Did you feel like a failure after you were rejected from your first choice schools?

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>I am getting a bit of a chuckle out of this discussion. It's not that getting into a good college isn't important, it's just that in the real world, no matter how smart you are, you aren't always going to succeed--and you have to deal with it. When I was in my first year of law school, I remember sitting in a class in early January, after the first semester grades had just been posted. Several people were sitting in stunned silence, severely depressed because they'd seen a B on their report card for the first time in their lives.</p>

<p>The professor looked out into the room and noticed that half his class was paying absolutely no attention because they were contemplating suicide. He then said something I've never forgotten: "Kids, it's about time you learned that no matter how smart you are, somebody else is smarter. No matter how athletic you are, somebody else is stronger. No matter how rich you are, somebody else is richer. No matter how good looking you are, somebody else is more attractive. So if your life is all about being the best, you're destined for a miserable existence. Now, let's get back to work."</p>

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<p>So anyway...</p>

<p>I was rejected from Brown (twice) and was accepted in as a transfer last fall. Unfortunately, I couldn't attend due the cost and lack of financial aid.
Don't give up.</p>

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<p>You will be happy and successful if you make up your mind to be. Disappointment and rejection happen to all of us, and none of us is entitled to anything. The trouble is that so many people think they should get this thing, or that they deserve that opportunity, or whatever. </p>

<p>My sister told me when she attended an info session given by a Princeton admissions rep. The guy said that even the smartest person at a school, with perfect grades and scores, might not get admitted to Princeton. He talked about "garden variety gifted" applicants and warned the audience about having entitlement feelings. Lots of people laughed, but my sister knew he meant every word. Be thankful that your parents are letting you go to college, even at Butler, and make up your mind to be happy there, learning as much as you can. You have much to be thankful for. GOOD LUCK!!</p>

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<p>I didn't apply early to anywhere so March is going to be...a roller coaster. I'm sure once you get acceptances from the normal round of apps, you'll bounce back.</p>

<p>I read once on another forum something along the lines of "I laughed when I was accepted to my safety school and a month later I replied yes."
It's not the end of the world. Not at all. I just think, whatever happens is going to happen and it will happen. (did that make sense? not too sure)</p>

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<p>gregsmom,</p>

<p>That is pretty much awesome. I know a few kids who could use that speech.</p>

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<p>You have to keep in mind that, although a given school is your 1st choice, you really don't know that much about it. You know the things that high school students want to know, but in my opinion a lot of that stuff ends up not being that important. </p>

<p>The biggest issue has to do with majors. Most students switch majors at least once in their college career, and so beforehand they don't even know to compare the relative strengths of the departments (or even to check if they exist) across universities. </p>

<p>In general, high school students don't know much about college majors, in three respects. First, engineering and pre-med end up being horrible for some people and they drop it (right, it won't happen to you, we know). For example, this is particularly true for people who like engineering but know they want to go to, say, law school and realize that it's not worth the deflation to continue with engineering. </p>

<p>Second, high school students are not exposed to the wide range of majors that college offers. At my university 0 students come in as religious studiest majors, and it ends up being a relatively popular major, I'd guess at least 20 out of 750 students minimum. That's because for the most part they don't really know what the major is about. Most high schools simply don't offer courses in anthroplogy, linguistics, environmental studies, engineering, japanese, or neuroscience. I'm of course just picking at random but my point is high school doesn't give you a good perspective on what you should go into because it doesn't give you a taste of many of the possible choices. </p>

<p>Finally, the exposure you <em>do</em> get in high school often blows. My AP Econ class was a joke. I took Intermediate Microecon in college and was astonished at how different and amazing it was. Why? Probably because AP Econ teacher had a B.A. in History from Florida State and my Micro teacher had a Ph.D in Economics from UChicago. College professors are pros, high school teachers are not even members of the field who keep up with it. The quality of the faculty between high school and college is so unbelievable that you really don't know what the field is like since the field, to a large extent, consists of professors at universities and their activities. For another example, my IB "Theory of Mind" class was the closest thing I had to philosophy in high school, and it also was nothing at all like the experience I had in college. I wouldn't even call it philosophy. It was basically the teacher trying to mimic whatever it is that she thought philosophers do. Again, it was the case of B.A. in English vs. PhD in Philosophy, a more able mind, and years of research and collaborating with actual philosophers.</p>

