My youngest only applied to one school because it was the top in his chosen field at the time. I tried to get him to consider more, but he wouldn’t have it. I asked what would happen if we couldn’t afford it and he told me he’d just get a job instead. It was that college or none. It will probably surprise no one that he’s on the Aspie spectrum.
Fortunately, it worked out. Also fortunately he still liked the college after he changed his major 3 weeks into his freshman year.
At my school it’s common for students to apply to 4 colleges or less. Few apply to more. My other two kids applied to 3 (because I insisted - one would have been fine for him) and 6. Six is quite high for our school.
@Thorsmom66 It’s interesting to hear that your son doesn’t have a “dream” school" – my daughter said the same. She didn’t get into her ED school (which was the one reach), and she wasn’t crushed (disappointed, but not crushed), saying that she had a lot of other great choices, and she’ll be happy with another choice. Our kids can teach us a thing or two!
I can certainly understand giving the teen a major voice in college applications, but when they absolutely, flat-out refuse to even apply to their in-state best match and reach schools, because “everyone from my high school goes there, and it’ll be just like high school all over again”, that’s where I would draw the line. Over and over, I have seen students foolishly choose expensive OOS and private options that are no better than the in state options that would have been much cheaper for them (and their parents), only to be miserable there, and transfer back in-state (without the merit scholarship/honors college that they had been initially offered by the in-state school), or worse yet, graduate with a large amount of family debt, but no better job prospects than they would have had in-state. All because they were too immature to realize that a school that had a student population literally a hundred times the size of their high school’s graduating class was not going to be, socially, high school all over again!
@parentologist I hear you, and I think what you say is completely valid. My daughter doesn’t want to go to any in-state schools, but she did apply to two really good in-state options (which are also “safeties” based on her scores and grades, but who knows these days because I feel like things are more competitive than ever). She agreed to apply even though she would rather not go to either in-state school because she wants a different experience living somewhere else. I think it’s important to have those in-state applications, especially with the way the admissions process has become.
Yep, had this fight with DD’19. She had a highly specific wish list (which among other things included the architecture, school colors and mascot, certain gen eds, her less common major, Chick-fil-A, and no city driving) and a low budget. The school 90 miles away magically fit all except for the “no one from my high school there” one. I made her apply there and put in an early housing deposit. Meanwhile she was desperately searching for ANYTHING else that met her requirements. I tried too, not wanting to totally railroad her, but it’s also not like I was just trying to force her to stay close. It was ridiculously right for her and if it had been one that wasn’t commonly attended here I think she would have been excited about it.
Over senior year decided she’d kind of like being able to come home once in a while, that a familiar face once in a while wouldn’t be the worst thing ever, and that based on the accepted students FB group there was another whole world that would be there besides the 15 kids from school (and only about 5 from her grade). She now thanks me on a regular basis for not letting her dismiss the school she says has been perfect for her.
Absolutely. The instate schools are often great choices but 17 year olds many times don’t appreciate that. And they are most times not paying and it is easy for kids (and teachers, coaches, other family) to spend your money. Set a budget and communicate it early.
My son didn’t have a dream school. He saw positives in everyone he applied to. Rank and selectivity had nothing to do with it. In fact, he agonized until the second to the last day between three options, one that admitted 15%, one that admitted 50%, and one that essentially admitted everyone.
I asked him during Parents Weekend first year if he felt he made the “perfect” choice now that he’d been there for a while. He said “I like it here a lot, but I’m sure I would have been fine at all of the schools I applied to.”
I personally believe that a ranked list with a dream school, probably just isn’t well vetted enough. Every school has strengths, but every school also has weakness. The dream blinds us to the latter.
And because after a semester of getting texts and twitters and snapchats from their friends who did go to the state flagship, they decided that’s EXACTLY where they wanted to be.
I think my nephew had 5-10 high school friends start at an OOS college and end up at CU or CSU by the end of the first year (if not first semester).
