<p>We just got back from our 2 1/2 day orientation and I was wondering how many others out there felt like their kids made a strong connection with other kids. Even though our school did a great job, I think my son left feeling a little anxious about whether or not he'll find a group of kids that he clicks with once school starts. Most of the other students there seemed to be very polished, out-going and self-confident. My son, one of the few honors students there, is generally more reserved and serious at first. Believe me he loves to go out and have fun with friends but he leans more toward the intellectual set. While definitely not an Ivy League school, this university of 6000 students has a good regional academic rep. Wouldn't you think there are bound to be pockets of the more intellectual types?</p>
<p>I can’t imagine there will be much “clicking” at my son’s upcoming orientation. There are many sessions scheduled and just 1-2 “open” type sessions where you are supposed to gather info from various table displays. Most will have family with them as we are urged to attend.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t worry about it. Once they move in the dorms I think that’s when they will really start to get acquainted.</p>
<p>Don’t worry. He will find others to relate to, in the dorms, his classes, activities, and in the dept. of his ultimate major. In our experience, I would allow for a few months for this transition to take hold. One of my kids was still struggling to connect mid-semester in the spring. By senior year, he was master of his universe, so to speak: very happy. Have watched our other two go through the same process.</p>
<p>Most of the time, students find others whom they “click” with by becoming involved in clubs and other campus activities that interest them. That’s where my rising college senior met the students who became his good friends. </p>
<p>Many students at his LAC partied a great deal freshman year. This included his roommate, who had next to nothing in common with S. S found his many friends by participating in arts and community service activities that he greatly enjoyed.</p>
<p>Cbug, I can promise you that my D’s experience (next summer) will be the same as your son’s. She’s reserved and takes more time to acclimate and make friends in new situations than the “average” kid.</p>
<p>I’m sure what the other parents are posting will be true for her: a gradual process over several (many?) months, and making friends primarily through ECs and classes. I think your S will do fine. Best of luck!</p>
<p>Yes, it takes awhile to make fast friends. Many goes through a few “sets” before they settle into their herd. Everyone is looking for someone to glom onto at first and sometimes that sticks and sometimes that friend leads to a different friend which leads to a different friend. I think the kids that are serious, don’t party hearty, aren’t real “joiners” have abit more trouble just simply by less exposure to other kids but those kids do tend to find each other eventually in the library, in classes, at campus events etc. Another great avenue for these types of kids is intramural sports. Intramural is a great way to find friends. Frisbee golf is a favorite at many campuses. OP, your son will find his crew do not worry.</p>
<p>My son attended a summer orientation and had a great time. He “clicked” with a lot of kids there and stayed up almost all night talking to them.</p>
<p>When the semester started, he never saw any of those people again. His new life revolved around people he met in his dorm.</p>
<p>My S also is reserved. What helped him make friends was checking out anything on campus or within walking distance in the community that interested him. He had no qualms with doing these things by himself or trying something completely new. </p>
<p>He really did pursue his own interests – a film festival on campus and within walking distance; volunteering at a community arts festival; volunteering with a campus group that feeds the homeless; taking up an unusual sport he’d never tried before (He is not normally interested in sports, but this one intrigued him), checking out the photography club, making a film in a campus movie event (He’d never made a film before, but was so interested that he managed to get a group together to make a film).</p>
<p>He tried a wide variety of things including several new ventures, and made very nice friends as a result</p>
<p>This is despite being on a campus in which many students – particularly freshmen – think that being in college means lots of partying. Even now that he’s 22, S is a teetotaler. He still made friends (including some who are social drinkers) and has had a wonderful time in college academically and socially.</p>
<p>He ended up being in the freshman dorm which was known for lots of partying. That also may have encouraged him to spend lots of time away from his dorm exploring activities and options that were more interesting to him.</p>
<p>My D felt the same way through most of her orientation. She didn’t really click with anyone in her orientation group. Particularly, they were all east coast and she is a Texas girl. But then, at the very end, they had a special session for her “university college” - a special freshman housing situation based on interest. Once she found the kids who shared her interest and many who shared the same major - she was fine. She has been on facebook with many of them and feels a lot more comfortable.</p>
<p>At schools that don’t have interest-based housing, I sure that clubs could play the same role.</p>
<p>Cbug, I could have written your message myself this morning!</p>
<p>We returned from orientation last night - S felt so NOT like the other students - same type of school situation - not a well-known, but very good in-state private. He felt like everyone was either a big partier or a “nerd”. It really bothered him. </p>
<p>Some of my observations:
- After making some friendships myself with many parents there, it seems that the girls clicked fast and took off, the boys not so much - boy’s parent stories = my stories.<br>
- A kids defense at some of these orientation/mixer type things are often one of two things - either try to act cooler than you really are (i.e. -partying is cool so I say I party every night) or clam up and don’t say much of anything till you feel things out.