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<p>I don't know how that feels. I got into my first choice school in October.<br>
(Yes I am a terrible person), but seriously everything in life works itself out for a reason. There is a plan, just have faith.</p>

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<p>To follow up on the above, In my case, if I had known I wanted to do logic/philosophy/cognitive science, I would have gone to a different school in a heartbeat, probably CMU instead of Rice. It turns out my university is not very strong in the logic-related stuff I like the most -- we have 1 faculty member, while CMU has a whole department -- and I came in as a physics major so had no idea consider these factors. I didn't even apply to CMU because I thought it was just engineering, comp sci, and fine arts. Little did I know they have enormous strengths in logic and cognitive psychology. </p>

<p>Another point is that, given that you know you will change a lot in college aside from your major (and you will!), it's hard to base decisions on your current high school self. For example, I thought weather didn't concern me at all since I lived in warm weather all my life and didn't mind too much whenever it was cold. After studying abroad in Vienna, I realized I would have been miserable at a northeastern school, let alone Carleton in Minnesota which I thought would be a good idea! My priorities didn't really change, I discovered more about them through the experience of living in different places. </p>

<p>There are plenty of others things you could discover. You could miscalculate how good or bad it is living in a small town/large city/college town/etc. because you have never done so. You could miscalculate the value of athletics in terms of the college experience. Many students come to love the athletics at a big state school, even those who initially didn't care about college sports, and realize in retrospect an LAC or whatever would have been not as good of a choice as you thought. </p>

<p>A friend of mine said he almost rather go to a big state school instead of Rice (where we are) solely because of the athletics. We are certainly missing a fun experience, one central to student life at schools with top athletic teams. You may miscalculate the value of debt. I was prepared to take on the debt myself as a high school senior because I was gung ho on attending the best school, but now I'm less so. It's just hard to grok the idea that you will change and try to factor that change in, i.e. it's hard to say, "maybe I will care about debt more in the future, so I will account for that now." That's a hard thing to actually carry through because you don't in fact hold those preferences. </p>

<p>Lastly, I think it may be useful not to frame the debate purely in terms of success/failure (or for that matter, a plan that may depend on faith). Yes, you "failed" in a sense by not getting into the school you applied to. But I'm trying to say that you don't really know who "you" or the "school" will actually be like during college. You should put less weight on the simple fact that you were denied something you want.</p>

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<p>Disappointments make you stronger. I have had almost two years of very tough luck. I graduated in 07 and I got accepted to my dream school, Brown U. That was the happiest day of my life and then just a couple of days later I found out I couldnt go because of very complicated life problems. I was devastated. I planned to go to UF, but i couldnt afford it. Brown told me to apply next year and they would weigh my acceptance into consideration. So I took a year off (it did not feel so bad because I graduated a year earlier). I rested, I slept, I learned German and Italian. I applied to Brown. Again I got accepted, but again my life problem got in the way. I fell into a deep depression. Then Brown sent me a letter telling me that if I abstained from going to college for another year I would have a seat in the Class of 2013. My lucky number is 13 and because I did not see me being able to start school in the next couple of months I accepted. I spent my whole time working and reading. I'm very excited.</p>

<p>Now that I look back, im halfway happy that all these things happened to me. I'm pretty sure if I started Brown after hs I wouldnt have done as well as I would want to. I was also extremelly immature. Now that I have gone through these things I've grown tremendously and I have learned to appreciate things that back then I wouldnt have. Things happen for a reason sometimes ^^</p>

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<p>what was ur life problem?</p>

<p>I am in a very similar boat too.</p>

<p>I got rejected to all UCs due to life issues, financial issues.
This year I'm re-applying to UC</p>

<p>took the year "off" to volunteer, learn more about medicine, do something for humanity and such.</p>

<p>hope I get accepted</p>

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<p>yep. everything worked out though</p>

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<p>sreis's posts need to be stickied and should be required reading.</p>

