making a very narrow list of colleges they are willing to apply to? My daughter only applied to one big reach, one slight reach/target, and the rest on her list are safeties.
And her reasons for not applying to certain schools aren’t necessarily consistent with other college choices. Like refusing to apply to U VA because of too much “green” space b/c she wants a city school, but then really liking and applying Maryland.
She refused to consider so many schools, and the reasons are just not consistent with each other. There was no budging her, and although she has many nice schools on her list, I feel like there should have been more variety and a few schools I think she would have loved but she wouldn’t even look/consider them.
Anyone else relate/feel frustrated? In the end, I just want her to be happy, but I also want the value to be there, and I think she’s missing out on some incredible choices.
D didn’t apply to UVA (not that she would get in) because she felt like she was on a miserable middle school field trip.
As long as she has a few options where she can truly see herself, I think she is all set! Remember, it only takes one solid acceptance! It’s easy to think more is better, but if she is content I am sure it will all work out well.
I think the kids’ college choices often make no sense at least as to some schools and as a preview of your life as a parent of a college kid, there just isn’t anything you can do about it! A lot of choices made are by feel and that’s not terrible either. For what it’s worth I am now at zero out of 3 kids applying to UVA - all visited and all didn’t like it, for various reasons some that made sense others not. Looking back, my pickier child that rejected many schools for inexplicable reasons ended up much happier in college than the one that had a long prestige-driven list similar to that of most of his friends.
My son definitely didn’t have too narrow a list, but there were inconsistencies and things that just didn’t make sense. In the end, I just knew this had to be his process and not mine. Sure, I had some input, but he made the choices. I definitely think he bypassed some schools which I thought might’ve been a great fit and/or a great experience. He’s happy with his choice (he applied ED and got accepted) and I think it should be great. Fingers crossed. I remember being that age and trying to make these decisions. What did I know? Sometimes these kids focus on the wrong stuff. The only thing I wouldn’t have accepted is if he was focused on applying to a party school (with that being the reason for the choice).
Also the UMd vs UVA for a city-loving kid totally makes sense. uVA is middle of nowhere in the countryside basically while UMd College Park is very close to DC and Baltimore.
Every time we go through the college search process I am bemused by which colleges ‘click’ and which do not- and the whacky reasons the kids give for why/why not.
What I have discovered, though, is that their instincts are actually really good. They may not be able to rationally articulate why a college is/is not for them, and the reasons may be wildly inconsistent, as with your daughter- but their accuracy rate is amazing.
The great thing is that your daughter is likely to have to make choices in April- which is another fun process: after the anxiety of ‘will they take me’ comes the ‘wow- it’s hard to say a definite no/yes’. Get ready!
My D18 drove me crazy with this kind of thing. She said she did not want to apply to Tulane because “it’s below sea level.” And no to Ohio State because “I hate farms!”. I can’t make this up!
She is going to graduate from her only safety, Pitt, in the spring, and she has thrived there. However, she now realizes that she did not have enough safeties, and she tells her sister (my D22) that she will want to have options. Aka, safeties are a good thing.
Sounds like your daughter has done the opposite – has several safeties, but only 1 or 2 reaches. It will work out the way she has done it because she will have options that way. Good luck to her!
My kid applied to 3 colleges - and one was because his sibling goes there and the app was free.
He knew not to apply to schools we couldn’t afford, which knocked a lot off the list. But he also really knows what he likes and doesn’t like and I respect his choices.
My D23 said “ I can’t go to a school that xyz is going to” because their personalities are so different. If those are the types that go there - she says it’s not a fit. She has a point but at the same time, these are bigger schools than her high school filled with different types of people.
Then there is the “reputation” of each schools. There are schools that she never heard of that she refused to look at simply because she never heard of it….
She has limited her safety list for the reasons above.
It’s a bit frustrating but I know it’s a process and it will work out on the end.
