MarlboroMom…you did not “screw up”. Your daughter is so lucky to have such a concerned and engaged parent, one who is so focused on helping her get to the right place for her. Nothing is engraved in stone. Take a deep breath, soldier on and tell your daughter she should give you a hug.
Repeat after me: You did not screw everything up. Despite our reputation, parents are not perfect and all powerful. Sometimes the cosmos hurls sidewinders. Personally, I would reach out to Bard to talk to someone else. If she can’t get comfortable with any of the choices, a gap year could work out. My daughter took one. I guess I could skip ahead and see what you decided on May 1, but first I wanted to register the importance of not beating yourself up.
And … I skipped ahead and saw what you wrote. I too have a depressed and anxious kid. For a while my biggest worry was whether she was going to LIVE till the end of high school–and this was happening while she was enjoying professional success onstage, where she always functioned well. A gap year was vital and productive for her. Look at it this way: You learned a ton about the process this year. If you do this over next year (and LOTS of kids do) you will be better informed and better prepared. It’s going to be OK.
I wish you and your daughter the very best.