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<p>I'd just like to say that everyone goes through disapointment. Whether it's in themselves, someone else, or some*thing*. Once that wave of depression and sadness comes over you, you have to find your way through it. After I didn't make a certain sports team (which I had spent my whole summer working the hardest I ever have and paying money to do camps and training) I felt like anything I ever tried hard in would never actually pull through.</p>

<p>I see my habits in school declining. My mindset is usually: even if I do such-and-such, it may not pay off. I've become lazy and apathetic at times when it comes to school, and that's most likely because I didn't learn quickly enough from my sport try-outs. You should always have hope, but just because you work hard, doesn't mean you'll get "it". Even if you "deserve" it, someone else might deserve it more, or it simply wasn't in your future.</p>

<p>I'm a strong believer in optimism and looking towards the future and learning from the past. Good luck, and don't be too hard on yourself about rejections. I know I'll be giving myself this same "speech" when I go through college admissions. Blah!</p>

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<p>This so weird! I had the same experience as Lolcats4. I was rejected EA from Standford and got a likely from Columbia. My strength was math. What was yours, Lolcats4? I was really upset and worried when I got rejected as I had even been to Stanford for summer college (got As) and really wanted to go there. It had been a huge financial sacrifice for my parents to pay for that summer camp too. That rejection put things in perspective for me. I realize now that there are many intangibles in the admission process. I am now waiting for my second choice school, Caltech. They are mailing the decisions tomorrow. But whatever happens, I'll try not to take it as a judgment of my value. There is a lot more in my life that just the name of the school I will go to, and I know that I can have a great college experience wherever I go.</p>

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<p>Oops! I meant Stanford not Standford! Maybe thinking of Standford and sons! And I forgot "is".</p>

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<p>You mean Sanford and Son.</p>

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<p>I got rejected early decision from my dream school. </p>

<p>I knew i didnt have the credentials...I didn't have the math score. I had good grades but my SAT scores were average. I knew this so I did everything I possibly could to show the deans of admission that even though I didn't have a MATH SCORE, I was a good candidate for their EDUCATION program to teach kids with learning dissabilities (something thats been my demonstrated passion for as long as I can remember.) </p>

<p>I visited TWICE, became friendly with the dean of admissions (we used to email all the time. He had met me four times by the time my application went in.)</p>

<p>somewhere along the line, I forgot about my math score. I knew the dean personally by now and with an additional essay about how badly I wanted this school which was written so well, I thought that maybe there was a chance...</p>

<p>NO CHANCE. REJECTED.
Found out on December 16th, I still feel like a major loser. But you know what? I got into another really good education program at another school that's just as impressive as the school I originally wanted to go to. Maybe there is a light...I just haven't seen it yet. My friends are getting fed up with me, I think. They know my dreams are crushed and yet, they tell me I really have to move on. I know they're right. </p>

<p>Oh, after I got rejected, I sent them one heck of an email (respectful though) saying that a math SAT score doesn't reflect how successful I will be in college, nor how great I will be as a Special Education teacher. Did anyone else do this? We all deserve to know why our hard effort didn't pay off. And it made me feel better.</p>

<p>Good luck to all of you. :)</p>

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<p>I was not rejected from my top choice. However, I applied to totally different schools than I thought I would apply to when was in 9th grade.</p>

<p>anyway...
... The way I see it: If colleges do not think you are a good fit for their school and will not succeed in their school, then they will not accept you. In that case, why would you want to go there? You never want to be in a place where you will not be fit for the situation.</p>

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<p>i got deferred to thrid round admissions, and i was pretty upset. mainly b/c everyone else was like, sure thing you will get in. its a little disappointing. but i guess i should remember that if they thought i wasn't a right match for their school, then maybe i ought to be thinking about what will match what i want. </p>

<p>anyway, i have other options which are equally great. in the end, will it hurt if this school ends up rejecting me? sure. but i think in the end, college is just a way for me to go to the graduate program i want and the job i want. so it doesn't really matter as long as i make a good deal out of what i get.</p>

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<p>College is bad. I got into drugs and girls. I kind of regret going to college now. But if I could do it again. I would. ROFL. For all of the high times!</p>