So I’m going to a college that is about 45 minutes- 1 hour away driving traffic depending and about 1 hour and 15 minutes away by train and will be living on campus my first year but second year, I’m deciding to live off campus or commute. My school only allows freshman to live on campus but barely any upperclassmen live on campus dorms. I know commuting will save up a lot of money but I also don’t enjoy the idea of waking up early in the morning to catch the train to go to college, which is like high school all over again. On the other hand, living off campus would still cost money. I feel as commuting can be very stressful since you lose time studying and sleeping which can affect your academic performance in school. I would like to live off campus the rest 3 years i’m at the school but on the other hand, that would be a lot of money too. Btw, this is a state university, not a private school. I got half tuition off from the school. I wonder how I can convince my mom to life off campus after my first year since I really do not want to commute. I have a part time job that I can pay my rent off in the apartments near my school and have been working for quite few years now since freshman year of high school. I know I’m 18 and I can make my own decisions whether to live at college or not but my mom will not! She likes to take control of my money which is something I do not appreciate. I do tell my mom why I want to live at school but she does not understand or respect why I want to but on the other hand, my dad would easily allow me to without getting into a big argument even if I explain to him why. I just really can’t stand my mom at this point for being too strict to me as an adult. Like I get good grades in school, come home in time, listen to them, and be responsible of all my actions at home. And not to mention, there will be an increased chance that I will lose scholarships if I commute to school due to stress and lack of sleep to catch the train.
Maybe you mom objects to you living in an apartment due to the cost. How much do you earn at your part-time job and how much would rent, food, utilities, and personal expenses be? It seems unlikely that a part-time job can cover the cost of living on your own.
Give Mom some time to adjust to you being away on campus, get good grades, save your money and then raise the topic again. She may come around once she sees you can handle it all. Living at home still has costs (transportation, food, utilities, etc). You may need to line a place up for Sophomore year by Christmas but give her as much time as you can to adjust. Look for a responsible roommate that she can meet in advance. It is a lot for her to take in right now so do not force her to decide about the rest of your time at school just yet.
@austinmshauri Well, I am earning about $11.30 an hour at my part-time job weekdays and $15.50 on Sundays and earn about $300 or so a week during the summer and $150 a week during the school year. I do plan on getting multiple roommates if I do live in the apartments during college just to split up the rent cost. I’m not sure how much it would cost with rent, food, utilities, and personal expenses but I have saved up a lot at this point that if I keep working over breaks and summers, I would be able to pay for it my own.
If you’re paying for school independently on scholarship and keeping your own part time job to pay for living, then it’s your decision. You’re a grown-up and you’re doing grown-up things, even if you still sleep with stuffed animals. No judgment here 
@coolguy40 My parents are currently paying my tuition and living for me but I will need to return everything back to them when I graduate. I feel as my parents won’t let me live at the apartments near the school which then I will need to use my own money to pay for my living. I just hope they won’t mind me living independently while I’m in college.
That sucks. It seems like your dad might be the best person to mediate this. You have valid concerns. I would open up to him and let him talk to mom. Otherwise everything is just going to end in an argument. Sometimes these things need to happen in baby steps.
@coolguy40 Yes, I always talk to my dad when my mom and I don’t get along. My dad understands me much better than my mom does. My mom just always just tries to go think out of her own way without considering my thoughts. We’ve had so many arguments with my parents about college when I was in high school that went never-ending. After I tell my dad stuff when my mom can’t understand and then my dad goes and have a conversation with my mom. It seems like one parent would let me do stuff and the other one doesn’t at the moment. I have incredibly strict Chinese parents that get very angry when I do small things such as buying food from the grocery store with my own money.
@coolguy40 Like another concern I have is the food that my family makes. Sometimes I get very sick of what my parents cook and if I go live in college on my own, I will be able to control my own diets. Some food my parents make is too sugary or oily which I immensely can’t stand.
That sounded a lot like Asian culture You’re in a bit of a cultural no-win situation. Sometimes it’s good to just keep the peace for now. Once you graduate, you’ll be a fully independent adult and you can branch out.
For eating, you could buy a mini-fridge on Craigslist, then work part time to make your own food. You could probably buy a cooktop stove for your bedroom, but make sure you don’t accidentally set your house on fire…that would suck!
