<p>Perhaps I did, and if so, mea culpa. To me, your post came across as arrogant, which you may not have intended. If so, my error and apologies. </p>
<p>I don’t like the essay (not saying anything against the OP) in the OP and probably wouldn’t write one like it. My essays and other writing have also garnered praise, awards, and so forth. Thus, there is not one singular standard for a “good” personal essay, which I’m sure you and most other writers would agree with, no?</p>
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<p>To bad you probably are. The only people near you would be hmom and JHS. Those three collective are like the HYP of CC. The above three attended Harvard, Wharton, and Yale respectively, so they know what they are talking about.</p>
<p>“. Thus, there is not one singular standard for a “good” personal essay, which I’m sure you and most other writers would agree with, no?”</p>
<p>I used to think that there would be similar standards for good personal essays for college, but based on the great differences between the Tufts example and the Chicago one, I no longer think that there are similar standards. It’s also obvious that the U.S. is fortunate to have colleges for a wide variety of types of people.</p>
<p>I do wish there were someone here who was a Tufts alum or had a kid at Tufts because I’m now curious about what type of people go there, and how Tufts regards itself. All I have ever known about it is that it struggles to not be the runner-up choice to Harvard and similar schools. I’m curious about how Tufts administrators would characterize the typical Tufts student.</p>
<p>It’s odd that even though Harvard is reasonably close to Tufts, I never remember meeting a student or alum from there.</p>
<p>" To me, your post came across as arrogant, which you may not have intended. If so, my error and apologies. "</p>
<p>You were kind and gracious to apologize, and I accept your apology.</p>
<p>Seriously, Harvard people come across to many as being arrogant and condescending even when Harvard people aren’t trying to be that way. The college attracts straightforward (some might say painfully blunt) speakers, and hones them to be even more straightforward. That way of communicating can irritate many people. Depending on where I’ve lived in real life, I’ve had to work hard on toning it down. In a typical Harvard group, though, I come across as one of the less fierce and intimidating people there.</p>
<p>I really kind of want northstarmom to comment on my college essay since she is so harsh. It got me into Yale so I guess it must be good, maybe? Here it is:</p>
<p>Oh, and I am a big boy already in college so I would prefer if you were harsh :)</p>
<p>S2 is finishing essays as I write this for his first choice school. I believe they are out-of-the-box, insightful, witty, analytical, and fun to read all of which doesn’t matter. What matters is that the admissions counselors believe at least some of this, and there is no way to tell if that is going to happen. Rohan’s essay had this effect at Chicago, it might not at Tufts or elsewhere, who knows. And that’s the point. These kids do their best, pour there hearts into what they are writing and if it resonates with that one reader that puts them over the top, good, but few will ever know, even Rohan. The mixed opinions expressed here show what they are up against, and why luck (as to who might be the reader) plays such a big role in this whole enterprise. My heart goes out to all of them.</p>
<p>I ‘got’ the essay (in the OP) but personally I thought it was ‘meh’. It got a bit tiresome after the first few sentences.</p>
<p>My daughter, a h.s. senior who has written several essays this season, liked it a lot and thought it was pretty funny.</p>
<p>To state the obvious, essays are subjective and their evaluation is also subjective.</p>
<p>I really like your essay, Dbate. It was well written and you took the risk of exploring race, which often is a sensitive subject in our culture. The essay had good quotes, and and excellent kicker. The end referred to the beginning of the essay, which was a nice touch – like tying a bow on a package.</p>
<p>It was an interesting read because I, the reader, wasn’t able to tell from the beginning how it was going to end. So many college and scholarship essays are written in cliched ways. </p>
<p>The risk in writing this kind of essay is that people who think that black people are always playing the race card or exaggerating about racism might reject you based on the essay. However, if that had happened, it would have been good because a college that would have rejected you for that reason wouldn’t have been a place where you’d have been happy.</p>
<p>I imagine that some readers might not like the below part of your essay. I thought you were making a good attempt to incorporate some literary devices into your essay, and that it worked well. Am I right that you are attempting to emulate the technique used by a favorite author? I’m guessing that you enjoy reading good literature.</p>
<p>Yeah, I read alot and one literary technique that is constantly expoused is that every speech, every story, every essay should be a circle. That is why the end always refers back to the beginning. Yay, I guess my essay was good. :)</p>
<p>I was also trying to do a show don’t tell style, so instead of saying that people may see all blacks as the same I tried to make an extended metaphor. This came mostly from stuff like the Giver where the entire society is a metaphor.</p>
<p>“I was also trying to do a show don’t tell style,”</p>
<p>You succeeded very well at that, too. Most writers who aren’t professionals don’t do a good job of showing, not telling. </p>
<p>You also made good use of the active voice.</p>
<p>Its theme reminds me a bit of what Henry Louis Gates wrote in his application essay to Yale, but to your great credit, yours wasn’t as brash as his was:</p>
<p>"“As always, whitey now sits in judgment of me, preparing to cast my fate. It is your decision either to let me blow with the wind as a nonentity or to encourage the development of self. Allow me to prove myself.”</p>
<p>Late to this discussion. I’ve read many drafts of college application essays during the time I’ve been on CC. At an earlier stage, students would post their drafts and ask for feedback. Later, they were encouraged to send the drafts by PM, so others did not get to see the range of topics, writing styles, grammatical mistakes on display.