- Think about the school population. We come from a mid-large-ish type city but many of the kids at the school are from the part of the state that is more rural and small city - lots of country kids. BOTH will be making adjustments in their move - the big city kids to a smaller city atmosphere, the country kids to a bigger-than-they-are-used to city atmosphere.</p>
<p>I know S is going to be very apprehensive starting in August about the “friend” thing, but we will just have to be supportive and good listeners and allow him adjustment time. </p>
<p>The first night I was quite upset. The second day as I talked to more parents, the more I was hearing the same things from them/their kids as I was hearing from my son.</p>
<p>Anxious to see others comments on this thread!</p>
<p>Also wanted to say that my son too can sometimes be more serious. I wished I could pull him out of his sessions (where lots of the focus was on the “fun” of college with a little academic stuff thrown in ) to MY sessions where we had more academic info presented to us - I think that is the stuff he really wanted to hear.</p>
<p>Jumping in as a student… I couldn’t stand a single person I met at my orientation. I’m also a hard working student who comes off as pretty serious during first meetings, but everyone I saw was an upcoming party girl or drunken frat boy type. Two girls joined my mom and I during orientation, and at the end of it, they got my mom’s phone number and never said a word to me. Apparently even my mom makes a better college student than I do.</p>
<p>lol, AtomicCafe. FWIW, my D will be very happy if she spots someone just like you at her Orientation. :)</p>
<p>My daughter didn’t click with any of the freshmen at July summer orientation, but made friends immediately on the actual move-in day.</p>
<p>I didn’t click with anybody at my orientation last year. But I did bump into one girl from orientation later on that I had only sort of talked to before, and we became friends. At orientation itself I thought she was kind of cool but she didn’t seem interested in being around me, but she ended up calling me when school started and she has been a devoted friend ever since.</p>
<p>Kids are weird at orientation. Everybody is nervous and super excited and all that energy is channeled into desperately finding the “right” people to buddy up with, at my orientation it seemed like everybody was scrambling through different groups of kids and latching on. I think it’s easier to make friends once everyone has relaxed a bit more. Most people I know made “friends” they never talked to again at orientation and then made ACTUAL friends after move in.</p>
<p>"Kids are weird at orientation. Everybody is nervous and super excited and all that energy is channeled into desperately finding the “right” people to buddy up with, at my orientation it seemed like everybody was scrambling through different groups of kids and latching on. "</p>
<p>This is true. People act very differently after the stress and excitement of orientation is over. Some of the quieter folks at orientation also may blossom into people who make lots of real friends.</p>
<p>I met another member here during my orientation. Note, while we were there we didn’t know we were each members here. We found out later here. Was a weird coincidence, considering there were about 180 kids at our orientation. </p>
<p>I also met another member here during welcome week.</p>
<p>Kind of funny.</p>
<p>My kid had a one-day orientation that did not involve an overnight stay. It was not set up to inspire any interaction among the kids, to be perfectly honest. The orientation at the college where I work is the same. I don’t think I had any type of orientation at all, back in the day. I survived & thrived … so will my kid.</p>
<p>Thanks all! Your replies will serve to make S and mom and dad feel much more at ease!</p>
<p>DS’s core of Freshman friends pretty much were all part of his orientation group. His girlfriend since September was part of this group as well.</p>