My son applied REA to Stanford. Apart from being ridiculously hard to get into, it also fitted his intellectual but lay back and social personality. Before the results came out, he told me that he was hesitant to go there if accepted as a classmate whom he particularly disliked could also be accepted. This other guy was part of his circle of friends and, according to my son, was ruining the fun of being with his friends. I was dumbfounded that my throughtful intelligent son may have such immature thoughts.
Fortunately, it all became a non-issue when he was accepted but the other boy wasn’t.
My DC child said they didn’t want to fall in love with anything in case it came back unaffordable. (We did all the NPCs, but I said I would not believe it until it was on paper from the school )
My DC also said they would like to be within a few of hours in case they wanted to come home for family event, etc. (They have never come home for a family event! Granted, we did not have any big family events and COVID would have put the kibosh on her coming home if we had.) I wonder if maybe the distance parameter maybe knocked off some potential winners (but they are very happy where they are so it worked out).
As for the “everyone goes there”. Yes, DC, that is because your in-state school is usually the most affordable. Take the 50 kids from your high school class going there and divide it by the number of students at State U - usually a pretty small percentage (at least for us). This is what we told a DC’s friend to try.
I agree with everyone that even if 15 kids from your high school go to the state flagship, you are unlikely to run into them.
And I understand why many kids want to separate themselves from their high school persona/reputation and feel like being where nobody knows your past will make that easier.
It is also confusing if they are being guided to talk to alums etc to try to fully get the vibe/experience. While there is more variability at large schools, it’s not terrible advice.
And yes, parents have way more perspective on this!
So, after spending some time on this forum and reddit, and really delving into the school’s Naviance account, while her list may not be as well rounded as what I would have created, it’s also not as narrow as I had thought. She had one mega-reach (rejected and out of the running), and 1 good reach, but that’s better than the alternative. I feel like I now have a broader picture of admissions/selectivity and how the schools she chose should be classified given her stats. Honestly, it’s crazy how selective, and in some cases, random, the admissions process has become.
It’s random from the outside, in that applicants for the most part don’t know in advance what a school is specifically looking for. They do though, so it’s not actually random per se. The problem is that too many qualified students are all applying to the same schools. Most can’t accommodate all of the fully qualified candidates. As an example, the school my son attended rejected more than 15,000 4.0+ students last year.
@eyemgh Yes, I agree that’s probably true for many qualified students who receive rejections. Truth be told, my daughter had all the stats (and in all areas, GPA, SAT, CS, EC, Essays, etc…) for the T10 school she was rejected from plus legacy (me) and was still rejected. And she’s fine with it, her attitude is excellent. As she says, she has many other top choices and she’ll be happy with where she ends up.
I refer to my D12’s search as the typical CC parent’s nightmare. Junior year we did the classic 5 day multi-state road trip and visited a variety of schools. On Columbus Day we went to an event at an in-state school. While walking across campus she ran into someone she knew from church,
The next day, she announced she was applying early action to a school but treating like ED and was done with applications unless she got rejected.
She got it and got enough aid to make it work. And it really was her dream school.
Just let her know, if they all turn out to be duds, she can always start at community college and transfer. No shame in that. For my teenage daughter (ewwww, DAD!..COMMUNITY COLLEGE?) that would normally be incentive enough to choose a good fit.
At the same time, there are many schools that could be a fit, and she only needs one. As long as it’s affordable and she’s happy, that’s all that matters.
Thanks @coolguy40 she did already get one EA acceptance, but we still have the bulk of her college applications left ot hear about, and we really need to see the financial differences. That’s always the killer, isn’t it, lol.
My D limited herself to LACs. She likes and thrives in more of a small, nurturing environment. I insisted she look at at least one larger (mid-sized) college. But the moment we got to campus she said “I am not going here” even before we stepped out of the car – we took the tour but it was a clear “no go” in her mind from the start. After that day I decided to live with the fact that she was so focused on one type of school. The moral is she attended a LAC where had a fantastic experience – one where she grew and matured academically, socially etc. in the best ways possible. Turns out she knew what she needed!
I think your D’s list sounds fine (especially if she is looking for merit aid). Relax. And congrats on the EA acceptance – in our house that first acceptance relieved a lot of pressure on the process.
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