@coolguy40 Well I can make food while I am living in the dorms the first year since my mom is letting me bring a mini fridge to my dorm and I can cook food in the dorms I’m living in like the lounging area. I am trying very hard to have my parents let me live in the apartments near my school after the first year in college. And no, I am not going to cook food in my bedroom. Honestly, I cannot stand another 3 years living with my parents while all my friends are living independently in college that they get more freedom than I do.
IMHO the 4 year experience AT COLLEGE is important if you can swing it. Being near/ on campus really helps students keep their grades up, go to study sessions, stay for extra help, attend office hours, take on volunteer positions, help out at school or department academic events. You need to sit down with your parents and have a talk or maybe your dad first. It will be so hard to go back to living at home after the dorm living environment. Also right or not commuting from home will affect your friendships 2nd, 3rd and 4th year if you commute. Tell them the examples above and more. Tell them you love them but need to be on your own and you can pay for it yourself (if you can). If not tell them that if you are paying them back after college you should be able to choose where and how you live. If cost is the problem get the nitty gritty details and try to work and make up the difference. Show them you are independent and mature by having a frank conversation with all your reasons lined up. Be grateful as well. Thank them for their help and kindness in understanding your point of view. They are helping you but may have other stressors you are not aware of. Hope this helps
@readthetealeaves Thank you for your advice! I will definitely have a conversation again with my parents after my first semester to see if they are on board with being able to let me live on or off campus my future years in college like I really want to. I can definitely see that it is very hard to go back to living at home after living on campus for a year. I will do as you say.
@readthetealeaves just to let you know that our school is mostly known as a commuter school and they’ve just built dorms this fall for freshmen to live on. Barely any upperclassmen live in those dorms so I’d rent an apartment my second there which is much cheaper.
@icecream25 the 4 year experience is not just living ON campus. It is living just off campus or in off campus apartments/ houses/duplexes meant for student WITH other students. It is a way to immerse yourself in the life there. Commuting is hard and will not give you the same experience
@readthetealeaves I know that the college experience doesn’t have to be living on campus but off campus as well with other students. I feel as I will be more engaged in the community if I lived off campus my 2nd, 3rd, and 4th years of college. I can see that commuting is very hard as a college student and will have less of an experience in college. Btw, I am a nursing major and I heard that nursing is a lot of work. I feel like commuting to a college student as a nursing major would be nearly impossible for me.
@icecream25 I was just answering your post#13 to let you know I understand you want to live off campus near campus. I am in agreement with your position completely. I think you just need to get your parents on board with the whys of it all. Nursing is going to be intense and you will need to be where the classes, clinicals, etc are HTH
The college experience is different for everyone, and there is no right or wrong way to experience college. You need to focus on the end result - getting your degree with as little debt as possible. It sounds like you are an incoming freshman, so you don’t need to have the discussion about your sophomore year housing just yet.
You need to have a better understanding of the costs associated with college. Maybe you and your mother could work together and make a spreadsheet of college expenses vs income. Also, off-campus housing is more than just rent and utilities - you may need furniture, you may be required to purchase renter’s insurance, and most utilities will require deposits in advance. An off-campus apartment will likely be a 12-month lease which means you are responsible for paying rent during the summer months. It’s possible your mother has already done the math and is trying to save you from accumulating a lot of debt. Show some gratitude to her for helping you get a college education, and ask her to work with you regarding the finances. You need to have a clear picture of exactly how much college is going to cost.
@readthetealeaves not to mention that with staying at home during college, I cannot concentrate on my work while I’m at home. I need a quiet place to study and Home does not sound like the place. I would spend hours in the school library if I still end up commuting and the library closes at a certain time.
OP - I forgot to mention that I’ve done all 3: commuted, lived on-campus, lived off-campus.
How were my grades affected? Not at all, because I didn’t let my living situation affect my studies. How well you do in college is completely up to you. Nobody controls your study habits but you. You can make any situation work if you’re willing to put forth the effort, and this is the time when many students learn the difference between needs vs wants. You may want to live off-campus, but you may need to commute for financial reasons (just like thousands of other students).