@collegemom3717 Thank you for this!! It’s good to know that this is more typical, and I do know that in the end it will work out, but it’s reassuring to hear because this is my first child applying to college and I have no experience other than when I was applying (and I applied to only one school, got in ED, and that was the extent of my undergraduate application process!!!).
I am amused by the reasons as well, and it’s nice to hear that other parents are in the same boat!
I also agree that it has to be their choices, and it’s also been kind of nice to watch her mature through the process of making such a big decision about her future for the next 4 years and beyond. I actually like all of the colleges on her list, maybe I would have added another reach and maybe 2 more targets, but she will definitely have choices, and they are HERS which is so, so important.
We needed “good” financial aid. With that in mind, D20 did not apply to a true safety because she refused to apply to any in state public schools. Most of the schools on her list met 100% demonstrated need but we were still nervous. Both her GC and private consultant were confident she would be successful and have choices but she ended up being accepted at her ED choice.
Each student makes their list using whatever criteria is important to them. Their logic may be flawed…or it may not
Seems common in the “what are my chances?” threads where students have all-reach lists that give a large chance of a shutout, leaving them the default safety of starting at a community college. (Related are all-financial-reach lists that give a large chance of a financial shutout.)
2nd this. I think it just where we live…
When I grew up everybody asked where did you apply, where do you want to go…
Where we live it seems no one asks those questions except for my wife and I. I can see my kid with sweatshirt that says… “COLLEGE”
He doesn’t see them as different schools… just different places. He doesn’t want to go to school in TX because it is hot… says the boy who doesn’t go outside.
I made him apply to a few schools that Dad picked so that he has some options should he become interested when there is no time left on the clock.
That list would worry me too (1 big reach, 1 match, the rest safeties), but, I’m a worrier. I think the real question is is she truly happy with her safeties. “Big reaches” are hard to land, so that kind of leaves her with safeties plus one. Has she looked at it this way, that she very well may end up choosing from the list of safeties? If so, and she’s happy, then you are done. But if you think she thinks the reach will come through, or does the erroneous math thing where she thinks the reach and match will balance each other out and surely she will get into one of them if she is denied from the other, you know, stuff like that, then a further conversation about some late additions of matches may be in order.
Some other factors might just be her need to be “done” with applying and or the evaluation and decision process, I think this might be where many of the “stupid” reasons come from (we definitely got to this point in my house). And as for your feelings that she is missing out…I can relate to feeling that too, but there are thousands of colleges, there will always be tons that might have been great, but she can only go to one! And more importantly, if she feels great about it, that’s what matters.
My D22 applied to 5 schools. One was a safety/match and all the rest were safeties. She is in love with one of them and has been accepted. Has three acceptances so far and it’s one of them. I’m sure she will be accepted at the other two schools too since they are both true safeties. I definitely did not need her to apply to any more schools.
My kids only applied to one school each. They did their selecting while touring and eliminated a few along the way. Both knew that if ‘something’ happened they’d have to take a gap year. Both schools had rolling admissions and they were accepted almost immediately.
They really didn’t feel limited as they had had choices when applying. Most of their friends also knew which schools they wanted to attend and while they might have applied to 2-3 schools, one was always their first choice. One girl only applied to FSU. Her father went to FSU, her mother went to FSU, her brother to FSU…she was only ever going to go to FSU.
My son only applied to safeties because that is where he wanted to go. (Well maybe one was a match due to finances). He only applied to 5 schools. I wanted him to look at some others but he was very happy with his list, happy to go where he selected (and they were good in the major he wanted). He went to a high acceptance rate school and had a blast and did fantastically academically. He excelled, stretched himself and felt challenged. He is now a second year vet student there and very happy with his decisions. It will be okay! They may be inconsistent choices but they see (usually) where they can see themselves thriving.
In my neck of the woods it is absolutely normal to apply to only a few schools. All my D22’s good friends applied to two schools max, the state flagship and one state directional, that’s it. My D22 applied to a ton, because she is eager to leave our area and we need a lot of aid. But her approach is so out of the norm among her friends that she never told them how many schools (17) she applied to. So, what’s normal is all relative