Some of the essays that were posted were extremely well-written; others not so much. One essay that captivated me was about learning to enjoy jogging. The author later posted she got into a top LAC. Still another (this one for Chicago) was about how making a particular delicacy reminded the author of her beloved grandmother.Many other posters raved about that one.
One essay I remember vividly because so many posters loved it was full of mistakes in English–the writer had immigrated to the US only a few years before. But it was heartfelt, moving and creative. Long-time posters may remember it: it was in response to JHU’s writing prompt: “If you had $10 to spend, how would you spend it?” Despite the poor English, it was a wonderful essay, as posters agreed.
Why am I saying all this? It’s because I think that adcoms do not necessarily look for impeccable writing when reading application essays. They read in order to know more about the applicant than the GPA, scores, and even teachers recs can tell about him or her. The Chicago adcom did not necessarily think the essay was perfect or perfectly written. They probably thought it revealed something about the applicant that appealed to them. Various posters have noted his risk-taking, his voice, his sense of humor and ability to do parody.<br>
I’ve read my share of “Why xyz college?” Some were better than others; none were like this one. Let’s remember that Rohan is one of many, many students admitted to Chicago. Presumably, not all wrote their response to this writing prompt in a similar vein.
Similarly, the Tufts adcom did not necessarily think that the essays they posted were the very best. They just wanted to show a variety of possible approaches to writing an application essay.
I do not think, therefore, that we should consider these essays as setting some kind of standard; nor should we make invidious comparisons between different though excellent schools on the basis of application essays.</p>
<p>“One essay that captivated me was about learning to enjoy jogging.”</p>
<p>I remember and loved that essay. In fact it was one of the best college app essays I’ve ever read.</p>
<p>It was by a chubby young woman who loved to run even though she couldn’t run as fast as others. It was fascinating that most of the adults on this site loved the essay, but most of the teens didn’t like it. They couldn’t see that what made the essay stand out was her being passionate about running even though she wasn’t a natural athlete, wasn’t winning awards and some people thought she looked ridiculous running. </p>
<p>What made the essay stand out was her joy at being her imperfect self. She came across as a happy, honest, inspirational person whom I’d love to know, and who’d be a wonderful addition to any college campus because she’d have the guts to explore her interests instead of sitting back out of concern about whether her peers would approve of her choices.</p>
<p>Maybe colleges do read the essays. I typically just thought it was mostly about stats.</p>
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Nope, it’s just you. I know plenty of people at Harvard, but none of them are arrogant despite being blunt (I myself am blunt so I have nothing against this). You sound like somebody so obsessed with her Harvard degree to the point where she almost feels she didn’t deserve to get in (I wouldn’t be surprised if you were in fact a “hooked” candidate). Seriously though, your writing shows a severe lack of tact and maturity (your assumptions about schools based on essays, your choices of details to discuss your points, etc). You’re right that you’re by no means one of the better writers on CC. You’re also presumptuous to assume you come across as intimidating and fierce–not at all.</p>
<p>^^I don’t know who you are, but the fact that you felt the need to specifically target and respond to a post that had nothing to do with you shows a bit of immaturity. And it is very funny (or do I mean to say sad) that you criticize Northstarmom for criticizing someone’s writing and then turn around and, not only attack her writing style, but stoop so low as to make an ad hominen attack. Coming from a 19 year old, I suggest you grow up because your immaturity is showing.</p>
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<p>I was responding to a thought that cannot go unchallenged regardless of whom it was directed to or who wrote it. NSM admitted she wasn’t only criticizing the other people’s writing but also their character as revealed by that writing (without consideration of other aspects of their application)–I merely “stooped” to that level. It’s okay that I’m a little bit immature… I’m only human and a young one at that. NSM, on the other hand, should be much more mature in her age.</p>
<p>Please, can we stop the ad feminem and ad hominem attacks and focus on the topic at hand?</p>
<p>Dbate, I just wanted to say I loved this line: “A man who fell asleep on a pillow of chemistry and under a blanket of physics.”</p>
<p>Based on how the prompt was worded for UCHicago, I think the response was perfect. Not insulting, or crossing a line.</p>
<p>And I too love the above line. Watched music and lyrics the other day and forgot what a sweet little movie it is. One needs to remember that there are all kinds of writing and can be equally literary - from a limerick (the red-headed step child of the poetry world) to an academic dissertation (pretty dry academic reading). What appeals in the moment doesn’t have to work for the masses as much as it has to work for the reader. In visiting the school three times it seems the student has insight into what might work. And besides this is just one little supplemental essay. It’s where you try to say something that hasn’t already been said or revealed. Wit and whimsy – aces in my book.</p>
<p>“A man who fell asleep on a pillow of chemistry and under a blanket of physics.”"</p>
<p>Ahhhhh. Savoring that line. Thanks for pointing it out.</p>